Great Expectations...

Okay, so it's not often that I come here feeling the need to purely vent but, this is one of those days!!

I've always believed that once we graduated high school, relationships would become a bit more sophisticated (a la "High Fidelity" to be more specific!) but, I have quickly learned that when it comes to certain people, that is just not the case!

Personally, I have a huge issue with people who harbour expectations of others without ever expressing those expectations. A certain sequence of events is inevitable when dealing with these people and it usually follows a very similar pattern each time...something happens...person A is disappointed or angry with person B because their expectations (whatever they may be) have not been met and they spend the next three months being secretly resentful with you because you are suppose to know what you have done to make them upset.

The real kicker about these people (and the very common denominator) is that the only thing they ever really do is react. They never bother to stop and ask questions or have the decency to confront the person they are upset with...they just react to what they think are justified emotions without really having the guts to communicate their emotions in the right direction. To make it worse, they become passive aggressive...they are polite to your face while really, they are an anger ball just waiting to explode (and there is a strong likelyhood that they will lash out in rage one day when you least expect it and get blamed for everything that's ever happened to them since the age of five!!). However, they are never quite polite enough to hide the fact that they are pissed about something and all the while, you are suppose to the spend that time trying to figure out what the heck you have done to offend them this time (and when it comes to this breed of person...it's always something!).

I think that it should also be noted that these people most likely haunt the realms of your email contact list. My theory is that they mostly stick to email so that if an attempt is ever made to confront them...you can easily be thrown the silent treatment or some lame excuse about how you're misinterpreting their one word emails. Hostility can easily be denied in cyberspace!

I am very fortunate to have an incredible group of girlfriends. They are smart, funny, ambitious, thoughtful, beautiful and best of all, they are mature enough to handle their relationships like adults!!! I love that about them!!! As for these "other" people, I'm sorry to say that there have been a rash of them around lately and frankly, I am feeling that they may have pushed me to the end of my rope! For the most part, at worst, I can tolerate these people and the games they play but now, I'm just fed up!!!!

I'll admit that when it comes to relationships, I tend to be the eternal optimist. I am always hopeful that given enough time and understanding, a middle ground can always be found. However, and maybe this is something that has come with age, I am beginning to feel that energy spent on such endeavours can, at times, be a fruitless effort. Life is short and really amazing friends are very few and far between so, why spend so much time just trying to figure out the rules of someone else's game when you can spend that time with the fabulous people that actually have something to offer (other than reminding you of what life was like in grade nine when the extend of most people's communication was leaving notes in each other's lockers)??

Fear not my friends, there is a silver lining to all of this frustration: the season of lent! Though we are already three weeks into lent, it's never too late to find new ways to commit to the season. Personally, I have a tendency towards purging myself of chocolate and all other wonderful foods that make the world go around! I love going out for cheesecake with a girl friend or coming home to chocolate chip cookies but, after a busy festive season of holiday snacking, lent is usually a good time to re-evaluate whether or not chocolate cake is really the breakfast of champions!

It has, however, just occured to me that there is more than one part of us that may require the benefits of detox during lent. Maybe, just maybe, it is just as beneficial to purge ourselves of toxic relationships as it is to cleanse our bodies of our sugar overdoses. Cancerous relationships isn't something that is new to me however, finding the ability to just let go and walk away from them is a bit foreign. So often, we get so easily caught up in the games people play and let's be honest, rejection always sucks. Whether it's our first crush, the bully at school or the girls out there who are always trying to make us feel like they are better than us, rejection is something to be avoided, sometimes at all costs.

This is why I have decided that, three weeks into lent, I am going to endure the ultimate purge...the filtering of relationships (if you can even call them that) of people who are more interested in helping you sink than swim. I have given up trying to understand their motives but, instead, I am going recognize that my happiness is worth walking away from people whose intentions aren't genuine. I refuse to spend another minute trying to make things work with someone who just tries to chip away at my self-esteem!

So how's that for detox!?!?!

I try to think of it this way....since we're all in recovery from something...what harm is there in a little rehab to get us back on our feet?!?! Maybe I'll see you there!

-Gen