Another One Bites the Dust...

I simply can’t believe that it’s July tomorrow! How did this happen? How did I blink my eyes only to find that half of the year has gone by already? It’s a bit scary when that happens, isn’t it?!?!

I can remember being really little and having the summers off from school. That two months seemed like an eternity and by the end, I couldn’t wait to get back to school to see my friends. I never thought it could happen but, when you’re young…two months is a long time! Long enough even (wait for it…) to get bored!

It’s striking me a bit more this year because I will be turning thirty this July. THIRTY! And I haven’t yet decided how I feel about that. Better yet, I haven’t yet figured out how three decades went by so fast. I will officially be an adult soon and looking back, it seems like just yesterday, I was coming home from summer camp or starting high school. We complain often throughout our lives about the lack of consistency and the lack of solid foundations to rely on…and yet, time is always there…ticking away at the very same pace that is was when we were first born. Time is the constant in our life while we discover that we’re actually the ones that have stepped out of pace.

It’s the age old tale of wishing your life away. When I was young I couldn’t wait to be older and when I was older, I couldn’t wait to “get out” of it (really, adolescence was just eight years of trying to avoid embarrassment!) and then as I got a little bit older again, I started to long for the days of being young; free of obligation and the knowledge that comes with understanding.

For the first time though, I feel like my feelings have caught up with my age. Yes, there is a slight tinge of panic that is coming with this new decade but, I’m also pleased with the idea of leaving my twenties. My twenties were the best of times and the worst of times. My twenties shaped me in a way that no other time in my life has…but I’m ready to say goodbye. I’m ready to face the maturity that comes with the thirties. As far as I’m concerned, our twenties are a little bit like the Bermuda Triangle of adulthood…neither here nor there…just a dark hole in the middle somewhere that unfortunately, some people never find their way out of. I’m hoping that the thirties will provide a certain sophistication that can’t be found in keg parties and university apartments!!

I’m taken aback sometimes by how quickly my twenties seemed to have passed me by. Granted, there were moments when the agony felt like it would never end but, all in all, I’m just hoping that this pattern of rapid fire birthdays doesn’t continue! There’s got to be a pause button somewhere and a bed of roses to smell along the way!

Otherwise, that means that forty is just around the corner and I definitely know that I’m not quite ready for that one just yet!

Adieu...

Our good friend Julie left today for Montreal. She is about to spend the next year travelling around the world and somehow, with the slightest of time passing us by, we realize that our world is a little bit lonelier without her.

Julie and I have spent five days a week together for the past year when she came to the Gallery to take over a colleague’s maternity leave. We became fast friends and later that fall, Jamie joined us and the three of us have seldom been apart since.

Watching her drive away with all of her things in the back seat of her car while Jamie and I stood on the curb crying really made me rethink the role that our workplace plays within our lives. Most of my very closest friends are people that I have worked with and in a world of being told to “leave your luggage at home”, I have found an entire family worth of friendships through my work. Some of my nearest and dearest are those that I spend almost every day with. We fight like family, we love like family and in the end, they become very much like family. We’ve endured deaths in the family, new additions to each other’s family, marriage, divorce and everything in between. It makes me recognize just how little salary really matters to me when making my career moves.

There has been more than one opportunity for me to leave this place but I just can’t do it. I simply can’t bear the thought of not seeing some of these faces every day and being a part of each other’s day to day lives. I’ll be the first to admit that it isn’t always the case and that there have been many growing pains throughout my career but these challenges have resulted in remarkable friendships that I wouldn’t change for anything. While we are slowing finding ourselves in various places around the world (parting is such sweet sorrow), I now have this collection of incredible people in my life that are above and beyond anything I could have hoped for in colleagues.

We laugh, we cry and damn it all…we can stuff press kits like nobody’s business!

We miss you already Julie!

I Wonder...

...when and if I get to call myself a writer?!?!

Ground Me If You Can...

I read the most disturbing article this past weekend in the National Post.

Allow me to summarize if you haven’t already read it for yourselves; a twelve year old girl from Québec got into a dispute with her parents which resulted in her father grounding her from going on her year end school trip. This young girl then decides to find herself a lawyer, take the issue to court and believe it or not…the judge actually ruled in her favour which, in turn, allowed her to go on her trip.

This blows my mind and rips apart my confidence in our justice system.

I can’t even begin to tell you how much this whole thing upsets me and more so, there simply isn’t a list long enough to accommodate all the questions I have regarding this complete misuse of anyone’s tax dollars. If I had to sum it up though, I would want to know one thing…how was this allowed to happen? How was a judge actually permitted to listen to such a ridiculous waste of time and how did this actually manage to find its way into the court system? Something is terribly wrong here.

When I was a little girl, I always wanted to grow up to be a judge. Even now, I believe that I have somehow gained an over developed sense of justice and fairness…even much to my own demise at times. I always remember a high school teacher once telling me that “fair” does not mean giving everyone the same thing…it means giving everyone what they need. I found this statement very thought provoking as I’ve grown up and watched fairness unravel in various ways around me and in turn, I’ve never seen justice the same way again. The big challenge I had though with becoming a judge was that I never wanted to become a lawyer. I never wanted to have to work for someone that I didn’t truly believe to be genuine. How do you defend someone that you know is guilty or how do you prosecute something that you do believe warrants compassion? I know that the profession of upholding the law is not quite that black and white but my feelings towards justice are so strong that I never found myself able to pursue it in a way that wouldn’t turn my life upside down.

The law, for all of its flaws, is there to prevent anarchy and to determine what the rest of us cannot. But this system is also a very intricate web of common sense that should (easier said than done perhaps) know its limits. This system is not in place so that teenagers can overrule what they consider to be their parent’s harsh discipline. The fact that this case was even permitted to be heard really disappoints me.

How does a twelve year old even go about making this happen? Are lawyers so eager to have their voices heard that they will defend such extremes? This sort of case creates a mockery out of something that should be upheld with the utmost respect in a country that has done a great deal of work to keep the lines of justice very clear.

How can people’s time, effort and money be put into such ridiculous issues? I believe that the judge mentioned that the child’s parent’s divorce played a role in his ruling which, as far as I’m concerned, seems completely irrelevant (especially given that the parent who grounded her was her legal guardian). Does this now mean that children of divorced parents are suddenly entitled to third party intervention while parents that have remained married are still permitted to call the shots? Does it really require the resources of the justice system to figure these things out now?

We complain time and time again about how our young people are all turning down the wrong paths. They are getting pregnant younger, there is more violence in our schools, they are less concerned with their health and they are becoming independent in ways that calls for some very serious measures to be taken, and yet, as I write this, a twelve year old is celebrating victory over her parent’s authority…for a three day school trip.

I should have become a judge and if I had…you better believe that I would have sent this kid to the middle of the Congo so she could see how her “rites of passage” would have treated there. Perhaps then she would stop feeling sorry for herself long enough to let our justice system do what it was actually created to do.

Oh, and one more thing…that judge should be fired! Clearly, he was grounded one too many times when he was young!

Holy Water...

The clouds have parted and I’m feeling so much better today! Thank goodness for that because yesterday was feeling rather toxic. Quite a few people suggested to me that perhaps it’s been all of the rain we’ve received lately that has been contributing to my doom and gloom. While I wasn’t really in the mood to argue with them about it…I know they’re wrong! I actually love the rain and cool, wet days bring me great opportunities for reflection and solitude, which never fails to bring a sense of balance to my life. I know that a lot of people suffer from seasonal mood changes but, it was a cold, rainy, autumn day that changed my life and I’ve never experienced a rainy day the same way ever again.

I don’t know if I’ve ever told any of you this story before but, the year that I graduated university was the beginning of a very difficult time for me. I graduated in the spring of 2001 and really had no idea what I was going to do with my life from here on in. It was the first time that I wouldn’t be in school since I was five years old and the thought of not having my goals outlined for me in a curriculum was overwhelming to say the least. I had also just had my heart broken in the worst way and endured days in which I wondered if it would just stop beating all together. I slept for four months that summer. I honestly spend countless hours in bed and the time that wasn’t spent in bed was spent walking in a haze of semi-consciousness drifting between work and home.

Later that summer, when I eventually “woke up”, the world seemed very big and scary, and I hardly even recognized my self in the mirror. While I really had no idea what to do next, I knew that I had to do something. So, in the grand tradition that is me, I took the most extreme measure I could think of; I changed everything about my life (even though I had no idea what I wanted my life to be). I moved to another province, changed jobs, changed friends and found myself becoming someone that hardly resembled the person that I had ever hoped to become. As I dated a string of completely unsuitable men and spent time with completely superficial friends, I found myself immersed in the very distraction that I thought I needed to turn things around. But that’s all they really were…distractions.

One thing that always struck me as strange was that, for the very emotional person that I am, I really hadn’t cried very much over the course of those eighteen months. I walked about (or slept) in a cloud of very apathetic indifference to my circumstances. While my emotions had apparently shut down though, something else had started to happen; Twenty years of worry, anxiety and perfectionism were starting to manifest themselves in extremely unfamiliar ways. In fact, they started to manifest themselves as amplified versions of what already existed. Not only would I worry now…but I would physically make myself ill with worry. Not only was I anxious now…but I would throw myself into complete panic attacks. Not only did I still remain a perfectionist…but now I would even get out of bed at all hours of the night to complete things that I hadn’t finished during the day because the very thought of them would leave me lying awake at night. But I still didn’t cry. That is…until a wet, cold, autumn day in 2002…

It was just after work and I was meeting a friend in another part of town about an hour and a half later. I was desperately trying to figure out what I could fit into that small window of time that I hadn’t managed to fit in earlier but, every time I started heading in one direction (bank or grocery shopping?), I would panic and think of something else that I thought was more important. This hysteria continued for about fifteen minutes while I walked back and forth on the same block trying to decide what had to be done first…until a cab drove by through a big puddle and soaked me from head to toe! I stood there, on the sidewalk in downtown Ottawa during rush hour and had nothing left to do but cry. I put my bags down next to me and simply stood there in the pouring rain with years worth of tears streaming down my face. I don’t remember anyone around me and I don’t know how long I stood there but, I know that eventually, I picked up my bags and headed to the first place I could find where I could sit down. Sure enough, on the next block over, was a quiet little Starbucks with only a few people sitting in it. I went in, put down my stuff, ordered a drink (for the first time!) and just sat looking out the window at the world going by. My clothes were soaked through, my hair was dripping wet and I didn’t even know what time it was…but I had finally stopped. I didn’t do anything but stare out the window and cry. Finally, I cried. That’s the great thing about the rain…no one has to know that it’s really you crying and not the heavens.

I did eventually meet my friend and I never mentioned a word about what had just happened! Even I hadn’t really come down from it yet but I was certain that something had changed in that moment and things would thankfully never be the same again. A little while later, I read a quote by British travel writer, Freya Stark, that said “There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different than the things we do.” These words startled me so much as it suddenly occurred to me that for most of my life, I didn’t really know what I believed. I knew what others wanted me to believe and I knew what the world thought I should believe…but I didn’t know what I truly believed as a unique individual walking through this life. It’s a frightening realization to come to but a necessary one nonetheless. That evening, the rain had finally eroded a hole through the solid shell I had created to protect me from reality and at long last, I could breathe again. Chipping away at the remaining pieces was often sharp and painful, and my soul ached from being compressed for so long but, the end result finally set me free.

Don’t get me wrong, by no means were things “easy” after this but things were different. Slowly (and with many more tears), I took the time to discover and learn what it is that I truly believe and, in turn, how to live my life accordingly. Even now, there are days when I struggle not to get pulled in countless directions on the whim of other people’s expectations but they are fewer and farther between than they’ve ever been before. And anytime it rains, I stop and remember…

I’ve come to believe a lot of things over the course of the past six years. The very fundamentals that make up who I am are anchored in these things I believe and truthfully, I still confuse my own beliefs with those that I’ve been embedded with in my early years from time to time. During my more vulnerable days, I even find myself wondering if I even have the strength to stand alone on the pillars of my own beliefs. For all its simplicity, living a truly authentic life isn’t always as easy as it sounds, at least not for me. On my good days though (which are now the rule and not the exception), I find great comfort in knowing that my roots are solid for perhaps the first time in my life. Buried deep within me, I believe in health, love, balance, growth, fulfillment, and no matter what my day is looking like at the time…I always believe that the rain, heaven’s tears, washes away more than we’ll ever know.

I’m not very happy today. I just woke up feeling so unable to the make the best of this rainy, cold day. We’ve been busy for so long and the concept of feeling rested is lost on me right now. I went to check Heidi’s blog this morning and was pleased to see two new posts on her site. She hasn’t posted anything since the birth of her son (understandably so) and now, four months later, tiny little baby in hand, she still manages to blow me away with her writing and insight on life. When I read Heidi’s words, I am always in awe of her understanding of what it means to be a Child of God. Her faith, trust and pure devotion to the Lord is so beautiful. I do long to be that mature in my faith one day and better yet, I long to be able to write about it one day with even a fraction of the eloquence and clarity that she expresses her commitment.

I haven’t had much ability to keep perspective these days. I’ve been swept up in one daily mood or another and even as my head hits the pillow at the end of the night, my depleted self falls asleep before I can even wish our good Lord goodnight. I’ve always been one to make a very conscious effort to count my blessings all the time, every day, in order to remind myself of the Glory that comes with even the most tumultuous of days. I try. I try very hard and some days it comes to me easier than others. As I sat in my bathtub last night in a mad attempt to sooth my soul, I asked God if He would mind speaking to me for a little while. I need advice and don’t feel the energy to read between the lines or search for the burning bush. I’m still waiting to hear back from Him!

I’ve been reading the Book of Joshua lately and can’t help but admire Joshua’s determination and stamina. Page after page seems to describe a never-ending stream of battles that he must tackle and have faith that it will turn out as the Lord intended (that is, of course, if I’m understanding the Old Testament correctly…which is certainly hit or miss!). He must take the commands that were given to Moses, that have now been passed on to him and conquer a legacy worth of promises and commitments. I wonder if Joshua ever felt discouragement or frustration at following such a path only to be faced with armies worth of men ready to fight back. Did he ever want to take the easy road? Did he ever just want to throw his hands up and throw righteousness to the winds? I think that I would feel a lot better if someone told me that he did, at least once.

I’m almost embarrassed by my self-centeredness as I read about Joshua or even as I read about Heidi. Joshua was taking the commands of God on his shoulders and Heidi is putting the needs of a brand new life in front of her own (and still managing to blog!). Meanwhile, there’s me…feeling sorry for myself as though it’s me against the world and forgetting that to be a Child of God means that my life isn’t about me to begin with; It’s about being the hands, eyes and heart of God for others. It’s about helping Joshua fight the battle and helping Heidi raise another Child of God.

I still wouldn’t mind receiving a word or two from the Big Guy though! Surrendering is a little bit easier with some words of encouragement. It’s a long way down from the nest with these little wings of mine.

Do you ever have one of those days when you wake up and you just know that something is different? Yes, the sun still rose just the same and yes, your eyes still opened like they always do…but something is different; the world seems better and brighter than it was the day before?

That happened to me this weekend. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but something, unbeknownst to me, had happened that I could feel in my bones. Steve and I were driving along the 417 on Saturday afternoon and I felt like everything looked different. A miracle had happened that I was simply waiting to hear about.

Sure enough, come Monday morning, I got a phone call from my good friend to tell me that the world had indeed changed on Saturday morning when their little man finally came into the world. Safely and healthy, their son was born.

I wish that I could express the relief that I have over his arrival. It hasn’t been an easy journey for this little one and even less so for his parents. His entry into the world is the result of great faith, patience and love for a little boy that nobody had yet met. His entry into the world was God’s hand at work in the most beautiful of ways.

I can’t wait to watch him to grow up and I can’t wait to watch my dear friends grow as parents (they are going to be INCREDIBLE parents!). I think it’s a rare gift to be able to watch people you love go through this process from the very beginning and Steve and I have been very blessed to share in this with them from very early on. So I can assure that, while Marie and Craig’s world will forever be bigger, brighter and a little more sleep deprived, our world too was made so much more wonderful by their tiny little creation.

Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome the newest addition to one of my most favourite families…

~ Tobin James Pierre Beckett ~
June 14th, 2008

When my husband and I first met, we spent a lot of time dreaming about all of the things that we wanted to do together in the future. The trips we wanted to take, the things we wanted to see, the people we wanted to meet…the world was our oyster and we were the pearls. One of the things on our list was that we both wanted to learn how to surf. Neither one of us had ever lived in a coastal city before hence the culture of surfing was never something that either of us were exposed to. With that fantasy tucked away in our back pockets, we decided that our honeymoon was as good a time as any to check surfing off our list of dreams to live.

So, we got married, packed our bags and headed for the Hawaiian Islands, home to some of the most famous surfing beaches in the world. As you can imagine, one of the first things we did after arriving in Hawaii was to find ourselves a surf instructor. Sure enough, we stumbled upon this guy who must have been about two hundred years old (or at least resembled a two hundred year old hand bag!) and had been surfing long before he was even walking. With a slight nudge in the ribs to wake him up, we had found the guy that was going to help us ride the waves!

I’ll be the first to admit that I was quite confident in my abilities as a surfer. So much so in fact that I was positive that once I had started, not only were my feet going to be forever glued to a surf board but, I was also sure that MTV was going to be hunting me down to play in the next Blue Crush movie! Believe me…I had a plan and that plan included a tanned, chiseled, bikini wearing version of the self I currently was!

Of course, every plan has a few holes in it and my surfing plan simply didn’t account for the fact that surfing is an incredibly humbling sport!!! From the moment that we hit the water we understood our first challenge; that fitness in one sport doesn’t necessarily translate into another sport!! Obviously, being fit makes any sport a bit easier but, just because I could stand in running shoes or stand in skates, did not mean that I could stand on a fiberglass board in the middle of the ocean!

Steve, on the other hand, could do so. Apparently, being able to stand on a fiberglass board on frozen water is quite similar to standing on a fiberglass board on unfrozen water! There is the slight issue of movement but, more or less, knowing how to snowboarding definitely puts the odds in your favour. So while my brand new husband proceeded to show the Hawaiians what a snowboarding kid from the Great White North could really do, I began to learn the fine art of balance for what seemed like the first time in my life.


As I come down from a rather junky week of feeling overwhelmed and under nourished (emotionally that is), I caught myself thinking about this story over and over again because I’m finding that, much to my surprise, balance in surfing is really not that different than balance in life. Lose your balance, and you’re in over your head in ocean deep water…keep your balance, and the shore is never more than a wave away.

Let’s stop for a moment and consider what it is that keeps us upright? What is it that helps us to maintain our balance? As just about any athlete knows, stability and balance comes from having a strong core. Your core centers you and enables everything else to function as you need it to. The giant muscles that make up your core holds you steady and keeps you grounded. Without it, you find yourself relying on stability that just isn’t there. You are relying on pillars of limbs to hold you in place and in turn, doesn’t allow for much flexibility because one quick movement…and you’ll likely find yourself stumbling and grasping to anything that can help keep you in place. Let’s be honest, life, like our bodies, is full of unexpected turns and sudden, abrupt stops. Life requires the same muscle strengthening as our bodies do to keep us stable. Our values and morals make up the very core of who we are and with a strong understanding of them, we can continue to stand strong in the face of any wave. Without them, nothing else will hold up when the tides turn. The ocean may be strong…but we can be even stronger.

I think it’s worth mentioning though that even in the water with your surfboard floating in front of you…all is not lost. Our cores take time to develop and the balance often comes when we aren’t even looking. In the meantime though, while you’re learning to stand upright and figuring out where your balance actually is, you might find yourself catching a glimpse of the shore and ocean around you…and remembering that you’re in Hawaii…on your honeymoon…with the most handsome man you’ve ever met. You wake up to brunch under the palms trees and watch the sun go down to champagne and the sand between your toes. Life is good where the waves roll in and yes, it’s true, I wouldn’t want to spend forever on a surfboard without my balance but damn, if I’m going to have to stumble once or twice…there is no better place than this beach, this ocean and this life…to do it in.

Have you ever felt like you’ve fallen off the bandwagon of life sometimes??

I spent yesterday at home because the night before I pulled a muscle in my neck and felt it go all the way down to the bottom of my spine. Not good! The worst part is that I kind of knew it was coming. For a few weeks now, I’ve felt the slight tweaks when I would turn my head a certain way and quickly realized that my body was rebelling against me.

I’ve been pushing myself pretty hard for the last little while. Actually, I’d say that all of 2008 so far has been one endurance race after another. I try so hard to balance everything; to juggle all the balls and balance all the plates. I try so hard to play as hard as I work and to rest as much as I exercise. I try so hard in fact, that when a ball gets dropped and my head turns the wrong way, the disappointment of having failed to manage it all ends up surpassing the pain in the neck (no pun intended!) of an injury I got as a result. As I sit here writing this, I feel depleted, defeated and as though my entire body is put together wrong.

I’m starting to notice that many of my girlfriends and I are being challenged with the same thing right now; the desire to manage our lives and all that it encompasses without losing ourselves in the midst of the chaos. It sounds like such a typical “woman” thing to say but, I think that there’s something to be said for women trying to find their place in the world (or anyone else for that matter). I can’t even tell you how long I’ve been trying to figure out how I can play my various roles without letting the most important of them all slip between my fingers. I most definitely know that the questions are more important than the answers and I even pride myself on taking the time to ask the questions but, is it too much to ask for even a little bit of an answer from time to time?!?!

I think that as the years go on, women become very intricate hybrids of themselves. They play the role of Mothers, Daughters, Wives, Colleagues, Sisters, Philanthropists, Role Models, Chef…you name it! But with that, it becomes that much harder to play the role of “themselves” and I fear that my poor weary soul is producing physical manifestations of the one role I haven’t been doing much of lately.

Many years ago, I was talking with a priest about my completely irrational fear of cancer. He ended up looking at me in the wise way that priests often do and telling me that he thought I was so convinced I had cancer because I was looking for a reason to give myself a break. When you’re sick, he said, you’re only expected to take care of yourself…something that you seldom do. While I still don’t know if I agree with this statement or not, I did find it incredibly insightful. I thought about it quite a bit at the time but, as the years passed by, the irrational fear continued and the wisdom faded. It wasn’t until yesterday afternoon, during my crippled day at home, that I was reminded of this compelling thought.

While I’m not a huge fan of Oprah anymore (she lost me after the whole attack on James Frey), I still like to watch some of her interviews and yesterday was a rerun of an interview she did with two people that were dying of cancer (great…just what an overly anxious person with an almost obsessive fear of cancer needs!). The one woman who had been living with cancer felt that she was actually healthier now than before she got cancer. Though I imagine that she likely wouldn’t have chosen to have cancer if she had to do it all again, she found that cancer had altered her life and her priorities in such a transformative way. When Oprah asked why she thought this transformation occurred, she responded by saying that “we all, in some way, wait for that great permission to live.” Obviously, this sounded all too familiar to me and immediately caught my attention. When the gentleman with pancreatic cancer was asked if he had any regrets, he simply stated that his only regret was that he hadn’t “figured it all out” sooner.

Gosh, this made me sad. Despite how inspiring these two people were, all I could think about was how I didn’t want to be that person. I didn’t want to be the person that had to get cancer before I “figured it all out” and opened my eyes. Really, what has to happen before we decide that it’s okay to take some time to stretch at the end of the day? Or what has to happen before we decide to shut down the computer and pick up that book we’ve been dying to read? Or what has to happen before we give ourselves permission to come home? There really has to be an easier answer to all of this than terminal illness. Even as I blog through the eyes of a sore neck, I just know that all of us can do it; that we can find that fine balance between being ourselves and being Wonder Woman. But in the vintage fashion that is me…I just don’t have the answer! I never do.

Questions I can do. Answers…not so much!
But I’m determined to remain hopeful.

Any day now…any day.

Michael Jackson meets Vanilla Ice meets Bollywood!
"Bloody Brilliant!"

Britain really does have talent!!

I went for a walk by myself at lunch today. I haven’t done that in a really long time. I used to commit myself to at least two lunch hours a week in order to get away a bit and decompress but when you have so many great friends nearby, it’s very hard to resist the temptation to spend time with them any chance you get.

I did manage to escape on my own today though so, I went and grabbed a cold drink and slowly roamed the streets of my daytime stomping grounds. While enjoying the warm summer air, I quickly found myself thinking back to the Sex & the City Movie that some of the girls and I had seen last night. Without giving anything away, the movie basically revolves around the topic of marriage and the various “places” that people can be within it. As the only married girl among us, I’m quite sure that I went away from the movie with a different appreciation and understanding of it then my single friends did but nonetheless, the truthful reality of topic was a life size reminder of just how big a decision marriage really is!

This past weekend, Steve and I went home to celebrate my in-laws 40th wedding anniversary. Forty years! Isn’t that incredible? In this day and age, that’s a very rare accomplishment to witness and I can only imagine the many different things that they’ve seen and done together as a couple. I’m sure that there must have been times when it wasn’t always easy and times when a lifetime together seemed easier said than done. I wonder this myself sometimes even as I reach the tail end of my third year of marriage; will there be enough love, enough patience, enough desire to make it work? While there are no guarantees in any relationships…I truly believe that, yes, there will be enough of everything we need.

A friend once asked me how I knew wanted to marry Steve and when I stopped to really think about it, I realized that my relationship with Steve was the first time I truly understood that there was a difference between loving someone and committing to someone. Many people love each other without really committing to each other and many people commit to each other without really loving each other but, there is a significant difference between the two. It’s very true that the love that exist throughout a lifetime together will endure different phases; the love that you share when you first get married will likely be very different than the love that you share forty years later. The real test is whether or not you can commit to those changes. Can you commit to sticking it out when that love transforms? Can you commit when there’s a chance that it won’t even exist anymore? Can you commit to remembering that there’s a reason why you fell in love in the first place? That was how I knew I wanted to marry Steve…because no matter what, I was committed to sticking it out with him…regardless of the changes that our love could endure and with the understanding that it most likely would have to.

As I walked down Sussex Drive glimpsing at all of the beautiful designer dresses in the window, I had to chuckle at the brilliance of this movie. We are drawn to these four New York women for their Manolo Blahniks and string of cute men but, really…there is an entire method to their madness that I was barely even aware of until their shining moment on the big screen; there is also a very significant difference between a wedding and a marriage! The most beautiful wedding dress in the world won’t keep you together if you can’t commit to each other in sweatpants. Not even the Manhattan stylings of Carrie Bradshaw can pull that one off!

So here I am, just when I thought these girls couldn’t get any better…they go ahead and give even us non-single girls a reason to try and follow in their footsteps. The real challenge though is to try and do so with lovely two inch heeled footsteps to make the journey a bit prettier! I think I’m up for it and I even have the perfect black stilettos with which to do so!

Fabulous!

Ten things I love about you...

1.) I love your eyes. They are endearing and calming and always manage to say all the things you can’t seem to find the words for.

2.) I love the way you always find the good in people…even people who have been mean to you.

3.) I love how every morning, when our alarm goes off, you roll over and put your arm around me. It’s always the best part of my day.

4.) I love how I’m the only person who gets to see how silly you really are!

5.) I love your faith. It’s so pure and honest and embraces the very essence of what faith should be.

6.) I love how amazing you look in ripped jeans and a t-shirt.

7.) I love how much you truly believe I will be a writer one day. Most days you even believe in me enough for both of us.

8.) I love how incredibly patient you are with our kitty…especially when he’s being a little brat (which is most of the time)!

9.) I love how tanned your arms get in the summer!

10.) I love that I can be stuck on a plane with you for fifteen hours and still not get tired of you (even though you bug me about playing Tetris too much!)!

Happy Birthday to my incredible husband! The day that you were born made me the luckiest girl in the world!

Me me me me me me me...

1.) Given Name:
-- Genevieve Victoria (Genevieve is gaelic for White Wave and Victoria was my grandmother’s name)

2.) Childhood Nickname:
-- Gen with a "G", Genygirl, YaYa (don't ask!!!)

3.) Home:
-- Our new house in Ottawa. It was love at first sight!!!

4.) Height:
-- Five foot eight (with the majority of that being legs!)

5.) Eyes:
-- Someone once told me that they are the mirror of the soul. In that
case, mine have a hazel tinge to them!!

6.) Hair colour and style:
-- Dark, thick and often falls victim to people’s fetishes!

7.) Anything that you’re especially self-conscious of?
-- My smile! In grade ten a guy made a comment about my smile and I’ve been very self-conscious of it ever since.

8.) Favorite fictional character:
-- Carrie Bradshaw from “Sex & the City” and Richard Parker from “The Life of Pi” (both of which have rather “feline” qualities!!!)

9.) What do you remember most about this year?
-- April 4th, 2008; Waking up to watch the sunrise over the Sydney Opera House on our first morning in Australia.

10.) What do you think about Ouija boards?
-- People search for answers in the most random of places--this is no
exception (but I’m thinking that it’s probably more interesting to converse with the living instead of the dead!!!)

11.) Favorite T.V. show:
-- Sex & the City (I’m a Charlotte!)

12.) What's on your mouse pad?
-- A mouse! (is that a trick question?!?)

13.) Do you believe in yourself?
--That’s really a matter of timing in my world! Anyone who has ever experienced a truly bad hair day should understand!!!!!

14.) What are you most determined to accomplish:
-- I’m going to finish and publish my book one day. It may not be good and there may not be another soul who ever reads it…but I am determined to make a contribution to the literary world.

15.) Favorite game:
--Monopoly--best played at the cottage!

16.) What would be your list of “Top 5 makeout songs”
-- (in no particular order!) 1. I’ll Keep Your Memory Vague by Finger Eleven 2. Disarm by Smashing Pumpkins 3. Creep by Stone Temple Pilots 4. It’s Been a While by Staind 5. The Red by Chevelle 6. With or Without You by U2 7. Save Yourself by Sense Field 8. Destiny by Zero 7 9.Witness by Sarah McLachlan 10. Fine Again by Seether…I could probably go on for quite a while here, so we’ll just call it quits with my top ten songs!! Anyone else got any good ones?

17.) Favorite drink:
-- H2O and Starbucks’ Peppermint Mochas

18.) Favorite smell:
-- Steve!

19.) Favorite sound:
-- Music. Any music. I need music like I need oxygen. And I love the sound of my shoes hitting the pavement when I’m running (usually because it means that I’m still moving!!!).

20.) What's the worst feeling in the world?
-- Feeling lonely (a broken heart is a pretty close second though).

21.) What's the best feeling in the world?
-- Being in love and feeling inspired.

22.) Favorite thing to do on the weekend?
-- Take my time.

23.) Favorite band:
-- David Usher, Our Lady Peace, Three Doors Down, Coldplay, Linkin Park, Finger Eleven…and the musical stylings of my husband when he decides that breakfast just can’t be made in silence!!!

24.) Where do you see yourself in ten years?
-- Having learned a lot more about myself.

25.) What's the first thing you thought of when you woke up this
morning?
-- “Seriously…how long can a cat really purr for?!?!”

26.) Boxers, briefs, bikinis, thongs or other?
-- Hmmm...that would be for me to know...and maybe a few others!!

27.) Do you get motion sickness?
-- Depends on the night before!!

28.) The nicest thing anyone's ever done for me was...
-- Missed me.

29.) Thunderstorms--cool or scary?
-- I used to think that they were incredibly romantic however, in my old age, I have come to not like them so much anymore! I mean really…what’s so romantic about getting struck down by lightning anyway?!?!

30.) Name one thing that you’re really good at.
-- Eating chocolate fondue!!! And rumour has it that I’m a fairly good writer too!

31.) What is your zodiac sign?
-- Cancer (the only zodiac lucky enough to be named after a terminal illness!)

32.) What do you wear to bed?
-- A smile!!

33.) What’s playing on your iPod:
-- What isn’t playing on my iPod?!?!

34.) What never fails to cheer you up?
-- Being with Steve…Starbucks with the girls…buying a new book…chocolate pudding…writing…being told how cute I am (!!)…Sunday mornings on the run!

35.) If you could have a tattoo, what and where would it be?
-- It took me eighteen years to get my ears pierced! A tattoo seems like a long way away!!

36.) Three most influencial books:
-- In the Meantime by Iyanla Vanzant
A Million Little Pieces by James Frey
The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren

37.) What's your favorite quote?
-- “Hope has two beautiful daughters; anger and courage. Anger at the way things are, and courage to change them.” - St. Augustine of Hippo
-- “There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different than the things we do.” - Freya Stark

38.) Have you ever been in love?
-- Absolutely!

39.) What's on the walls in your bedroom?
-- An awesome green paint…one of our wedding pictures and a beautiful housewarming gift from Craig and Marie.

40.) Is the glass half empty or half full?
-- If the glass were filled with the finest Chilean red wine…then would it really matter?

41.) Pick a song that best describes you or that you can relate to:
-- “Wonderwall” by Oasis, “St. Lawrence River” by David Usher and “Numb” by Linkin Park

42.) What's your favorite movie?
--Contact, Playing By Heart, High Fidelity

43.) What is your biggest pet peeve?
-- Weak hand shakes, automated voice messaging and wisdom teeth!

44.) What’s under you bed?
-- A fur ball named Tugger!

45.) When you first look at a guy/girl, you notice...
-- Whether or not it’s Steve!!

46.) You'd most like to be remembered as...
-- A great wife, daughter, friend and writer…

47.) If you could do anything to the person you hated most, what would it be?
-- Have them love me like crazy!

48.) Your dream guy/girl would...
-- …is not in my dreams!

49.) What's the single thing you would want if you were a stranded on a desert island?
-- Umm…a boat!!! (and perhaps the complete series of “Lost” just to keep things interesting!!!)

50.) What could you never live without?
-- Love, hope, faith, charity and my flattening iron!

51.) What would you prefer to live without?
-- The U.S. government!!

52.) What do you hate most when arguing with someone?
-- I hate it when someone attacks my character instead of my actions.

53.) What is your addiction of choice?
-- The York Street Spa, Starbucks, strawberry season and Gap commercials!

54.) What’s the best gift you’ve ever received?
-- A second chance.

55.) What’s the one thing you know to be true?
-- “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” –Cor. 13:4

56.) What’s the most frustrating thing ever?
-- Hearing fireworks but not being able to see them…

57.) When the going gets tough…?
-- The tough gets reminded that I’m a marathon runner…and after 42.2 kilometres…everything else is easy!!!

58.) What’s more important…that the spirit runs quick or that the spirit runs deep?
-- As a runner, what matters most to me is that the spirit runs!

59.) What does the world really need more of?
--runners!

60.) What is the biggest lesson that you’ve learned?
-- Over the past few years, through different situations, I’ve learned just how much of our lives are shaped by those who love us and by those who refuse to love us. However, more importantly, I also learned that those who do love us more than make up for those who don’t.