sibling rivalry...

So it’s official…I’m having a baby! Of course, it’s been official for a while already but now it’s obvious…the belly is showing and there’s no hiding it! If you didn’t really share in my day to day life, then it could just pass as having had a big lunch (or a “food baby” as they would say in Juno!!!) but for everyone else (myself included)…it’s real now! I put on 4.2 pounds this past month which has made my doctor very happy given that I actually lost weight in my first trimester from being so sick.

This past month has really made me realize though what a strange and somewhat contradictory experience having a baby can be. For women especially, we spend so much of our lives paying great attention to our bodies and our appearance. Now, it’s ones job to actually gain weight on a fairly steady basis and I’ll admit that it feels hard at times. It’s strange to watch your waist line expand and to know that it’s supposed to be happening that way!!

This stopped being hard about a week ago though when I felt the baby move for the first time! Even by text book terms, this is generally quite early on in a pregnancy to feel anything but when something like that moves inside of you…there is simply no mistaking it! My doctor explained to me yesterday that some people, for various reasons, will tend to experience fetal movements much earlier on and lucky for me…it apparently means that all that stretching (or “re-arranging the furniture” as my husband puts it!!!!) could be a bit more agonizing as well! Awesome!

It’s been especially fun over the last week to watch Tugger and the baby battle it out every time Tugger comes to claim his real estate on my lap! Tugger curls up in his usual spot and purrs contently then shortly there after, the baby starts moving up a frenzy!!! I can sort of picture the rivalry going on each time;

Baby: Get lost fur ball…this is my spot!
Tugger: Whatevs man…I’m still bigger than you!
Baby: Yeah…you just wait until that tail of yours becomes public domain!
Tugger: Meh…

And on it goes!

What can I say…everyone wants a piece of the dream ;)

dozing the day away...

Have I ever mentioned how much I love my bed…especially at this time of year? I’m a pretty huge fan of beds in general but our bed in particular is especially wonderful!

We actually received our entire bedroom set as a wedding gift four years ago, including our mattress. It’s this unbelievably comfortable queen size, pillow top mattress that simply radiates happy dreams! Right around this time of year until about April, we drape a king size feather duvet over top of us that is wrapped with the softest and comfiest cover from Pottery Barn that we ordered the year we moved into our new house. Lest we forget the pile of delectable pillows and the wool blanket that we also got for our wedding that stretches across the end of our bed for those extra chilly nights! Add on top of that the purring fur ball of a cat that is usually found buried somewhere amongst this heavenly creation and the pile of delicious books that is always perched on the night stand…and frankly, why would I ever leave?!?!

I’m actually convinced that our bed could heal just about any ailment given enough time!

In recognition of the fact that my time spent in my bed may be diminished quite a bit come March, I’ve been indulging in it as much as I can lately! This ended up including two afternoon naps this past weekend as the cool autumn air breezed through our bedroom window. I would get through a chapter or two of my latest literary indulgence, Little Women, before I would doze off once again with Tugger contently curled up next to me.

It was perfect. As perfect a way to spend the last weekend of summer that I can think of…

It did interfere slightly with my level of productivity though this weekend because I did have a fair bit that I wanted to get done but, as my colleague told me this morning, I’m being quite productive on a cellular level…so it doesn’t really matter how much I get done around the house anymore!!!

Amen!

ignorance is bliss...

I never really used to like the expression “Ignorance is Bliss”. It always seemed like a cop out to me…a reason to stay oblivious to the world around you. I’ve always been a fairly pro-active person; in matters of health, education, international affairs. I like to do my homework, know what I’m getting into and move forward with all the facts in front of me. I’ll be the first to admit that this has caused the odd tumultuous relationship between Google and I, but for the most part…we’re friends! I guess you could say that I’ve always been a big supporter of the after school public service announcements that teach “The More You Know!”

I did learn this weekend however, that ignorance does have its place and that without it, so many of the lessons that get us through life would never happen.

Take Saturday for example; it was a perfectly delightful and sunny day when I was awoken with a Starbucks in bed from my husband! The air was cool, the sky was bright and I was about to spend the entire day shooting Caroline and Brent’s wedding out in Bourget at her parent’s property. For all intents and purposes, it was a perfect reason to smile and get out of bed with tons of enthusiasm at the day ahead. However, had I known then that I would end up spending a good chunk of that night stranded on a deserted country dirt road in the middle of nowhere…then I might have changed my mind! Had I known that my car just wouldn’t start again after pulling over to check directions as a thick and intense fog rolled over the country…then I might have just stayed buried under the covers! Had I known that I was going to find myself wandering aimlessly in the dark while believing that I was going to play the starring role in the next episode of Criminal Minds…then I might have just opted to stick with my day job instead of braving this new venture!

So ignorance was clearly created for a reason and I’ve just never given it enough credit up until now! Without it, we would likely never try something new and brave through the elements. Ignorance keeps us sheltered from being scared off by how many times we’re going to fail before we succeed; it protects us from running for the hills because we’d already know the errors in judgment that we’re about the make. And as miserable as it is to endure failing, or panicking, or having your heart broken, or being stranded in the middle of the night…it is also necessary. It’s necessary to fail sometimes in order to succeed; it’s necessary to panic sometimes in order to problem solve; it’s necessary to watch a relationship fall apart sometimes so you can know how to put it back together again; and it’s necessary to walk the dark country roads of a Stephen King novel sometimes in order to learn why you should invest in a cell phone…

go...

I read the most fantastic book while we were in Italy! A friend had given me the book The Elegance of the Hedgehog by French novelist Muriel Barbery for my birthday and being poolside in Rome seemed like the perfect place to crack it open. Simply put; I was hooked from page one! It’s unlike most novels that I’ve read but I absolutely loved it. The characters are wonderful and endearing, and the language is nothing short of intoxicating. Read it!

But on separate note, this book also introduced me to a game called Go, a strategic game that originated in ancient China but is most commonly known for its popularity in Japan. Being a bit foggy on the actual rules of the game, my knowledge of it is a bit limited however, I have come to learn that the basic idea of the game is that using something much like a chess board, two players (with either black or white pieces) occupy the game board while they try to move their pieces across to the opposing side of the board. However, each player can only continue to play as long as their opponent also has a certain number of pieces on the board as well. Ultimately, one player wins, but only with the help of the other. I found the concept of this game striking because much of life is about winning…about power; people constantly trying to be the best or be right or be in control and in turn, you must eliminate the opponent. However, that being said, you can’t completely eliminate your opponent because without them, there is no one around to acknowledge your power in the first place…in which case, you essentially don’t have any. But here is a game that’s built entirely around the premise that in order to win…you must also help build up your opponent as opposed to annihilate them. In order for anyone to move ahead, both players must work together. Astounding!

The idea of anything occurring strategically in which greed actually causes you to lose seems like a somewhat foreign concept in our current society. We live in a day and age that tends to be consumed with greed, both monetarily and emotionally. History is always written by the winners…those still left standing to actually tell the story! The more I consider it, the more I realize just how conflicting this must be to human nature to try to balance one’s pursuit of betterment and success without remaining entirely focused on your self.

I’ve been thinking about this concept a lot lately as Steve and I begin to move forward with a lot of major decisions in our life. Mostly, the main objective of our current game is the best interest of our future family. As we prepare for the arrival of our son or daughter, we realize more and more that the decisions we make will no longer be just about us and in turn, they need to be made with a sense of responsibility and protectiveness that only comes with making choices on behalf of another being.

We most certainly want to proceed with our life and our choices in a way that builds instead of depletes. Of course, that is easier said than done when those around you aren’t always playing the same game but our part, at the very least, is to play by the rules of our game. We’ve been noticing that even a game built around such strategic diplomacy doesn’t always leave both players walking away with all of the pieces they may have started with but that being said, we have found ourselves getting shuffled around the board a fair bit as well.

But at the end of the day, I’m left feeling hopeful that a game of such kind even exists at all. That somewhere…twenty-five hundred years ago…someone else also desired a world in which we could all move forward; a world in which we could each move across the board – and through life – without the concern of a being wiped out in the meantime. Life changes, people grow, mistakes are made and lessons are learned…but those are all the moves that we make to get us from one side to the other. More importantly though, I want our child to not only be a player that builds but one that is also surrounded with other players all following the same set of idealistic rules; to build and not destroy. To not destroy ones self-esteem or sense of worth; to not destroy one’s right to having feelings or speaking up about them; to not destroy the very essence of growth and learning; to not receive harsh words as retaliation for hurt feelings. It's a destruction that I see a lot as an adult.

I acknowledge that perhaps my view of the world that I hope for our child is a world that may not exist yet…that the world and many of the people in it will still prefer to be right instead of being happy. There are still places though, whether they are the ends of the earth, corners of cyberspace or small circles of friends and family where you know you can just go; go about your life; go through life and go be a player in the very greatest game of your life.

And everyone has to go somewhere...

my summer vacation...

Do you remember when you were younger and were just going back to school around this time? It never failed that, inevitably, during some time in the early weeks, you’d get asked to write an essay about your summer holidays! My English class was suddenly a flurry of tales regarding adventures at camp and family trips to the Cape…it always seemed like such a nice way to wrap up the summer months and move into the academic year.

It’s been a really long time since I’ve had to write one of those essays but with the city buzzing full of brand new students this week, it got me feeling a bit nostalgic for our back-to-school ritual and left me compelled to tell you a bit about how I spent my summer months!!

I found out that I was pregnant on July 2nd. It was a really hot and muggy day in Southwestern Ontario and I hadn’t been sleeping very well. The great debate occurring in my head regarding whether or not our world was going to flip upside down in the not so distant future was monopolizing most of my waking hours. Sure enough, two little pink lines were about to tell a really big story!

And then it came; the Great Sickness! It descended upon me in the middle of night while we were away visiting friends. It creeped into our bed, under our blankets and took over every square inch of my body…and then furthermore, it proceeded to stay and keep me company for almost eight entire weeks!

That pretty much became the story of my summer holidays; being curled up in a little ball on my couch…in my bed…on the bathroom floor…at my desk…you name it, as our future offspring kicked my ass for two months straight!!!!! I’ve seriously never felt so sick in my entire life!!

I recently read that the body of a woman at rest in her first trimester of pregnancy is working as hard as a woman running a marathon. And I’ve run a marathon before, hence I can vouch for the fact that it wasn’t pretty, which would likely explain why I spent a large chunk of time feeling like I was having a disease instead of having a baby!

Part way through my summer, when I felt like there was going to be no end to my state of misery, I asked my good friend Joanne if, at the very least, this entitled me to a token “you’re-grounded-for-no-other-reason-than-the-fact-that-you-made-me-barf-for-the-entire-summer-of-2009” card??

She said no…apparently guilt right out of the womb isn’t the way to go!!!!

check.it.out...

I'm so glad that a picture can say a thousand words...
because even the writer in me needs a little help with this one!!

Little Baby Smyth...we can't wait to meet you in March!!

Love,
Mom and Dad
xoxo

all together now...

For all those toddlers with impeccable musical taste...!!!