At Last...I Found It...

"Our greatest glory is not in never failing
but in rising every time we fall."
- Confucius

Baby Rohan Update...

Baby Rohan is now here in Ottawa at CHEO and is doing much better (I'm telling you...it's all about being in Ottawa...it makes everyone feel better!!!). He's still in the neo-natal intensive care unit but, in very stable condition.

I held him for the first time on Sunday night and though I was terribly nervous at first, I calmed down eventually and he just dozed off to sleep (thank you Rohan for being so nice to your Auntie Gen!!!).

He will probably stay at CHEO for a while longer...though Monica's goal is to have him home by November 30th. I've been telling Rohan that given one of his first homes has been Ottawa, that it's only right to grow up to be an Ottawa Senators Fan in due time!!!

Really, what are aunts for?!?!?!

Into Thin Air...

Just last week, I finished the book Into Thin Air by Jon Krakauer. It's actually been sitting on our book shelf for the past three years and I just picked it up for lack of any other book to read at the time. It's about Krakauer's climb to the summit of Everest as a writer for Outside Magazine. As an experienced climber already, he jumped at the opportunity when he was asked to join an expedition and later write an article about the commercialization of Everest. Instead, this expedition ended up being the worst tragedy that the summit has ever seen, leaving many guides, climbers and sherpas left dead on the mountain.

I wouldn't normally have had any interest in a book about climbing. It's not a sport that I've ever enjoyed though I have tried it many times. However, as an athlete myself, I'm always in awe of the extremes that people manage to push their bodies through and more so, the pure determination that it requires to surpass such limitations.

The real reason however, that I was intrigued by this story was because of a very inspiring person that I met this past summer while training for my half-marathon. Gavin was my 2:00 pacer for the summer and one evening, told all of us the story of how he became a runner; After being very out of shape and having adopted many bad habits, Gavin just decided one day that he didn't want to live this way anymore and was determined to be a healthy person. Bit by bit (and some things cold turkey!!), he changed his life around and became an athlete. Last year alone, Gavin did numerous marathons, a couple of triathlons and had the rare opportunity to travel to Base Camp on Everest.

Travelling to Everest at any altitude is incredible but, Gavin had the even more unique priviledge of going with Dr. Sean Egan, a professor of Human Kinetics from the University of Ottawa. Dr. Egan was a person who was passionate about the health and well-being of all Canadians and had climbed the summit of Everest three times in his life. Gavin was a film producer setting up with his crew at Base Camp to document Dr. Egan's ascent. Unfortunately, Dr. Egan died on Everest during that trip due to respiratory and heart problems, and Gavin found a new passion for life in himself.

Upon his return from Everest, Gavin decided to start a legacy of his own called "Find your Everest". It's a website where people can submit their health and fitness goals, and find the encouragement that they need to accomplish them. When they have reached their goal, Gavin sends them a small piece of Everest as a reminder of the huge effort that was put forth in the betterment of their life.

I just love Dr. Egan and Gavin's story. I love the inspiration that was taken from such a sad experience. I love what both Dr. Egan and Gavin were trying to do...help people become the very best version of themselves. After having read "Into Thin Air", I can only imagine what Dr. Egan went through in his last moments and the despair that must have been felt by everyone there trying to help him reach the summit. It's no easy feat to be that brave and to follow your true calling, whether it be to the ends of the earth or the top of world!!

What's your Everest??

The Great Toronto Run and the Great Mind Shift...

This past weekend was the Toronto International Marathon and as many of you know, the half marathon was to be my first race in a year and a half. Truth be told, I don't really have a very good track record when it comes to racing!!! I am a very strong, disciplined and consistent runner when I am in training but, for some reason, come race day, I lose all ability to pace myself, to focus properly and I end up spending the entire race "chasing" everything...chasing the finish line...chasing the pace bunnies...and most of all, chasing a goal that I always seem to forget isn't etched in stone!! Frankly, it's exhausting (and running 21.1 kilometres is tiring enough all by itself!!!).

Throughout my running career, I have run two 5km races, four 10km races, two half marathons and one full marathon, and for each and every one of those experiences, I have crossed the finish line feeling incredibly sore, terribly ill from the degree to which I have pushed myself and worst of all, never quite satisfied with the time that I clocked. It's a frustrating pattern to have and over time, has depleted my spirit when it comes to racing.

Despite the fact that I have had one of my best training seasons to date (training consistently at a 2 hour pace), as we were driving to Toronto on Saturday morning, those feelings of anxiety and apprehensiveness came rushing back with blunt force. I had butterflies in my stomach, nervous energy and I wasn't sleeping well...all of which were familiar signs of the race to come.

Sunday morning came with beautiful sunshine, brisk air but fortunately, no wind...all very good running conditions for this time of year. Right away though, I found myself getting lost in the excitement of the crowd and all the runners. My breathing was short and my heart felt like it was beating out of my chest...and along with that came the discouragement that I had seen and felt this all before.

We started our race on time and like my previous races, I was out of pace, my breathing was very shallow and in turn, my muscles were beginning to feel sore and tight. Already, I could feel the sickness setting in and the anticipation of how I was going to feel at the finish line was making me cringe. About four kilometres into the race, I spotted the 2:15 pace bunnies and for the next eight kilometres, I proceeded to run my little heart out in hopes of moving ahead enough to potentially reach my goal of a two hour finish. Instead, every time I watched the pace bunny catch up to me, I felt a little more discouraged and my heart broke a little bit more at the thought of watching yet another race become "unsuccessful".

At about ten kilometres, we left the excitement and chaos of Yonge street and proceeded into a five kilometre stretch through a beautifully calm and peaceful residential area. I took my MP3 player off and decided to try and regulate my breathing enough to make another pass at finding the 2:00 pace bunny. By this time though, I was sore and the temperature was dropping really quickly as the clouds took over our formerly sunny sky. I finally needed to stop on route to stretch out my legs (and pop two more tylenols) when I saw the 2:15 pace bunny starting to catch up to me again. I immediately, despite the screaming calf muscles, sprinted ahead, determined not to let this race be like all the others.

Suddenly, just past the twelve kilometre mark...something happened!!! Actually, something more than just "happened"...something changed!!! At that moment, I decided that I was tired of living my life constantly "chasing" things instead of enjoying things...and that included my running!!! In turn, I ended up stopping dead in my tracks and I waited there, on the side of the road, until the 2:15 bunny not only passed me, but was out of sight. Somehow, in doing so, it released me of my need to evaluate my success solely by the numbers on the clock. Shortly there after, a smile crept up on my face and I began to run again, slowly at first and then as I started to feel better, my pace increased with my smile!!!

The Running Room often jokes that some of the slower pace groups in training are called the "smiling at the finish" groups!!! Though it's certainly said lovingly and affectionately (because it's quite often that much harder the longer you take), there is something to be said for this statement and also something that all of us (atleast me) can learn from it.

Running is a sport that is often measured by numbers; your time, your distance, the number of hills you fit into a training session, your heart rate, the number on the scale and and and....but just like in life, there are times when you come to realize that you've truly done everything you can do and that it's time to just sit back and enjoy the ride and start measuring your success by the quality of the memories you have. When I stopped running at kilometre twelve, it was because I very suddenly and abruptly realized that this race had absolutely nothing to do with the finish line because no amount of effort I put into this race was ever going to compare to the amount of effort it took me to get to the start line. That was what really matter...that I started in the first place.

I always thought that the reason I wasn't a very good racer was because I got too caught up in the crowd and the excitement, and would end up losing my focus. Yesterday I realized that doing so wasn't a bad thing, in fact, it was the very reason that I loved racing in the first place...the excitement!! I learned that there was no point in putting so much effort into getting myself to the start line if I wasn't going to enjoy the priviledge of being able to run and be smiling at the finish line!!

I spent the last eight kilometres of my race taking everything in!!! Though my muscles were quite sore from the hills (you don't realize just how flat the canal is until you race somewhere else!!!), the wind and the decreasing temperature throughout the race, I had the most amazing time!!! I stopped to hug friends and family along the way who had travelled to watch me run...I helped an injured runner get to an aid station (and later watched him finish)...and I even stopped to go to the bathroom (something that, as many runners know, can easily add five to ten minutes on your time that are not easily made up later on...hence, you try to hold out until the finish line!!). It was a race unlike anything I had experienced before because, for the first time, I decided to enjoy the journey and not just the destination!!!

2006 has been a tumultuous year for me, wrought with challenges, both medically and personally. It has been both physically and emotionally exhausting to try to overcome them but, in a split second after twelve kilometres of running...the light bulb finally turned on and the road ahead seemed so much brighter. Life (and racing) didn't have to constantly be a means to an end...it could be a bunch of baby steps that eventually finds you with a medal around your neck...not for winning but, for enduring...for going the distance inspite of the obstacles, the challenges, and most of all, inspite of the things that we tell ourselves during those times.

I finished my race in two hours and eighteen minutes! It was the most fun that I ever had in my running shoes and for the first time ever, I cried at the finish line...happy that I had finished...sad that it was over...and excited at all that was to come.

In the past, I would have spent the next five hours just trying to keep something in my stomach long enough to refuel my body but this time, all of my friends and family joined me for a nice warm coffee (complete with whipped cream, caramel sauce and chocolate shavings on mine!!!) and we shared all of our funny stories. My husband and I later drove back to Ottawa and instead of taking in as much Tylenol as I could...I just watched the world go by and could hardly wait to lace up my shoes again!!

I've always believed that life offers you signs every day in order to help guide you in the right direction. More times than not, the problem is that we either don't take the time to look for them or we just refuse to see them. I've passed many signs in my time and never given them a second glance but, when I crossed the finished line yesterday, a gentleman in front of me had a sign staring me right in the face that said "Your greatest legacy will not be never having failed, it will be the number of times you get up when you fall."

For the first time in my life...I would have to agree!!

Apologies All Around...

Sorry!

I have been slacking on my blogging duties!!

I have had three back-to-back special events at work...Thanksgiving Weekend to partake in and this coming weekend is my race in TO.

I'll be back soon!!!

Who's On First??

It was a really cold and rainy day in Ottawa today. Actually, it was exactly the kind of day that I was hoping for...where there is no place better than being under the covers with a good book and interrum naps!!

I was especially pleased today because, for many months now, I've been meaning to scan a bunch of childhood pictures that I found and wanted to add to our digital collection. I had so much fun going through all of them and remembering my days back in London when all of us kids were so little. I found myself laughing out loud at many of the photographs (and wondering how I let anyone do that to my hair!!!).

One of the funnest things about my afternoon project was noticing that almost all of my best childhood memories include one person...my uncle Victor!!!

As I was going through some pictures, I just couldn't help but laugh at so many of the funny things that we did together when I was growing up. In turn, I also remembered some of my hardest times that I went through, and again, he was the one that was taking me out for ice cream or bringing me home after having run away.

My Uncle Victor and I have always had a particularly close relationship and looking back, I think a big part of the reason that I value family and connectedness so much is because of him. I would have to say though that my uncle and I have always been friends before anything else. That is what I think makes us so unique. I can tell my uncle anything and there is huge level of respect between us that has enabled us to share a great deal of trust and honesty.

For as long as I can remember, my uncle and I have always been together. I had the priviledge of always living nearby and much of my childhood (and most hockey seasons!!) were spent with his family. As he started to have children, we just became a bigger family that had that much more to share.

I don't think that it ever occured to my uncle and I that one day, marriage, school, children and life would one day get in our way. Over time, our relationship became something that was only reflected on during the holidays or when one of us was passing through town. It's always sad to acknowledge but, it is reality sometimes and often, we unintentionally take those relationships for granted and assume that they will just always be there.

About a month ago, my uncle and I found ourselves with some time to visit again, just the two of us (which was the first time in a long time)...and as we seemed to pick up right where we left off so many years back, we suddenly realized that we had let go of the miracle that is that kind of relationship. We had stopped putting the effort into it and in turn, missed so much about each other. My uncle and I were the best of friends and, fortunately for us, were able to recognize our mistake before it was too late but, how many times to we just let life get in the way of our most important blessings...each other?? We get bogged down with our day to day worries and so often, forget to reach out to those that bring us perspective.

When I was looking through my pictures, I couldn't help but wonder how different my life would be if I knew then what I know now?? I wondered what I would tell that little girl and what advice I would give her??

I know that I would certainly tell her not to sweat the small stuff and I would tell her that even though a heart may be broken...it still beats just the same (and I would tell her to watch "Fried Green Tomatoes" every chance she gets!!). Most importantly though, I would tell her to never let the people she loves slip through her fingers...because though she may have ice cream a thousand more times in her life...it will never taste as good as it does with Uncle Victor!!