go big or go home...

Four years is a long time! When I think about who I was and what I was doing four years ago...it kind of blows my mind. It blows my mind in a good way though because it just goes to show how very unpredictable life can be sometimes. Coming from a person who thrives off of routine, I know that this sounds like a odd statement but it's been amazing to see how things have just sort of worked out in the end. Even the really challenging things...it all works itself out and there is something incredibly comforting about that.

I mention all of this because I realized just today that I had neglected to mention to all of you what the next four years of our life was going to look like. Of course, even the best laid plans have their kinks but there are times when you move out of short term plans and take a deliberate and conscious look at the bigger picture.

It kind of goes without saying that we are due to have a baby in a week! Crazy! So most of our life as of late has been in preparation for that monstrosity of an adjustment that is quickly coming our way. But when I say "preparation" I don't just mean setting up a nursery and taking pre-natal classes...I mean in the long run, how do we want our life to look now that we're going to be a bigger family? This was a question that Steve and I pondered for a long time as we began to realize the impact that our choices would have on our family as a whole.

After much prayer and much discussion, we felt that the stars were properly aligned in our world for a change of a bit more drastic proportions...(why stop at just having a baby?!?!)

I have officially been granted a four year leave of absence from my job! Geez, even just seeing the words on a screen looks strange but there you have it; Steve and I decided that with the current growth of our family and the growth of my photography career, that now is a perfect time to leave my desk job and take the proverbial leap into the life of parenthood and self-employment!

When people first here of this plan, I tend to get the standard reaction, being "ummm...isn't that terrifying?" The short answer is yes...at times, the thought of it is. But the long answer is a bit more complex than that. Aside from the fact that our business is thriving (I say our business because while I may be the one taking the pictures...there is simply no way that any of it would be possible without my better half around to be the voice of reason, along with countless other things!), it came down to a question of who do I really want to be? What kind of person do I want to be? What kind of parent do I want to be? What kind of life do I want to live?

I know, it's all rather intense for a Wednesday afternoon but I think that risk comes from asking the big questions...and not just the obvious ones.

So after much contemplation, the answer ended up being quite simple; I want to be happy! I want to be a happy person...a happy parent...and live a happy life! I want to create beautiful things...work with beautiful people...be home to raise a beautiful child...and at the end of the day, I want to be able to say that I took a chance on something...as terrifying as it may be!

I can't say where we'll be four years from now but one thing is for sure...at the end of it, I'll be able to say that I took a leap of faith; that I stepped away from my secure job for a life that was something I previously only ever daydreamed about. I'll be able to say that I left the land of pension plans and statutory holidays so that I could photograph the most amazing brides and grooms on their most amazing of days. I'll be able to say that I traded bi-weekly pay cheques for the immeasurable reward of watching my son grow up.

Mostly though...I'll be able to say that I was brave...