daily guidance...

A colleague of mine has this great love affair with new age philosophy. She has a very strong belief that our energy and thoughts manifest themselves into our reality, hence happier thoughts create a happier life! I am certainly not one to dispute this! Obviously though, coming from a more religious stand point, I don’t believe this in the same way. Then again, maybe it is all the same at the end of the day but either way, I enjoy hearing her talk about it and practice it.

One day she brought to work a stack of “Oracle Angel Cards”; it’s a box of 100 cards that you shuffle in your hands and, word has it, that as you shuffle them, your energy fuses the cards. After you’ve shuffled them, you’re supposed to pick a card from the deck and whatever card you pull is suppose to provide you with the necessary wisdom that you need at that time. Since their arrival in our office, they have become part of our morning routine! We all gather around her desk, coffees in hand, chat about our evening and take turns pulling our angel card!

I have to admit that the cards I tend to pull usually seem to have a rather unnerving relevance to my life at the time and there are moments in which I scrunch up my face and think to myself “stupid angels…think they know everything!” but surely enough, I keep coming back for more!

I spent this past weekend taking a mental vacation from all things work related; I slept in, took lots of naps, had lunch out, went to the movies, did some Christmas shopping and over all, just spent some good quality time not working. Starting a new business hasn’t left me much free time over the past eight months so it was a welcome reprieve from the routine that has developed over the course of this year. And after having made some pretty heavy decisions regarding my future… “checking out” for the weekend was just what the doctor ordered!

It’s intriguing being at such a crossroad in my life; leaving one career path behind in exchange for another…and it feels strange…and exciting…and scary…and, at times, downright crazy! I’m leaving the life that I’ve always known behind for one that I’ve always dreamed of and hoped for and it’s really easy to ask yourself if you’re making the right decision. I know that I am, but it doesn’t stop the question from rearing its ugly head every now and then!

That’s why I was quite relieved that after having spent much too long knee deep in decision making, I ended up pulling the following card this morning:

Change in Direction

The changes you’re experiencing are Divinely directed by your newborn willingness to open your heart to love and our guidance. You are protected now and in the future, so follow your path to the happy outcomes your desire.

This card signifies that you’ve had a change of heart that has altered the direction of your life in a positive way. Your old ways of living no longer interest you, and you find yourself avoiding friends and pastimes that previously attracted you. You desire a lifestyle and career that will better fit your new interests and passions. The angels are guiding you through this time of transition. The Law of Attraction insures that you’ll manifest wonderful new opportunities and relationships.

Additional meanings for this card: You’re starting a new phase of your life ~ The birth of a new projects is in the works ~ Pregnancy, birth, or the adoption of a child is possible ~ A new element in your life is a blessing, even if it doesn’t make sense right now.

~~~

Now, if only Oracle cards were legally binding in the province of Ontario!!!

just so we're clear...

...it's never too early to start the propaganda!!!

falling down the rabbit hole...

I saw a lady running with her dog and a stroller this morning as Steve and I drove into to work. It hasn’t snowed yet in Ottawa but our mornings are very calm and frost covered these days. I’m always envious of those people that I see who are leisurely drinking their coffee or out taking a morning stroll as we are making our way into the office. While I’ve never really been much of a morning person, I have always enjoyed it once my senses manage to catch up with the rest of me but I’ve never really had the chance to be “that person” because I’ve been too busy pursuing my life at an office…in front of computer…with annual salaries and health benefits.

I once read that most of us spend our days doing jobs that simply aren’t big enough for our spirits. Actually, at the time I kind of felt like it had been written just for me! I’ve struggled with this idea of “out growing my job” for some time but that being said, I also strongly believe that there is a practical side to life that can’t be overlooked. Education, homes, weddings, vacations…the experiences of life don’t come cheap and I think that it’s more than a worthwhile investment to spend some time considering how you’re going to pay for them because let’s face it, regardless of the type of relationship you have with money…the economics of the world aren’t going anywhere.

So this brings us back to this morning and my state of envy. I’ve never been built for a nine to five life. I’m good at it and I’m quite blessed to be able to do it in what is, quite frankly, one of the most beautiful places in the country, but nonetheless, it’s still not the nature that is my beast. Since graduating university, I’ve worked very hard at gaining new experiences, building a financial foundation with that experience and doing my best to make the whole process as pleasurable as possible. And I think that I’ve done a good job because it has been a lot of fun; I’ve learned amazing new things, experienced first hand some of the most profound times in the history of politics and the fine arts, and most importantly, I have met some of the most extraordinary people that I know will be in my life for all the rest of my days. So most definitively, it has been eight years very well spent.

As we both looked out the car window at the woman jogging along side us, Steve smiled at me and said “don’t worry…that’s going to be you pretty soon” and that’s when I realized that he was right…that things are changing. It’s kind of a strange and unique time in our life because not only are we expecting our baby in a few months but my business has begun to grow in a way that deserves some serious consideration on our part. We are starting to consider that we may be done putting in our time of being practical. We are starting to consider that the financial stability of an “ideal” job may not be worth the cost of feeling creatively caged. We are starting to consider that it might just be time…

I am officially already booked to photograph weddings next summer and the inquiries are continuing to roll in. We are currently working with design companies to start producing albums for clients and I’m in the midst of hiring second shooters. This is a blessing that far exceeds any of our most hopeful expectations for my photography. I will, of course, be limiting the amount of work that I do next year in order to spend lots of time with the new man in my life but we’ve agreed that the degree of interest in my work right now can’t be overlooked and it’s led us towards the appeal of trading in my government clearance for days spent behind a camera.

Believe me when I say that the idea of leaving my full-time permanent position with a crown corporation in order to take a giant leap into the unknown of being self-employed is nothing short of terrifying. But it also begs the question of whether or not anything is quite as terrifying as turning your back on something that makes you blissfully happy, regardless of the potential uncertainty? Is it worth turning down the cumulative interest of living more genuinely for a better pension plan and an annual Christmas party?

I really don’t think so and never before in my life have I ever been more drawn to the edge of uncertainty. For someone who’s always choosing to play it safe, I’m deciding for the first time to play it passionately.

And truth be told, I have no idea what will come of it. I may succeed…I may fail. But either way, I am certainly going to enjoy spending my mornings on the other side of the car door!

life on paper...

Many, many years ago, a dear friend of mine gave me a journal for my birthday. I’ve had many journals in my life but none of them have ever “stuck”. They all sit in my night stand now with a page or two filled out. For some reason, something about them just didn’t feel right. This one was perfect though. It was brown with a leather cover, lined, gold-trimmed pages and the best part of all; my friend actually filled the first page for me knowing that that was always the hardest part for me! She filled it with beautiful words about our friendship, our lives, our memories and then ended it off with a little reminder that, if nothing else, I at least owed it to my future children to put my life on paper.

That was five years ago and now I only have four pages left.

I don’t know how many pages are in this journal but I have spent five years filling every page of it with my most intimate thoughts. I can honestly say that I never leave the house without it. I grab my journal long before I hunt down my keys or my wallet. It’s been with me through getting engaged, getting married, joining a new family, finding new friends, letting go of other friends, buying a house, seeing the world, leaving jobs, starting new ones, being afraid, being uplifted, praising God, yelling at God, and of course, becoming pregnant. Ironically enough though, all of this “record keeping” for my future children means that this journal won’t be the one to record the day that he ultimately comes into our life!

The dilemma that I find myself conflicted with is what to do with it now that it’s done?

I’m certainly not ready to have anyone read it and in all honesty, I may never be. But I’m also not ready to leave it sitting dormant somewhere only to get forgotten about. One of my colleagues said that she has a box at home that a friend entrusted to her for safe keeping. She said that she’s had it sitting in her bedroom closet for years so she can play guardian over it; protect it from the wrong hands and yet ensure that its memory never dies. She has no idea what’s in it, how long she’ll have it or why her cats seem to like it so much (!!) but all she knows is that when the time is right, whenever that may be, her friend will want it back. It’s really quite eloquent and romantic in its own way, and something that I will certainly give some thought to. Until then though, it will remain under my arm as my most important travel companion.

But speaking of journals and the number four…this is also my four hundredth post!

C.RA.ZY.

Thanks to everyone for their interest in a seemingly uninteresting life!

baby update...

Here we are folks...twenty-two weeks in and only four months away!!! For the many, many (!!) people who have been desperately requesting update pictures...I won't keep you waiting any longer...

Our baby boy at 18 weeks...

and our baby belly at 19 weeks...

Don't be deceived by these pictures though...I'm a total tank now!!