elle oh vee ee...

A good friend of mine recently approached me with a problem that needed advice. As I sat down with her over coffee she uttered the three most agonizing words that a girl can possibly say; “I love him”. Agonizing, you ask? Yes…terribly! And the reason is because if any girlfriend comes to you with a problem that involves this statement, it means that there’s a reason she is telling you and not “him”. The most likely of all reasons is because the “him” being referred to probably isn’t aware that she loves him which in turn, leads us to one of nature’s cruelest of conditions…unreciprocated love.

Now, I’m not sure if all women get to experience this kind of torment during their lives but fortunately (or maybe unfortunately) for my friend, I am one of the lone women who have endured this cruelty. Lucky me!

I have loved three men in my life in a romantic capacity; One being my long time boyfriend during and after university, another being the man that I married and lastly, the mystery man of my life…the man that I silently loved from afar and admired from a distance. Looking back, I have a hard time differentiating between whether or not I loved him or I was IN love with him…two very different kinds of love. But regardless…it was all consuming love none the less and it was just as hard to let go of when the time came. What made it especially hard was that there were feelings to some degree on both ends (at least I think so) and he was a part of my world…just as I wanted him to be. He’d made my knees weak on more than one occasion and left a trail of hopefulness in his wake. And yet he never knew the depths of how I really felt.

One of my favourite songs is John Mayer’s ballad; Say…a lovely song about putting yourself out on a limb and speaking the unspeakable. I thought of this when my friend asked my advice because up until that moment, it never really occurred to me what would have happened had I actually taken John Mayer’s advice instead of my own. Of course, I don’t wish the past to be any different because I wouldn’t want the present to be any different but as my friend sat in anguish over what move to make next, I couldn’t help but think back to my own anguish and what the ripple effect may have been had I made a different decision.

The bottom line is this; I loved someone and I never told him. Actually, I never told anyone. Until this moment, right here...right now, I’ve never even uttered the words. The knowledge of loving someone who didn’t love me back was more than my poor soul could take at the time and worst of all, it took me ages to package that love away in a box so that I could make room for another love. While I’m fairly certain that having him return my affections in the way I had hoped for was not much of a probability at the time, I do wonder if releasing my own feelings would have helped me move on faster?

I wonder if I had had the courage to look him in the eyes and say “I love you”, would my heart still have stopped at the very thought of him even years later? If I had whispered “I love the way you look at me and I love the person that I know you can be”, would I suddenly have been freed of my agony instead of wanting to inhale countless pints of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream just to make sure that I kept my mouth shut?!?! Could those three words have made the pain easier?

I guess that’s the thing about wonderment…there is no real way of knowing and no way of making anything different…and that’s the price we pay for not acting when the opportunity presents itself. The experience as a whole though did leave me with some knowledge to pass on to my friend; that love for another person creates a caring that never really goes away. Even now, although our contact is rather limited, I do genuinely care for him and his happiness in a way that is different than other past men in my life. And I likely always will. Something about having given him a piece of my heart makes him important in a very unique way…whether he knows it or not. This is indeed something that my friend will have to come to accept because regardless of what she chooses to do, that love will override any hurt, fear or fallen pieces that come to be as a result of her decision.

So, what does a formerly agonized girl say to a currently agonized girl? Well, the very best that I could do was this; “go home, have a glass of wine, listen to John Mayer and call me in the morning. If that doesn’t work then we’ll call up our friends Ben, Jerry and Cherry Garcia!”

What can I say…when your heart hurts…no amount of rationale is going to make it better…you have no choice but to call in the big guns!!

“Have no fear for giving in…have no fear for giving over…you better know that in the end…it’s better to say too much than to never say what you need to say again.” ~ John Mayer

marvin and me...

Have I ever told you about Steve’s reading habits? They drive me nuts!!! He goes through these little phases where he reads books back to back and gets completely enthralled in them to the point where he won’t even get out of bed in the morning without going through a few pages first. Then, one day, he’ll just stop and he won’t read a thing (other than the ESPN sports page) for an entire year. It’s the strangest thing!

I, on the other hand, usually have two or three books on the go at any given time. That, in turn, drives Steve nuts! He regularly questions the need for having books dispersed all over the house! What can I say, I love them! Just looking at them makes me happy!

My latest book was Bloodletting and Miraculous Cures by Vincent Lam. I just finished it a few days ago and was pretty surprised that I enjoyed it so much. It has nothing to do with the writing as much as the fact that I’m not usually a fan of short stories. I usually prefer one long plot that I can get lost in for hundreds of pages at a time. It was good though…really good!

My next one comes highly recommended to me from a whole raft of my fellow book lovers; Water for Elephants. Surprisingly, I had never heard of it before and then sure enough, I received three copies for my birthday!!! Clearly, the universe wants me to read this!

I’ve been meaning to mention for a little while though about another book that I read this summer that I absolutely loved; Marley and Me by John Grogan. This was another book that I received for my birthday (from Steve) on the strict condition that I didn’t end up bringing a dog home one day after work!!

For anyone who hasn’t read this book yet let me just say that I highly recommend it! It’s such a simply story about a family and their dog, Marley but it’s also a story that just about anyone (especially any animal lover) can relate to. I had a lot of pets growing up and know first hand just how much joy they bring to a home but, one of my pets in particular came to mind when I was reading this book; my old cat Marvin…quite possibly the very worst cat in the world!!

Marvin and I came together in my second year of University when I finally moved out of residence and back into a place that permitted pets. For weeks I had been scoping out the Humane Society looking for potential fur ball to keep me company this guy in particular always stood out to me. He was large, handsome and had a big sign on his cage that said “very aggressive and not good with children”! Well then…what’s not to love?!?! After four weeks, I brought him home and we became fast friends. He was indeed very aggressive and what the quaint little sign on his cage forgot to mention was that he was also very destructive. He tore everything apart and destroyed everything that he could get his grubby little paws on. My downstairs neighbor even called the police one night telling them that I had a barn yard animal in my apartment! When the officers showed up I told them “I have a rather large cat and a rather large boyfriend…take your pick!!!” They smiled, turned around and asked my neighbor to do some fact checking next time before he called 911!!

The humane society wasn’t sure how old he was because he had been a stray since birth and clearly still had some of his wild tendencies. He eventually grew to be 26 lbs worth of wild tendencies!! Really, it was like having a small bear in your house! After about six months, I managed to ease the destruction and aggressiveness out of him somewhat and he became the loveliest of pets. He was my companion and I loved him to death. He slept on my bed every night, greeted me at the door every day and drove me crazy just about all the time!

The summer that I graduated from University was a little uncertain for me. I wasn’t sure if I was staying in Ottawa or moving away, hence I decided to keep my living arrangements as flexible as possible. Due to the life that Marvin had already endured as a stray, I didn’t want to put him through the potential trauma of too many moves so my mother graciously offered to take him until I discovered where life was going to take me. The clincher is that my mother lived on the Queen Charlotte Islands, about 100 miles off the coast of British Columbia, which was going to make this one move for him a bit of an adventure!

So, in late April of that year, I took Marvin to the airport in his fancy new cage, adequately doped up on veterinarian prescribed drugs and I bid farewell to my feline friend for a little while. It was hard and I knew that it was about to make an already tumultuous time in my life even lonelier with his absence. As misbehaved a cat as he was, he still made me smile every day.

By December of that year, my life began to settle down and it was time to bring my big guy home. I had started a new job and had just found the perfect apartment fit just for the two of us!! For nearly six months my mom had taken wonderful care of my roommate and I couldn’t wait to see him again! Very generously, my mom sent him on an Air Canada flight back to Ottawa via Vancouver for the first weekend in my new place (and just in time for Christmas!). He was leaving late on a Friday evening and due to arrive early the next morning. I spent the Friday night cleaning and unpacking our new place, and anxiously awaiting the purrs of my long lost feline. Late that night (around 11ish) I received a call. The person on the other end of the line asked “hello…is this where Marvin lives?” A bit perplexed, I responded “well, yes…in about twelve hours or so. Can I ask whose calling?”

Now, this is where the real fun starts!!

She politely answered “oh, of course! I’m calling from the Four Seasons Hotel at the Vancouver International Airport and I have your cat Marvin here with me and I was wondering if it’s alright for him to eat tuna?”

[insert look of confusion here]

As you can imagine, this wasn’t really a phone call that I was anticipating hence, I didn’t really have my list of witty comebacks available on hand!! Though once the initial shock of this statement wore off, I began to inquire a bit more about all the missing pieces in between!

As it turns out, a snow storm had hit Vancouver that night and my kitty’s connecting flight to Ottawa had been cancelled. Marvin had been left in the baggage claim area until another available flight was found for him to travel on. Some sympathetic employee saw him sitting there all lonely and decided to approach some other of his fur loving friends for a rescue plan and just like that, Marvin was being put up in a room at the Four Seasons Hotel for the night…tuna and all!

So how exactly does the worst cat in the world end up in one of the finest hotels in the world? I guess it just goes to show what happens when you show a little whisker!!!!

Marvin did, at long last, make his way home and what a reunion it was! Marvin and I spent the next three years together in that little home of ours and believe me when I say that he left his mark! Chocolate milk stains, scratched door frames, destroyed bathroom tiles and a tortured window screen that may never be able to be replaced!! There is no end to life and love with the world’s worst cat!!

Marvin ended up making his way back to B.C. eventually when “unresolved issues” between he and Steve finally forced us to part ways! Sometimes there is only enough room for one man of the house in a girl’s life. It was a sad day but he and my mom are happily chasing eagle feathers on the West Coast and Steve and I are happily getting accustomed to our furry friend over in the East. Let’s face it, after so many years with it just being Marvin and I, it was clear that he was meant to be an only child!

But when I look back on my life before love and marriage swept me away, I will forever be able to say that until I found the perfect man…I had the perfect feline!

p.s. Thanks mom for the picture!

latest transcripts...

"Just touch the world and that is perfection"

~ Victor Sinclair

the blog that gen built...

This is my 300th post! Three hundred! That’s a large number and certainly not something that I thought I would be looking back on nearly two and half years ago when I first started this blog.

I’ll admit that my blog has evolved into more than I anticipated. Originally, it was called Gen and Steve, and it was our way of keeping in touch with all of our new extended family since our lives had been changed by marriage. Eventually, it turned into Mostly Gen and Sometimes Steve as it became evident that our little piece of cyberspace was really my domain in our relationship! Over time, it became an online journal of sorts…the trials and tribulations of life as we too evolved into something different than when we started. Being away from family and friends is hard. Having a way to bring them into our lives makes it easier…even if only temporarily. Pretty soon and for a very brief time, it became Almost Always Gen and Hardly Ever Steve because let’s face it, Steve was no where to be found! Other than the odd blog marathon that he would do on a slow day at home, Steve's interest in our blog was about as enthusiastic as his desire to remember birthdays! Mind you, I do think that it’s worth mentioning that of the two times he has posted on our blog, both post, still to this day, receive countless clicks from random readers worldwide. He’s a man of few words but when it comes to the ones that he does say, he certainly makes them count!

Finally, one afternoon, Steve got kicked out of our world wide nest and our blog became my blog. In fact, it became my confessions of what it’s like to walk through this life and before I knew it, it became more than I ever thought it would be. I suddenly allowed myself to write about my life instead of our life and in turn, I had twenty-seven more years to use as my muse and shortly there after…I had a readership!

I love this blog! I love coming here whenever I can and sharing what I can. I have found myself experiencing things all over again…some good, some bad…but all necessary. Some people write to tell a story…some write out of obligation…others write because they have something to say. I write because it heals me. There are things that I have yet found the ability to say but somehow, I can write. My joys, my disappointments, my fear of thunderstorms and love of the written word…I can bring it here and in a round about sort of way, it makes sense.

Then, of course, there is you! Those who come here to share in my life and read what I have to say. I’ll be honest when I say that there are times when the comments left on this blog (or sent to me via email about my blog) have carried me through deep moments of self-doubt in regards to my writing or my direction. It has come to matter to me that I don’t leave you wordless for too long (not to mention that I hear about it when I do!) because my blog is more of an interaction now than just an outlet. Some of you have been here since the beginning, others have joined in along the way…but all contribute in a way that makes it all very worthwhile to me.

The other day it occurred to me that three hundred posts would equal approximately three hundred pages (give or take) written in two and half years. That could be my novel right there! Nearly three years of my life written one day at a time. I’m going to have to remind myself of this when I feel discouraged at the progress of my book…when it never seems to take any direction and when the pages never seem to amount to much. I’ll have to remember that this too didn’t seem like much at the time; a template blog in a universe of information. But pretty soon, it became this…

It became my Confessions from a Road Less Travelled.

coming and going...

I swear that I looked up at my calendar just a second ago and all of the sudden realized that not only are we half way through the month of October already, but also that’s its Thursday and not Wednesday! I love it when those kinds of surprises happen!

So, life in the Smyth household, where are we at? Well, our Thanksgiving weekend was wonderful! Christina, Joanna, Sara and her two furry friends (Molly and Hugo) drove up from South Western Ontario on Saturday to help fill our house with joy and laughter! Chris and Caroline joined us the next afternoon. By Sunday night, we were well on our way to a turkey coma and one too many desserts. But honestly, what is Thanksgiving if it’s not filled with gluttony?!?!

I’ve always wanted one of those households…the one where everyone congregates during holidays with plenty of oversized meals and too many bottles of wine! I grew up in a family like that and when everyone started going their own ways, it’s the single biggest thing that I missed the most. The Smyth house in Tilbury is very much like that, as is the Georget house in Montreal…open doors to anyone and everyone! It may seem like a bit of a circus to some but in my eyes, there is nothing better than a house full of people that you love.

Now, as an adult and with a house of our own, Steve and I have started to do the same in our little way. Thanksgiving was our first time hosting a holiday and we had barrels of fun preparing for the big weekend. I wish that I had taken more pictures of it all but in reality the reason that I didn’t take a lot of pictures is because I was too busy enjoying everyone’s company. It’s so easy to get swept up in!

Also, we saw Cirque de Soleil with my Dad on Friday night and like all Cirque productions…it was fantastic! Of all the various productions that I’ve seen by Cirque de Soleil, I can honestly say that Corteo was the most beautiful for me. It was so angelic and beautiful…so playful and romantic. I was so mesmerize by everything and just couldn’t get enough of it. Really, imagine sitting down to dinner with the people who think this stuff up…what kind of martini do you think they would order?!?!

All in all, life is back to normal now though. Everyone has gone home and the elections are done (so are the Liberals apparently!)…the normal rhythm of life appears to be finding its way again. Just in time for us to mix it all up one more time!!!

Steve is off for his canoe trip in a little over a week and once again, Tugger and I will be holding down the fort on our own, which can only mean one thing…too many reruns of Sex & the City and not enough sleep! Bring it though…I’m ready!

Some of other exciting news though; I’m going to be a student again! This morning I registered for a writing class at Algonquin College and in two weeks, I’m going to have to find my way through a campus full of seventeen year olds and learn the discipline of studying all over again. It’s not a big class or a long class, but it’s a step in getting me an inch or two closer to my writing career! I’m pretty excited and frankly, it makes me want to go out and buy pretty coloured pens and pencils!!

So it’s back to school, back to the sticks and back to some sense of normalcy in our household…whether it looks that way or not! If I’m not careful though, I’m going to glance up at my calendar next time and it will be December! Now that’s a scary sight!

"For flowers that bloom about our feet;
For tender grass, so fresh, so sweet;
For song of bird, and hum of bee;
For all things fair we hear or see,
Father in heaven, we thank Thee!"
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

For more pictures from our incredible Thanksgiving Weekend, click here.

life in the circus...

I’m running away with the circus tonight! Well, at least for three hours or so!!

Steve and I are going with my Dad this evening to see Corteo, the latest production of Cirque de Soleil. This will be the fourth production that I will have seen and every time I go, I feel like I’m swept up into some magical dream world that I can’t quite pull myself out of. It’s the most exquisite of escapes!

When I watch things like Cirque de Soleil, I can’t help but recognize how big the world really is and how much potential it has. I often get very caught up in the details of my own small little world that sometimes, it feels inescapable. Not that I want to escape from it, but I don’t often consider the possibility of any other life. And yet, here is someone else’s day to day to life…being in the circus! They travel around the world, swinging from chandeliers and all the while, our lives have crossed paths. It never fails to amaze me.

When Steve and I were in Hawaii, we spent a day driving to the top of Haleakala Crater; the active volcano on the island of Maui. Just before reaching the summit, we came across the planetariums along the side of the volcano, some of which are the best observatories in the world. It occurred to me at that moment that, this too, was someone’s life. They lived on this beautiful island and drove up this volcano to their office, as astronomers gazing out into the night sky. Isn’t it amazing when you think about the endless possibilities that are out there for each of us? Someone has to swing from a chandelier in the circus…why not us? Someone has to name the stars…why not us? How different would our lives be if we forced ourselves to remember how much bigger the world really is?

On the other hand, I wonder if those that live those lives ever wonder the same thing about us? I wonder if that astronomer ever looks at us driving up the volcano in our newly wedded bliss and says “hmmm…how exotic…a Canadian snow bunny discovering the rainforest on her honeymoon”. Or if that acrobat ever feels claustrophobic spending their life isolated to the Big Top? Okay, probably not…but you get the idea!

I’d like to think that our lives, whether it is an office job or taming lions, are only as adventurous or confining as we make them. I’d also like to think that our world is only as big or small as we allow it to be. It’s true…we can’t all be astronauts or Indiana Jones, but we can all borrow bits and pieces of each other’s lives in order to spice up our own. I mean really, who hasn’t dreamt about running away with the circus?!?!

the madness and the misery...

I’m sick! Annoyingly sick actually! I’m the kind of sick that makes you want to clean all of your sheets every day because you can just feel the sickness on them. I’m the kind of sick that makes all of my colleagues cringe back in horror every time I cough. It’s the kind of sick that has left my night table of veritable medicine cabinet of tablet form relief. Worst of all, I can hardly even taste the wonderful mint chocolate Girl Guide cookies sitting on my desk in front of me. Now that’s cruelty!

Do you believe that sickness is caused by stress? I’ve heard that been said many times before and ever since, I’ve tried to keep tabs on the correlation between when I get sick versus what happens to be going on in my life at that moment. I don’t often get sick at all actually but if I do, it’s almost always at Christmas time, when all of us are hunkered down around a puzzle in the Smyth house and all of us have touched the same puzzle piece twelve times (if not more). I think that is most certainly, without a doubt, a product of stress. The frenzy of Christmas parties of other related events all month usually leaves me feeling rather depleted and I can usually feel the sickness coming on for a few days before it hits me full force.

The sickness that I have now though is the worst kind of all. It’s the kind that wasn’t present when you went to bed that night but instead, left its attack for the wee hours of the night when you least expect it. The bugger ambushed me! This kind of sickness can’t be warded off with a simple day in bed…you need to call in the big guns for this one. And just like its remedies, this sickness can’t be blamed on one too many parties either; oh no, there is a much bigger force at work here and it’s called madness! Pure, simple, unadulterated madness! It’s the madness in me that thought I could rationalize with the irrational and compromise with the uncompromising. It’s the madness in me that has caused me to get this ill with no hope of getting better (at least not soon enough for me to enjoy my evening). And now it’s the madness in me that’s saying “Buck up Gen…you’re not sick…you’re just sick of all this nonsense!”

Hmmm…I wonder; could my madness have a point? Is it possible that my maddening desire to make it all work out is also what made my body call it quits since quite clearly, my mind was doing all of the work anyways? Wouldn’t that mean that I’m actually sick in the head?!?! Or is just the cough medicine talking?!?!

I don’t know. All I know is that I need an exorcism of sorts to rid myself of the madness and in turn, hopefully everything else that is clogging up my sanity.

Someone, please pass the Kleenex…

off to the races...

In one week, it’s Election Day in Canada. It’s not big like the U.S. Election is big but it has been nearly two and half years since we’ve gone to the polls and for the first time, I haven’t yet decided who I’m voting for.

I’ve always been an idealist at heart. I believe in the power of the people and a democratic society but I also spent three and half years working on Parliament Hill where I received a first hand glimpse at reality.

I love Election Day! It feels so empowering to walk to the polls and exercise your right as a voter. I believe that for all of our system’s short comings, come Election Day, we are better able to see the bigger picture and realize just how fortunate we are to live in a country with this democracy in place. I strongly believe that Canadian citizens who don’t vote should be fined (or at the very least, we should withhold our hugs from them!!) as I don’t agree that ignorance is a reason to take voting for granted.

Right now, I find myself caught in the age old debate that questions “are we voting for a Party or are we voting for a Leader?” This is where I find myself stuck! Believe me, I know what the principals of a democratic society are and the basis of how it should function but my time spent on Parliament Hill gave me another angle that I think is very much worth considering when we walk up to the ballot box.

I’ve always been a big fan of Jean Chretien. I thought he was a fantastic Prime Minister and he gained my vote even more when he stood his ground during 9/11 and the war that soon followed. It takes a strong person to not allow your self to be bullied into a war that isn’t yours to fight and whether I agree with his stance or not, I still admire his conviction.

I’ve had the opportunity to meet Mr. Chretien a couple of times with his wife and while I’m sure that he could hit me with his car and not know who I am, he still left an impression on me…a humble impression. The impression of a man who is still human at the end of the day, I believe that is something that we all tend to forget.

One winter day when I was sitting in my office in the West Block, I glanced out my window looking down O’Connor Street and there was Mr. Chretien walking from the Victoria Building to his office in the Center Block. It was a perfect winter day and he had the most wonderful smile on his face. The streets had been discreetly shut down while he took his little stroll but I really enjoyed that side of him.

I was never quite sure what to think of Mr. Paul Martin though. I always thought that he was a terrific speaker, very friendly and certainly a force to be reckoned with but I was always undecided on his position as Prime Minister. Then, before we knew it, the Liberal Party came crashing down and instead of seeing politicians and the leaders of our country…I saw a bunch of rotten little children fighting on the playground. I lost a lot of respect for Paul Martin during that time. I have a big issue with bullying, whether it be on the playground or in the House of Commons, and the moment someone uses such a tactic to get their way, I feel that they are choosing power over integrity.

I left politics after Paul Martin won the election and for the first time, I voted Conservative. After all, if the Liberals couldn’t figure things out among themselves, how were they realistically going to a run a country? It was also the first time that I started to really consider the role of the leader in my decision making process. I know that, ideally, we are to choose the best candidate within our riding (regardless of their party affiliations) and they are to later represent all of our concerns (regardless of what we voted) but, without a leader who encourages their Government to do just that, then we are left at the mercy of party platforms which, let’s face it, isn’t always what it appears to be. I have watched more than one Member of Parliament try to juggle the views of the Party versus the views of their constituent, only to be left in a political battle of their own regarding their loyalties.

This may come as a surprise to some people but I am not actually a member of any political party. I have chosen not to do so because I believe that if I truly support democracy in its ideal form, then I support whatever is in the best interest of our country. It upsets me a great deal when people that I’ve worked with talk about how their life long goal is to see their party of preference fill the entire House of Commons because if they really wanted what was best for Canada, they would favor a minority Government that encourages discussion and compromise as oppose to a majority Government that has too much power and control.

So that brings me back to today…one week from Election Day and no closer to making a decision. I’ll admit that Stephen Harper hasn’t been so bad. It’s true that he hasn’t necessarily met all of our needs but it’s easy to judge those decisions when we don’t have to be the ones to make them. On the other hand, his Government has done more during their first two years then the Liberals did in their last two. He’s gotten better. He’s gained more experience, more confidence and frankly, has taken the beating of the electoral debate quite well.

Then there is just that…the attack; One of my biggest pet peeves about politics. I despise the relentless banter back and forth about how terrible the other party is and how you shouldn’t put your trust in them because x, y and z. I realize that the opposition’s job is to, well, oppose but as far as I’m concerned, when it comes down to election time, if it’s a party worth voting for, then they should be able to tell me all about their strengths instead of their opponent’s weaknesses.

Seriously, it’s infuriating.

But this does lead me to Stephane Dion, the current leader of the Liberal Party who, despite what appears to be a lack of experience, has surprised me during this campaign. The Liberals were actually one of the only parties to not have a conservative bashing commercial during the start of the campaign. I was impressed. Not only was it a really nicely done commercial but it stuck to the Liberals priorities and goals. This caught my eye from the very start. I’ve also noticed a certain level of respect out of Mr. Dion that I haven’t seen in the others (notably Mr. Jack Layton) towards his colleagues and this too has impressed me. No doubt, I question Mr. Dion’s ability to be a strong leader right now but then again, two years as Prime Minister proved to mold Mr. Harper into a fairly diplomatic man as well. All in all, I think that Mr. Dion has potential that I didn’t quite notice before.

Let’s not forget the NDP which I’m saddened to say, I feel has diminished as a note worthy party a couple of years ago. Jack Layton’s policies just seem too extreme and unrealistic now. Our old riding has always been NDP and will likely be so once again. Not only did we hold the seat for the party celebrity, Mr. Ed Broadbent, but the current Member’s mother was the former Mayor of Ottawa. So all things being equal, I think that Ottawa has a certain soft spot for the NDP, regardless of how far off the deep end their leader may have gone.

So…there you have it; I’m torn between Stephane Dion’s ideals and Stephen Harper’s reality. On one hand, I don’t want to risk a Conservative majority and on the other hand, I’m not entirely convinced that the Liberals are solidly back on their feet just yet. I admire one man’s fight and the other man’s pacifism. One man clearly communicates what I may want to hear while the other man struggles to express what I truly believe.

The tides may be turning in our country very shortly and with the U.S. Election right around the corner, it will be changing even more so. It’s often hard to believe that we put all of our faith and trust into just one person to lead the way but at the same time, take for granted the fact that the choice really is ours. Oh politics…we can’t live with you and we can’t live without you. I just don’t know.

In the meantime though…I’m Genevieve Georget-Smyth and I approve this message!

cure for an emotional hangover...

Yesterday was our first day of real “recovery” from an otherwise dramatic week. We felt drained, tired and in desperate need of some space. So, what exactly is the best cure for such a condition? As far as we’re concerned…it would be junk food, laughter and laziness!! All of which we were easily able to fit into one night!

Steve and I took a rather lovely (though rather unexpected) drive along the river after work last night and reveled in the beauty that is Autumn in Ontario. It really doesn’t get any better than right now.

(somewhat) warm days + cool night = pretty trees! This I know to be true!

Our drive led us directly to our junk food! Hamburgers and French fries and ice cream, oh my! Steve even felt so sympathetic to my week (and so tired of hearing about politics!) that he agreed to spend the next hour watching episodes from my newly acquired Season Three of Sex & the City! Lucky girl! But get this…I stumbled upon an episode that I had never seen before!!!! I’m not entirely sure how this happened because I’m quite positive that not only have I seen every episode, but I’m positive that I’ve seen them all twelve times! Madness! So this came as a delightful, yet shocking, surprise to discover a whole other half hour in the life of my favourite New York girls! It does however make me wonder what else is possibly floating around out there that I don’t yet know about. Hmmm…

Finally…the highlight of our night; an evening spent with the hysterically funny comic, Gerry Dee at Centrepointe Theatre! We first heard of Gerry Dee when coming across NBC’s Last Comic Standing and thought that he was brilliant right away. His comedy was so simple in nature and yet something that everyone could relate to, while having the most unique and side splitting delivery of almost any comedian that I’ve ever seen! Most of his show revolves around his career as a teacher and the distinct differences between men and women while intoxicated (really quite amusing!). We also had the unique privilege of hearing all about life after Hollywood fame and some of the challenges he encountered along the way. If you ever get the chance, please do go and see him. You won’t regret it! Just don’t ask him about his feelings towards Air Canada!!



So there you have it…the perfect cure for an emotional hangover!! At least in the Smyth household anyways!! We woke up this morning feeling refreshed from laughter (with a bit of a scratchy voice!), saturated with grease and sugar and pleasantly reminded that “this too, shall pass”.

the best of times and the worst of times...

It was the worst of times and it was the best of times. That’s how the saying goes, doesn’t it?

I always wondered what exactly that meant and then finally, this past week, I did indeed experience the best of times and the worst of times. As far as experiences goes, it’s not something that I would recommend on a regular basis…the intensity of it alone is enough to put anyone on blood pressure medications in a hurry!

Allow me to elaborate a little bit though…

About two years ago, I changed. I know that we are all changing all the time but this was different. Something in my head changed…something about the way I looked at the world and my place in it changed. I began to realize that our relationships do not define us. I have so often reacted to situations out of fear that it has consistently blurred my vision and my ability to make choices that are in the best interest of my health and happiness. Fear of what, I’m still not quite sure. Fear of rejection, fear of being alone, fear of not having someone there to validate my existence. Two years ago though, I started to realize that if I lost every person that I was close to, whether it be by choice or not, I would still fundamentally be me. Granted, I would be a sad, broken hearted version of me, but still me nonetheless. My values wouldn’t change, my morals wouldn’t change, my ability to walk through this world wouldn’t change. One foot in front of the other, I would still go on. Of course, relationships alter the course of our lives and change the way we live it (usually for the better) but at the end of the day, they do not determine our worth.

This revelation was a rather significant turning point for me because in doing so, I no longer considered relationships as a means of survival but instead, one of the joys of living. It also enabled me to stop reacting out of fear and start making choices that I thought were in the best interest of those that I care about, myself included. Don’t get me wrong, fear still creeps into my pores from time to time and it’s a conscious choice on my part to move forward in spite of it, but now it is indeed just that…a choice.

I had to put my learning to the test this week though and believe me, it wasn’t easy. I wasn’t expecting it to be easy…I was prepared for that. What I wasn’t expecting though was how incredibly loved I would end up feeling. It was overwhelming. Just when I was forced to make difficult choices regarding people that I love and just as my heart was breaking, I was suddenly surrounded with so many people wanting to hold all of the pieces together for me. At the risk of sounding too emotional and sappy, the amount of support that I had -- the gentle words from an ocean away, the hugs from friends near and far, the chocolate cookies for breakfast – all of it nearly brought me to more tears than the pain did. And there is, of course, my husband…the most amazing man that I’ve ever known and the one who consistently gives back to me all the love that I’ve ever put out into the world…the one that holds me long into the night and tells me that everything will be okay.

And just as I told my beautiful, stunning friend yesterday afternoon as we stood on the sidewalk saying goodbye to each other; for the potentially the first time in my life…I believe it. Everything will, most definitely, be okay.