Name of the Year

I religiously read articles by Bill Simmons (aka The Sports Guy) on EPSN.com’s Page 2. I’ll admit that he was funnier in his earlier, less popular years. Maybe making the big bucks, moving from Boston to L.A., and being one of the most read sports journalists on the internet has gone to his head. I would consider him the internet sports equivalent to Oprah. He has such a huge readership that he influences millions of people each day and I think he knows it.

Be that as it may, I was reading one of his articles today and he had a link to a NCAA tournament style bracket for Name of the Year (NOTY). Check out the website here. It’s quite hysterical what some people deem appropriate names for their children.

The names are supposedly all “real”, although looking through the archives I noticed that some past winners of the NOTY were disqualified because the names were later “invalidated”. I’m not sure how they find all of the names, but it appears that they scour the internet, newspapers, magazines, etc. looking for people with “unusual” names.

For example, Intelligent Infinite Botts lives in Albany, NY, and at the ripe old age of 14 went back to jail for the second time for assaulting a 12-year old. In 2005, he stabbed a fellow student and was in jail for a year.

This makes me wonder – at what age do you think Intelligent became intelligent enough to realize that his parents were swimming at the shallow end of the gene pool and that the future wasn’t that bright for him? I’m guessing he figured it out in his early teens and threw in the towel after that.

Or how about Destinee Hooker? She plays volleyball and competes in track and field at the University of Texas. I think it’s safe to say that she has vastly exceeded her parent’s expectations for her life, unless of course she has been using “alternative” methods to fund her education.

There is also Phyre Burns Quickly. Do you think her (I’m assuming it’s a girl) parents are hoping that she will learn something from her name at a young age? Or perhaps this was something that they came to realize and in order to never ever forget this important fact they decided to immortalize it in their next child’s name?

Looking at the brackets, Anita Fiel is clearly a darkhorse as she got a raw deal as the 14th seed in the Sithole regional. Her name is simple, yet brilliant. I wonder if she knows Gertrude Nipple.

It is hard to argue with the four number 1 seeds in each regional – the previously discussed Mr. Botts, Yourhighness Morgan, Vanilla Dong, and Mario Hilario. I think that Mario Hilario and Vanilla Dong are clearly the favourites and may end up meeting in the finals, in which case, I would give the edge to Mario.

Some of my other favourites are D. Zeke Ezekowitz, Kyle Sackrider, Doris Morris, and Sasha Junk.

Who do you think will win the 2007 NOTY?

- Steve