I remember the day vividly...I ran to class to hand in my last exam and then hopped on a plane to go visit my Mom in the Queen Charlotte Islands for two weeks. As I sat on the plane for the next four hours, I remember thinking how I had finally made it...I had graduated university and was about to throw myself into the "real world". I had been in school since I was five years old and now, for the first time ever, I was really done.
Here's the thing though...no one ever told me just how scary the real world could really be! Don't get me wrong, I was thrilled to be done school but, at the same time, school is a safety net and for so long, school had been my life. The protection of recess, high school dances and campus were no longer there and suddenly, I felt sad. So much of my life had been about my advancement in academics, my goals determined by my education, then, at the age of 22, I finally reached the only goal that I had ever really known.
I spent the two weeks with my mother feeling like I was in a state of limbo; half excited about this new part of my life and half mourning the life that I was leaving behind. I just didn't feel ready yet to let go and life just seemed to be "happening" too quickly.
I arrived home on a very late flight and took the bus back to campus. It was late April and we were just experiencing our first warm spell of the year. Many people were still writing exams so campus was still full of life, even in the middle of the night. As I walked home from the bus stop, I was overwhelmed with a sudden sense a loneliness. Heidi, Jane and Amanda had all just moved out of our apartment, my boyfriend at the time had recently moved to Kingston for his new job, my cat had travelled with me to the islands to stay with Mom and the only life that I had ever known had just been handed in with my twenty page essay on theories of communication.
Life really is about balance but like many things, balance is also one of those things that is easier said than done. More often than not, we don't notice the lack of it until something throws us off kilter and we are struggling to regain our footing. It had become clear that somewhere between kindergarden and my fourth year communications final, I had begun to wobble a bit.
When I finally "recovered" from the trauma of graduating, I came to learn that what had been lacking in my life was goals outside of school. So much of my identity had been wrapped up in my studies that once it was over, I found myself lacking an identity beyond what I had just achieved. But of course, hindsight is 20/20 and doesn't do anything to change the past. I could however, take my new found enlightenment and use it as preventative measures for the future!!
The result?? A list of 100 things that I wanted to do before I died!!! Well, I actually only have 42 right now but, like anything else, it's a work in progress!! It covers everything from seeing a space shuttle launch to learning how to drive standard (which I just learned this past December!!). Doing this list has forced to me have goals beyond my day to day life. It has forced me to dream big and always have things to work towards regardless of changes that occur.
So far, I have managed to achieve two or three of these goals each year (one at the very least) and 2007 is no exception!! This year is the year that I will achieve #17 on my list...to be a pace bunny! Ever since I graduated, running has become a very big part of my life for various reasons and a whole village of people have helped me along the way...including pace bunnies...the admirable runners that help to pace other runners during races and help them achieve their goal times. I've always been in awe of pace bunnies and regarded them highly for the responsibility that they take on for the betterment of other runners. Even more so, I've always wanted to be one!!
Tonight, I start my training as the 2:30 pace bunny for the National Capital Half Marathon as well as being a group leader for one of the training groups. I'm pumped...I'm terrified...I'm praying that I will be able to do this well and make those that have believed in me proud. This role has been entrusted to me and because running is so important to me, this goal doesn't just get crossed off the list...it's going to get documented the entire way!!!
So ladies and gentlemen, please allow me to introduce you to my new running blog; Own the Bunny. An online journal of sorts about the road to achieving #17 on the big list. Some dreams and commitments are best shared with others because achieving such goals is never a one man mission. I look forward to sharing with everyone the ups and downs of making this happen and even more so, I look forward to seeing you at the finish line...I'll be the one with the bunny ears!!!
"I guess this is living...would you come again?"
- Thornley
No comments:
Post a Comment