Sleepless in Ottawa...

So, I've been having a hard time sleeping lately. And it's only at night. I could sleep the day away given the opportunity but, once the sun goes down, I'm ambushed with a new sense of vitality that doesn't leave until my alarm clock goes off! I've always been more of a night hawk than a morning person and up until I started a nine to five job, I would often be up until two or three in the morning (most of my best school work got done in the wee hours of the night). Lately though, my sleep has been taken away from me for different reasons...mostly because I have been finding that my mind doesn't want to stop going a mile a minute. It's been grappling a lot lately with the roads and directions in which our lives take us. It seems as though we get into these routines and forget that things really can change at a moment's notice.

I've never really been one to second guess my choices and even now, that's not really what I'm doing. My life is wonderful and everyday I am grateful for everything that God has blessed me with. I have the very best husband that I could have ever hoped for, we have phenomenal friends and family, a wonderful home and challenging jobs to go to everyday. We have our health, we have joy, we have love, we have laughter and inspiration. Everyday we have more and more things to be thankful for. Right now though, I am trying to decide what the next path is to take.

It's an interesting time in our lives right now and we are in a position to make numerous different choices. Each one is exciting and just being at this point fills me with a wonderful sense of possibility. Steve and I have been very careful regarding the decisions that we've made and the priorities that we've followed through with in the past few years, and in turn, they are really starting to pay off. The patience and long term vision that we have had is proving to have been a worthwhile investment. The world really is our oyster right now and honestly, it's one of the first times in which I've felt so at liberty to be and go wherever the spirits take us. It's an incredible feeling!!

I've learned a lot about myself in the past year and for various reasons, I've discovered that many parts of my life and the decisions that have been made occured more due to other people's expectations as oppose to any authentic desire to do so. It's a harsh and sucky reality but, I'd rather discover that now than thirty years from now. In light of this, I'm really finding a new side of myself that I haven't appreciated as much in the past. I'm following new interests, pursuing forgotten dreams and surrounding myself with different people. It's new...it's exciting...and it's also very scary.

It's that scary side of this new venture that is keeping me up at night...weighing my options and visualizing all the different possible journeys to be taken. Don't get me wrong...knowing that I could write a book...dig up a dinosaur...or become a kindergarden teacher is thrilling. But when you've spent your entire life taking one path, the realization that you have so many options becomes a bit intimidating!!!

One of my biggest weaknesses is worrying. I always worry. I was a very worried little girl growing up and even now, worry and anxiety often get the better of me. Since renewing my faith four years ago, I've been much better but, constantly trying to pave a smooth road has somehow been ingrained in my blood. I think that much of the time, worry can drive us into action but, other times, worry just sucks the joy out of life and the adventure out of the unknown. It's not a side of myself that I like and I work at it constantly.

This past weekend though, I was especially nervous and fearful. Things at work were going a little rough and the pressure was getting to me. It made looking ahead at different options that much more important. For some reason though, nothing brought comfort and even that became distressing in and of itself. On Sunday afternoon, I went to Starbucks to read a bit. The place, as usual, was packed and there wasn't any tables available. I asked two gentleman sitting at a large table if I could share with them until another spot became available. Shortly there after, we starting conversing about various things and before I knew it, two hours had past and I never even noticed. Part way through our conversation, the topic of religion came up and one of the gentleman told me his profound story that lead him to believe in the peacefulness of death;

Apparently, in 1986, this gentleman was gunned down in an intersection here in Ottawa by someone that he didn't know. He was left to die and spent four days in a coma and the next two years learning how to walk again after being paralyzed. In those four days, he flatlined seven times and was clinically dead once. In that moment, he said that he didn't see a light or have an out of body experience but, he did say that it was the most peaceful thing that he's ever experienced. He said that because of that experience, he is no longer afraid of anything. Granted, for a long time after the shooting, if he would hear a loud noise, he would instantly begin shaking and he would experience the shooting all over again. However, one day, he remembered that peacefullness and decided that he would no longer be afraid of anything ever again.

I found his story fascinating and asked him if he looked back gratefully for that experience. He said no!! I have to admit that I was surprised. I asked him how he could not be thankful for such a thing when it has enabled him to live the rest of his life without any fear...something that many of us struggle with on a daily basis?? He responded quite simply by saying that anyone could choose not to be afraid. He said that it wasn't getting shot that made him not afraid...it was making the decision that made the change. He believed that at any point in time we can choose to live our lives that way and that we don't need to be left for dead or learn how to walk all over again in order for this happen.

I was stunned. I've never heard something so true in my life.

Shortly there after, we all decided that our time was up and we went our seperate ways. I never caught either of their names and it's likely that I'll never see them again but, that story has lingered with me.

I'm sure some people would say that it's meaningless and others would call it a coincidence or a bias perspective of the conversation.

I call it a reminder that God is always listening...and I'm suddenly feeling adventurous!!

- Gen

Name of the Year

I religiously read articles by Bill Simmons (aka The Sports Guy) on EPSN.com’s Page 2. I’ll admit that he was funnier in his earlier, less popular years. Maybe making the big bucks, moving from Boston to L.A., and being one of the most read sports journalists on the internet has gone to his head. I would consider him the internet sports equivalent to Oprah. He has such a huge readership that he influences millions of people each day and I think he knows it.

Be that as it may, I was reading one of his articles today and he had a link to a NCAA tournament style bracket for Name of the Year (NOTY). Check out the website here. It’s quite hysterical what some people deem appropriate names for their children.

The names are supposedly all “real”, although looking through the archives I noticed that some past winners of the NOTY were disqualified because the names were later “invalidated”. I’m not sure how they find all of the names, but it appears that they scour the internet, newspapers, magazines, etc. looking for people with “unusual” names.

For example, Intelligent Infinite Botts lives in Albany, NY, and at the ripe old age of 14 went back to jail for the second time for assaulting a 12-year old. In 2005, he stabbed a fellow student and was in jail for a year.

This makes me wonder – at what age do you think Intelligent became intelligent enough to realize that his parents were swimming at the shallow end of the gene pool and that the future wasn’t that bright for him? I’m guessing he figured it out in his early teens and threw in the towel after that.

Or how about Destinee Hooker? She plays volleyball and competes in track and field at the University of Texas. I think it’s safe to say that she has vastly exceeded her parent’s expectations for her life, unless of course she has been using “alternative” methods to fund her education.

There is also Phyre Burns Quickly. Do you think her (I’m assuming it’s a girl) parents are hoping that she will learn something from her name at a young age? Or perhaps this was something that they came to realize and in order to never ever forget this important fact they decided to immortalize it in their next child’s name?

Looking at the brackets, Anita Fiel is clearly a darkhorse as she got a raw deal as the 14th seed in the Sithole regional. Her name is simple, yet brilliant. I wonder if she knows Gertrude Nipple.

It is hard to argue with the four number 1 seeds in each regional – the previously discussed Mr. Botts, Yourhighness Morgan, Vanilla Dong, and Mario Hilario. I think that Mario Hilario and Vanilla Dong are clearly the favourites and may end up meeting in the finals, in which case, I would give the edge to Mario.

Some of my other favourites are D. Zeke Ezekowitz, Kyle Sackrider, Doris Morris, and Sasha Junk.

Who do you think will win the 2007 NOTY?

- Steve

February Song...

Where has that old friend gone

Lost in a February song

Tell him it won't be long

Til he opens his eyes

Where is that simple day
Before colors broke into shades

And how did I ever fade
Into this life

I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away

When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I'll come back to you one day

Morning is waking up
And sometimes it's more than just enough

When all that you need to love
Is in front of your eyes

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away

Sometimes it's hard to find my ground

Cause I keep on falling as I try to get away

From this crazy world

I heard this song for the first time at the Josh Groban concert last week and it nearly brought me to tears. Granted, I tend to have very strong emotional reactions to music (especially live music) but, I think that this is one of the most beautiful songs that I've ever heard. It's so sad and so romantic all at the same time.

When I listen to it, I picture this song being a letter from a father to his daughter on her wedding day as the new couple are dancing to their first song. Her dress is long and flowing, as is her hair and they are dancing under the stars on a warm summer night. Josh is at a grand piano singing (perhaps a wedding gift from the family!) and suddenly, all is right with the world. I picture paper lanterns hanging from trees and tiny little lights strung over water. I picture peach coloured tulips and green ivy. I see a white century home in the distance that holds the future of many years to come. I see a father saying goodbye for the first time and letting go for the last.

I think that it often happens that people have the words and just don't know how to say them...and then songs like this come along and change everything.

The Reality of Ron Mueck

One of the best decisions that I ever made in my life was to leave politics and take on the learning curve of working in the fine arts. Though it took me almost six months to eventually get my feet underneath me, I have been eternally grateful for the change and have never once looked back. It's been good for my soul to work in the arts. Though I'm not an artist myself and have never really enjoyed art history a great deal, art, in general, is a very soothing field of practice. It's almost therapeutic to walk through the Galleries and try to comprehend the existence of a five hundred year old painting. I often wonder, given the opportunity, what stories they would tell!

Of course, behind the scenes isn't always as calm and collected as the final product but, artistic chaos still somehow seems better than anything that politics ever threw my way!!

For numerous months now, my colleagues and I have been pushed outside of our comfort level in order to promote a very unique exhibit that is not only making it's Canadian debut but, has been breaking attendance records all over the world. Finally, last Thursday evening, in the presence of the NGC Foundation, Madame Chretien, regional media and hundreds of invited guests, we got to watch all of our hard work come together in the phenomenal exhibit presenting the works of Ron Mueck.

Mueck, originally from Australia but now living in Britain, is a fairly new artist (within the past ten years) who creates life like sculptures using fiberglass and silicone. The result is truly an experience that will take you on an emotional rollercoaster! He originally worked for such shows as the Muppets and Sesame Street, but eventually turned his gift into his own works of art. All of his sculptures are either miniature in size or larger than life with a sense of detail that almost makes you wonder if they are going to start up a conversation with you...they're incredible! Unfortunately, my favourite work, Angel, won't be presented but, overall, our exhibit (presented with the Fondation Cartier pour l'art contemporain) is the largest exhibit of his works in the world (featuring 16 pieces).

Mueck is also an artist well known for his privacy. Though he almost always travels to assist in the installation of his exhibits, he seldom, if ever, agrees to give interviews regarding his work. Thursday evening however, I had the extraordinary priviledge of meeting Mr. Mueck and talking with him a bit about his craft. There is something particularly exciting about preparing for an exhibit in which the artist is still living. So often, we are showing art that is many centuries old and when the time finally comes when you can honour a living artist, the experience is so much more rewarding! With one slight exception, I have had nothing but wonderful experiences with all the artists we have worked with...and Mueck is now at the top of my list (or atleast tied with Christopher Pratt!!). A man of great humility and class, he was an absolute pleasure to speak with and was incredibly humble about the huge contribution that he has made to the artistic world. It makes working to ensure the success of his exhibit that much more fun!!

Click here to see the Mueck mini site at the National Gallery of Canada webpage.
Mueck is on view until May 6th, 2007.

photo credits:
Untitled (Big Man), 2000
Hirshhorn Museum and Sculpture Garden, Smithsonian Institution, Washington (DC)
Two Women, 2005
Collection Glenn Fuhrman, New York

Steve finally arrives!

Today, I witnessed probably the most depressing presentation I have ever seen. It had nothing to do with children starving in Africa, or the wars in Iraq or Afghanistan. It was a presentation on the future of the World’s energy. Most people are well aware that the large majority of our energy is derived from non-renewable resources such as oil, natural gas, and coal. But does it ever cross our mind while we are filling up our cars at the pump that the resource is finite? I admit that I rarely think about it and when I do, I usually imagine it well into the future with hovercrafts and floating cities. It’s not going to happen in our lifetime, right? The world’s scientists always seem to find new oil reserves or develop new technology to extract more or produce more to meet our ever expanding appetite for energy.

Climate change has been a main feature in the news as of late, with our non-existent winter during December and January, David Suzuki’s cross-Canada tour talking about Global Warming, and of course the recent Academy Award for Al Gore’s “An Inconvenient Truth”. I admit that I haven’t seen “An Inconvenient Truth” yet. For some reason, seeing a movie about Al Gore’s Power Point presentation isn’t high on my list of things to do. And, I think I have a pretty good handle on Global Warming – why it’s happening, Kyoto (why some people like and others don’t), what we can do, and what the best guesses for the future are.

But, I never really had a grasp on the world’s energy resources. I knew that energy supply was going to be a big issue in the coming decades, but I never knew the gravity of the situation until today.

The presentation, titled “Energy Supply/Demand Trends and Forecasts: Implications for a Sustainable Energy Future for Canada and the World” was given by J. David Hughes of the Geological Survey of Canada (GSC). He is a geologist with more than 30 years experience studying the energy resources of Canada for the GSC and the private sector. He has made presentations across Canada and the United States to Federal, Provincial, and municipal agencies, including the U.S. Department of Energy, U.S. Potential Gas Committee, U.S. National Petroleum Council, Environment Canada, Natural Resources Canada and Industry Canada; and a slew of other policy forums, conferences, etc. All this to say - he knows what he’s talking about.

I wish it would be possible for everyone to see the presentation. In fact I wish everyone had to see it. I can’t explain the overall mood of the audience. You had to be there to see the looks on people’s faces. The most depressing part was seeing slide after slide of statistics and charts of our historical and predicted consumption, with forecasts on production limits and overall supply. I won’t be able to do the presentation justice, nor cover all the material here, but I’ll give you some highlights. If you want to take a look at the complete presentation, you can download a similar presentation he made in early February here. It’s a PDF document around 5MB in size, so be patient and you’ll need Adobe Acrobat to view it.

Here are some of the highlights (or lowlights):

- hydrocarbons (oil, natural gas, coal, etc.) provided 88% of the world’s primary energy in 2005
- forecasts suggest that by 2030, 86% of our greatly expanded energy demand will continue to be provided by hydrocarbons
- 56% of the world’s energy is currently consumed by developed countries, making up approximately 18% of the world’s population
- energy demand in the developing world is projected to more than double by 2030
- as of 2005, China was importing 48% of its oil, and India was importing almost 70%, meaning that with the projected increases in demand and the fact that India and China produce very little of their own oil, there is going to be much more competition for oil on the world market
- 90% of the oil consumed by the human race has been used since 1958, 50% since 1984, 10% since 2002
- production of oil has exceeded discoveries since 1984, and as of 2005, we’re consuming approximately 4 barrels of oil for every 1 barrel we discover
- OPEC (Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries) is made up of 12 countries – (Algeria, Angola, Indonesia, Iran, Iraq, Kuwait, Libya, Nigeria, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, the United Arab Emirates, and Venezuela), has three quarters of the remaining reserves, and 6 of those countries (Libya, Venezuala, Kuwait, Iraq, Iran, and Indonesia) reached their peak production capacity in the 1970s. Not the friendliest list of countries either, so the geo-political ramifications are quite obvious
- World oil production could peak in the 2008-2012 timeframe
- Even with four- or five-fold expansion of production from the Oil Sands, Canada will only produce about 3% of the world’s forecasted energy supply in 2025.
- 90% of the natural gas consumed by the human race has been used since 1963, 50% since 1988, and 10% since 2002.
- Three-quarters of the remaining natural gas reserves are located in the Former Soviet Union and the Middle East, which is a problem for North America since liquefying natural gas for international transport, is expensive, and entails approximately 15% to 30% energy loss.
- Canada has consumed 63% of our discovered natural gas resources. At current production rates, the remaining reserves will be gone in 15 years. It is HOPED that undiscovered resources will account for another 45 years of natural gas supply at 2005 production rates.

Again, that is just sampling. I didn’t even extract info about coal or electricity.

Another neat little tidbit is, as most of you have likely heard, Canada is one of the largest, if not the largest, per capita consumers of energy in the world. We consume almost twice as much as the average European citizen and 10% more than the U.S. But, why are North Americans such huge consumers? Mainly because the large majority of our infrastructure was built after we started drilling oil (1859), meaning oil was cheap and we built based on that premise, while Europe was built before oil. Hence European cities are much friendlier to bicycle and foot traffic and have much better public transit, while here in North America we continue to build subdivisions without sidewalks because why do we need to accommodate alternative modes of transportation when oil is cheap?

So, what does this all mean? Well, in the next 10-20 years, energy prices are likely going to increase a lot and we’re all going to feel the impact. The impact on my generation and future generations will be profound unless we do something about it. Mother Nature has a way of balancing things out.

So, what do we do? There is no magic solution in the future. Technological developments aren’t going to produce a silver bullet. The fact of the matter is gasoline and diesel fuels have two of the highest energy densities in comparison with other energy carriers. Hydrogen isn’t going to solve anything because it takes energy to create hydrogen. If you’re going to consume hydrocarbons to produce hydrogen, then why not just burn the hydrocarbons directly and avoid the energy loss? Hybrid vehicles aren’t the answer either. They’ll definitely help, but remember it requires energy to build a hybrid vehicle. It’s estimated that a hybrid car has to be driven 65000 miles before it saves more energy than it took to build it.

Again, what do we do? In Mr. Hughes presentation, he gives a lot of different solutions which all should be pursued. However, the main answer is conservation. Consume less. It’s really our only choice. If we don’t consume less then increased efficiencies, technological advancements, and renewable energy use aren’t going to mean anything.

So, the question is – do we want control over the solution or should we let Mother Nature take care of it??

-Steve

Lights...Camera...Action...!!!

I've always believed that when you decide to do something and fully put it out into the universe (perhaps via a blog site!), then it tends to take on a life of it's own and the experience can lead you in many directions. That was the case for me this weekend when I was given the opportunity to be in a commercial being made for the Ottawa Hospital Foundation. I've never enjoyed being on film and I usually avoid it like the plague but, in this case, I thought it was best to bite the bullet and see where this would go!!

The commercial was being filmed for the Ottawa Hospital Foundation, who is the charitable partner for the National Capital Race Weekend (all funds raised that weekend are given to the Foundation). The idea was to have a race in the hospital hence, filming took place in the Emergency Room, the O.R. and through various wings of the departments. It was pretty wild and I'm looking forward to seeing the final product!! The initial plan was to have me be the pace bunny for the race (since I am pacing the actual race as well) but, it was later decided to change it because they felt that the average public may not know the significance of the pace rabbit. Hence, I was asked to be one of five doctors who joins the "race" with the other runners! Yeah for me...I got to wear scrubs!!!

My day began at 5am and was on set by 6:30am for make-up and wardrobe. There were thirty of us all together (not including the film crew and production team) and I didn't get home until well after 5pm. It wasn't uncommon to see many of us curled up in a hospital bed somewhere catching a cat nap throughout the day!! Our lovely make-up lady followed us around everywhere to ensure that we looked our best (while still looking like runners!) and we had to share our time between the production team, the CBC and the Ottawa Citizen.

I was later asked to do a photo shoot for the poster that is to be distributed in the next couple of weeks. That was a bit unexpected but, just one more thing to add to the list of things that I've never done before!!! I won't know for awhile yet if I will even been seen in the commercial because, with thirty of us, it's likely that we won't all be seen in the final thirty second shot. At the very least though, I will know how long it took us to get that final thirty second shot...TOO LONG!!!!

We had a terrific time and was ready for a good night sleep after nearly eleven hours of filming!! The challenge of filming in a hospital is that it's still business as usual regardless of what other things are going on. We spent the better part of the morning filming in the ER, which meant that when an ambulance would show up with a trauma patient...we had to bring everything to a halt and start over again when the coast was clear again! I'll admit, that was a bit weird...running up and down the halls surrounded by patients...but, us actors gotta do what we gotta do!!!

Check out some pictures from the filming on my running blog. I may not make the final cut but, atleast I have pictures to prove I was there!!!!

It's a Girl...Soon...!!!

My beautiful friend, France, and her husband Francois, are expecting their first baby this coming July (us July babies are the best!!!). She recently went to find out the sex of the baby and sure enough...I was right all along!!

While everyone, including the soon to be parents, thought they were having a boy...I said from the very start that they were having a little girl...cause I just can't picture it any other way!!! I should have put money on it!!

Congratulations you guys...I look foward to seeing HER!!

You're ONE...!!!

Happy First Birthday Baby Kellen!!!

Will You Be My Valentine...??

As I wake up on the morning of my fourth Valentine's Day since no longer being a part of the "Single Girls Against Valentine's Day" coalition...I can't help but feel all warm and fuzzy inside at the sight of my very favourite Valentine.

As cards, chocolates and flowers get passed around today, we should all be thankful that Valentine's Day isn't how it used to be!!

St. Valentine, the patron Saint of love, was imprisoned for secretly marrying young men in a time when marriage was banned. Emperor Claudius felt that married men made poor soldiers, hence he banned all marriage from his empire. Once imprisoned, Valentine fell in love with the blind daughter of his jailer, who, thanks to his great faith and love for her, miraculously healed her of her blindness. Before he was taken to his death, he signed a farewell message to her, "from your Valentine", and this is the phrase that has been used on his day ever since!!

As a tribute to my Valentine, here is just some of the things that I adore most about my husband, Steve...

I love how brilliant you are in so many ways. I love how you share in my morning grumpiness. I love how your boxers show just above the waist line of your pants. I love how kind and loving you are. I love living on the sun with you. I love going to sleep every night with you. I love waking up every morning to you. I love spending our nights curled up on the couch together. I love how you are at every finish line that I cross. I love how much you care about the environment. I love how much you aim to be the very best person that you can be. I love how you try to be the best pirate in the carribean. I love how great you are to my friends. I love your determination and ambition. I love building a home with you. I love how you always listen to me. I love how much you make me laugh. I love how amazing your cooking is. I love how crazy you get about Excel spreadsheets. I love how spontaneous you are becoming in your old age. I love your shoulders. I love how excited you get about new glasses. I love sharing my life with you. I love ballroom dancing with you. I love learning how to surf with you. I love how you push me out of bed to do my runs. I love eating junk food with you. I love that we laugh at all the same jokes. I love how amazing you look in an old pair of jeans and a white t-shirt. I love what an amazing husband you are. and and and....

Most of all, I love being your Valentine!!!!

Bonne Fête Christina...

Happy Birthday to one of our absolute favourite girls!!

(and we have impeccable taste!!!)

We love you, miss you and wish you a FABULOUS start to your new year!! We wish we were there to celebrate with you!!

Own the Bunny...

I remember the day vividly...I ran to class to hand in my last exam and then hopped on a plane to go visit my Mom in the Queen Charlotte Islands for two weeks. As I sat on the plane for the next four hours, I remember thinking how I had finally made it...I had graduated university and was about to throw myself into the "real world". I had been in school since I was five years old and now, for the first time ever, I was really done.

Here's the thing though...no one ever told me just how scary the real world could really be! Don't get me wrong, I was thrilled to be done school but, at the same time, school is a safety net and for so long, school had been my life. The protection of recess, high school dances and campus were no longer there and suddenly, I felt sad. So much of my life had been about my advancement in academics, my goals determined by my education, then, at the age of 22, I finally reached the only goal that I had ever really known.

I spent the two weeks with my mother feeling like I was in a state of limbo; half excited about this new part of my life and half mourning the life that I was leaving behind. I just didn't feel ready yet to let go and life just seemed to be "happening" too quickly.

I arrived home on a very late flight and took the bus back to campus. It was late April and we were just experiencing our first warm spell of the year. Many people were still writing exams so campus was still full of life, even in the middle of the night. As I walked home from the bus stop, I was overwhelmed with a sudden sense a loneliness. Heidi, Jane and Amanda had all just moved out of our apartment, my boyfriend at the time had recently moved to Kingston for his new job, my cat had travelled with me to the islands to stay with Mom and the only life that I had ever known had just been handed in with my twenty page essay on theories of communication.

Life really is about balance but like many things, balance is also one of those things that is easier said than done. More often than not, we don't notice the lack of it until something throws us off kilter and we are struggling to regain our footing. It had become clear that somewhere between kindergarden and my fourth year communications final, I had begun to wobble a bit.

When I finally "recovered" from the trauma of graduating, I came to learn that what had been lacking in my life was goals outside of school. So much of my identity had been wrapped up in my studies that once it was over, I found myself lacking an identity beyond what I had just achieved. But of course, hindsight is 20/20 and doesn't do anything to change the past. I could however, take my new found enlightenment and use it as preventative measures for the future!!

The result?? A list of 100 things that I wanted to do before I died!!! Well, I actually only have 42 right now but, like anything else, it's a work in progress!! It covers everything from seeing a space shuttle launch to learning how to drive standard (which I just learned this past December!!). Doing this list has forced to me have goals beyond my day to day life. It has forced me to dream big and always have things to work towards regardless of changes that occur.

So far, I have managed to achieve two or three of these goals each year (one at the very least) and 2007 is no exception!! This year is the year that I will achieve #17 on my list...to be a pace bunny! Ever since I graduated, running has become a very big part of my life for various reasons and a whole village of people have helped me along the way...including pace bunnies...the admirable runners that help to pace other runners during races and help them achieve their goal times. I've always been in awe of pace bunnies and regarded them highly for the responsibility that they take on for the betterment of other runners. Even more so, I've always wanted to be one!!

Tonight, I start my training as the 2:30 pace bunny for the National Capital Half Marathon as well as being a group leader for one of the training groups. I'm pumped...I'm terrified...I'm praying that I will be able to do this well and make those that have believed in me proud. This role has been entrusted to me and because running is so important to me, this goal doesn't just get crossed off the list...it's going to get documented the entire way!!!

So ladies and gentlemen, please allow me to introduce you to my new running blog; Own the Bunny. An online journal of sorts about the road to achieving #17 on the big list. Some dreams and commitments are best shared with others because achieving such goals is never a one man mission. I look forward to sharing with everyone the ups and downs of making this happen and even more so, I look forward to seeing you at the finish line...I'll be the one with the bunny ears!!!

"I guess this is living...would you come again?"
- Thornley

Are We There Yet...

Whew...what a weekend!! As Friday slowly rolled to close, I was really hoping for a weekend of relaxation and winterlude fun. Though much of that was had, I feel like I've just survived an emotional rollercoaster!

Friday was madness! Usually on Fridays, I have my routine. I get my morning coffee and more often than not, I run into my co-workers doing the same and we walked to work together and discuss the likes of Grey's Anatomy and the ever approached series finale of the O.C. (**sniff sniff**). This particular Friday, my morning routine happened like clockwork but, with the exception that the second I stepped my foot into the office, it was as though a whirlwind crisis as swept in and taken Friday away from us!! What would normally be a fairly relaxed day spent catching up on the week's loose ends, ended up being literally eight hours of choatic running around that didn't end until approximately 4:22pm when I sat down for the first time that day. Needless to say, it didn't encompass the usual "unwinding" head space that I usually enjoy from my week's end but, alas, I did survive!!

Saturday, Steve and I went snowshoeiing in the Gatineau Hills!! After having lunch with my Dad, we eagerly packed our stuff and planned for an afternoon in the woods. The only problem...??? Quebec is CRAZY!!! That's right...apparently in the province of Quebec, you can put up one side indicating the direction of the highway and you magically enduced with the power to know where you are going. It's like the jedi mind trick of the francophones!! However, what they seem to forget is that some of us are used to urban planning that includes multiple and continuous aid when it comes to finding your way around! Anyways, all this to say that we spent far too long going around in circles and just hoping to make it back to Ontario in one piece!! We did get in two hours of snowshoeing however, we have no idea where we were!!

Saturday night was pretty quiet. We were in and out, but mostly, we were so wipped out from snowshoeiing that we couldn't bring ourselves to do much more (who knew that dragging around big, plastic feet would make five kilometres that much harder!!). The movie Little Black Book was on tv last night, so I spent the last two hours before SNL watching that when I quickly realized a pet peeve of mine...; I really dislike it when a film is marketed as a comedy only to find out that it's super depressing. Nothing is worse than accidently bumming out your saturday night so much that you need to spend an hour watching the Simpsons just to get your groove back!! Why do they do that?!?! Needless to say that this was one of those movies!! It had it's funny moments and for the most part, it was light-hearted but, just when the happy ending is due to roll around...BOOM...they hit you with the "moral of the story"...(which nobody wants on a Saturday night!). Consider yourself warned...!!

Sunday (like all Sundays) started out nicely. I slept in and had nice dreams (except for the one where I lost my engagement ring and was being poisoned at work!). Steve and I went skating on the canal, which was fabulous except for the fact that as each year goes by, my skates seem to fit less and less. I got my skates back when I was figure skating and hence, they were custom made to my feet. It worked out great when I was wearing them four to five hours a day but, now, the slightest change in the shape of my foot makes my favourite part of skating putting my shoes back on!! Being in my running shoes so much and having orthotics has made my feet change a lot in the last year...so getting those suckers on was torture this morning. However, once we were on the ice long enough, the numbness set in and it wasn't so bad!

As it turns out though, my Sunday was going to take a sad turn when we got a phone call to let us know that our nephew, Rohan, was back at CHEO with pneumonia. He was airlifted there from Deep River last night and will be there as long as necessary. We went down to the hospital to see him and as we were driving, all I could think about was how our family has spent far too much time at this hospital, for one reason or another. Enough is enough please.

Anyways, having spent quite a bit of time at CHEO with him in the fall, I wasn't at all nervous or anxious about going back however, we walked into the unit and I could hear him crying down the hall...and that was it...my limit had been reached and I too began to cry. As we arrived, doctors were using tubes to suck out the congestion from his nose and chest...and he was none to happy about it. I just cried as I listened to him and caught glimpses of the nurses working away at him. I just want him to be better and to be healthy. A co-worker of mine once said that as long as we have our health, everything else is manageable. It's one of the most truthful things that I've ever heard but, we usually don't realize it until some form of our health is at risk.

I went back to the unit to see Rohan a couple minutes later when I had calmed down, and by then he was sound asleep...thank goodness. He looked calm and peaceful and was as best as could be expected given the situation. I left feeling better but happy to be out of the hospital.

The rest of the afternoon was also stressful as the weather got really bad and I had to drive for the standard in it for the first time. Drivers are nuts in this weather and let me just say that the Loblaws parking lot is a danger to ones health!! However, the Haagen-Daaz sale (3 for $10.00) more than makes us for it!!

The Superbowl is on as I write this and during the pre-game show I decided that I wanted the Colts to win...they are not. The one time that I take an interest in football and my team loses!! Figures!

I never thought I'd see day but...Is it Monday yet?!?!

Living on the Edge...

It recently occured to me that this summer would commemorate ten years of me living in Ottawa. It will be ten years in August that I packed up my things and my life, and moved onto the 13th floor of the Thompson Resident at Ottawa U.

More than this though, it would be ten years since my mother and I last lived together. And when you have spent your entire life living with someone...it's a big change.

I think that my mother and I could both easily admit that our last few years together were tumultuous at best, and we needed our space. Shortly after I came to Ottawa, my mom moved out west. Though not everyone supported her decision to do so, I always understood why my mother needed to go. After spending nearly twenty years being a single mother and raising an only daughter, I easily recognized that it was important for her to reconnect with the person that she used to be, outside of being a parent.

I think that we would both also agree that moving away was one of the best decisions that either of us made and it was likely the only way to salvage our depleting relationship. However, what we didn't take into account was that such distance would make it next to impossible to rebuild again. When you've spent a lifetime being a part of each other's day to day life, living across the country from each other does indeed give you space...and nothing else.

After we both moved, we have since never been able to be in a room together harmoniously. Old angers and resentments never fail to rear their ugly head and remind us of why we put five provinces between us. The reality is that we have both grown and changed so much in ten years but, never put in the necessary effort to include the other in that growth. Now, being together is like having to get to know each other all over again. Something that can't be done in a ten day visit.

I would never go so far as to say that my mother and I ever stopped loving each other but, I'm quite sure that there have been numerous times when we stopped liking each other. Even now, the only thing that we really have in common is our past. I question whether or not our relationship could ever be what it was however, I don't know that I would ever want it that way again because I'm not seventeen anymore and I think the reason it was so hard was because we were growing out of the relationship that we had.

With this being said though, I have very much missed my mother over the past decade. She was my very best friend for most of my life and the love that I have for her is very unique. I have missed being able to talk to her without arguing with her. I have missed her support and her acceptance for the person that I am (as opposed to the person that I didn't become). I miss going out to dinner with her and laughing at life. I miss talking about everything instead of having to pick and choose what topics to bring up. I wish that she could have been a part of the changes and growth that I experienced but, I also have to believe that the way our lives unfolded were for a reason, and I find comfort in that.

It all seems very sad when you look back at ten years of butting heads and never being able to get along but, alas, all new relationships have to start somewhere, and I think that we are starting to find that place once again.

Like myself, my mother is very "self-aware" person. She spends a great deal of time by herself and in turn, spends a lot of time writing and reading. I think that I attained a great love of words from my mother (I just so happens that we don't know how to use them properly all the time!!). I have always turned to writing when I've felt anxious or angry, and I have always turned to books for endless reasons. Sometimes, the written words surpasses everything else.

In recent months, my mother and I have started emailing each other. This is something that we seldom did before and somehow, has become a way of reconnecting. It forces us to listen without interruption, judgement or walking away. It enables us to connect without letting our hurt get in the way. Even if we are not in a position to be open at that time, our emails are always there to go back to later. In turn, we have to opportunity to really think about what we are saying to the other. My mother and I never really did learn that words cannot be taken back and often times, it only takes a few of them to rip a family apart. Emailing has been a lesson in rethinking what it is that you really want to communicate.

I don't know if I created this blog more for myself or for others. I never really thought that it would be used to scrapbook our life but, sure enough, it has become just that. I often get told that friends and family come by to visit as a way of keeping up with the ever changing lives that we all live in and I'm glad for that. I suppose, in my own way, it allows us to be a part of each other's day to day life again..because oddly enough, it is often those little things that make up who we are and who we become.

My mother, at the age of 58 (sorry Mom!) has also just created her own blog, called Living on the Edge, and I hope that he can be as cathartic for her as ours has been for us. I just love reading it and it really helps me to see her life through her eyes, as opposed to through my lens. I have learned in recent years that understanding is often the biggest hurdle to overcome in relationships. Often, we are so busy expecting from others that we don't allow ourselves to accept others. And accepting is all we can really do. Relationships take time and effort (regardless of what Hollywood tells us, love is not enough. I don't say that to be cynical but, the reality is that commitment is what makes the difference, not love.) and until both parties are willing to put forth that effort, than you're not likely to get very far. But every little step counts and brings us that much closer to understanding. For us, this is our step and (I think), a step in the right direction.

So, please drop by and visit my mom at her blog. As her daughter, if there is anything that can be said about my mother...it's that she's worth getting to know. She's had quite a journey and many stories to tell! And while you're there...ask her for her spaghetti recipe...it's to die for!

Check her out here.

On the Run...

Ladies and Gentlemen...I have an announcement to make...

My absolutely fantastic friend, Marie, has been riding the "I want to be a runner" bandwagon for too long...her time is up!! 2007 is the year in which she is going to join us and cross her first official finish line!!

Everyone knows that a commitment isn't really a commitment until you announce it to the world so, Marie...I'm "outing" you!!! We are letting all of cyberspace know about your plans hence, there is no turning back now!!

The Plan of Attack:
The 10km race of the National Capital Race Weekend

The Day of Attack:
Saturday, May 26th, 2007

The Prize:
(with the exception of the obvious accomplishment of having finished her first race) A Double Chocolate Chip Blended Cream Frappucino from Starbucks (size of her choice)...the most calorie laden drink on the face of the planet!!!

So, Christina and Sarah (who are both running the full marathon...how awesome are they?!?!), be sure to make your way to the Gallery on the Monday after the race...we will have some celebrating to do...and we will need to show Marie how it's done!!!

My dear friends, family, cyber buddies and running addicts...leave your words of encouragement for Marie here...any journey to the finish line can be a bit daunting at times but, even more so, is the journey to the start line.

GO MARIE GO!!

Sleeping on the Job...

...with the new man in my life!!!

Smile...!!

I found some random pictures today while going through our photo files...some even worth sharing!!

Steve & I on the canal...obviously not this year!!!

Eryn and Rachel's little guy, Calvin.



Oh so pretty Sandra!

Colin's spirit is everywhere!

It's Here...!!!

Fusion...

I got harrassed today by Marie for being a delinquent blogger...what can I say other than I've been busted!!! I'm realizing now that starting a blog commits you to a whole other realm of responsibility!!

2007 has left me with writer's block!! That, or it's just left me with anything but a dull moment!! I keep finding myself in so many different directions that frankly, cyberspace is one of the last places that I get to visit when the day is done!!

Truth be told, I love being busy...as long as I can keep it organized!! Once I lose track of everything then it just becomes randomness that sucks the life out of me! I am border-lining on that right now!!

At work, things are amazing!! We are two weeks away from opening Davidson, three weeks away from our Renoir Media Tour and six weeks away from opening Mueck. The Ron Mueck show is the single most exciting thing that I've ever been a part of at the Gallery. It's all I can do to contain myself. His art is amazing...the build-up is amazing and I just know that the results are going to be amazing as well.

As great as things are though, the reality is that I still have to open two exhibits and coordinate five events in twenty-eight days (while three of my co-workers are lounging in the sun...buggers!!!). I'm not complaining or worried...I am just accutely aware of the time and intricate organization all of this is going to require on my part!! Stay tuned...

My Steve is his usual fantastic self who never fails to make me smile regardless of what the day has thrown my way.

Meanwhile, wonderful things are happening on the home front!! I am now officially the 2:30 pace bunny for the National Capital Half Marathon. This was on my list of 100 things to do before I die and honestly, I still haven't wrapped my brain around the reality of it happening yet...but I've still got time!! In the meantime though, I begin training as a group leader on February 8th. I can't wait but, it is a really big commitment. I will be leading the 2:30 group through their training and hopefully, help them to achieve their own goals as well. It's certainly a new and exciting endeavour!! Look for me on race day...I'll be the one with the bunny ears!!!

I'm still working on repairing my neck muscles from the intensity of our annual holiday family puzzle!! They are coming along!!

My Mom has launched her own blog site called Living on the Edge. It's great and I love love love reading it!! I'll post more about it later!

I've decided that I'm writing a book...get ready...I'm going to expect you to buy it!!

My new year's resolutions are going alright...not great...but not yet a lost cause either!

AND...the best news of all...our loser housemates are getting the boot!!!

Oh yeah...and I LOVE CHOCOLATE PUDDING! (only the cooked kind though...not the instant one. Boo to instant pudding!!!)

Happy Birthday Jim!!

Men With Brooms...

One of our fun adventures this past holiday was to go curling with the gang from Chatham. I don't think that most of us had ever really curled before (with the exception of phys ed classes) so, for the most part, we were going at it inexperienced!!! The Smits, The Brinkmans, The Alexanders and two sets of Smyths gathered for a fun filled evening of rock throwing and ice sweeping!!!

While this new sport did come as a bit of a challenge, I think that most of us would agree that an annual Bonspiel is in order!

I think that it's also worth mentioning that the Smyths basically rocked the scoreboard (even if Kelly and I slacked a bit in the sweeping department!!)!! Yeah Smyths!!!

A Crisis of Faith...

This is a great article that I discovered in the Ottawa Citizen while going through some old papers from the holidays. It poses the great question of "When the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on earth?" (Luke 18:8)

Read the full article here.

"That which dominates our imaginations and our thought will determine our lives and our character. Therefore, it behooves us to be careful what we worship, for what we are worshipping we are becoming." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Aloha Baby!!

Our Hawaiian Adventure may have come and gone but, to ring in the new year, we finally got around to putting our most memorable pictures together in a slideshow to remind us of where we left our hearts behind!!

Check it out here!!

Four Hours To Go...

It's 7:59pm on New Year's Eve. I can't believe it. It feels like I just blinked and suddenly the year was coming to an end. Amazing how that happens sometimes!!

Two nights ago, we were in Tilbury doing our annual family Christmas jigsaw puzzle and managed to finish in record time. Unfortunately, before I thought to take a picture of it, it had already been taken apart in preparation for tonight's festivities. Our annual puzzle is so great because it gives the family tons of time to sit around the table and catch up on the year gone by. Sometimes though, we catch ourselves in silence, relentlessly trying to fit a thousand little pieces together!! It was during that time that I began to reflect on 2006 and think ahead to the year ahead.

I always love the New Year. There is something terribly comforting to me about knowing that every January we are given a clean slate in which to start over. I always anxiously await the new year with great hopes and a lot of optimism about the future. While most of the population sinks into a deep depression due to visa bills and dreary days, I am usually at my best in January, roaring to go and filled with a renewed sense of vitality. I love it!!

Yes, I'll admit, I'm a sucker for resolutions!! I make a fairly standard list of commitments for the new year and, for the most part, I'm pretty good at sticking to them. I do, however, tend to make resolutions that only impact on a superficial level; like being more punctual or being more adventurous with my cooking.

This year though, I've decided on something different...something more personal and more meaningful. Something that has been a long time coming!! This year I really hope to bring myself that much closer to the ever distant idea of balance...that fine line between the small stuff and bigger picture. I have a number of small stepping stones that I hope will help me get there but, one of them is to finally cut ties with a particular Kingston resident (not you Heather...we love you way too much!!!!). For nearly four years this person has become one of the most tumultuous relationships that I have experienced and for those entire four years, I have consistently "gone back for more". Initially, I endured because I believed that there was good to be had in the relationship but, in the past year (even after a nasty falling out), I have continued to keep in touch, mostly in hopes of finding validation that I wasn't entirely wrong about this person. Really, the only thing that I ended up learning was that some people are always going to think that they are better than you.

With that being said...my new year's resolution this year is ME!! For the first time, a very conscious effort is going to be made to address what makes me happy and pursue some of the goals that I have envisioned for a long time. They aren't necessarily big goals but, they are valuable none the less.

So, as my wonderful Christina and some other friends find their way to our place to ring in the new year, I will kiss 2006 goodbye...along with some of the ties that bind. No one ever tells us that some of those ties are chains that, if we only stopped struggling long enough, we would realize that we held the very key that would unlock us from them. But, alas, some things take time to learn and with that comes another great quality about January 1st...the New Year also seems to bring new clarity!!!

Good Night and Good Luck!

Portrait of a Strange Year...

Paul Gessell, writer for the Ottawa Citizen, finally printed his 2006 yearly art review...for those of us in the art world...it's much anticipated!! It's equivalent to the best and worst dressed reviews for the year and as for 2006...let's just say that he didn't hold back!!

His review, titled Portrait of a strange year, clearly had some stronge personal views between the lines (sorry Jason and Stefan St-Laurent...he doesn't appear to be a fan!!!). As for us, we didn't score well and we didn't score poorly (if you can call "ending artist apartheid" scoring points!) but, for all his "anti-contemporary talk" that he threw at us...he'll have a lot of explaining to do when Mueck comes to town in March. It doesn't seem overly justified to say that we don't make contemporary art a priority when we are about to host the largest Ron Mueck exhibit in the world. I will be patiently awaiting his apology!!

All in all, personal biases aside, it's a good article and as always, highly entertaining!!

Here's a brief exerpt of today's review. Check out the rest of it here!

"In the year that was 2006, Ottawa scientists discovered the secret of Mona Lisa's smile. Even more startling: For the first time a gallery admitted it was exhibiting "bad art". And two old-fashioned art salons emerged to inject some pizzazz into the national capital art scene. Oh yeah, and art apartheid ended at the National Gallery.

But, unquestionably, Ottawa's most fascinating art story of 2006 was the Portrait Gallery of Canada. The saga of the gallery just kept getting juicier as the year unfurled."

- Paul Gessell, Ottawa Citizen

Merry First Christmas to...

Rohan Smyth

Cole Donaldson

Kellen Smyth

Bethany Munkacsi

'Tis the Season...

It is officially that time of the year again...when it's just one fun gathering after another and the food just never stops!! It sort of makes me wonder why people want to get together over the holidays and not during the rest of the year?? I wonder if the other months feel inadequate next to December and the joy that it produces?? Do you think that February has low self-esteem given that everyone either dreads its arrival or saves their pennies all year just to escape it?!?!? Poor, sad February!! Imagine the therapy that it requires?!?!

Anyways, where was I...??

Our first gathering of the season arrived right on time...December 1st...complete with snow and traffic jams!!! The Donaldson's had a great party at their place complete with a cookie exchange and, for some of us, the premiere introduction to baby Cole!!

Sunday was the pseudo Smyth Christmas (though not the same because we were missing Heather and Roberta) in Petawawa. The Tilbury Smyths arrived on Thursday, we joined in on Sunday (though Steve almost got thrown from the car due to his backseat driving!!) and the Leamington Smyths followed that afternoon. In the grand tradition that is a Smyth festivity...there was lots of food...lots of laughs and a fair share of sarcasm from the Smyth men!! Apparently, there was even some "loud kisses" later in the evening (a story for another time!!!)!!

With those two behind us (and getting over the disappointment of the Liberal Convention!!!), we now set our sights on the weeks to come; A Christmas night out with the girls this coming weekend, drinks with Matty and Sarah, Sunday afternoon with Cathy and John, NRC Christmas Party, NGC Christmas Party (including the best Christmas tree EVER! Rockefeller Center...eat your heart out!!), Christmas bowling with my crazy co-workers, the Georget Christmas (still to be determined), the Smyth girls spa day, dinner with Matt & Kate, a London visit with Christina and certainly a visit with the Chatham friends thrown in there somewhere!!

Whew...where are the flying reindeer when you need them!?!?!

And just for the record...our Christmas shopping is entirely DONE!!! Wrapped and all!! Our Christmas gift to ourselves is not having to walk into a mall between now and 2007!!

Merry Christmas to us!!!!

Here's Looking At You...

Nine Things...

...that you might not know about me (or atleast that wouldn't necessarily come up in conversation!!)...

- when I was little I used to think that being vegetarian also meant that you couldn't eat gummi bears or animal crackers!

- during the summer of 2000 I did the reverse bungee jump at the Calgary Stampede with a giant stuffed polar bear!

- the first time that I ever drove, I picked up two hitchhikers!!

- I went trick or treating until my second year of university (and yes...they gave us candy!!)

- I started being afraid of thunderstorms when I was 27 years old (thanks to the Smyth/Smit/Brinkman/Alexander camping weekend!!)

- I was named after actress Genevieve Bujold

- I spent the entire year after the movie American Pie was released having people stop me in the street to ask if I was related to Shannon Elizabeth (I have NEVER seen the resemblance!!)

- I often dream in french!

- even though my husband is three inches taller than me...my legs (hip to floor) are the same length as his!!!

What don't we know about you...???

Everyone Has a Story...

A couple of weeks ago, Dad, Steve and I spent the day in the West end of town tackling the ravages of IKEA and Bayshore shopping centre. I don't really know what the logic was behind doing this on a Saturday afternoon but, we mentally prepared ourselves for border line holidays shoppers and braved the elements!! We ended up having a really good time and surprisingly enough, we didn't spend a cent on anything other than food (how does that happen?!?!).

Anyways, in between visits to IKEA and Bayshore, we stopped at this fancy furniture store across the Queensway to check out how the better half lives. As we were all roaming around the beautifully set up room displays, Steve suddenly yelled out to me "Hey Gen, come here...this is the kind of desk that we have to get you when you become a writer". Sure enough, Steve had found this amazing solid wood desk that I couldn't have picked out better myself. Then he said "when you start writing your first novel, we should get this and stick it in front a window so you can write!". I was astonished. My husband believed, with complete confidence, that I was going to become a writer.

I have always loved to write. I've been writing ever since I was a very little girl and even in the age of technology, I've still always prefered the long lost art of letter writing. I've been told on more than one occasion that I should write a book and as romantic as it sounds, I've never really taken it very seriously. What would I write about?!?!?

However, one of the people that first suggested to me the idea of writing was a professor of mine in fourth year. He was one of my communications professors and his class was one of the funnest that I had taken throughout university. He thought that I should write a novel about my life and my experiences. I took it as a beautiful compliment and, for the first time, considered my writing abilities as something unique that I had earned the right to be proud of.

Anyways, as it turns out, that professor has become a finalist for the 2006 Governor General's Literary Awards for his non-fiction book The Empire of Mind: Digital Piracy and the Anti-Capitalist Movement. He's up against four other non-fiction books and even if, ultimately, he doesn't win the big prize...he's still going to be the man that helped me to appreciate my writing as a gift to be pursued.

With that being said...I guess maybe I should take his comments to heart and start working on this novel of mine (and saving for the fancy desk!)!!!

Congratulations Professor Strangelove...I'm rooting for you!!!

Desiderata...

Go placidly amid the noise and haste
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly and listen to others,
even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is.
Many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially do not feign affection.

Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disappointment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars.
You have a right to be here.
And whether it is clear to you or not, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labours and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham and drudgery and broken dreams
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrman, 1927

The Case of the Smyths vs. Loser Housemate...

Our new housemate is an idiot!!

About a month ago, the guy who lived on the main floor of our house moved out to go and live with his girlfriend. Given that his lease wasn't up yet, he recommended a friend of his to move in and sublet the remainder of his lease. Sure...this seemed like a good idea...at the time!!

Three days after he moved in, we got woken up at 4am (on a Wednesday!! Are you kidding me?!?!) to him having a huge party. I annoyingly went downstairs and complained to the happy party-ers that they were being loud and aggravating, and that some of us had to be up in three hours to go to work.

A week later...another party. This time on a Thursday night. We closed our windows and decided to ride it out.

Two days ago (ten days after the last time)...yet again...at 3am we woke up to one of his friendly gatherings. This time we emailed him at work to explain that different arrangements were going to have to be made for his socializing, as being up once a week until all hours of the night just wasn't going to work for us. We were courteous, friendly, willing to do our part, and after a few email exchanges, it seemed like there was an understanding and the problem had fixed itself. Until last night...

At 3am this morning, our new friend hit an all time low. As the walls were shaking from the music and the girls that were over had out sung themselves, we (along with the tenant below us) went to his apartment once again to complain. This time though, when they heard people knocking on the door...not only did they all rush and huddle into one room (so no one would "hear them"...c'mon, give me a break!) but, all the very classy women that were over were scrambling to put all of their clothes back on!!! Very tasteful dear neighbor!!

After the three of us finally managed to pull them away from their alcohol and karaoke long enough to tell them that we were fairly unimpressed with the situation...they actually had the nerve to "shoo" us away and turn the music up again. Trust me...it was a real barrel of laughs!!

At this point, these morons had pretty much unleashed the 3am rage inside of me. Hence, I marched upstairs and proceeded to call the cops. Less than five minute laters, three police cruisers showed up outside our house. Two of the officers stood at the door knocking while, once again, our night hawks scrambled into a room (though their intelligence prevailed this time and they congregated in the room right next to the front door with the windows open...BRILLIANT!!) while a "voted delegate" was assigned the job of answering the door.

Once the police went inside, we all went back to our respective apartments and the party dwindled shortly there after. Needless to say that some very strongly worded emails have been passed around today and all future courteous behaviour is declared right out the window. The war at 141 Powell Avenue has officially been launched, so start placing your bets folks!! Given the very mature behaviour that we have seen in the past three weeks...I'd have to say that the odds are in our favour!!!

Stay tuned...

The Nearest Book...

1. Grab the nearest book
2. Open to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next four sentences in the comments section along with the title of the book.
5. Don't you dare dig around for that "cool" or "intellectual" book on your shelves. (I know you were thinking about it.) Just pick up whatever is closest.

Here's what I got...


"...Colourful cushions nestled into a wooden bench or a steel-framed chair not only promise comfort but add style and color. Every outdoor seating area should include a few lightweight, portable pieces for flexibility - tables that keep drinks and reading material closeby, and chairs that can be pulled right up to the warmth of a fire pit."

- Pottery Barn Design Collection, Outdoor Spaces

At Last...I Found It...

"Our greatest glory is not in never failing
but in rising every time we fall."
- Confucius

Baby Rohan Update...

Baby Rohan is now here in Ottawa at CHEO and is doing much better (I'm telling you...it's all about being in Ottawa...it makes everyone feel better!!!). He's still in the neo-natal intensive care unit but, in very stable condition.

I held him for the first time on Sunday night and though I was terribly nervous at first, I calmed down eventually and he just dozed off to sleep (thank you Rohan for being so nice to your Auntie Gen!!!).

He will probably stay at CHEO for a while longer...though Monica's goal is to have him home by November 30th. I've been telling Rohan that given one of his first homes has been Ottawa, that it's only right to grow up to be an Ottawa Senators Fan in due time!!!

Really, what are aunts for?!?!?!

Into Thin Air...

Just last week, I finished the book Into Thin Air by Jon Krakauer. It's actually been sitting on our book shelf for the past three years and I just picked it up for lack of any other book to read at the time. It's about Krakauer's climb to the summit of Everest as a writer for Outside Magazine. As an experienced climber already, he jumped at the opportunity when he was asked to join an expedition and later write an article about the commercialization of Everest. Instead, this expedition ended up being the worst tragedy that the summit has ever seen, leaving many guides, climbers and sherpas left dead on the mountain.

I wouldn't normally have had any interest in a book about climbing. It's not a sport that I've ever enjoyed though I have tried it many times. However, as an athlete myself, I'm always in awe of the extremes that people manage to push their bodies through and more so, the pure determination that it requires to surpass such limitations.

The real reason however, that I was intrigued by this story was because of a very inspiring person that I met this past summer while training for my half-marathon. Gavin was my 2:00 pacer for the summer and one evening, told all of us the story of how he became a runner; After being very out of shape and having adopted many bad habits, Gavin just decided one day that he didn't want to live this way anymore and was determined to be a healthy person. Bit by bit (and some things cold turkey!!), he changed his life around and became an athlete. Last year alone, Gavin did numerous marathons, a couple of triathlons and had the rare opportunity to travel to Base Camp on Everest.

Travelling to Everest at any altitude is incredible but, Gavin had the even more unique priviledge of going with Dr. Sean Egan, a professor of Human Kinetics from the University of Ottawa. Dr. Egan was a person who was passionate about the health and well-being of all Canadians and had climbed the summit of Everest three times in his life. Gavin was a film producer setting up with his crew at Base Camp to document Dr. Egan's ascent. Unfortunately, Dr. Egan died on Everest during that trip due to respiratory and heart problems, and Gavin found a new passion for life in himself.

Upon his return from Everest, Gavin decided to start a legacy of his own called "Find your Everest". It's a website where people can submit their health and fitness goals, and find the encouragement that they need to accomplish them. When they have reached their goal, Gavin sends them a small piece of Everest as a reminder of the huge effort that was put forth in the betterment of their life.

I just love Dr. Egan and Gavin's story. I love the inspiration that was taken from such a sad experience. I love what both Dr. Egan and Gavin were trying to do...help people become the very best version of themselves. After having read "Into Thin Air", I can only imagine what Dr. Egan went through in his last moments and the despair that must have been felt by everyone there trying to help him reach the summit. It's no easy feat to be that brave and to follow your true calling, whether it be to the ends of the earth or the top of world!!

What's your Everest??

The Great Toronto Run and the Great Mind Shift...

This past weekend was the Toronto International Marathon and as many of you know, the half marathon was to be my first race in a year and a half. Truth be told, I don't really have a very good track record when it comes to racing!!! I am a very strong, disciplined and consistent runner when I am in training but, for some reason, come race day, I lose all ability to pace myself, to focus properly and I end up spending the entire race "chasing" everything...chasing the finish line...chasing the pace bunnies...and most of all, chasing a goal that I always seem to forget isn't etched in stone!! Frankly, it's exhausting (and running 21.1 kilometres is tiring enough all by itself!!!).

Throughout my running career, I have run two 5km races, four 10km races, two half marathons and one full marathon, and for each and every one of those experiences, I have crossed the finish line feeling incredibly sore, terribly ill from the degree to which I have pushed myself and worst of all, never quite satisfied with the time that I clocked. It's a frustrating pattern to have and over time, has depleted my spirit when it comes to racing.

Despite the fact that I have had one of my best training seasons to date (training consistently at a 2 hour pace), as we were driving to Toronto on Saturday morning, those feelings of anxiety and apprehensiveness came rushing back with blunt force. I had butterflies in my stomach, nervous energy and I wasn't sleeping well...all of which were familiar signs of the race to come.

Sunday morning came with beautiful sunshine, brisk air but fortunately, no wind...all very good running conditions for this time of year. Right away though, I found myself getting lost in the excitement of the crowd and all the runners. My breathing was short and my heart felt like it was beating out of my chest...and along with that came the discouragement that I had seen and felt this all before.

We started our race on time and like my previous races, I was out of pace, my breathing was very shallow and in turn, my muscles were beginning to feel sore and tight. Already, I could feel the sickness setting in and the anticipation of how I was going to feel at the finish line was making me cringe. About four kilometres into the race, I spotted the 2:15 pace bunnies and for the next eight kilometres, I proceeded to run my little heart out in hopes of moving ahead enough to potentially reach my goal of a two hour finish. Instead, every time I watched the pace bunny catch up to me, I felt a little more discouraged and my heart broke a little bit more at the thought of watching yet another race become "unsuccessful".

At about ten kilometres, we left the excitement and chaos of Yonge street and proceeded into a five kilometre stretch through a beautifully calm and peaceful residential area. I took my MP3 player off and decided to try and regulate my breathing enough to make another pass at finding the 2:00 pace bunny. By this time though, I was sore and the temperature was dropping really quickly as the clouds took over our formerly sunny sky. I finally needed to stop on route to stretch out my legs (and pop two more tylenols) when I saw the 2:15 pace bunny starting to catch up to me again. I immediately, despite the screaming calf muscles, sprinted ahead, determined not to let this race be like all the others.

Suddenly, just past the twelve kilometre mark...something happened!!! Actually, something more than just "happened"...something changed!!! At that moment, I decided that I was tired of living my life constantly "chasing" things instead of enjoying things...and that included my running!!! In turn, I ended up stopping dead in my tracks and I waited there, on the side of the road, until the 2:15 bunny not only passed me, but was out of sight. Somehow, in doing so, it released me of my need to evaluate my success solely by the numbers on the clock. Shortly there after, a smile crept up on my face and I began to run again, slowly at first and then as I started to feel better, my pace increased with my smile!!!

The Running Room often jokes that some of the slower pace groups in training are called the "smiling at the finish" groups!!! Though it's certainly said lovingly and affectionately (because it's quite often that much harder the longer you take), there is something to be said for this statement and also something that all of us (atleast me) can learn from it.

Running is a sport that is often measured by numbers; your time, your distance, the number of hills you fit into a training session, your heart rate, the number on the scale and and and....but just like in life, there are times when you come to realize that you've truly done everything you can do and that it's time to just sit back and enjoy the ride and start measuring your success by the quality of the memories you have. When I stopped running at kilometre twelve, it was because I very suddenly and abruptly realized that this race had absolutely nothing to do with the finish line because no amount of effort I put into this race was ever going to compare to the amount of effort it took me to get to the start line. That was what really matter...that I started in the first place.

I always thought that the reason I wasn't a very good racer was because I got too caught up in the crowd and the excitement, and would end up losing my focus. Yesterday I realized that doing so wasn't a bad thing, in fact, it was the very reason that I loved racing in the first place...the excitement!! I learned that there was no point in putting so much effort into getting myself to the start line if I wasn't going to enjoy the priviledge of being able to run and be smiling at the finish line!!

I spent the last eight kilometres of my race taking everything in!!! Though my muscles were quite sore from the hills (you don't realize just how flat the canal is until you race somewhere else!!!), the wind and the decreasing temperature throughout the race, I had the most amazing time!!! I stopped to hug friends and family along the way who had travelled to watch me run...I helped an injured runner get to an aid station (and later watched him finish)...and I even stopped to go to the bathroom (something that, as many runners know, can easily add five to ten minutes on your time that are not easily made up later on...hence, you try to hold out until the finish line!!). It was a race unlike anything I had experienced before because, for the first time, I decided to enjoy the journey and not just the destination!!!

2006 has been a tumultuous year for me, wrought with challenges, both medically and personally. It has been both physically and emotionally exhausting to try to overcome them but, in a split second after twelve kilometres of running...the light bulb finally turned on and the road ahead seemed so much brighter. Life (and racing) didn't have to constantly be a means to an end...it could be a bunch of baby steps that eventually finds you with a medal around your neck...not for winning but, for enduring...for going the distance inspite of the obstacles, the challenges, and most of all, inspite of the things that we tell ourselves during those times.

I finished my race in two hours and eighteen minutes! It was the most fun that I ever had in my running shoes and for the first time ever, I cried at the finish line...happy that I had finished...sad that it was over...and excited at all that was to come.

In the past, I would have spent the next five hours just trying to keep something in my stomach long enough to refuel my body but this time, all of my friends and family joined me for a nice warm coffee (complete with whipped cream, caramel sauce and chocolate shavings on mine!!!) and we shared all of our funny stories. My husband and I later drove back to Ottawa and instead of taking in as much Tylenol as I could...I just watched the world go by and could hardly wait to lace up my shoes again!!

I've always believed that life offers you signs every day in order to help guide you in the right direction. More times than not, the problem is that we either don't take the time to look for them or we just refuse to see them. I've passed many signs in my time and never given them a second glance but, when I crossed the finished line yesterday, a gentleman in front of me had a sign staring me right in the face that said "Your greatest legacy will not be never having failed, it will be the number of times you get up when you fall."

For the first time in my life...I would have to agree!!

Apologies All Around...

Sorry!

I have been slacking on my blogging duties!!

I have had three back-to-back special events at work...Thanksgiving Weekend to partake in and this coming weekend is my race in TO.

I'll be back soon!!!

Who's On First??

It was a really cold and rainy day in Ottawa today. Actually, it was exactly the kind of day that I was hoping for...where there is no place better than being under the covers with a good book and interrum naps!!

I was especially pleased today because, for many months now, I've been meaning to scan a bunch of childhood pictures that I found and wanted to add to our digital collection. I had so much fun going through all of them and remembering my days back in London when all of us kids were so little. I found myself laughing out loud at many of the photographs (and wondering how I let anyone do that to my hair!!!).

One of the funnest things about my afternoon project was noticing that almost all of my best childhood memories include one person...my uncle Victor!!!

As I was going through some pictures, I just couldn't help but laugh at so many of the funny things that we did together when I was growing up. In turn, I also remembered some of my hardest times that I went through, and again, he was the one that was taking me out for ice cream or bringing me home after having run away.

My Uncle Victor and I have always had a particularly close relationship and looking back, I think a big part of the reason that I value family and connectedness so much is because of him. I would have to say though that my uncle and I have always been friends before anything else. That is what I think makes us so unique. I can tell my uncle anything and there is huge level of respect between us that has enabled us to share a great deal of trust and honesty.

For as long as I can remember, my uncle and I have always been together. I had the priviledge of always living nearby and much of my childhood (and most hockey seasons!!) were spent with his family. As he started to have children, we just became a bigger family that had that much more to share.

I don't think that it ever occured to my uncle and I that one day, marriage, school, children and life would one day get in our way. Over time, our relationship became something that was only reflected on during the holidays or when one of us was passing through town. It's always sad to acknowledge but, it is reality sometimes and often, we unintentionally take those relationships for granted and assume that they will just always be there.

About a month ago, my uncle and I found ourselves with some time to visit again, just the two of us (which was the first time in a long time)...and as we seemed to pick up right where we left off so many years back, we suddenly realized that we had let go of the miracle that is that kind of relationship. We had stopped putting the effort into it and in turn, missed so much about each other. My uncle and I were the best of friends and, fortunately for us, were able to recognize our mistake before it was too late but, how many times to we just let life get in the way of our most important blessings...each other?? We get bogged down with our day to day worries and so often, forget to reach out to those that bring us perspective.

When I was looking through my pictures, I couldn't help but wonder how different my life would be if I knew then what I know now?? I wondered what I would tell that little girl and what advice I would give her??

I know that I would certainly tell her not to sweat the small stuff and I would tell her that even though a heart may be broken...it still beats just the same (and I would tell her to watch "Fried Green Tomatoes" every chance she gets!!). Most importantly though, I would tell her to never let the people she loves slip through her fingers...because though she may have ice cream a thousand more times in her life...it will never taste as good as it does with Uncle Victor!!