speaking of which...

The pictures from the below mentioned post are now ready and can I just say that baby horses rock my world!!!!

Check them out here.

god bless camera phones...

Ugh…so I don’t have too much time to blog because I’m in a state of “über editing” as I like to call it! I’m in the process of editing three different photo shoots, all of which were incredibly fun and all of which I want to see the results RIGHT NOW!

One of them though was out in rural Ottawa with some very photogenic horses! Yeah for me! Not only did we have a blast but the day got somewhat documented by another camera that happen to be on hand.

So I wanted to post of couple of pictures of me hard at work and out in the sticks!! You’ll be able to see the final photos from this shoot over at my photo blog hopefully within the next week or so but in the meantime, both wedding slideshows are now up! Whew…what a month!

Thanks Shawn for having such a wicked camera phone!!!

one hundred years of solitude...

I think that I’ve mentioned on more than one occasion about my need to have time and space to myself. I’m pretty sure that this is a result of being an only child and never having been forced to share either if I didn’t want to. My regular routine has generally included numerous hours of reading or writing on my own without the obligations and responsibilities of the outside world.

Now, having said that, those days seem to have come and gone!!!! In fact, I have never been busier or worked harder in my entire life than I have during the past two months and with that, my solitary hours of “nothing-ness” have become a thing of the past!! Much to my own surprise though, I don’t seem to mind too much. There is the odd Monday morning meltdown (“ugh…is it Monday already?!?!”) but otherwise, my stamina has been holding out rather well despite the fact that my body wants to sleep for an entire week!

Knowing all too well that my days of solitude and leisurely summer reading have gone the way of high school summer breaks, I’ve been trying to find a way to incorporate the days I once knew with the days I now have. So far, it’s been a lot of bringing my laptop to work and enjoying my lunch hour Starbucks whilst I edit photos. But I’ve had to be more creative lately because the pace has picked up and I now find myself juggling photo shoots and needing even more time in order to make sure that they don’t pile up too much!! So yesterday, after spending the afternoon shooting the most adorable of one year olds, I parked myself on my living room floor, turned on season four of Sex & the City and continued working on my other two shoots in the company of my favourite New York City girls! It was lovely! I can’t believe that I hadn’t thought it earlier!!

Ergonomic…shmergonomic!! Mental health is far more important than good posture!!

the dark side of facebook...

I’ve concluded that you don’t ever really know someone that until you’ve seen their Facebook profile! Okay, that’s not true but I am realizing that when it comes to people that you are acquainted with, their cyber world can and does become a very revealing place.

I recently became “friends” with someone that I’ve known since late last year. She is seriously one of the most stunning of stunning girls that I’ve ever met! She should be on a Calvin Klein poster somewhere and come to think of it…I have no doubt that she actually will one day! I never realized though just how little I really knew about her until I creeped onto her profile page to get a glimpse into her “real life”. From the stories that she would tell me, I always knew that life was far more adventurous than mine had ever been but I only just discovered that that’s putting it very midly!!!

So, not only has she received the lion’s share of beauty in this world but, she’s also visited every continent in the world; lived on three of them; been accepted to two Ivy League schools; worked as a photographer for a modeling agency; begun work on her own upcoming photography exhibit and is in the midst of debating which Ph.D. would suit her best.

Did I mention that she’s twenty years old…?!?!

Seriously, I don’t think that I can be friends with her anymore!!! That’s simply too much magnificence to read about first thing in the morning!!!!

Note to self: only read about gorgeous, brilliant, cultured, talented, twenty year olds who can use the words “post-modernism” and “neuropsychology” in the same sentence when tequila is well within arm’s reach! Ugh!

too many memories...

So apparently, the wrath of 2009 has caught up with me and I have post-traumatic stress. I haven’t been sleeping well for the last little while and certain things seem to trigger panic attacks in me of the likes that I haven’t experienced in years.

The night that I first discovered the lump was a Thursday. It was one of the first really warm days of the season and we had just been out for a walk. The sun had gone down, the windows were open and the night air was still really comfortable. We had been in our bedroom laughing about something and the television was playing some rerun of a sitcom. Our cat was playing on our bed with a green blanket that had just come out of the dryer. I could hear the neighbors outside and the busyness of everyone relishing summer for the first time in many months. I am finding that any of these memories, aligned in just the right way, end up flooding me with an overwhelming feeling of recognition that I can’t quite shake. It brings me to tears, it brings me to my knees and it brings me to a place that I would rather not remember over and over again.

The day that we received the call saying that I was healthy was a Monday. It too was an unusually warm day and the wind was blowing through in a sometimes violent manner. Dozens of little kids were outside preparing for soccer practices and neighbors were out walking their dogs. Tugger was stretched out in a ray of sun across our kitchen floor. I can remember the smell of someone nearby barbecuing ribs and the sound of a lawnmower. The days were getting longer and the anticipation of summer was getting nearer. But these things don’t matter because I am still locked in Thursday and the perpetually slow speed at which Monday seemed to find its way to us.

Fortunately, one of the top specialists in the region for treating post-traumatic stress is right here in Ottawa and also fortunately, my particular case has become enough of a priority that I am not forced the endure the four or five month waiting list that most people are being subjected to. Instead, I will spend the next three months, starting today, being treated for a wound that happened in a moment.

My new project this summer is going to extend beyond my photography or my writing or planning our trip to Italy; it’s going to include learning to cope with life after seeing a scarier side of it; It’s going to include learning to find joy in places despite my found realization that they can be gone in an instant; It’s going to include being brave enough to stare down my worst nightmare and not let it haunt me in my dreams anymore.

It’s going to include being happy again.

shadow of a doubt...

Wow…it’s been a while since I’ve been here! I’m surprised sometimes at how easy it is to lose track of time and I’m equally surprised at how distraught I can get when I’ve realized that I haven’t kept any record of that time. Clearly, I’ve created a monster here!

I’ve been thinking a lot about doubt lately. I’m not really sure if I consider it a good thing or not to doubt the world around you but I’ve concluded that while I live my life very strongly through the roots of my faith…that faith has almost constantly been challenged along the way. I’m certainly not a skeptic of the world. In fact, I rather enjoy being able to things at face value and trust in the truth of things around me…but I do ask a lot of questions. I’m pretty sure that given the chance, Brother David would have liked to have sent me to the back of the classroom during Bible Study because I’m the annoying one that wants an explanation for what the world was like before Jesus came to town!

So yes, I do question the world. I’ve questioned my faith; I’ve question my religion; I’ve questioned my choices and the choices of others; I’ve questioned whether or not the doctors are right; I’ve questioned the road that I’ve walked down; I’ve questioned a lot of things I my life…and it’s possible that I haven’t questioned enough things…but is that the same as doubting? Are they one in the same?

I started wondering this when I noticed that I was questioning myself and my abilities and my worth and my place among my fellow humans. Or rather, I should say that I started doubting all of these things which, having been in the midst of it, felt very different from simply putting the questions out there. Doubting felt like my mind had already been made up before even receiving the answer. Doubting felt like scrutiny that wasn’t waiting for a rebuttal. Doubting felt like telling instead of asking. Doubting felt sucky!

Luckily though, I realized that even my doubts should be subjected to the same questioning that I unleash on everything else! If we are to doubt something; faith, love, ourselves, whatever…then we should at least be willing to scrutinize our doubts in the same manner that scrutinize that which we are doubting. It’s only fair because I think that doubt comes from a darker place than questioning does and doubt can shed a darker shadow over our lives than the simple act of questioning can.

Of course, we all want to live lives with the kind of conviction that leaves no shadow of a doubt but that’s only possible when we make enough room for the light to get in.

all grown up...

Well Dorothy...I don't think that we're in Kansas anymore!

Ladies and gentlemen...the business cards have been printed, the word is out and the official fifteen:fifty-one photography site has been launched!

so.exciting.

Visit the new site here...

{if you're viewing on Internet Explorer v.6...it might be a bit finicky...IE has a personal vendetta against me!!}

one of many...

It seems needless to say that the “summer of Gen” hasn’t exactly started out as planned but then again; it’s not officially summer yet, so there’s still hope! As a matter of fact, some good friends and I have decided that the second half of 2009 is going to blow every other year out of the water! From our lips to God’s ears!!!

This past weekend proved that we might have been heard after all! We didn’t do anything exceptionally out of the ordinary but, we were in good company for the weekend and that’s exactly what we needed. Steve and I did our last long run of our training on Saturday morning which always makes me happy because it hereby gives me permission to eat and be lazy for the remainder of the weekend!

I was supposed to have a photo shoot on Saturday afternoon/evening but we got rained out so my two hours of taking pictures turned into two hours curled up in bed with my kitty cat and my latest book! Frankly, it doesn’t get much better than that...regardless of how much I love taking pictures!

We headed out to the Market to spend Saturday night with some friends (and the best white wine that I’ve ever had – way to go New Zealand!) and it was seriously one of the very best nights that I’ve had in a really long time!

Sunday was the re-scheduled photo shoot with a kick ass couple followed by the afternoon spent with our niece and nephew who were on a “fly-by” visit between Edmonton and New Brunswick. While the boys hung out terrorizing with the kids, us ladies took off to Starbucks to raise a latté to good health, new careers and amazing friends & family.

It was really the perfect weekend.

I was thinking about it later this week though and tried to figure out why I enjoyed it so much. Like I said, we didn’t do much out of the ordinary but the weekend, albeit quite busy, left me feeling really rejuvenated and energized. I finally figured it out today when I was making small talk with someone that I don’t know very well and it suddenly struck me; pretending is a lot of work!!! Plain and simple!

I used to spend a lot of time with people that were merely superficial friends; those that you socialized with but don’t really know much about you. In fact, a large part of my life was like that and ultimately, it left me in a group of people and not really knowing anyone at all. It also left me up to my ears in drama and unexpressed expectations because all parties involved weren't being honest with themselves or each other. Over the last few years though, I’ve done a rather large “purge” regarding my social circle and slowly started putting some distance between myself and those that I don’t entirely feel comfortable with. I guess as I got older, I decided to limit the people that I share my life with and as a result, I’m become very particular about who I’m willing to be friends with…friendships free of pretences and superficiality; people that don’t just pop up in your life when they want to share their great news or prove something to you…but those that share the not so great as well. It wasn’t necessarily an easy decision to make at the time…but now that I’m in it, I’m glad that I did.

I had a new appreciation this weekend for those in my life that render humility a much easier task. It isn’t always easy to be open about fears and insecurities, challenges and sadness, jealousy and envy…but my friends make it easy. And not only do they make it easy…they bring great wine too!!

Really…what more could a girl want?!?

and you thought you were entertaining...

I wouldn't mind having these guys around for one of our parties!!! This small clip doesn't really do them the justice they deserve but the entire clip was almost twenty minutes and even I didn't make it through the whole thing!!!

{Nathan "Flutebox" Lee & Beardyman performing at Google in the U.K.}

change of plans...

I feel so disorganized right now! For anyone that knows me well, you know that this does not sit well with me! It’s kind of interesting how much life seemed to change for the ten days that we found ourselves in “limbo”; our days were essentially put on hold in a way and now that the dust is starting to settle, I find it almost comical how much all of the things we left neglected during that time were patiently sitting there waiting for our return!

I spent the better of last night cleaning our house. As strange as this is going to sound, I often feel like the state of my outward environment is a direct reflection of my emotional state at the time!! Scary but true! So in a hopeful attempt at getting our life organized again…I started with the house! It was very cathartic!

On another note…I have writer’s block! I’m hoping to have my official photography site up and running by next weekend and I’ve been trying to work on the “about me” portion of the site to no avail. Can you believe that? I’ve posted over three hundred blog posts and yet I’ve stared blankly at my computer screen for a week trying to find the right words to explain who I am. Ugh. Actually, I NEED the site to be ready by next weekend because I have five photo shoots scheduled over the next seven weeks and if it doesn’t get done now, it’s going to get buried in a pile of editing and it will end up being July before it ever sees the light of day. No can do!

A bunch of people have been asking me of late what Steve and I did to celebrate our good news last week and I’ve been intrigued by people’s curiosity. Mostly, I’ve been intrigued because had you asked me a month ago what I imagine I would have wanted to do in such a situation, I would have likely said something along the lines of going out for a beautiful dinner, with a bottle of wine and an indulgent dessert. Come to think of it, I think that’s exactly what Steve had in mind when he picked me up from work that night! On our way home, after relishing in each other’s sighs of relief he looked over at me and said “so, what are we going to do tonight? Anything you want…” Honestly, all I wanted to do was to go for a walk in the warm summer air (it was 28 degrees that day), watch some funny shows and peacefully read my book before going to bed. Steve was surprised…he didn’t think it was celebratory enough. But that’s what I wanted; I wanted to enjoy our life, our routine, our day…without the weight of our worry to carry around with us. So that’s what we did…we went for a nice walk after work and ended up at Starbucks & Chapters with indulgent drinks in our hand and too many literary possibilities in front of us!

That’s when we started realizing just how “demanding” this year has been on us so far. We’ve coped better than even we thought we would be able to but nonetheless…it hasn’t exactly been smooth sailing and it’s certainly left us a bit depleted. That’s when we realized how much we would love a vacation right about now; a break from our world for a little bit so that we can really celebrate what it means to cherish life right now instead of later. So we’re going to Italy…for our anniversary! It wasn’t exactly part of the “plan” for this year but neither was any of the crap we just endured…so we’ve decided to change the plan on our terms a little bit as well!! It is only fair I think!

Hello Italian wine!

totally random thought...

Steve and I were doing our run last night through the NRC campus when we both commented on how the air smelled like a wet dog. But sure enough, there were no dogs, nonetheless wet ones, anywhere to be seen.

This got us thinking; maybe it’s not actually dogs that smell bad…maybe it’s spring and dogs actually smell like "wet spring" and not the other way around??

Maybe dogs have been taking the blame for decades because of the stinky spring air and all the while, they've been given a bad name because of it.

I think it’s possible that we’ve just uncovered a really big Dan Brown mystery here! I totally see a movie in the works somewhere!

breathe and reboot...

When I was in my second year of University, I worked with a guy named Tim at our local video store. One morning, Tim called in sick, saying that he had the flu and later that day, near the end of my shift, Tim’s Mom called saying that he had been hospitalized and that the doctor’s weren’t expecting him to live through the night. Needless to say, it was very shocking for all of us that knew him.

It turned out that Tim had drank a glass of water that had been sitting out and a form of bacteria that would have normally just given the rest of us an upset stomach, ended up attacking Tim’s heart and he developed an infection. At some point in time throughout the night, Tim was being transported by ambulance from the hospital to the heart institute for further treatment. Tim died on the way there. And then he was revived. He had actually flat lined and was considered clinically dead for close to three minutes before his heart was brought back to life and later treated. Tim’s life is the miracle that so many of us hope for.

When Tim returned to work about a month later, he seemed to be a completely different person. Tim was a writer and poet and had always possessed a very philosophical view of life. He was intense; passionate; joy filled and lived life with great intent. While he certainly had moments of happiness, Tim seemed very sad in the months following his illness. One night, a bunch of us went out for drinks after work and I asked Tim how he was feeling now that his life was starting to go back to normal. He said that he was sad and that he had been sad ever since. He said that everyone in his “life after death” support group had discovered this new found appreciation for the beauty and simplicity of life, and he found himself suffering from a depression that he didn’t quite know how to get himself out of. The world was just a sad place to him now. All I could really do for Tim was listen because in no way could I sympathize with what he was going through but, if I could see Tim now, I would look him in the eye and say “Tim…I understand”.

In no way has the outcome of our recent ordeal in any way compared to what he went through but in the three days since my test results came back…I’ve been sad. While I’ve been beyond grateful for the best possible outcome, I’ve also felt a despair that I haven’t quite been able to shake. I’ve felt sad at the realization of just how fleeting life is and at just how little we truly appreciate the subtle moments that pass us by. It makes my heart hurt to know how much time we spend suffering and struggling at the hands of our ego, our pride, our jealousy.

Death is scary. For most of us, its anticipation makes us shutter and despite our best efforts, it will catch up with all of us eventually. Some sooner than others but either way, we all know in the deepest recesses of our mind, that we are no exception. This is hard…at least for me. Just before Steve and I left to go to the hospital on the night we discovered the lump, I was curled up on the floor of our hallway telling Steve that I wasn’t ready yet; I didn’t want to go to the hospital because I wasn’t ready for our life to change this way yet; I wasn’t ready to go through something like this yet and I wasn’t ready to die yet. As long as I stayed on the floor, this wasn’t happening yet. And that’s what the prospect of death does to a lot of us; it paralyzes us in hopes that if we stay very, very still…so will time.

We all know that it doesn’t work this way though…and yet we still go about life as though it does.

I read once in a book that people who live with autism have a very different awareness of time and its passing. Somehow, they are almost always acutely aware that this moment, this minute, this day is eternally over and that you can never get it back. In turn, they are left with a melancholy from one passing moment after another. It’s left me wondering if perhaps getting bogged down in office politics or worrying about money is a human necessity sometimes…a defense mechanism to keep our world and our perspective small enough that it doesn’t scare us so much? Because the hugeness of our potential and our universe and our mortality can be a really scary place when you let yourself consider it for too long.

Perhaps Tim was pushed too far. Perhaps I was pushed too far. While Tim physically experienced death, I spent ten days mentally lingering in its presence. Perhaps we were both taken to places that we were not yet prepared to venture to and it’s left us with a sadness over how quickly the beauty of our world can slip between our fingers and turn to a grief that none of us are quite prepared for. Some people come out of such experiences living their entire life differently and as odd as this sounds; I don’t want to. I don’t want to because I don’t want to be reminded that I was once crying on the floor pleading with God to spare us this terror. I don’t want to be reminded that a moment changed everything. I don’t want to be reminded that my husband once had to worry about losing his wife…and that I had to see it in his eyes. I don’t want to be reminded that our universe can turn its dials that quickly. I don’t want to be reminded that this whole thing could have turned out very differently.

I’m sure that with a bit of time, I will be restored to my usual, if not better, self. But right now I need to acknowledge the fact that I’ve been shaken too hard and it’s changed something about the way I see the world. A good friend of mine and I were discussing yesterday how living life fully and happily is really a very fine line; it’s a delicate balance between appreciating the fragility of life without waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’ve experienced the other end of the spectrum more than I would have liked as of late and it may take me a little while to find my way back but it’s kind of like what Anna Nalick sings I guess, “You can’t jump the track, we’re like cars on a cable and life’s like an hour glass glued to the table…

…so just breathe.”

two points for us...

I went for an ultrasound this past weekend to start the process of finding out what our next steps are and let me just say that sitting in a dark and dinging lab office for over an hour (because apparently making an appointment doesn’t actually mean having an appointment!) is less than appealing!

To add insult to injury, the only magazines that were left in the waiting room were Canadian Living Magazines from 1984 and ironically enough, they were all October issues hence every article was geared towards promoting Breast Cancer Awareness Month. So every other page was stories of people living with breast cancer and I couldn’t help but look to the heavens and whisper “Really? Are you kidding me?!?!”

An hour later I went in for my ultrasound and then we walked out into the warm summer air with no more answers than what we went in with. I had a little chat with the technician about our health care system and whether or not our waiting periods affect the survival rate when it comes to cancer. He went on to tell me that I shouldn’t worry about that because cancer is determined by weeks and not by days. Funny though given that I had waited a week for the appointment and would wait another week for the results. I didn’t say anything though since I was lying half naked on a table in front of him while he stared at a big black hole on the screen that brought our life to abrupt halt…I thought it was best to stay on his happy side!

So that was Saturday and today at 3pm I received a call from our doctor’s office to tell me that I don’t have cancer. In fact, I’m perfectly healthy and instead, I have a benign cyst that was masquerading as a tumour. Jerk!

I will have to call my doctor again and ask them to re-read the report because I didn’t really hear much after “you’re okay” but I did manage to catch the last thing she said before hanging up the phone…

“You get to win this one!”

Amen to that!

a crab of a time...

When I was in grade school, I used to tell everyone that my birthday was on June 18th (when it’s actually on July 18th). I really disliked having my birthday in the summer because for starters, all of my friends were away at summer camp or on family vacations and secondly, because I was one of the only ones in my class that didn’t get a party or my birthday announced on the PA system on the morning of my big day. For a ten year old…it just seemed like the harshest of punishments.

There was another reason though too; I didn’t particularly like being the sign of Cancer. I love the zodiac signs and the mythical beliefs behind them. While I certainly don’t place much worth to daily horoscopes at all, I have found that throughout my life, zodiac signs have been strangely accurate in describing the type of personality that I am along with those that I love. Take what you like from it but, there are certain elements that simply aren’t transferable among individuals and there is no doubt whatsoever that I am, indeed, a Cancer the crab. I didn’t like this though and I still kind of don’t because I don’t like being the only zodiac signed to share the same name as an often times terminal illness. All in all, I wanted to be as far away from cancer, in every form, as I could be.

I have been unforgivably absent from my blog as of late because cancer has been on my mind a lot lately and it’s a surprisingly exhausting thing to think about. My husband and I are waiting to find out if I have breast cancer. Last Thursday was, by far, one of the worst days of my life, as what should have been a seemingly normal evening at home became a panic-stricken trip to the emergency room.

Last week, I found a lump on my left breast and with that, our world flipped up side down and in some ways…came crashing down. Mere minutes after being in the car on the way to the hospital, Steve had to pull over as I threw up on the side of the road. It was really the only thing that my body knew how to do at the time and I continued to throw up for ten consecutive hours after that. The next morning our doctor confirmed the abnormality and was immediately on the phone to find the earliest appointment for an ultrasound and begin the next steps of God knows what.

To be completely honest, I don’t want to be here writing about this. I don’t really feel like I’m ready to be “talking” about it like this and all the while, I’m not prepared to not talk about it either. From the instant I found out, I was determined not to be that story…that unique case of the thirty-year old wife dying of cancer. I wanted to come here after the fact and tell you all about it once it was over. But it’s not over and I don’t know how long it will be until it is and I don’t like waiting and wondering and pondering all by myself. I want this to be a tiny group of entries on this blog that I will look back at one day and think “geez…wasn’t that sucky at the time?!?!”. I say “at the time” because I very much want there to be a time that doesn’t include this; this anxiety; this waiting; this unwelcome visitor in my body.

Right now, we wait. We wait to get the results of the ultrasound; we wait to hear what the doctor is going to say to us from across the room; we wait to see if we are going to breath a sigh of relief or a stop breathing altogether; we wait to see where life is going to go from here. We wait.

We’re optimistic and aside from the obvious presence of something that indicates otherwise, we have every reason to be. We’re optimistic that this will be a slight glitch in our current journey from here to there and we’re optimistic that whatever the outcome is, it will be manageable. There are still moments though in which our minds wander to the darker places and we find our selves staring at the terror that first flashed before us when this whole thing came into being. I think that it’s human nature to consider the worst and for me, it’s nothing short of my worst nightmare.

There is one thing though that my zodiac description has always failed to mention…

Whatever this thing is that’s in my body…it just fucked with the wrong girl…

the sound of music...

I would be so much less opposed to public transit
if this happened more often!!!

it's almost time...

On this very day last year, Steve and I were in Australia! It seems funny to say that now as a part of my past experiences, especially given how much time we spent preparing for it. But that’s how it goes…we slowly went from “I want to visit Australia one day” to “I’ve swam with a sea turtle in Australia!!” It’s funny how that happens.

I remember how Steve and I were so excited to come home and settle in to our new house and our new routine. The beginning of the year had been so full of new things that we were very much looking forward to spending the second half of the year living the boring suburban life! Even after our return, we found ourselves adjusting to more changes; new pets, new jobs, new colleagues. There just seemed that there was no end to the transitions in our life. By the time everything did settle down, we were so tired that all we could do was let ourselves hibernate alongside the cold weather and hope for the best! We discovered that the decline from that much change is seldom ever subtle. While we had visions of “coming down” gradually, the universe had an entirely different plan!!!

Summer is back though! It’s 16 degrees here in Ottawa today (that’s 60.8 degrees for you Jim!!!!) and you can just feel the warmth approaching! That means that we officially have a second chance to relish in the island of summer that we missed last year due to relentless fatigue! In honour of the first true summer day of the year, I’ve taken it upon myself to declare 2009 the summer of Gen! I don’t mean it in a “summer of Gen and no one else” kind of thing…more so a “summer of all the things that Gen wants to do and hasn’t done during summers past”. I want to spend the summer relaxing and reading…getting a tan and doing yoga…drinking slushy drinks and eating peaches every day! That’s not too much to ask, is it?!?!

Our summers always seem to be so busy in the flurry of the few nice months that we experience in this end of the province that they tend to be gone before they even get started. So far, we’ve managed not to make too many plans for the summer other than some travelling to visit friends and family. And although I have class twice a week, school will be done in early July…just in time to park myself on a park bench with a Jane Austen book in one hand and a frozen drink in the other…!!!

I’m already luxuriating in the loveliness of it all!!! Any one care to join me?!?! There’s plenty of room on my park bench!!

Easter is Cancelled...!!!

fifteen:fifty-one...

So I've been getting threats lately! That's right...THREATS!

People have been threatening me within an inch of my life if I even consider the prospect of leaving writing for photography (seriously...I always took you as more of a pacifist!!). I've been told under no uncertain terms that photography is all well and dandy...just as long as the blog doesn't take a back seat! It's nice to see who's really in control here!!

Well, I'm sure that you've noticed that the neglect has begun and believe me when I say that I've been getting an earful about it! So, in the name of keeping the peace...I'm willing to offer a compromise...

A photo blog!

Now before you get all up in a knot, let me first announce that Fifteen:Fifty-One Photography has officially gone live! My private passion has been "outed" and what was once a personal affair is...well...not anymore! The pictures need their own home now and since I wouldn't dream of abandoning you, Fifteen:Fifty-One {the blog}, is now up and running! I also have a group on Facebook and the official website should be ready in the coming weeks.

I'll admit that it's all a little bit scary and I will take all the encouragement I can get! Having my pictures here...in my own little corner of cyberspace is one thing. Having them "out there"...is a bit terrifying! So please be gentle!!!

So I may not be here quite as often but the story telling will continue...and hopefully, some pretty pictures to go with it!!

Join me...bookmark me...visit me. I could use the company ;)

fifteen:fifty-one photography {the blog}

hot pink dreams...

I’ve been meaning to blog for a few days now but every time I get here, I find myself with writer’s block! Too much has been happening and none of it makes enough sense to write about…yet!

I do have some fun news to share though; my fancy pants designer, Jamie McGlashan, has recently given me the final art work for my new business card! I’ve only ever had two business cards in my life…both left much to be desired, not only in design but in their significance to my life! I’ll admit that it was pretty exciting to have my first business card but this new one isn’t just a business card…it’s my new direction…my new endeavor…my new leap of faith…my new found bravery that arose from an otherwise tumultuous situation.

This is the business card for my soon to be photography company…

Isn't she beautiful...?!?!?!

lady in waiting...

Fear is such a funny thing. I wouldn’t say that I’m afraid of a lot of things but the few things that I am afraid of…I’m deeply afraid of them! Thunderstorms, cancer, the colour yellow…you know, all of the perfectly normal and logical things to fear in life!! Generally speaking, when I’m afraid of something, I just avoid it; I avoid thinking about it, I avoid learning about it and most of all, I certainly avoid confronting it. Not to say that this is the healthy way of managing fear (I’m sure that most psychologist would agree) but I won’t lie…it works for me and you know what they say; “if it ain’t broke…”

There is the odd occasion though, from time to time, when I’m motivated to swallow my fear, take a deep breath and move forward in spite of it. It’s rare but this past weekend was one of them!

One of my good friends is expecting her second child in May and she asked me if I would come over and take some pictures of her and her family before their newest addition arrives. At first thought, I glimmered at the idea of taking pictures for them…but that was before she suggested taking them at her house!! This is the moment in which my irrational fear of indoor photography grabbed hold of me and went directly for the jugular!!! There is certainly no hiding my fear of indoor photography; artificial light can be so daunting and unpredictable, and can often leave you with some pretty mortifying results to show for it {insert dark shadows due to poor angles here!!!} but…there is also no hiding the fact that this is one of my most favourite families in the entire world and there are few things as flattering as being asked to photograph them together as they anticipate the new miracle entering their lives.

So I did it! I walked into their house, bad lighting and all, told my fear to take a hike for a few hours and did my very best to do justice to this fabulous family. And what a family they are…we had so much fun hanging out in the baby’s room, playing with blocks and of course, learning that it pays to tackle your fears head on… even if it is only for a couple of hours!