I’ve been emailing a bit with an old friend of mine from Toronto lately and we’ve been chatting a lot about the transitions of life; the crossroads that we unexpectedly find ourselves at and the options that those crossroads end up leaving us with. In the midst of it all, we’ve found ourselves discussing a lot about what we would like to do and who we would like to become.
I’ve been raised in an environment that is big on “five year plans”. We’ve always been looking ahead, dreaming big and planning ourselves into oblivion...and I’m certainly no exception! I’ve always believed that this is an incredibly important thing to teach young people because an adolescent’s inability to have foresight can end up being a rather inescapable trap later in life (just ask the $10,000 that I spent in three months during my first semester at university!). It’s important to have vision and to see the possibilities of your life…I think in a lot of instances it’s what gets many of us through the day. It sounds cynical but we are a society of planners and many of us live our lives doing nothing but planning! We plan vacations and investments, weddings and family, weekends and retirement. And not only is this not a bad thing but in many ways, it’s a necessary thing. But when exactly do we cross over from planning our lives to outright living our lives waiting and anticipation?
The more my friend and I discussed our future goals and our long term vision, the more I wondered if my constant need to plan is in some ways a detriment to my present fulfillment? In recent years especially, I’ve been working at redefining my life in many ways and much of that involves a great deal of change on my part. Change is good and in my case, change was life saving but I think I’m realizing that there’s also something to be said for acknowledging your present circumstances.
As I write this I recognize the irony of the fact that I expect those that I share my life with to accept me the way I am…so why shouldn’t I do the same? Perhaps the pursuit of betterment is best achieved by embracing where you currently reside in life in order to better appreciate where you are going.
Having said this, maybe it’s okay that I’m no longer in marathon shape or that I don’t think I’m suited to sitting at a computer all day long. Maybe it’s okay that I love my morning coffee and that the colour yellow scares me. Maybe it’s okay that I look (and feel!) more tired than I would like to and maybe it’s okay to be overwhelmed by my current learning curve. Maybe it’s okay that I love Cadbury mini eggs and don’t like purple foods (except purple mini eggs!). Maybe it’s okay that I love watching reruns of Sex & the City and don’t fully comprehend the problems of the world. Maybe it’s okay that I don’t understand why our remote control has to have so many buttons and I think math is hard. Maybe it’s okay that I’m moved by beautiful things and that I often judge a book by its cover (literally!). Maybe it’s okay that I still want to do great things with my life and it’s okay to think that I already have. Maybe it’s okay to not like flying over the ocean and it’s okay to enjoy playing with fire (but it’s not okay to do so in the house!). Maybe it’s okay that I didn’t survive the entire season of Lent and maybe it’s okay that I never really wanted to to begin with. Maybe it’s okay that I wish music played in the background every time I walked outside. Maybe it’s okay that I don’t like to get dirty but I like to leave my clothes on the floor. Maybe it’s okay for me to feel insecure sometimes and to want to be different. Maybe it’s okay to be torn between faith and religion and it’s okay to ask why. Maybe it’s okay to wish you were here and wonder why you’re not. Maybe it’s okay for me to believe in magic, miracles and astrology all at the same time.
And maybe…just maybe…in order for me to become the me that I want to be tomorrow…I need to embrace the me that I am today.
I’ve been raised in an environment that is big on “five year plans”. We’ve always been looking ahead, dreaming big and planning ourselves into oblivion...and I’m certainly no exception! I’ve always believed that this is an incredibly important thing to teach young people because an adolescent’s inability to have foresight can end up being a rather inescapable trap later in life (just ask the $10,000 that I spent in three months during my first semester at university!). It’s important to have vision and to see the possibilities of your life…I think in a lot of instances it’s what gets many of us through the day. It sounds cynical but we are a society of planners and many of us live our lives doing nothing but planning! We plan vacations and investments, weddings and family, weekends and retirement. And not only is this not a bad thing but in many ways, it’s a necessary thing. But when exactly do we cross over from planning our lives to outright living our lives waiting and anticipation?
The more my friend and I discussed our future goals and our long term vision, the more I wondered if my constant need to plan is in some ways a detriment to my present fulfillment? In recent years especially, I’ve been working at redefining my life in many ways and much of that involves a great deal of change on my part. Change is good and in my case, change was life saving but I think I’m realizing that there’s also something to be said for acknowledging your present circumstances.
As I write this I recognize the irony of the fact that I expect those that I share my life with to accept me the way I am…so why shouldn’t I do the same? Perhaps the pursuit of betterment is best achieved by embracing where you currently reside in life in order to better appreciate where you are going.
Having said this, maybe it’s okay that I’m no longer in marathon shape or that I don’t think I’m suited to sitting at a computer all day long. Maybe it’s okay that I love my morning coffee and that the colour yellow scares me. Maybe it’s okay that I look (and feel!) more tired than I would like to and maybe it’s okay to be overwhelmed by my current learning curve. Maybe it’s okay that I love Cadbury mini eggs and don’t like purple foods (except purple mini eggs!). Maybe it’s okay that I love watching reruns of Sex & the City and don’t fully comprehend the problems of the world. Maybe it’s okay that I don’t understand why our remote control has to have so many buttons and I think math is hard. Maybe it’s okay that I’m moved by beautiful things and that I often judge a book by its cover (literally!). Maybe it’s okay that I still want to do great things with my life and it’s okay to think that I already have. Maybe it’s okay to not like flying over the ocean and it’s okay to enjoy playing with fire (but it’s not okay to do so in the house!). Maybe it’s okay that I didn’t survive the entire season of Lent and maybe it’s okay that I never really wanted to to begin with. Maybe it’s okay that I wish music played in the background every time I walked outside. Maybe it’s okay that I don’t like to get dirty but I like to leave my clothes on the floor. Maybe it’s okay for me to feel insecure sometimes and to want to be different. Maybe it’s okay to be torn between faith and religion and it’s okay to ask why. Maybe it’s okay to wish you were here and wonder why you’re not. Maybe it’s okay for me to believe in magic, miracles and astrology all at the same time.
And maybe…just maybe…in order for me to become the me that I want to be tomorrow…I need to embrace the me that I am today.
3 comments:
"Full Catastrophe Living" by Jon Kabat-Zinn...mindfulness based meditation. Still working on this one...may take a lifetime as i seem to spend waayyyy too much time and worry trying to be laid back! :)
marie
Brilliant!
Inspirational!
WOW!!!
wonderful writing Gen.
Yeah, "may be in order for me to become the me that i want to be tomorrow...I need to embrace the me that i am today" :)
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