I’m not very happy today. I just woke up feeling so unable to the make the best of this rainy, cold day. We’ve been busy for so long and the concept of feeling rested is lost on me right now. I went to check Heidi’s blog this morning and was pleased to see two new posts on her site. She hasn’t posted anything since the birth of her son (understandably so) and now, four months later, tiny little baby in hand, she still manages to blow me away with her writing and insight on life. When I read Heidi’s words, I am always in awe of her understanding of what it means to be a Child of God. Her faith, trust and pure devotion to the Lord is so beautiful. I do long to be that mature in my faith one day and better yet, I long to be able to write about it one day with even a fraction of the eloquence and clarity that she expresses her commitment.
I haven’t had much ability to keep perspective these days. I’ve been swept up in one daily mood or another and even as my head hits the pillow at the end of the night, my depleted self falls asleep before I can even wish our good Lord goodnight. I’ve always been one to make a very conscious effort to count my blessings all the time, every day, in order to remind myself of the Glory that comes with even the most tumultuous of days. I try. I try very hard and some days it comes to me easier than others. As I sat in my bathtub last night in a mad attempt to sooth my soul, I asked God if He would mind speaking to me for a little while. I need advice and don’t feel the energy to read between the lines or search for the burning bush. I’m still waiting to hear back from Him!
I’ve been reading the Book of Joshua lately and can’t help but admire Joshua’s determination and stamina. Page after page seems to describe a never-ending stream of battles that he must tackle and have faith that it will turn out as the Lord intended (that is, of course, if I’m understanding the Old Testament correctly…which is certainly hit or miss!). He must take the commands that were given to Moses, that have now been passed on to him and conquer a legacy worth of promises and commitments. I wonder if Joshua ever felt discouragement or frustration at following such a path only to be faced with armies worth of men ready to fight back. Did he ever want to take the easy road? Did he ever just want to throw his hands up and throw righteousness to the winds? I think that I would feel a lot better if someone told me that he did, at least once.
I’m almost embarrassed by my self-centeredness as I read about Joshua or even as I read about Heidi. Joshua was taking the commands of God on his shoulders and Heidi is putting the needs of a brand new life in front of her own (and still managing to blog!). Meanwhile, there’s me…feeling sorry for myself as though it’s me against the world and forgetting that to be a Child of God means that my life isn’t about me to begin with; It’s about being the hands, eyes and heart of God for others. It’s about helping Joshua fight the battle and helping Heidi raise another Child of God.
I still wouldn’t mind receiving a word or two from the Big Guy though! Surrendering is a little bit easier with some words of encouragement. It’s a long way down from the nest with these little wings of mine.
I haven’t had much ability to keep perspective these days. I’ve been swept up in one daily mood or another and even as my head hits the pillow at the end of the night, my depleted self falls asleep before I can even wish our good Lord goodnight. I’ve always been one to make a very conscious effort to count my blessings all the time, every day, in order to remind myself of the Glory that comes with even the most tumultuous of days. I try. I try very hard and some days it comes to me easier than others. As I sat in my bathtub last night in a mad attempt to sooth my soul, I asked God if He would mind speaking to me for a little while. I need advice and don’t feel the energy to read between the lines or search for the burning bush. I’m still waiting to hear back from Him!
I’ve been reading the Book of Joshua lately and can’t help but admire Joshua’s determination and stamina. Page after page seems to describe a never-ending stream of battles that he must tackle and have faith that it will turn out as the Lord intended (that is, of course, if I’m understanding the Old Testament correctly…which is certainly hit or miss!). He must take the commands that were given to Moses, that have now been passed on to him and conquer a legacy worth of promises and commitments. I wonder if Joshua ever felt discouragement or frustration at following such a path only to be faced with armies worth of men ready to fight back. Did he ever want to take the easy road? Did he ever just want to throw his hands up and throw righteousness to the winds? I think that I would feel a lot better if someone told me that he did, at least once.
I’m almost embarrassed by my self-centeredness as I read about Joshua or even as I read about Heidi. Joshua was taking the commands of God on his shoulders and Heidi is putting the needs of a brand new life in front of her own (and still managing to blog!). Meanwhile, there’s me…feeling sorry for myself as though it’s me against the world and forgetting that to be a Child of God means that my life isn’t about me to begin with; It’s about being the hands, eyes and heart of God for others. It’s about helping Joshua fight the battle and helping Heidi raise another Child of God.
I still wouldn’t mind receiving a word or two from the Big Guy though! Surrendering is a little bit easier with some words of encouragement. It’s a long way down from the nest with these little wings of mine.
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