Last Friday morning, some friends and I had the unusual treat of waking up to Blue Rodeo before we headed off to work for the day. Canada AM was being taped live in Ottawa and sure enough, down to the street from our offices, people crowded the streets to get an early glimpse of one of Canada's favourite contributions to the music industry. So, at the crack of dawn, as the sun was still rising, I dragged myself out of bed, met Julie, Jamie and Lisa at our nearby Starbucks, and spent one of the most enjoyable Friday mornings I've had in a long time!! In the coolness of the autumn air, we joined others in the ByWard market and let the excitement brush off the cobwebs!! We crossed paths with many other colleagues and Ann Marie McQueen from the Ottawa Sun even "outed" me in the Saturday edition of the paper regarding my no-longer-a-secret crush on Seamus O'Regan!!
Just when I thought my morning couldn't get any better though, I received the unexpected surprise of finding out that Margaret Atwood was being interviewed live before Blue Rodeo's appearance. In town for the theatre production of her novel, The Penelopiad, Atwood came across as a very refined woman and I would have given anything to sit down and have a chat with her! Albeit brief, it was so exciting to see her in person!!
Lately, I've been feeling rather discouraged about my writing. To have such a strong desire to move ahead in a particular direction, yet the challenge of physically moving your foot in that direction can be so frustrating at times. As a woman, my imagination often gets the better of me and to consistently remind myself that this change is possible can be very exhausting and mentally draining. Yes, it takes exceptional optimism to make a life of being a writer...and most of the time I have that optimism. Today however, I do not.
As I listened to Atwood on Friday morning, I was simply fascinated by the fact that I was no more than a hundred feet away from someone that was being considered for the Noble Prize in Literature and I couldn't help but wonder if there were ever times when she felt this way as well..?? Is it possible that there was a time when Atwood questioned whether or not the evolution of her writing would ever amount to anything..?? A part of me wanted to simply pull her aside and say "Margaret...please, please tell me that it will all be okay. Tell me that every writer must endure the vicious cycle that comes from letting yourself be written". Of course, I didn't. Instead, I sipped my pepperming mocha, enjoyed the company of my friends and let myself be mesmerized by the likes of Blue Rodeo (and yes, Seamus!). Somehow, I didn't think that taking a running leap at Margaret Atwood during a live interview would be the best way to ensure a good reputation in the writing community (but rest assured, the thought did cross my mind!!!)!!
Eventually, I left the scene of our Friday morning diversion and headed back to my "real world"...a world that I enjoy very much...I only wish that there was more of it. Though I still remain stumped regarding my next move, I also know that an evolution of any kind isn't an all or nothing choice. Life goes on while my attempts go on with it. Bit by bit, I create, I contribute and I attempt at putting something out into the world. I hope that something I put out there will eventually find its way to becoming significant but, not all writers are destined for the same road...a reality that I remind myself of far too often perhaps.
So that's where I am right now. I need advice. I need encouragement. I need lights to guide the way. I need Margaret Atwood to call me up and invite me out for a drink!! In the meantime though, I need some reassurance and a plan...a plan that, at the very least, goes somewhere. And I need to know one thing...
Are all writers as dramatic and complicated as I am...?!?!?!
5 comments:
Margaret Atwood is an exquisitely articulate and funny woman. I envy you for getting so close.
I think that what you describe as a writer is connected to the presentation of authenticity. Sometimes it can be so difficult to find authenticity in one's writing, and once found just as difficult to sustain, and once sustained possibly even more difficult to direct that authenticity to affect others' lives.
Sound fatiguing? Yeah. We all need a break. Sip some tea. Your writing here leads me to believe you find a lot of beauty and joy in the world. In that will come the energy after you give yourself some rest.
Wednesday September 26th 2007.
A day when Gen laid the stake in the ground and threw all doubt to the wind, never to look in the direction where it blew.
A race horse wares blinders for two reasons, as they have bi-focal vision, they see two images, and alas you've likely heard.... never walk up behind a horse. So reason number one is to prevent being spooked by the horsed on either side. Reason 2. It keeps their focus 100% on the course of the race or where the jockey is steering it.
Understand, there are simple principles to accomplish anything in life..... I said simple not easy.... .
The biggest obstacle in life will almost always be ourselves.
The true reality is that if you are 100% determined you cannot not succeed. It's the simple princple of always putting one foot forward in your direction of your goal and then relentlessly putting another and another... I don't need to tell the Marathon Runner that... but what you do need to know is that the same princple applies to writing.
The other two parts of the recipe are a strong vision of what you want to write, why and what you will leave behind in your epitaph as a writer, plus the belief in yourself that you have and will have something important to say.
The other part of the "Secret" aka like the popular book, (by the way, the secret is that it's not a secret :>) ....is believing you have already achieved it and are worthy... just like the book. Bob Proctor one of the speakers has been on my board, and gave me two of the most memorable lunches I've ever had.
Here are 3 real life experiences I share with my students at Trebas and I'm pretty sure I have shared with you, however I will do so again as they are particularly relevant to your goal but more importantly to your perceived obstacles.
Early in my broadcasting career, I interviewed Jim Carey several times and actually had him do my introduction theme. Long story short while sleeping in a vw Camper on his sister's front lawn he wrote himself a cheque for a Million Dollars and eventually cashed it. He always had the vision of where he was going.
Later in my radio career I spent a lunch time with Alanis Morrisete. She knew that she was going to LA. To write with Guss Ballard (hadn't met him yet) and knew the exact album she was going to make...after her two poorly produced pop albums in Canada. Jagged Little Pill, now still stands as the biggest selling album in Canadian Music History. She also recited the passage of Interdependence on Page 60 of Stephen Covey's 7 Highly Effective Habits...key in her getting there.
3rd Story is (long story short) when I introduced Stephen Moccio (Gary McAuley's writing partner at UWO) to Celine Dion. He said to her boldly... I'm going to write a song for you one day. (Most stars with that much success would have rebuked such a bold move, but not Celine... she engaged and validated his vision and said "You are, that's great, I can't wait to hear the song".
She had to wait about 7 years, but the wait was worth it as she sung her biggest hit and the Kid from UWO wrote "A New Day". The publishing advance was a cool 1 Million.
These are the 3 face to face encounters I have met with worldly successful people who I knew on both sides of the "looking glass". What they all had in common was absolutely 0 doubt in their mind that they were going the distance!
Only you can get that determination, that point in the sand where you lay out the stake and say from this day forward I am a world famous writer! It really is that simple and it's not a secret.
Remember I've told you so many times the acronym for FEAR!
False Evidence Appearing Real.
So let's look at the true evidence!
Evidence tells me you are a very good writer with lots to say..proof, reread some of your blogs.
Evidence tells both you and me that you are full of tenacity. Less than 1/2 of a 1/2 of a % of the population has ever run a marathon 1/2 or other wise.
Evidence tells us that you have much to say and have proved it with the many engagements of your life be they Memorial Boys and Girls Club, or the passionate way you engage your Faith.
Evidence tells you and me you believe in that which you cannot see. Success is already yours even though you have not seen it.
Evidence tells you and me that you are surrounded with those who believe in you and always have been.
Evidence tells m00nchild and many others that you have a unique gift to find Authenticity... a rare but essential gift.
Evidence tells us you can recruit and engage all the resources and people you need to help (see page 60 Stephen Covey..7..) make your determination of becoming a professional writer a reality. (Note I did not say dream).
So, I hope that's just a bit of the encouragement you were looking for.
Now lay that stake (maybe at your new home?...really do it...ceremonies are powerful) and make a list of all the people who are going to help you achieve your goal. Those you know, and those you don't. Make an exhaustive list...then plot out the how and when they will all help you along the Marathon of your already started journey as a professional writer.
My Darling Gen....
I BELIEVE IN YOU!
Luv Uncle Victor
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Being quoted in the paper! Nice...I guess you are just getting ready for your soon to come interviews with the National Post, Globe and Mail and any other major publication...cause we all know when that book drops you will be fighting off potential interviewers! :)
Yes. Yes. Just wanting to say: Yes, this is normal.
And, it's one of the reasons that spiritual practice is SO critical. Spiritual practice/prayer/whatever you do to connect to Source, is what helps to separate out the voices of doubt, from the true voice in your heart.
As you take time, you begin to identify the feelings/tone of the voice that doesn't mean anything, that is false. And, although you might get caught once in a while, you remember more quickly.
I cling to my spiritual practice like a drowning man to a life line. Because that's what it is. Without it, I end up drowning in the exact voices you describe- or at least my personal version of them.
I hope this is helpful. :)
Thanks so much you guys!! What wonderful words of wisdom!
Russ...you are a man of few words...but they're always the right ones!!
Mark...you are SO right! I gave myself a speech the other day to remind myself that if I am to be a woman of faith...then I truly need to have faith. I need to stop needing all the answers all the time. Everything has worked out for me so far, hence I have no reason to believe that it won't continue to do so!!
WRITERS ROCK!
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