Is anyone there...???

So, on the off chance that there happens to be anyone out there who still reads our blog…we are back!! Maybe not with a vengeance…but, nonetheless, the world has stopped spinning long enough for us to get our feet back on the ground!! So, if you are out there…I apologize for our tardiness…you win some and you lose some!!

Last week, I got in trouble from someone because they were all upset that they were hearing about our life on “public domain” as oppose to in person. I had to laugh at this because given the pace of our life over the past four or five weeks, the reality is that if they hadn’t heard about life on our blog, then they wouldn’t have heard about it at all!!! For the short periods of breathing space that we had, posting something online was the very best that we could do. However, between that comment and the Ottawa Senators’ season coming to an end, I had an interesting realization last week…there are two kinds of people in this world; those that appreciate what they can get and those that insist on someone paying for their expectations not being met!!!!

Last Wednesday night, we, along with most other people (at least from the region) paced back and forth with baited breath to see if the Ottawa Senators would endure another game at the hands of the Anaheim Ducks. They did not. And while there was a shared disappointment felt across the capital, let’s face it, Anaheim could have scored on their own net twice as many times as we did, and still beat us!!!! It’s okay, they were just a better team and after crossing the continent ten times in two weeks, there is only so much that you can give. What they did give us was the best that they could and that’s all that we can ask for. The bottom line is that they still beat out twenty-eight other teams and gave us the best season we ever had. They did us VERY proud and if nothing else, this city was charged with an energy that will live long into the next season.

What was very interesting though, was to watch how people reacted to the finals over the next couple of the days. While most people were thrilled with the playoffs and the effort put forth, there was always someone suggesting that someone should get fired or traded for disappointing everyone and not bringing home the Cup. Some people went so far as to say that the team is just a huge let down because they “couldn’t get it done”…

These people have got a lot of nerve!!!!

But, I digress…when I first heard of “someone’s” disapproval regarding our lack of communication, I felt much the same way as I did for the Sens and their mass of critical fans…blind sighted with criticism when I was already giving all that I could!!!

The past month for Steve and I has gone a little something like this…

We started off with already being very busy due to work responsibilities. We are short of number of people in our office and it’s already a busy time for us without the added work. We unexpectedly bought a house!!! We love it, we can hardly wait but we also haven’t had the time to be excited about it because once we signed the dotted line, it was back to business as usual! We also bought ourselves a fancy new camera (this has been a long time coming) and again, no time to enjoy or play!! So far, we were 0 for 2 when it came to the new toys!!!

At work, we (as in, my colleagues and I) were busy closing up two exhibits and preparing to open four more, two at the beginning of the month and the two big summer shows at the end of the month. Meanwhile, I was not only preparing to pace for the Ottawa Race Weekend but, I was also training a group of people, preparing logistics for a water station being hosted by the Gallery for the Marathon and doing some promotional work with the Race. It was a blast but, a full-time blast!!!

We also had our fair share of drama thrown into the mix (you know, just to keep things interesting!!!). Just in case keeping afloat wasn’t enough work already!!!

We also found ourselves doing a lot of praying during the month of May as well. While our life was swirling around us in a frenzy, those in our life were also dealing with some challenges of their own. We prayed for Louise and her mother, for Kristy and her husband, for Jesper and his mother, as well as for Christina and her grandpa. It was tough to not be able to do more.

Once the Race Weekend came to an end, I had to almost immediately leave for Shawinigan to open our new exhibit, Carsten Holler. Oddly enough, I really enjoyed my time there. I had never visited the Shawinigan Space before and the break from the office was nice. When I returned, Steve and I then left for Montreal to celebrate his birthday and see the new Cirque du Soleil (AMAZING…I highly recommend it!!). All of this was followed by a crazy week of opening our summer exhibit, Renoir’s Landscape, last week (successfully though!!).

Yes, life has rocked for the past month or so, but the excitement and blessing of having so many commitments has taken us out of commission for a while! Unless you have been one of my runners whom I have shared most of my weeks with…unless you are one of the Smyths who have had to make the trek East to visit us…unless you are Christina, Sara or Joanne who raced with us…or unless you are Marie and Abby, who have helped me keep my sanity over the last month…then our ability to give our time or energy has been quite limited. If it weren’t for people like my amazing sister-in-law, Kelly, who has been sending me adorable emails and updates on the family…then it’s likely that people may have forgotten what we looked like!!!!

Now that we have lived to tell the story…this is where we stand (for anyone still listening in!!)…

- We bought a house…YEAH!!! More to come on that… (I am up to my ears in paint chips!!)
- We bought a new camera. Part of the realization that I can’t have my own photography exhibit without taking the pictures!! Will post some shortly!
- Race weekend was incredible…I may be the very best pace bunny that ever was!!!!
- I start training for the Montreal Marathon in a bit.
- Saw the movie “Knocked Up”…HILARIOUS!!
- There is a movie being filmed on our street!!! It’s funny watching the police trying to figure out if you can tow filming trucks!!! “Fear and loathing on Powell Avenue”…???…It’s got a nice ring to it!!
- Krista and my mother got cut from the blogroll!!! Sorry girls…it’s been six months since you last updated and it’s not nice to play with our emotions like that!!!
- Tim’s photo blog got added because, let’s face it…your pictures ROCK!!
- Facebook will be the death of me!!

So, what’s the point of all this venting…??? Well, just like hockey fans, we have spectators to our lives. Those spectators tend to either check in from time to time and enjoy what’s being offered or, they watch attentively for you to slip up and then want an explanation for why the game wasn’t played up to par!!

I am beginning to accept this characteristic in others. It doesn’t mean that I like it but, it was enlightening to see what expectations others have of you in times when there is nothing left to give. While some will congratulate you on coming this far, others will wash their hands of you and make you feel guilty for not going the extra mile.

This is what my thoughts are on this…

Either pick up a hockey stick and show ‘em how it’s done or quit complaining and be a gracious fan!!!

Step Back...Pace Bunny Coming Through...

Enough Said...

I am slowly going crazy ... one ... two ... three ... four ... five ... six ... SWITCH!!! Crazy going slowly am I ... six ... five ... four ... three ... two ... one ... SWITCH!!

It's been almost three years now since I left Parliament Hill and moved here to the Gallery. It's hard to believe how much has happened in that time and all of the directions that us Hill staff have since taken. Political life was hard for me. It can be terribly ruthless at times and I was seldom accustomed to the cut throat environment of people trying to make it to the top.

For the things that I was happy to leave behind, the one thing that I still miss to this day, is many of the people that I came to know. Some of my closest friends were people that I met on the Hill and though we are still friends, I miss seeing them on a day to day basis. Matty, Sarah, Keir, Natalia...all these people made life in the snake pit much more bearable. And I miss them.

One of the greatest blessings from working on the Hill though was another girl I met named Kristy. Looking back, she had such an impact on my life because she came along at time when I needed her most. Kristy was one of the most thoughtful people that I had ever met in my life. She was constantly thinking of others and had such a strong desire to make the world a better place. She came to work in our office for just a couple of days a week and eventually, Kristy and I spent close to five days a week together!! She was such a fun girl and I just adored her spirit.

The morning after I got engaged, I rushed over to Parliament Hill to tell Kristy. We celebrated over Starbucks and I asked her if she would be in my wedding party. She happily agreed and for a number of different reasons, it didn't end up happening. The summer before my wedding was the last time that I saw Kristy. There is a letter that she gave me for my birthday a number of years ago that I still carry around with me to this day, as a reminder of what a blessing she was to my life.

Even though Kristy and I didn't keep in touch, it was fun to hear about her life through other friends. I was thrilled when I heard that she was getting married to her long time boyfriend, Mike. Steve and I had spent quite a bit of time with the two of them and it was always very apparent that their relationship would last a lifetime. For all the goodness that Kristy brought to this world, she deserved nothing more than to live out her fairytale.

On April 23rd, Mike was driving from Ottawa to North Bay when he collided with a moose. He is in critical condition at a Sudbury hopsital with a skull fracture, multiple cuts and bruises, and numerous torn ligaments. He is currently in a medically induced coma and a shunt has been inserted to drain the fluid from his brain.

As a wife, the thought of receiving such a phone call makes me physically sick to my stomach. As someone who knew both Kristy and Mike, the thought of them enduring this makes my heart break.

Please pray for Mike and that the hand of God will heal him and bring him to a quick recovery. Please pray for Kristy and that she will feel the presence of God while she has to endure this. While I know that they are both strong enough to get through this, I wish more than anything that they didn't have to.

Lord, hear our prayers.

And the Winner Is...

MoneySense Magazine just recently released its rankings of the best places in Canada to live. With statistics from weather, to crime rate, economic prosperity and attractions, they roamed communities far and wide for the most ideal city in which to live.

And the trophy goes to.....OTTAWA!!!

Check out the article here, it's very interesting!

And kudos to Leamington for making the top three places with the best weather (who knew?!?!)!!!

Looks like Ottawa rocks for more than just their hockey team!!

Once Upon a Time...

Being an only child, I feel like I have a unique perspective of sibling relationships given that I've only ever seen them from the outside looking in. I can't say that I ever wished I had siblings because life is really about what you know and experience on a day to day basis. Though many people feel that the grass is always greener on the other side, I experienced a wonderful childhood as an only child, filled with beautiful friends and a close knit family. I can't say that the sibling relationships that did exist amongst our family were the healthiest ones I've witnessed and over time, made me very thankful that I wasn't forced to be raised in such a competitive environment. Somehow, it always seemed as though siblings felt this obligation to be best friends and when they discovered fundamental differences between them, it resulted in anger and disconnect. I remember a lot of ugly fights in our family at the hands of siblings.

As I got older and moved away to university, I had the priviledge of living with other students that gave me a glimpse into what it was like to experience siblings. Of course, having roomates for eight months at a time doesn't compare to a lifetime spent with someone that shares your DNA but, for someone that was an only child her whole life...it was a very significant opportunity to experience something beyond of my realm of understanding up until then.

In my second year of university, I lived in a busy house full of guys and another girl. It was a bit chaotic and the drama was often a shock to the system but, nonetheless, I think it's safe to say that we all walked away with some memorable stories to tell. It wasn't until my last year of university that I lived in a home with three other girls. All of us living away from home and all of us new to the situation we currently found ourselves in. The bond was almost immediate. For a week straight, we looked through each other's pictures, told stories about life before "this place" and our desire to be friends was overwhelming at times. I think that we needed each other. We needed to look out for someone and have someone look out for us. We needed understanding and support in the stages of life we were all experiencing. For the eight months that followed, we had some hysterical times, some yelling matches and times with tears so heavy it nearly brought you to your knees. At the end of the day though, I always longed for that connection with them because there was something we could offer each other that couldn't be found in a boyfriend or parent.

When the end of our time rolled around, the departure cut deep. We were all going in very seperate directions and the truth was, that our lives extended far beyond our four bedroom house. It was as though we had been kept in this little bubble that seperated us from everything else and suddenly, it was time to go home...back to high school friends...back to the initial paths that we were taking...back to recovering...back to finding our way...and unfortunately, none of that seemed to include each other.

I remember going to visit my mom in B.C. for a couple of weeks after my final exams. During that time, the girls were all moving back home for the summer and since I was staying in the city, I agreed to stay until the end of our lease to ensure that everything was finalized with our landlord before moving on myself. My flight arrived back in Ottawa very late on a Monday evening and it was a warm, summer night when I walked into our empty home. The girls were gone...the lights were all off...all of their stuff was gone and there was a goodbye note taped to my bedroom door. It was likely the loneliest that I've ever felt. Even though we had said our goodbyes before I left, it wasn't real until that night. Somehow I thought I was going to come home and they would still be there. They would either be cooking dinner together or watching tv while talking about the latest dates they had just been on. I haven't really seen any of them since.

My heart was so broken by that seperation that I spent a great deal of time distancing myself from relationships of that nature again. I had accepted and believed that, as an only child, I would continue to walk through this life as such and that long term connections like that were reserved for those bound together by life.

In 2003, I met my husband. He comes from a large family with three siblings of his own and an extended family that easily makes Thanksgiving a circus!!! A couple of weeks after we started dating, his first niece, Priya, was born. The two of us drove down to Kingston to see her and utilized the opportunity for me to meet some of his family. That's when I met my beautiful sister-in-law, Monica; on a warm June day when the tulips were in full bloom and her world had just changed forever with the birth of her daughter. I bet she didn't know this at the time, but much of my world changed then too.

Monica and I got along from the very beginning but, then again, Monica is magnetic that way. There is nothing that you couldn't adore about her. Given our proximity to each other, we ended up seeing a lot of each other in the months that followed. A little over a year later, when Steve and I got engaged, I knew right away that I wanted Monica to stand with me during our wedding...and she did. More so, she carried me through much of the challenges I struggled with as a bride-to-be. During the first week after being engaged, she called the house only to find me in tears due to all the sudden decisions that needed to be made. Shortly there after, she drove to Ottawa and saved the day...just like she always does. It's as though she protected me from all the rages that threw their daggers at us.


The wedding came and went, and with it, I felt a bit of sadness. While I was relieved that all the planning was complete and that our day was as perfect as we could have hoped for...something seemed to be missing. Monica was missing. For a year, I had this wonderful and brilliant woman all to myself...and in much the same way that our lease had finished...the wedding was done and I now had to give her back. I felt the ache inside of me start all over again. And to be honest, I don't know that that ache has ever really gone away.

Monica is this wonderful human being that means well in everything she does. She is beautiful and brilliant and kind. She has strong relationships with everyone in her life. She has phenomenal children who are a product of her amazing abilities as a mother. She is successful at everything she does and she is loved by everyone she knows. And herein lies the source of my heart ache...with the whole world in front of her and the incredibly inspiring life that she already lives...will she have enough room in it for me??

Have you ever wanted to "belong" so badly that something inside of you physically hurts?? Of course you have...we all have. I think that as humans, we all crave the approval and acceptance of those that we admire...some more than others. Monica is that for me. I know...this all sounds very selfish and childish, and maybe it is but, if you knew her...you would understand!! To be in her presence is to truly want the priviledge of being in her life.

Monica is moving to Australia at the end of this year. She will only be there for a year but, even then, I have very mixed emotions about it. While I'm excited for her and her family as it will be the adventure of a lifetime, I'm afraid that she is going to forget about me and that the ocean between us will fade me out of her life. I was discussing my anxiety with a friend of mine a little while ago and she looked at me sympathetically and said " Gen, don't worry...that's what little sisters do".

Little sisters?? Really?? Is that what I am?? Well, no wonder I'm struggling with my feelings...I've never been a little sister before and it never really occured to me that I was now!!

After having some time to reflect on the concept a little bit, things started to make a bit more sense and the pieces of my confusion started to fall into place; Monica is my "big sister" and with that comes a whole range of emotions that are foreign to me as an only child. As my big sister, I look up to her and I admire her. As my big sister, I want her to be proud of me and to miss me. As my big sister, I want her approval and her advice. As my big sister, I don't want her to leave me in this big, bad world by myself. And because she is my big sister...I want, more than anything, to be a good little sister!!!

It's Monica's birthday tomorrow and I don't think I've ever told her any of this. My big sister is a year older and for her birthday, she deserves nothing less than knowing how wonderful she is and how much I adore her. And while I work through the emotions that come with "idolizing my big sister"...there is no one that I would rather do that for. By the graces of God, I was blessed with an understanding of what it means to have that in ones life. And though I didn't grow up sharing a room with Monica, I am still "growing up" with Monica. And when I do grow up...I hope to be just like her!!

Happy Birthday Monica!!

I love you!

Gen

Spreading the Word...

Someone asked me once "is it a small world or do we just move in small circles"??

I think the answer is that with all this technology...our small world is becoming a very small circle!!!

Anyways, for a glimpse into my small world...go visit Russell in New Brunswick...he just did a very thoughtful little post about our blog and frankly, I just want to brag about how awesome my friends are!!

By the way, don't get all seduced by his sexy graphics and pretty pictures...you won't find any of that here!!!

One Hundred and Counting...

It's just creeping up on 9am...the sun is bright...the office is quiet and guess what...??? This is my 100th post on our blog!! I had to see it to believe it but, it's true...this is the 100th page in the life of Gen and Steve (or rather, mostly Gen and sometimes Steve!!!).

I started this blog on Thursday, February 16th, 2006 on a really cold and dreary day. I was home sick with a cold and was reading Dan and Shannen's website with admiration when I decided to try and test my skills at cyberspace myself!! Ever since getting married, Steve and I were feeling a bit overwhelmed at trying to keep in touch with everyone in our lives. With our time now split between two families, it was more of a challenge to be everywhere at once. I've learned the hard way that sometimes the distance between families can be very hard to manage at times and the extra effort put into keeping in touch goes a long way.

So, with my neo-citron in one hand and kleenex in the other, I spent the afternoon trying to put together a blog site for the first time in the hopes that it could bring us that much closer to those that we love on a day to day basis. Even if no one ever read our blog...feeling like we were connecting somehow made the distance between everyone seem smaller.

100 posts later, I'm happy to say that our "readership" has increased slightly (everyone...say hello to Russell in New Brunswick!!) and I think it's safe to say that we have our regulars!! It's those regulars that I'm very grateful for because sometimes, I feel very alone in my blogging world...as though it's just me and cyberspace with no one in between. Every now and then though, I'll get an email reminding me that it's been "too long" since I've updated the blog and I am renewed with a sense that maybe it's not all for nothing!!!

Mind you, it's never for nothing because on a personal level, it's very therapeutic for me to post here. While I often daydream of writing a book one day...for now...these are the first chapters. Even on days when my book is in the far off corners of my mind...sometimes it's cathartic to express the moments of my life that go from serenity to insanity in the blink of an eye!!

Aside from that though, there is also the unexpected...the surprises that come from the things you didn't plan. I've been surprised at times by the connections that have been made and the long lost relationships that have been able to resurface because, sometimes, the written word is all that is necessary to bring breath back into a friendship in need of air. So often, we can write what we could never say. I'm grateful that we can bring a piece of home to Heather while she is away and on her own for a little while longer. I'm grateful that Ginger and Michael can know that though we've never met, we are still family in the distance. I'm so grateful for Lesley in Kingston who has brought life, laughter, support and wisdom to my world in times when I thought there was little left. I'm grateful for Kelly and her faithfulness to our blog. I'm grateful that I can know what Nadia's really doing on the weekends!!! I'm grateful that I have the chance to get to know Russell better now than I did when we spent time together many years ago. I'm grateful that I can be with my runners via my running blog in times when we can't run together...because ultimately, we are all still getting there together. I'm grateful that Marie holds me responsible for my blogging responsibility!! I'm grateful that I could have a glimpse into Heidi's inspiring life even though we don't share a kitchen anymore. I'm grateful that even though I miss seeing Anne's face every day, she can still "visit" me every week. I'm grateful that I can share myself through the beauty of technology in a time when technology has become the death of us. And I'm surprised at how many people have found our blogsite by googling Ron Mueck!!!! Clearly more people are interested in him than they are in us...understandably so!!

Looking back (and for those of you who are just recently joining us), these posts have been some of my own personal favourites:

February 17th, 2006 - What's Yours??
February 22nd, 2006 - The Ultimate Escape
May 5th, 2006 - The Vice or The Versa??
June 25th, 2006 - Pathways to Peace
August 2nd, 2007 - The Kite Runner
August 29th, 2006 - Who's Life Will You Change??
September 13th, 2006 - Tragedy Strikes Again
October 1st, 2006 - Who's On First??
November 4th, 2006 - The Nearest Book
January 29th, 2007 - Living on the Edge
February 8th, 2007 - Own the Bunny

The quote of my Starbucks cup this morning says "I believe with all my heart in the power of art to saves lives". With that being said...I believe with all my heart in the power of the written word to bring people together and mend broken hearts.

Thanks to everyone for sharing in our life.

- Gen

Want a Cheap Trip to Paris...??

Go to google maps (http://maps.google.ca).

Click on get directions.

Put in New York, NY as your start address and Paris, France as your end address.

Scroll down to #24 in the list of directions.

And be sure to note the "estimated time of travel"...it cracks me up!!!!

Auntie Gen misses baby Rohan!!!

The Bigger Picture...

Every day, when I walk to and from work, I pass a homeless man that sleeps outside the Chapters at Rideau and Sussex. He's been sleeping there ever since the weather warmed up and he calls himself Crazy Dave, the homeless poet!! He writes poetry on scrap pieces of cardboard and "sells" them for change. He chooses to live on the streets because he feels that shelters are too unsafe and anything that he manages to possess just gets stolen right from under him.

A journalist took a photograph of him once and gave Dave a copy of the print. I bought it off of Dave and it is now framed in our bedroom. He looks so worn and as though he has seen so much in his life. What I love about the photo though is that it shows so eloquantly just how much spirit Dave has. He's not bitter or angry or rude. He's full of life and optimism about his circumstances. I seldom ever give Dave money, but I will often bring him food or have a coffee with him and chat a bit...he's got a lot of stories to share.

About a month ago, I was at Chapters buying a book when I saw Dave in line in front of me. He was buying a sale copy of the The Jungle Book with the money that he had collected!! I asked him about it and he just smiled at me and said that he was excited because he had never read it before! I sort of chuckled because I have never read it either!! I've been bringing him books ever since.

I was so moved by this moment because so often, we tend to judge those that live on the street...being quick to assume that they missed the boat and ended up there due to addiction or an error in judgement on their part. Dave may call himself Crazy but, he's anything but crazy. He is a reminder that the world needs more compassion and there is hope in all situations. People need our generosity, our kindness, our simple acts of giving eye contact and saying "good morning".

I am not always in a position to give monetarily to Dave but, I always express my respect and gratitude to him because he has more spirit and hope within him than most other people I know...people with beds to sleep in, jobs to go to and homes to call our own. It's frightening at times to realize how much we take for granted, especially as consumers of the Western World.

If you ever need a sense of perspective and gratitude, feel free to visit Dave...have a chat with him, ask him about his favourite book...and remember that it's only when we have nothing that we realize we truly have all we'll ever need.

"Truth or consequence...say it aloud...use that evidence...race it around...There goes my hero...watch him as he goes...there goes my hero...he's ordinary..." - Foo Fighters

photo by Sarolta Gyoker (designsoul)

What Would You Do...

...if you only had one day left to live??

I know...it's a pretty intense question but, really...if you knew just how limited your time was...what would you do?? Or what would you have done differently??

One of my training partners and friend, Jesper, sent me this great website called The Buried Life, about a group of four friends who made a list of 100 things to do before they die. They got themselves an RV and travelled cross country in hopes of checking off as many of their items as possible. While doing so though, they also asked other people what they would like to do before their time was up and ultimately, made a documentary about what would essentially be people's last wish.

Some of my personal favourites from their list are...
- to smash a computer
- take a stranger out to dinner
- lead a parade
- go into space
- kiss Rachel McAdams

In 2001, I made my own list of 100 things to do before I die, and I'm proud to say that I've been plucking away at it fairly consistently ever since, gradually checking off one or two things a year. Last year I learned how to drive standard...this year I am pacing the National Capital Race Weekend...next year we are off to Australia for a month...the list is really going faster than I thought it would!! And it's equally growing faster than I thought it would too!

However, if I knew that today was my last day...putting aside the obvious of wanting to spend it saying "I love you"...I would want to take more pictures. I know that must sound weird but, I haven't taken enough pictures in my life. I haven't recorded all the people and places that have shaped who I am as a person. Especially these days, when digital cameras make it so easy to capture your life, there is very little excuse for not doing so.

I love photos and I love being surrounded with them. I love going through old baby pictures and remembering how much life changes. I am grateful to family and friends for having taken so many pictures for me throughout the years but, I wish that I had taken more myself.

My favourite photographer, Yousuf Karsh, once said that "there is a brief moment when all there is in a man's mind and soul and spirit is reflected through his eyes, his hands, his attitude. This is the moment to record."

That statement is why, if I had one single day left to live...I would spend it being camera happy!!

What would you do??

Almost Famous...

Well...when I say almost famous...I mean a split second of fame really!!

The final version of the commercial has been aired and is now posted on the Ottawa Hospital Foundation website as well as youtube.

I can't believe that it took nearly twenty hours of filming for a thirty second commercial!!! None the less...I'm in it briefly.

I appear near the end of the shoot...there is a scene in which we are all running down a hallway (away from the cameras) past a poster for the race. I'm in scrubs and wearing bib number 3371!! Look for the ponytail!!!

Though my appearance in the commercial is brief, I am in the final shot that made up the Ottawa Hospital Foundation poster!! Look for me, front and center, pushing a wheelchair across the finish line!!

Who knew I would be a doctor one day?!?!

Check out the commercial here! (bottom right hand corner: "view our tv ad")

Sleepless in Ottawa...

So, I've been having a hard time sleeping lately. And it's only at night. I could sleep the day away given the opportunity but, once the sun goes down, I'm ambushed with a new sense of vitality that doesn't leave until my alarm clock goes off! I've always been more of a night hawk than a morning person and up until I started a nine to five job, I would often be up until two or three in the morning (most of my best school work got done in the wee hours of the night). Lately though, my sleep has been taken away from me for different reasons...mostly because I have been finding that my mind doesn't want to stop going a mile a minute. It's been grappling a lot lately with the roads and directions in which our lives take us. It seems as though we get into these routines and forget that things really can change at a moment's notice.

I've never really been one to second guess my choices and even now, that's not really what I'm doing. My life is wonderful and everyday I am grateful for everything that God has blessed me with. I have the very best husband that I could have ever hoped for, we have phenomenal friends and family, a wonderful home and challenging jobs to go to everyday. We have our health, we have joy, we have love, we have laughter and inspiration. Everyday we have more and more things to be thankful for. Right now though, I am trying to decide what the next path is to take.

It's an interesting time in our lives right now and we are in a position to make numerous different choices. Each one is exciting and just being at this point fills me with a wonderful sense of possibility. Steve and I have been very careful regarding the decisions that we've made and the priorities that we've followed through with in the past few years, and in turn, they are really starting to pay off. The patience and long term vision that we have had is proving to have been a worthwhile investment. The world really is our oyster right now and honestly, it's one of the first times in which I've felt so at liberty to be and go wherever the spirits take us. It's an incredible feeling!!

I've learned a lot about myself in the past year and for various reasons, I've discovered that many parts of my life and the decisions that have been made occured more due to other people's expectations as oppose to any authentic desire to do so. It's a harsh and sucky reality but, I'd rather discover that now than thirty years from now. In light of this, I'm really finding a new side of myself that I haven't appreciated as much in the past. I'm following new interests, pursuing forgotten dreams and surrounding myself with different people. It's new...it's exciting...and it's also very scary.

It's that scary side of this new venture that is keeping me up at night...weighing my options and visualizing all the different possible journeys to be taken. Don't get me wrong...knowing that I could write a book...dig up a dinosaur...or become a kindergarden teacher is thrilling. But when you've spent your entire life taking one path, the realization that you have so many options becomes a bit intimidating!!!

One of my biggest weaknesses is worrying. I always worry. I was a very worried little girl growing up and even now, worry and anxiety often get the better of me. Since renewing my faith four years ago, I've been much better but, constantly trying to pave a smooth road has somehow been ingrained in my blood. I think that much of the time, worry can drive us into action but, other times, worry just sucks the joy out of life and the adventure out of the unknown. It's not a side of myself that I like and I work at it constantly.

This past weekend though, I was especially nervous and fearful. Things at work were going a little rough and the pressure was getting to me. It made looking ahead at different options that much more important. For some reason though, nothing brought comfort and even that became distressing in and of itself. On Sunday afternoon, I went to Starbucks to read a bit. The place, as usual, was packed and there wasn't any tables available. I asked two gentleman sitting at a large table if I could share with them until another spot became available. Shortly there after, we starting conversing about various things and before I knew it, two hours had past and I never even noticed. Part way through our conversation, the topic of religion came up and one of the gentleman told me his profound story that lead him to believe in the peacefulness of death;

Apparently, in 1986, this gentleman was gunned down in an intersection here in Ottawa by someone that he didn't know. He was left to die and spent four days in a coma and the next two years learning how to walk again after being paralyzed. In those four days, he flatlined seven times and was clinically dead once. In that moment, he said that he didn't see a light or have an out of body experience but, he did say that it was the most peaceful thing that he's ever experienced. He said that because of that experience, he is no longer afraid of anything. Granted, for a long time after the shooting, if he would hear a loud noise, he would instantly begin shaking and he would experience the shooting all over again. However, one day, he remembered that peacefullness and decided that he would no longer be afraid of anything ever again.

I found his story fascinating and asked him if he looked back gratefully for that experience. He said no!! I have to admit that I was surprised. I asked him how he could not be thankful for such a thing when it has enabled him to live the rest of his life without any fear...something that many of us struggle with on a daily basis?? He responded quite simply by saying that anyone could choose not to be afraid. He said that it wasn't getting shot that made him not afraid...it was making the decision that made the change. He believed that at any point in time we can choose to live our lives that way and that we don't need to be left for dead or learn how to walk all over again in order for this happen.

I was stunned. I've never heard something so true in my life.

Shortly there after, we all decided that our time was up and we went our seperate ways. I never caught either of their names and it's likely that I'll never see them again but, that story has lingered with me.

I'm sure some people would say that it's meaningless and others would call it a coincidence or a bias perspective of the conversation.

I call it a reminder that God is always listening...and I'm suddenly feeling adventurous!!

- Gen

Name of the Year

I religiously read articles by Bill Simmons (aka The Sports Guy) on EPSN.com’s Page 2. I’ll admit that he was funnier in his earlier, less popular years. Maybe making the big bucks, moving from Boston to L.A., and being one of the most read sports journalists on the internet has gone to his head. I would consider him the internet sports equivalent to Oprah. He has such a huge readership that he influences millions of people each day and I think he knows it.

Be that as it may, I was reading one of his articles today and he had a link to a NCAA tournament style bracket for Name of the Year (NOTY). Check out the website here. It’s quite hysterical what some people deem appropriate names for their children.

The names are supposedly all “real”, although looking through the archives I noticed that some past winners of the NOTY were disqualified because the names were later “invalidated”. I’m not sure how they find all of the names, but it appears that they scour the internet, newspapers, magazines, etc. looking for people with “unusual” names.

For example, Intelligent Infinite Botts lives in Albany, NY, and at the ripe old age of 14 went back to jail for the second time for assaulting a 12-year old. In 2005, he stabbed a fellow student and was in jail for a year.

This makes me wonder – at what age do you think Intelligent became intelligent enough to realize that his parents were swimming at the shallow end of the gene pool and that the future wasn’t that bright for him? I’m guessing he figured it out in his early teens and threw in the towel after that.

Or how about Destinee Hooker? She plays volleyball and competes in track and field at the University of Texas. I think it’s safe to say that she has vastly exceeded her parent’s expectations for her life, unless of course she has been using “alternative” methods to fund her education.

There is also Phyre Burns Quickly. Do you think her (I’m assuming it’s a girl) parents are hoping that she will learn something from her name at a young age? Or perhaps this was something that they came to realize and in order to never ever forget this important fact they decided to immortalize it in their next child’s name?

Looking at the brackets, Anita Fiel is clearly a darkhorse as she got a raw deal as the 14th seed in the Sithole regional. Her name is simple, yet brilliant. I wonder if she knows Gertrude Nipple.

It is hard to argue with the four number 1 seeds in each regional – the previously discussed Mr. Botts, Yourhighness Morgan, Vanilla Dong, and Mario Hilario. I think that Mario Hilario and Vanilla Dong are clearly the favourites and may end up meeting in the finals, in which case, I would give the edge to Mario.

Some of my other favourites are D. Zeke Ezekowitz, Kyle Sackrider, Doris Morris, and Sasha Junk.

Who do you think will win the 2007 NOTY?

- Steve

February Song...

Where has that old friend gone

Lost in a February song

Tell him it won't be long

Til he opens his eyes

Where is that simple day
Before colors broke into shades

And how did I ever fade
Into this life

I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away

When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I'll come back to you one day

Morning is waking up
And sometimes it's more than just enough

When all that you need to love
Is in front of your eyes

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away

Sometimes it's hard to find my ground

Cause I keep on falling as I try to get away

From this crazy world

I heard this song for the first time at the Josh Groban concert last week and it nearly brought me to tears. Granted, I tend to have very strong emotional reactions to music (especially live music) but, I think that this is one of the most beautiful songs that I've ever heard. It's so sad and so romantic all at the same time.

When I listen to it, I picture this song being a letter from a father to his daughter on her wedding day as the new couple are dancing to their first song. Her dress is long and flowing, as is her hair and they are dancing under the stars on a warm summer night. Josh is at a grand piano singing (perhaps a wedding gift from the family!) and suddenly, all is right with the world. I picture paper lanterns hanging from trees and tiny little lights strung over water. I picture peach coloured tulips and green ivy. I see a white century home in the distance that holds the future of many years to come. I see a father saying goodbye for the first time and letting go for the last.

I think that it often happens that people have the words and just don't know how to say them...and then songs like this come along and change everything.

The Reality of Ron Mueck

One of the best decisions that I ever made in my life was to leave politics and take on the learning curve of working in the fine arts. Though it took me almost six months to eventually get my feet underneath me, I have been eternally grateful for the change and have never once looked back. It's been good for my soul to work in the arts. Though I'm not an artist myself and have never really enjoyed art history a great deal, art, in general, is a very soothing field of practice. It's almost therapeutic to walk through the Galleries and try to comprehend the existence of a five hundred year old painting. I often wonder, given the opportunity, what stories they would tell!

Of course, behind the scenes isn't always as calm and collected as the final product but, artistic chaos still somehow seems better than anything that politics ever threw my way!!

For numerous months now, my colleagues and I have been pushed outside of our comfort level in order to promote a very unique exhibit that is not only making it's Canadian debut but, has been breaking attendance records all over the world. Finally, last Thursday evening, in the presence of the NGC Foundation, Madame Chretien, regional media and hundreds of invited guests, we got to watch all of our hard work come together in the phenomenal exhibit presenting the works of Ron Mueck.

Mueck, originally from Australia but now living in Britain, is a fairly new artist (within the past ten years) who creates life like sculptures using fiberglass and silicone. The result is truly an experience that will take you on an emotional rollercoaster! He originally worked for such shows as the Muppets and Sesame Street, but eventually turned his gift into his own works of art. All of his sculptures are either miniature in size or larger than life with a sense of detail that almost makes you wonder if they are going to start up a conversation with you...they're incredible! Unfortunately, my favourite work, Angel, won't be presented but, overall, our exhibit (presented with the Fondation Cartier pour l'art contemporain) is the largest exhibit of his works in the world (featuring 16 pieces).

Mueck is also an artist well known for his privacy. Though he almost always travels to assist in the installation of his exhibits, he seldom, if ever, agrees to give interviews regarding his work. Thursday evening however, I had the extraordinary priviledge of meeting Mr. Mueck and talking with him a bit about his craft. There is something particularly exciting about preparing for an exhibit in which the artist is still living. So often, we are showing art that is many centuries old and when the time finally comes when you can honour a living artist, the experience is so much more rewarding! With one slight exception, I have had nothing but wonderful experiences with all the artists we have worked with...and Mueck is now at the top of my list (or atleast tied with Christopher Pratt!!). A man of great humility and class, he was an absolute pleasure to speak with and was incredibly humble about the huge contribution that he has made to the artistic world. It makes working to ensure the success of his exhibit that much more fun!!

Click here to see the Mueck mini site at the National Gallery of Canada webpage.
Mueck is on view until May 6th, 2007.

photo credits:
Untitled (Big Man), 2000
Hirshhorn Museum and Sculpture Garden, Smithsonian Institution, Washington (DC)
Two Women, 2005
Collection Glenn Fuhrman, New York

Steve finally arrives!

Today, I witnessed probably the most depressing presentation I have ever seen. It had nothing to do with children starving in Africa, or the wars in Iraq or Afghanistan. It was a presentation on the future of the World’s energy. Most people are well aware that the large majority of our energy is derived from non-renewable resources such as oil, natural gas, and coal. But does it ever cross our mind while we are filling up our cars at the pump that the resource is finite? I admit that I rarely think about it and when I do, I usually imagine it well into the future with hovercrafts and floating cities. It’s not going to happen in our lifetime, right? The world’s scientists always seem to find new oil reserves or develop new technology to extract more or produce more to meet our ever expanding appetite for energy.

Climate change has been a main feature in the news as of late, with our non-existent winter during December and January, David Suzuki’s cross-Canada tour talking about Global Warming, and of course the recent Academy Award for Al Gore’s “An Inconvenient Truth”. I admit that I haven’t seen “An Inconvenient Truth” yet. For some reason, seeing a movie about Al Gore’s Power Point presentation isn’t high on my list of things to do. And, I think I have a pretty good handle on Global Warming – why it’s happening, Kyoto (why some people like and others don’t), what we can do, and what the best guesses for the future are.

But, I never really had a grasp on the world’s energy resources. I knew that energy supply was going to be a big issue in the coming decades, but I never knew the gravity of the situation until today.

The presentation, titled “Energy Supply/Demand Trends and Forecasts: Implications for a Sustainable Energy Future for Canada and the World” was given by J. David Hughes of the Geological Survey of Canada (GSC). He is a geologist with more than 30 years experience studying the energy resources of Canada for the GSC and the private sector. He has made presentations across Canada and the United States to Federal, Provincial, and municipal agencies, including the U.S. Department of Energy, U.S. Potential Gas Committee, U.S. National Petroleum Council, Environment Canada, Natural Resources Canada and Industry Canada; and a slew of other policy forums, conferences, etc. All this to say - he knows what he’s talking about.

I wish it would be possible for everyone to see the presentation. In fact I wish everyone had to see it. I can’t explain the overall mood of the audience. You had to be there to see the looks on people’s faces. The most depressing part was seeing slide after slide of statistics and charts of our historical and predicted consumption, with forecasts on production limits and overall supply. I won’t be able to do the presentation justice, nor cover all the material here, but I’ll give you some highlights. If you want to take a look at the complete presentation, you can download a similar presentation he made in early February here. It’s a PDF document around 5MB in size, so be patient and you’ll need Adobe Acrobat to view it.

Here are some of the highlights (or lowlights):

- hydrocarbons (oil, natural gas, coal, etc.) provided 88% of the world’s primary energy in 2005
- forecasts suggest that by 2030, 86% of our greatly expanded energy demand will continue to be provided by hydrocarbons
- 56% of the world’s energy is currently consumed by developed countries, making up approximately 18% of the world’s population
- energy demand in the developing world is projected to more than double by 2030
- as of 2005, China was importing 48% of its oil, and India was importing almost 70%, meaning that with the projected increases in demand and the fact that India and China produce very little of their own oil, there is going to be much more competition for oil on the world market
- 90% of the oil consumed by the human race has been used since 1958, 50% since 1984, 10% since 2002
- production of oil has exceeded discoveries since 1984, and as of 2005, we’re consuming approximately 4 barrels of oil for every 1 barrel we discover
- OPEC (Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries) is made up of 12 countries – (Algeria, Angola, Indonesia, Iran, Iraq, Kuwait, Libya, Nigeria, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, the United Arab Emirates, and Venezuela), has three quarters of the remaining reserves, and 6 of those countries (Libya, Venezuala, Kuwait, Iraq, Iran, and Indonesia) reached their peak production capacity in the 1970s. Not the friendliest list of countries either, so the geo-political ramifications are quite obvious
- World oil production could peak in the 2008-2012 timeframe
- Even with four- or five-fold expansion of production from the Oil Sands, Canada will only produce about 3% of the world’s forecasted energy supply in 2025.
- 90% of the natural gas consumed by the human race has been used since 1963, 50% since 1988, and 10% since 2002.
- Three-quarters of the remaining natural gas reserves are located in the Former Soviet Union and the Middle East, which is a problem for North America since liquefying natural gas for international transport, is expensive, and entails approximately 15% to 30% energy loss.
- Canada has consumed 63% of our discovered natural gas resources. At current production rates, the remaining reserves will be gone in 15 years. It is HOPED that undiscovered resources will account for another 45 years of natural gas supply at 2005 production rates.

Again, that is just sampling. I didn’t even extract info about coal or electricity.

Another neat little tidbit is, as most of you have likely heard, Canada is one of the largest, if not the largest, per capita consumers of energy in the world. We consume almost twice as much as the average European citizen and 10% more than the U.S. But, why are North Americans such huge consumers? Mainly because the large majority of our infrastructure was built after we started drilling oil (1859), meaning oil was cheap and we built based on that premise, while Europe was built before oil. Hence European cities are much friendlier to bicycle and foot traffic and have much better public transit, while here in North America we continue to build subdivisions without sidewalks because why do we need to accommodate alternative modes of transportation when oil is cheap?

So, what does this all mean? Well, in the next 10-20 years, energy prices are likely going to increase a lot and we’re all going to feel the impact. The impact on my generation and future generations will be profound unless we do something about it. Mother Nature has a way of balancing things out.

So, what do we do? There is no magic solution in the future. Technological developments aren’t going to produce a silver bullet. The fact of the matter is gasoline and diesel fuels have two of the highest energy densities in comparison with other energy carriers. Hydrogen isn’t going to solve anything because it takes energy to create hydrogen. If you’re going to consume hydrocarbons to produce hydrogen, then why not just burn the hydrocarbons directly and avoid the energy loss? Hybrid vehicles aren’t the answer either. They’ll definitely help, but remember it requires energy to build a hybrid vehicle. It’s estimated that a hybrid car has to be driven 65000 miles before it saves more energy than it took to build it.

Again, what do we do? In Mr. Hughes presentation, he gives a lot of different solutions which all should be pursued. However, the main answer is conservation. Consume less. It’s really our only choice. If we don’t consume less then increased efficiencies, technological advancements, and renewable energy use aren’t going to mean anything.

So, the question is – do we want control over the solution or should we let Mother Nature take care of it??

-Steve

Lights...Camera...Action...!!!

I've always believed that when you decide to do something and fully put it out into the universe (perhaps via a blog site!), then it tends to take on a life of it's own and the experience can lead you in many directions. That was the case for me this weekend when I was given the opportunity to be in a commercial being made for the Ottawa Hospital Foundation. I've never enjoyed being on film and I usually avoid it like the plague but, in this case, I thought it was best to bite the bullet and see where this would go!!

The commercial was being filmed for the Ottawa Hospital Foundation, who is the charitable partner for the National Capital Race Weekend (all funds raised that weekend are given to the Foundation). The idea was to have a race in the hospital hence, filming took place in the Emergency Room, the O.R. and through various wings of the departments. It was pretty wild and I'm looking forward to seeing the final product!! The initial plan was to have me be the pace bunny for the race (since I am pacing the actual race as well) but, it was later decided to change it because they felt that the average public may not know the significance of the pace rabbit. Hence, I was asked to be one of five doctors who joins the "race" with the other runners! Yeah for me...I got to wear scrubs!!!

My day began at 5am and was on set by 6:30am for make-up and wardrobe. There were thirty of us all together (not including the film crew and production team) and I didn't get home until well after 5pm. It wasn't uncommon to see many of us curled up in a hospital bed somewhere catching a cat nap throughout the day!! Our lovely make-up lady followed us around everywhere to ensure that we looked our best (while still looking like runners!) and we had to share our time between the production team, the CBC and the Ottawa Citizen.

I was later asked to do a photo shoot for the poster that is to be distributed in the next couple of weeks. That was a bit unexpected but, just one more thing to add to the list of things that I've never done before!!! I won't know for awhile yet if I will even been seen in the commercial because, with thirty of us, it's likely that we won't all be seen in the final thirty second shot. At the very least though, I will know how long it took us to get that final thirty second shot...TOO LONG!!!!

We had a terrific time and was ready for a good night sleep after nearly eleven hours of filming!! The challenge of filming in a hospital is that it's still business as usual regardless of what other things are going on. We spent the better part of the morning filming in the ER, which meant that when an ambulance would show up with a trauma patient...we had to bring everything to a halt and start over again when the coast was clear again! I'll admit, that was a bit weird...running up and down the halls surrounded by patients...but, us actors gotta do what we gotta do!!!

Check out some pictures from the filming on my running blog. I may not make the final cut but, atleast I have pictures to prove I was there!!!!

It's a Girl...Soon...!!!

My beautiful friend, France, and her husband Francois, are expecting their first baby this coming July (us July babies are the best!!!). She recently went to find out the sex of the baby and sure enough...I was right all along!!

While everyone, including the soon to be parents, thought they were having a boy...I said from the very start that they were having a little girl...cause I just can't picture it any other way!!! I should have put money on it!!

Congratulations you guys...I look foward to seeing HER!!

You're ONE...!!!

Happy First Birthday Baby Kellen!!!

Will You Be My Valentine...??

As I wake up on the morning of my fourth Valentine's Day since no longer being a part of the "Single Girls Against Valentine's Day" coalition...I can't help but feel all warm and fuzzy inside at the sight of my very favourite Valentine.

As cards, chocolates and flowers get passed around today, we should all be thankful that Valentine's Day isn't how it used to be!!

St. Valentine, the patron Saint of love, was imprisoned for secretly marrying young men in a time when marriage was banned. Emperor Claudius felt that married men made poor soldiers, hence he banned all marriage from his empire. Once imprisoned, Valentine fell in love with the blind daughter of his jailer, who, thanks to his great faith and love for her, miraculously healed her of her blindness. Before he was taken to his death, he signed a farewell message to her, "from your Valentine", and this is the phrase that has been used on his day ever since!!

As a tribute to my Valentine, here is just some of the things that I adore most about my husband, Steve...

I love how brilliant you are in so many ways. I love how you share in my morning grumpiness. I love how your boxers show just above the waist line of your pants. I love how kind and loving you are. I love living on the sun with you. I love going to sleep every night with you. I love waking up every morning to you. I love spending our nights curled up on the couch together. I love how you are at every finish line that I cross. I love how much you care about the environment. I love how much you aim to be the very best person that you can be. I love how you try to be the best pirate in the carribean. I love how great you are to my friends. I love your determination and ambition. I love building a home with you. I love how you always listen to me. I love how much you make me laugh. I love how amazing your cooking is. I love how crazy you get about Excel spreadsheets. I love how spontaneous you are becoming in your old age. I love your shoulders. I love how excited you get about new glasses. I love sharing my life with you. I love ballroom dancing with you. I love learning how to surf with you. I love how you push me out of bed to do my runs. I love eating junk food with you. I love that we laugh at all the same jokes. I love how amazing you look in an old pair of jeans and a white t-shirt. I love what an amazing husband you are. and and and....

Most of all, I love being your Valentine!!!!

Bonne Fête Christina...

Happy Birthday to one of our absolute favourite girls!!

(and we have impeccable taste!!!)

We love you, miss you and wish you a FABULOUS start to your new year!! We wish we were there to celebrate with you!!

Own the Bunny...

I remember the day vividly...I ran to class to hand in my last exam and then hopped on a plane to go visit my Mom in the Queen Charlotte Islands for two weeks. As I sat on the plane for the next four hours, I remember thinking how I had finally made it...I had graduated university and was about to throw myself into the "real world". I had been in school since I was five years old and now, for the first time ever, I was really done.

Here's the thing though...no one ever told me just how scary the real world could really be! Don't get me wrong, I was thrilled to be done school but, at the same time, school is a safety net and for so long, school had been my life. The protection of recess, high school dances and campus were no longer there and suddenly, I felt sad. So much of my life had been about my advancement in academics, my goals determined by my education, then, at the age of 22, I finally reached the only goal that I had ever really known.

I spent the two weeks with my mother feeling like I was in a state of limbo; half excited about this new part of my life and half mourning the life that I was leaving behind. I just didn't feel ready yet to let go and life just seemed to be "happening" too quickly.

I arrived home on a very late flight and took the bus back to campus. It was late April and we were just experiencing our first warm spell of the year. Many people were still writing exams so campus was still full of life, even in the middle of the night. As I walked home from the bus stop, I was overwhelmed with a sudden sense a loneliness. Heidi, Jane and Amanda had all just moved out of our apartment, my boyfriend at the time had recently moved to Kingston for his new job, my cat had travelled with me to the islands to stay with Mom and the only life that I had ever known had just been handed in with my twenty page essay on theories of communication.

Life really is about balance but like many things, balance is also one of those things that is easier said than done. More often than not, we don't notice the lack of it until something throws us off kilter and we are struggling to regain our footing. It had become clear that somewhere between kindergarden and my fourth year communications final, I had begun to wobble a bit.

When I finally "recovered" from the trauma of graduating, I came to learn that what had been lacking in my life was goals outside of school. So much of my identity had been wrapped up in my studies that once it was over, I found myself lacking an identity beyond what I had just achieved. But of course, hindsight is 20/20 and doesn't do anything to change the past. I could however, take my new found enlightenment and use it as preventative measures for the future!!

The result?? A list of 100 things that I wanted to do before I died!!! Well, I actually only have 42 right now but, like anything else, it's a work in progress!! It covers everything from seeing a space shuttle launch to learning how to drive standard (which I just learned this past December!!). Doing this list has forced to me have goals beyond my day to day life. It has forced me to dream big and always have things to work towards regardless of changes that occur.

So far, I have managed to achieve two or three of these goals each year (one at the very least) and 2007 is no exception!! This year is the year that I will achieve #17 on my list...to be a pace bunny! Ever since I graduated, running has become a very big part of my life for various reasons and a whole village of people have helped me along the way...including pace bunnies...the admirable runners that help to pace other runners during races and help them achieve their goal times. I've always been in awe of pace bunnies and regarded them highly for the responsibility that they take on for the betterment of other runners. Even more so, I've always wanted to be one!!

Tonight, I start my training as the 2:30 pace bunny for the National Capital Half Marathon as well as being a group leader for one of the training groups. I'm pumped...I'm terrified...I'm praying that I will be able to do this well and make those that have believed in me proud. This role has been entrusted to me and because running is so important to me, this goal doesn't just get crossed off the list...it's going to get documented the entire way!!!

So ladies and gentlemen, please allow me to introduce you to my new running blog; Own the Bunny. An online journal of sorts about the road to achieving #17 on the big list. Some dreams and commitments are best shared with others because achieving such goals is never a one man mission. I look forward to sharing with everyone the ups and downs of making this happen and even more so, I look forward to seeing you at the finish line...I'll be the one with the bunny ears!!!

"I guess this is living...would you come again?"
- Thornley

Are We There Yet...

Whew...what a weekend!! As Friday slowly rolled to close, I was really hoping for a weekend of relaxation and winterlude fun. Though much of that was had, I feel like I've just survived an emotional rollercoaster!

Friday was madness! Usually on Fridays, I have my routine. I get my morning coffee and more often than not, I run into my co-workers doing the same and we walked to work together and discuss the likes of Grey's Anatomy and the ever approached series finale of the O.C. (**sniff sniff**). This particular Friday, my morning routine happened like clockwork but, with the exception that the second I stepped my foot into the office, it was as though a whirlwind crisis as swept in and taken Friday away from us!! What would normally be a fairly relaxed day spent catching up on the week's loose ends, ended up being literally eight hours of choatic running around that didn't end until approximately 4:22pm when I sat down for the first time that day. Needless to say, it didn't encompass the usual "unwinding" head space that I usually enjoy from my week's end but, alas, I did survive!!

Saturday, Steve and I went snowshoeiing in the Gatineau Hills!! After having lunch with my Dad, we eagerly packed our stuff and planned for an afternoon in the woods. The only problem...??? Quebec is CRAZY!!! That's right...apparently in the province of Quebec, you can put up one side indicating the direction of the highway and you magically enduced with the power to know where you are going. It's like the jedi mind trick of the francophones!! However, what they seem to forget is that some of us are used to urban planning that includes multiple and continuous aid when it comes to finding your way around! Anyways, all this to say that we spent far too long going around in circles and just hoping to make it back to Ontario in one piece!! We did get in two hours of snowshoeing however, we have no idea where we were!!

Saturday night was pretty quiet. We were in and out, but mostly, we were so wipped out from snowshoeiing that we couldn't bring ourselves to do much more (who knew that dragging around big, plastic feet would make five kilometres that much harder!!). The movie Little Black Book was on tv last night, so I spent the last two hours before SNL watching that when I quickly realized a pet peeve of mine...; I really dislike it when a film is marketed as a comedy only to find out that it's super depressing. Nothing is worse than accidently bumming out your saturday night so much that you need to spend an hour watching the Simpsons just to get your groove back!! Why do they do that?!?! Needless to say that this was one of those movies!! It had it's funny moments and for the most part, it was light-hearted but, just when the happy ending is due to roll around...BOOM...they hit you with the "moral of the story"...(which nobody wants on a Saturday night!). Consider yourself warned...!!

Sunday (like all Sundays) started out nicely. I slept in and had nice dreams (except for the one where I lost my engagement ring and was being poisoned at work!). Steve and I went skating on the canal, which was fabulous except for the fact that as each year goes by, my skates seem to fit less and less. I got my skates back when I was figure skating and hence, they were custom made to my feet. It worked out great when I was wearing them four to five hours a day but, now, the slightest change in the shape of my foot makes my favourite part of skating putting my shoes back on!! Being in my running shoes so much and having orthotics has made my feet change a lot in the last year...so getting those suckers on was torture this morning. However, once we were on the ice long enough, the numbness set in and it wasn't so bad!

As it turns out though, my Sunday was going to take a sad turn when we got a phone call to let us know that our nephew, Rohan, was back at CHEO with pneumonia. He was airlifted there from Deep River last night and will be there as long as necessary. We went down to the hospital to see him and as we were driving, all I could think about was how our family has spent far too much time at this hospital, for one reason or another. Enough is enough please.

Anyways, having spent quite a bit of time at CHEO with him in the fall, I wasn't at all nervous or anxious about going back however, we walked into the unit and I could hear him crying down the hall...and that was it...my limit had been reached and I too began to cry. As we arrived, doctors were using tubes to suck out the congestion from his nose and chest...and he was none to happy about it. I just cried as I listened to him and caught glimpses of the nurses working away at him. I just want him to be better and to be healthy. A co-worker of mine once said that as long as we have our health, everything else is manageable. It's one of the most truthful things that I've ever heard but, we usually don't realize it until some form of our health is at risk.

I went back to the unit to see Rohan a couple minutes later when I had calmed down, and by then he was sound asleep...thank goodness. He looked calm and peaceful and was as best as could be expected given the situation. I left feeling better but happy to be out of the hospital.

The rest of the afternoon was also stressful as the weather got really bad and I had to drive for the standard in it for the first time. Drivers are nuts in this weather and let me just say that the Loblaws parking lot is a danger to ones health!! However, the Haagen-Daaz sale (3 for $10.00) more than makes us for it!!

The Superbowl is on as I write this and during the pre-game show I decided that I wanted the Colts to win...they are not. The one time that I take an interest in football and my team loses!! Figures!

I never thought I'd see day but...Is it Monday yet?!?!

Living on the Edge...

It recently occured to me that this summer would commemorate ten years of me living in Ottawa. It will be ten years in August that I packed up my things and my life, and moved onto the 13th floor of the Thompson Resident at Ottawa U.

More than this though, it would be ten years since my mother and I last lived together. And when you have spent your entire life living with someone...it's a big change.

I think that my mother and I could both easily admit that our last few years together were tumultuous at best, and we needed our space. Shortly after I came to Ottawa, my mom moved out west. Though not everyone supported her decision to do so, I always understood why my mother needed to go. After spending nearly twenty years being a single mother and raising an only daughter, I easily recognized that it was important for her to reconnect with the person that she used to be, outside of being a parent.

I think that we would both also agree that moving away was one of the best decisions that either of us made and it was likely the only way to salvage our depleting relationship. However, what we didn't take into account was that such distance would make it next to impossible to rebuild again. When you've spent a lifetime being a part of each other's day to day life, living across the country from each other does indeed give you space...and nothing else.

After we both moved, we have since never been able to be in a room together harmoniously. Old angers and resentments never fail to rear their ugly head and remind us of why we put five provinces between us. The reality is that we have both grown and changed so much in ten years but, never put in the necessary effort to include the other in that growth. Now, being together is like having to get to know each other all over again. Something that can't be done in a ten day visit.

I would never go so far as to say that my mother and I ever stopped loving each other but, I'm quite sure that there have been numerous times when we stopped liking each other. Even now, the only thing that we really have in common is our past. I question whether or not our relationship could ever be what it was however, I don't know that I would ever want it that way again because I'm not seventeen anymore and I think the reason it was so hard was because we were growing out of the relationship that we had.

With this being said though, I have very much missed my mother over the past decade. She was my very best friend for most of my life and the love that I have for her is very unique. I have missed being able to talk to her without arguing with her. I have missed her support and her acceptance for the person that I am (as opposed to the person that I didn't become). I miss going out to dinner with her and laughing at life. I miss talking about everything instead of having to pick and choose what topics to bring up. I wish that she could have been a part of the changes and growth that I experienced but, I also have to believe that the way our lives unfolded were for a reason, and I find comfort in that.

It all seems very sad when you look back at ten years of butting heads and never being able to get along but, alas, all new relationships have to start somewhere, and I think that we are starting to find that place once again.

Like myself, my mother is very "self-aware" person. She spends a great deal of time by herself and in turn, spends a lot of time writing and reading. I think that I attained a great love of words from my mother (I just so happens that we don't know how to use them properly all the time!!). I have always turned to writing when I've felt anxious or angry, and I have always turned to books for endless reasons. Sometimes, the written words surpasses everything else.

In recent months, my mother and I have started emailing each other. This is something that we seldom did before and somehow, has become a way of reconnecting. It forces us to listen without interruption, judgement or walking away. It enables us to connect without letting our hurt get in the way. Even if we are not in a position to be open at that time, our emails are always there to go back to later. In turn, we have to opportunity to really think about what we are saying to the other. My mother and I never really did learn that words cannot be taken back and often times, it only takes a few of them to rip a family apart. Emailing has been a lesson in rethinking what it is that you really want to communicate.

I don't know if I created this blog more for myself or for others. I never really thought that it would be used to scrapbook our life but, sure enough, it has become just that. I often get told that friends and family come by to visit as a way of keeping up with the ever changing lives that we all live in and I'm glad for that. I suppose, in my own way, it allows us to be a part of each other's day to day life again..because oddly enough, it is often those little things that make up who we are and who we become.

My mother, at the age of 58 (sorry Mom!) has also just created her own blog, called Living on the Edge, and I hope that he can be as cathartic for her as ours has been for us. I just love reading it and it really helps me to see her life through her eyes, as opposed to through my lens. I have learned in recent years that understanding is often the biggest hurdle to overcome in relationships. Often, we are so busy expecting from others that we don't allow ourselves to accept others. And accepting is all we can really do. Relationships take time and effort (regardless of what Hollywood tells us, love is not enough. I don't say that to be cynical but, the reality is that commitment is what makes the difference, not love.) and until both parties are willing to put forth that effort, than you're not likely to get very far. But every little step counts and brings us that much closer to understanding. For us, this is our step and (I think), a step in the right direction.

So, please drop by and visit my mom at her blog. As her daughter, if there is anything that can be said about my mother...it's that she's worth getting to know. She's had quite a journey and many stories to tell! And while you're there...ask her for her spaghetti recipe...it's to die for!

Check her out here.

On the Run...

Ladies and Gentlemen...I have an announcement to make...

My absolutely fantastic friend, Marie, has been riding the "I want to be a runner" bandwagon for too long...her time is up!! 2007 is the year in which she is going to join us and cross her first official finish line!!

Everyone knows that a commitment isn't really a commitment until you announce it to the world so, Marie...I'm "outing" you!!! We are letting all of cyberspace know about your plans hence, there is no turning back now!!

The Plan of Attack:
The 10km race of the National Capital Race Weekend

The Day of Attack:
Saturday, May 26th, 2007

The Prize:
(with the exception of the obvious accomplishment of having finished her first race) A Double Chocolate Chip Blended Cream Frappucino from Starbucks (size of her choice)...the most calorie laden drink on the face of the planet!!!

So, Christina and Sarah (who are both running the full marathon...how awesome are they?!?!), be sure to make your way to the Gallery on the Monday after the race...we will have some celebrating to do...and we will need to show Marie how it's done!!!

My dear friends, family, cyber buddies and running addicts...leave your words of encouragement for Marie here...any journey to the finish line can be a bit daunting at times but, even more so, is the journey to the start line.

GO MARIE GO!!

Sleeping on the Job...

...with the new man in my life!!!

Smile...!!

I found some random pictures today while going through our photo files...some even worth sharing!!

Steve & I on the canal...obviously not this year!!!

Eryn and Rachel's little guy, Calvin.



Oh so pretty Sandra!

Colin's spirit is everywhere!

It's Here...!!!

Fusion...

I got harrassed today by Marie for being a delinquent blogger...what can I say other than I've been busted!!! I'm realizing now that starting a blog commits you to a whole other realm of responsibility!!

2007 has left me with writer's block!! That, or it's just left me with anything but a dull moment!! I keep finding myself in so many different directions that frankly, cyberspace is one of the last places that I get to visit when the day is done!!

Truth be told, I love being busy...as long as I can keep it organized!! Once I lose track of everything then it just becomes randomness that sucks the life out of me! I am border-lining on that right now!!

At work, things are amazing!! We are two weeks away from opening Davidson, three weeks away from our Renoir Media Tour and six weeks away from opening Mueck. The Ron Mueck show is the single most exciting thing that I've ever been a part of at the Gallery. It's all I can do to contain myself. His art is amazing...the build-up is amazing and I just know that the results are going to be amazing as well.

As great as things are though, the reality is that I still have to open two exhibits and coordinate five events in twenty-eight days (while three of my co-workers are lounging in the sun...buggers!!!). I'm not complaining or worried...I am just accutely aware of the time and intricate organization all of this is going to require on my part!! Stay tuned...

My Steve is his usual fantastic self who never fails to make me smile regardless of what the day has thrown my way.

Meanwhile, wonderful things are happening on the home front!! I am now officially the 2:30 pace bunny for the National Capital Half Marathon. This was on my list of 100 things to do before I die and honestly, I still haven't wrapped my brain around the reality of it happening yet...but I've still got time!! In the meantime though, I begin training as a group leader on February 8th. I can't wait but, it is a really big commitment. I will be leading the 2:30 group through their training and hopefully, help them to achieve their own goals as well. It's certainly a new and exciting endeavour!! Look for me on race day...I'll be the one with the bunny ears!!!

I'm still working on repairing my neck muscles from the intensity of our annual holiday family puzzle!! They are coming along!!

My Mom has launched her own blog site called Living on the Edge. It's great and I love love love reading it!! I'll post more about it later!

I've decided that I'm writing a book...get ready...I'm going to expect you to buy it!!

My new year's resolutions are going alright...not great...but not yet a lost cause either!

AND...the best news of all...our loser housemates are getting the boot!!!

Oh yeah...and I LOVE CHOCOLATE PUDDING! (only the cooked kind though...not the instant one. Boo to instant pudding!!!)

Happy Birthday Jim!!

Men With Brooms...

One of our fun adventures this past holiday was to go curling with the gang from Chatham. I don't think that most of us had ever really curled before (with the exception of phys ed classes) so, for the most part, we were going at it inexperienced!!! The Smits, The Brinkmans, The Alexanders and two sets of Smyths gathered for a fun filled evening of rock throwing and ice sweeping!!!

While this new sport did come as a bit of a challenge, I think that most of us would agree that an annual Bonspiel is in order!

I think that it's also worth mentioning that the Smyths basically rocked the scoreboard (even if Kelly and I slacked a bit in the sweeping department!!)!! Yeah Smyths!!!

A Crisis of Faith...

This is a great article that I discovered in the Ottawa Citizen while going through some old papers from the holidays. It poses the great question of "When the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on earth?" (Luke 18:8)

Read the full article here.

"That which dominates our imaginations and our thought will determine our lives and our character. Therefore, it behooves us to be careful what we worship, for what we are worshipping we are becoming." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Aloha Baby!!

Our Hawaiian Adventure may have come and gone but, to ring in the new year, we finally got around to putting our most memorable pictures together in a slideshow to remind us of where we left our hearts behind!!

Check it out here!!