six weeks later...

Do you ever have those moments when your life feels like a dream?!?! I think that it would be safe to say that my life feels a little bit like that right now! One of those dreams when you wake up and it takes you a couple of moments to decide if everything is real or not! I can remember being in my tenth hour of labour and consciously wondering if this was all really happening or not?!?!? I think that I've been asking that very question ever since!!!

I was walking to Starbucks with Hudson this morning when it occured to me that the last time I had done that was the day before I went into labour. That was nearly six weeks ago. Six weeks! I've been a parent for nearly six weeks! Even just seeing the words seems strange. Stranger still is that I'm having a hard time remembering what life was like before Hudson came along. It's as though he's just always been there!

Now that I've actually survived to tell the story though, I've concluded that becoming a parent was very different than I anticipated; some things were much harder than I thought they would be, while others were far easier than I imagined...

Nights ~ EASIER!
Sleepless nights are the first thing you hear about when having a newborn! "You're going to be sleep deprived for the next decade" we got told on countless occassions. In reality though (at least our reality!)...it's not so bad! You still sleep...just in smaller chunks. And I was amazed how quickly our bodies adapted to the new schedule. Granted, our Hudson is an amazing sleeper and learned night from day fairly quickly, which means that we get five hour chunks of uninterrupted sleep throughout the night and I'll be the first to admit that this makes the difference between being civilized and total insanity!

Recovery ~ HARDER!
I think that physical recovery of labour really goes without saying but I was taken aback by the emotional recovery that comes with having a child. And perhaps recovery isn't really the right word. Maybe what I'm trying to say is that the emotional acceptance having a child is what I found so challenging. I'd heard from many other mothers that love and attachment didn't necessarily come right away after having a baby; that often it takes time to separate enough from the survival instincts in order to allow yourself to move forward with the emotional connection that comes with being a parent. This was not the case with me. From the moment I first layed eyes on our baby, I was truly, madly and deeply in love with our child. And that love was instantaneous. That love was also quite overwhelming. Much like when I first fell in love with Steve, the emotion was all encompassing and at times, a bit scary. That much love can be terrifying at times and I can vividly remember being up with Hudson at night and sometimes trying to hold myself back for fear of what lie ahead. I'm over that now but it was an element of having a child that I wasn't prepared for. Nobody really mentioned that in the What To Expect books!

Marriage ~ EASIER!
For many years, my biggest apprehension about having children was the idea of losing my husband. I've always heard that children come into this world ready to divide and conquer, so I feared what having a child would do to my marriage. This past six weeks though has done quite the contrary. If anything, I have fallen so much more in love with my husband since watching him become a father and our team building skills have improved so much that we're totally starting to think that we could take on The Amazing Race with a vengeance!! Seriously though, while there are certainly stressful moments that we have to deal with, having Hudson has enhanced our marriage in a whole new way...a very beautiful way.

Hats ~ HARDER!
Who knew that putting those teeny, tiny little hats on a newborn would take so much work?!?! And don't even get me started on keeping them on once you've succeeded!

Reintegration ~ EASIER!
I thought that it was going to take me a good couple of months before I would be ready to walk amongst the three dimentional people again but it turns out that once you're able to actually walk again, Starbucks is just as tasty with a little baby in tow ;)

Soft Spots ~ HARDER!
They freaked me out before I had a child and they freak me out even more now!

I also think it's worth mentioning that I was pleased to find out that labour in general was just as brutal as everyone always said it would be! I know it's strange to say...but I think I would have been disappointed to find out that all the hype was just a big hoax! Now, with that being said, I've also decided that until labour feels a bit more like playing with kittens...then I don't really want to do it again!!

It's amazing to me though how the hardest day of your life also ends up being the very best day of your life too...