About three years ago, I was having a difficult time with one of my friends and I was struggling even more about how to discuss it with her. Something had happened between us at the hands of someone else and while the two of us were slowly picking up the pieces from it, we had to discuss the implications of what we went through.

Finally, one day, something had really upset me and I decided that I needed to talk to her about the incidence once and for all. She came to our apartment that night and with me in tears on the couch, I told her how I had been feeling. She was so wonderful and gracious about it, and most of all, made it so easy to say what I needed to say. When the flood gate of my emotions had finally subsided, she looked at me with the most beautiful sincerity and finally asked me why it had taken me so long to bring this up. I told her that I was afraid that she wouldn’t want to be friends anymore and that, for awhile, the unspoken was easier to deal with than the spoken. A look of great compassion came across her face and then she said one of the most impactful things that anyone has ever said to me; She said to me that when all else failed, she always wanted Steve and I to know that we were safe in her friendship. For most of my life I had struggled with trying to express what I needed out of friendship and this sort of articulation was exactly what I had felt but had been unable to verbalize. I needed people in life that weren’t conditional…people that were safe to share my vulnerability and humility with…people who, if need be, would openly discuss my fears and concerns without it being a threat to the friendship. This sort of relationship is very difficult to come by but, at long last, I finally found the words to describe the ones that did exist.

As you may have noticed (here’s hoping), this site is now found under a different web address. I’ve been having some unwelcome visitors as of late and it was beginning to take away from my feeling of safety among friends. I’m well aware of the fact that if you decide to post parts of your life on the internet, then there is only so much “safety” that you can expect in return. However, in the last little while, people have not only been visiting much more frequently, but some people have been going out of their way to try and do so anonymously. This bothers me! Believe me, I’m the first to admit that blog sites offer up a means of involvement into people’s lives that also provide distance and discretion. I myself have enjoyed checking in on people at arm’s length but, as soon as people gave me the impression that there was something to hide…it was time to make a change.

For the most part, I feel very safe with the visitors that come by my site. I enjoy sharing my day to day life with you and I gather from the numerous visits, that you enjoy being a part of it too. Not only has it given me a means to keep in touch on a more regular basis but, it has also proven to be a very cathartic outlet for me as well. I don’t even mind the strangers that come by…many of whom find the site through various google searches and some of which have continued to return but, I’ve been watching my sitemeter carefully lately for a string of visitors that, when I put the various pieces together, made me feel uneasy. It’s possible that I know them (at least some of them) and it’s also possible that they are hiding their identity for a reason. Whatever that reason may be though…I thought it was time to give myself and my cyber friends a bit more safety. This was always meant to be a place in which we could connect and keep in touch…share comments and make the distance between us a bit smaller. We are meant to be safe here among ourselves and I plan to do my best to keep it that way.