falling down the rabbit hole...

I saw a lady running with her dog and a stroller this morning as Steve and I drove into to work. It hasn’t snowed yet in Ottawa but our mornings are very calm and frost covered these days. I’m always envious of those people that I see who are leisurely drinking their coffee or out taking a morning stroll as we are making our way into the office. While I’ve never really been much of a morning person, I have always enjoyed it once my senses manage to catch up with the rest of me but I’ve never really had the chance to be “that person” because I’ve been too busy pursuing my life at an office…in front of computer…with annual salaries and health benefits.

I once read that most of us spend our days doing jobs that simply aren’t big enough for our spirits. Actually, at the time I kind of felt like it had been written just for me! I’ve struggled with this idea of “out growing my job” for some time but that being said, I also strongly believe that there is a practical side to life that can’t be overlooked. Education, homes, weddings, vacations…the experiences of life don’t come cheap and I think that it’s more than a worthwhile investment to spend some time considering how you’re going to pay for them because let’s face it, regardless of the type of relationship you have with money…the economics of the world aren’t going anywhere.

So this brings us back to this morning and my state of envy. I’ve never been built for a nine to five life. I’m good at it and I’m quite blessed to be able to do it in what is, quite frankly, one of the most beautiful places in the country, but nonetheless, it’s still not the nature that is my beast. Since graduating university, I’ve worked very hard at gaining new experiences, building a financial foundation with that experience and doing my best to make the whole process as pleasurable as possible. And I think that I’ve done a good job because it has been a lot of fun; I’ve learned amazing new things, experienced first hand some of the most profound times in the history of politics and the fine arts, and most importantly, I have met some of the most extraordinary people that I know will be in my life for all the rest of my days. So most definitively, it has been eight years very well spent.

As we both looked out the car window at the woman jogging along side us, Steve smiled at me and said “don’t worry…that’s going to be you pretty soon” and that’s when I realized that he was right…that things are changing. It’s kind of a strange and unique time in our life because not only are we expecting our baby in a few months but my business has begun to grow in a way that deserves some serious consideration on our part. We are starting to consider that we may be done putting in our time of being practical. We are starting to consider that the financial stability of an “ideal” job may not be worth the cost of feeling creatively caged. We are starting to consider that it might just be time…

I am officially already booked to photograph weddings next summer and the inquiries are continuing to roll in. We are currently working with design companies to start producing albums for clients and I’m in the midst of hiring second shooters. This is a blessing that far exceeds any of our most hopeful expectations for my photography. I will, of course, be limiting the amount of work that I do next year in order to spend lots of time with the new man in my life but we’ve agreed that the degree of interest in my work right now can’t be overlooked and it’s led us towards the appeal of trading in my government clearance for days spent behind a camera.

Believe me when I say that the idea of leaving my full-time permanent position with a crown corporation in order to take a giant leap into the unknown of being self-employed is nothing short of terrifying. But it also begs the question of whether or not anything is quite as terrifying as turning your back on something that makes you blissfully happy, regardless of the potential uncertainty? Is it worth turning down the cumulative interest of living more genuinely for a better pension plan and an annual Christmas party?

I really don’t think so and never before in my life have I ever been more drawn to the edge of uncertainty. For someone who’s always choosing to play it safe, I’m deciding for the first time to play it passionately.

And truth be told, I have no idea what will come of it. I may succeed…I may fail. But either way, I am certainly going to enjoy spending my mornings on the other side of the car door!