Diaries from Down Under

Chapter Seven

Tuesday, April 22nd, 2008

It’s 3:47am and we are flying somewhere over the Pacific Ocean. The passengers are quiet, the lights are dim and the winds are turbulent. It hasn’t been a very smooth flight so far. I’m not a very nervous flyer but, every now and then, at moments like this, I am reminded that I have put my life in someone else’s hands and that, regardless of the circumstances, there is absolutely nothing that I can do to change that. What happens on this plane is out of my control…and that is a feeling that doesn’t always sit well with me.

As I think about it though, I find it interesting that we tend to notice the circumstances out of our control far more often than the ones that are within our control. So often, we fall victim to hopelessness and feel the necessity to surrender our choices. Sometimes, we do so for the “greater good”, other times we do so because we are too afraid of the alternative but, the bottom line is that we, as humans, can do a lot with our lives.

I’ve had a lot of time to think during this trip. Many hours spent on planes, driving in the car and sailing on the ocean have provided me with the solitude that I often can’t get in my day to day life. I’ve thought about our life, the future of our life and the contributions that I may or may not make to it. I’ve also thought about other people’s lives and the significance that they have on my own. We tend to be very frivolous and selfish about our relationships, often taking for granted the very ones that mean the most to us.

The past two or three years has been an incredible time of growth for me regarding the most important relationship in my life…the one I have with myself. A lot of time and effort has been spent on my part to sort through many things and make some very important decisions. I’ll be the first to say that it was really difficult and upsetting most of the time but, I’ve changed more in three short years than I have at any other time in my life. Up until that point, most of my decisions were made to accommodate other people and to manage their needs. The concept of making decisions that meet my own needs is a bit like Australia…foreign territory. When you’ve spent a life neglecting your own needs, making the decision to do otherwise opens up a whole new realm of possibilities and interests. The happiness that has come from it has encouraged me to take every opportunity I can to reflect on where I am relative to the life that I am living.

This trip has provided the unique opportunity to take a step back and see our lives from another perspective. Being on the other side of the world and outside of our element brings about a lot of emotion. It changes you, it changes how you see the world and most of all, it changes how you see the things that you’ve left behind.

Steve and I have made choices over the course of our time together that has led to this moment…to this plane ride home in the dead of the night. We chose to travel across the world to see family that we can’t bear to be away from for too long. That is a significant decision to make. It’s been an investment of time, energy and money, and yet…we chose to make it happen. And it was amazing!

This realization inspired me to look at what other things I could choose that I never have before because of the overwhelming feat of doing so. I concluded that my life is so filled with blessings right now that that in and of itself overwhelms me most of the time but, I still feel the best way to live life is to love many things. And I do love many things…but I don’t necessarily surround myself with those things as often I could.

I love animals but I don’t have a pet. I actually really do love mornings but I don’t get up early. I love candlelight but I never want to use up my candles. I love the French language but I’m too self-conscious to speak it. The list goes on but, hopefully not for much longer because life from the other side of the world has taught me that it’s not enough to want to sit under the Southern Cross...you have to see it and marvel at it and let it transform your life. Anything else is not a life spent living…it’s only a life spent wondering.

Wondering doesn’t make you fall in love…sitting under the Southern Cross does!