fear and wonder...

"I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made."
~ Psalm 139: 13

Steve and I spent most of the weekend on our family room floor suffering from overlapping colds; me recovering from one and Steve getting ambushed by another. It was Kleenex boxes all around! But despite the puddles of snot and medicinal aids (for him…not me *sulk*), we managed to find so much joy in our time together watching endless movies and two full seasons of Mad Men (don’t start…there’s no turning back!).

At one point in time though, as we were surrounded by blankets and pillows and orange juice, Steve got up to change one of the dvds that we were watching and as he did, I experienced one of those moments in which the world simply slows; when seconds seem like minutes, movements seem frozen, and time simply becomes stillness. It was weird. But during that moment, I noticed my husband. And when I say noticed I mean that I really couldn’t take my eyes off of him. I watched the way his t-shirt hung between his shoulder blades, the freckles on his arms that I love so much, how his boxer always show just above his jeans and the way he spins his wedding ring around his finger. I looked at my husband, with all of these little things that I love so much about him, and realized (for what seemed like the first time) that I am having a child with this man.

It was the strangest, most humbling and most beautiful of moments.

For nearly seven years, I have had this incredible man all to myself. For nearly nine months, I’ve had this little boy all to myself. And pretty soon, I have to share them both. My selfish self endured a split second of sadness at this realization. Then this thought very suddenly hit me: I am this man’s wife and I will be this boy’s mother.

Of all the things that I’ve ever been in my life, nothing has brought me to tears except the implication of that statement: I am this man’s wife and I will be this boy’s mother.

Me.

I have had the privilege of marrying the most amazing man that I have ever known and the blessing of creating a son with him. Together, we will witness his life as we also continue to stand witness to each other’s lives. And this overwhelms me. The love that I feel overwhelms me. The role that I get to play in each of their lives overwhelms me. The gift that has been bestowed on me in the form of these two beautiful men overwhelms me. I overwhelmed by a God so filled with grace.

I am this man’s wife and I will be this boy’s mother.

Me.