Heather and Roberta's Wedding

"Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life,

love gives us a fairytale" ~ Anonymous

For more pictures from Heather and Roberta's wedding, click here

For pre and post wedding pictures, click here

God Remembered Me...

This past week, I had been feeling especially anxious about my life and the direction that I wanted it to go in. I want to write...! I want to spend my days living among words and getting lost in language. My life isn't like that right now and while I know that it can be, sometimes, the details of life make you forget that.

I spent my Tuesday lunch hour in the Notre Dame Cathedral...listening...being still and praying for some guidance and direction. Life is short and it needs to be lived passionately and with fulfillment. I asked God for some kind of sign that I was going in the right direction.

When I awoke on Wednesday morning, I noticed a lot of unusual visitors to my site. After a little bit of digging, I was amazed to discover that Sarah Susanka, the author of The Not So Big Life, a book that I am currently reading, had posted a link to my blog from her website!!!

I can only assume that she had found my post inspired by her book and that God was clearly checking his email that day!! I was astounded...thrilled...grateful!

I emailed Ms. Susanka later that day to thank her and just last night, I received an email back from a representative of her studio to say that they felt "my writing talent was very apparent" and that, of the many blogs out there mentioning their book, mine was one of their favourites!!

She also continued to provide some beautiful insight and advice regarding the art of writing and a life spent doing so.

Thank you Ms. Susanka and Ms. St. Hilaire for making my day! Your timing was impeccable!!

Thank you Steve, Anne, Nadia, Marie, Christina, Julie & Russ for your encouragement and unwavering confidence this week!

And thank you God for remembering me in, what I can only imagine to be, a very hectic schedual!!

Amen!

Have you ever seen the movie “High Fidelity” with John Cusack?? It’s one my favourite movies about a guy who’s the in progress of enduring a phase in his life that seems to be falling apart. He decides to recount his top five breakups in an attempt to see how his relationships have evolved over time.

I watched this movie again recently and the very thought of performing this sort of experiment myself leaves me feeling somewhat cynical! Mostly because I know exactly what I would find…a string of dramatic, unattainable men (likely all Scorpios!) with sunken in cheeks and a dark, mysterious past. Believe me, I’ve got the emotional battle scars to prove it! Don’t get me wrong, they were all terrific guys, but there’s something about being young and in love that is so “forbidden”. The drama and intensity of it all almost guarantees that you will get your heart broken in all the wrong places!

Dare I say that with my ten years worth of dating experience, high school crushes and summer romances, I could easily play the lead role in any Nicholas Sparks movie! The truth is though, that like many dreamy-eyed girls my age (at the time), “forbidden” is exactly what we wanted; the fairytale story that movies are made of. The problem is, that while two hours spent laughing, drooling and longing after Jude Law seems romantic at the time…a lifetime of that kind of emotion is simply too much work! And let’s be honest…we’re busy girls!!

I can smile at this history that I laughingly call my dating past because this past Monday was my anniversary! With two years of marriage under my belt, I can look back with the wisdom of a married woman and know that to have gone on too many bad dates does teach you something; you filter, you cringe, you develop a fairly refined list of “non-negotiables” and you decide that if a guy shows up for your date with another girl…you might want to call in for some backup!!

Though I haven’t officially said good luck and goodbye to my Top Five list yet, I don’t think that I need to. Time has done that for me. Time is funny that way…while it always remains constant, everything else changes with its passing. It’s as though I woke up one morning and realized that the man lying next to me was nothing like the all the train wrecks before him! Did I change?? Did he?? Who knows?!?! That’s the beauty of time…only it can really tell. One thing is for sure though; as I sat across from Steve, drinking wine over dinner, I realized that as much fun as first dates and first kisses really are, nothing compares to the first time you get flowers from the same man who just brushed his teeth in front of you!

Any girl who’s endured a landmine or two of a relationship knows that it’s not easy to walk through the land of lost boyfriends without getting blown to pieces. Chances are though, that you’ve also likely watched enough chick flicks (or High Fidelity!) to know that there’s always a happy ending…a safe haven, danger-free zone at the other end of the battlefield. Though you may both be battered and bruised, you may also be surprised to learn the one thing that dating never teaches you; the very fact that you’re not perfect and that he’s not perfect is exactly what makes you perfect for each other!

Yes, it's true...I was horrified too when I saw this but, to quote my friend Bob...

"...Something disturbs me about the glee people are taking in this person's humiliation. It's hard to believe anyone could be this unaware, but I have some sympathy for an 18 yr old whose misfortune will be the top of the worldwide news for a couple of days & what that all means to her & her family. It's interesting that we take offense to her ridiculous and uninformed depiction of South Africa and Iraq, but have no trouble slamming all of South Carolina... One ignorant act does not give us liscense to stereotype others. I work with kids every day who do and say things that are alarming and uninformed. The answer is not to ridicule them in front of their friends, family...the world. I think commentary on what's wrong with beauty pageants and an educational system that has failed millions is in order...not personal attack. Please think of how an 18 yr. you know would feel".

Our first visit to the Ottawa Lumiere Festival ~ August 2007

Ottawa at Night...

West Block ~ Parliament Hill

Ottawa Convention Centre

Advice to my Younger Self...

I wish that someone would have told me when I was little that the hardest part about being a woman is how much you will be judged by your appearance.

I also wish that they would have told me that the worst critic of all would be yourself.

Hello! My name is [enter name here] and I'm addicted to Facebook...

It's true...Facebook very well may be the death of me, and though I do really enjoy loging in everyday to see what my "friends" are up to, I don't especially like anything that throws me into information overload. So far, I think that FB has the very best photo loading system I've used and frankly, it brings my usually distant world right to my fingertips. I'll admit that reconnecting with old elementary and high school classmates (I'm reluctant to say friends as there is a reason that I didn't keep in touch in the first place!!) instantly threw me back to four years of trying to avoid embarrassement but, at the same time, it's been nice to discover that everyone has grown up...in more ways than one!!

Facebook has brought the people that I adore most even closer and at the same time, given me a whack load of superficial "friendships" that wouldn't have existed otherwise. In a world where people crave contact, I think that FB has been the answer to many people's social prayers. Granted, if it weren't for the accessibility of FB...I wouldn't have re-connected with Russ or learned more about my long, lost cousin in Montana or shared in many people's weddings over the summer. FB really does have it's benefits but, it's also taken that much more time from me that I already don't have to give!! Between two blogs, work, email and FB...my technological world is becoming a bit cluttered and some fall cleaning is in order!!

The compromise...?? Putting a hiatus on my running blog and going into FB detox!!!!

While FB may be stealing the thunder from many other online social utilities...I have to believe that ultimately, the blog will still prevail. I love getting up in the morning and checking in on everyone's sites. I love hearing about Lesley's life in K-town and seeing that Russ has failed, once again, to update!! I love hearing about the exciting news of Heidi's life and when the time permits, I really enjoy checking out everyone else's blog rolls. Blogs have a intimacy about them that can't be found in the food fights and wall messages of FB. It requires deliberate intention to check someone's blog and in turn, a conscious effort to participate in their life. Blogs help "wanna be writers" like myself contribute something to the world, even if it's only to a small piece of cyberspace. I'm sure that many novels lie among the HTML that make up blogs...there is a secret world of inspiration and confession around every corner!!

So, in order to never lose my commitment to my blog and yet, still acknowledging that I have an addiction to FB (saying you have a problem is the first step you know!!), I've narrowed my realm of technological communication. The running blog will be up for a while but, I won't be updating it anymore (atleast not until a new running challenge comes along), and my FB urges will only be satisfied twice a day!!

In the spirit of promoting blogs...here are some great ones that I've found recently that continue to give me faith that among a world of "top friends" and updated statuses...there is still some of us who believe that everyone is a writer when you're in cyberspace!!

Starbucks Gossip Blog - Monitoring America's favourite drug dealer

David Usher's Blog - Strange Birds

Zeke's Gallery - Opinions on Canadian Art from the Montreal Art Gallery

The Lost Blog - The Unofficial Guide to your Favourite Castaways

A Slacker's Running Blog - Temporarily Not Slacking

Pink is the New Blog - Everybody's Business is my Business

Dooce - Not Even Remotely Funny

Genevieve is...still a blogger at heart!

Inspiration...

I find inspiration in so many things; beautiful music...my friends...a great book...children...the quote on the side of my morning Starbucks cup!!

But it's never occured to me that something I've done might put inspiration out into the world as well!!

While I often receive feedback on topics that I've written about, my post entitled "My Name is Gen", from my running blog, received, by far, the warmest reception of all.

Recently, I was browsing through some of my friend's blogs that were linked through their facebook profiles and I found this...

I was very touched...especially coming from Leigh-Anne...because she has much more impressive things to be inspired by than me!!!!

The Not So Big Life...

I came face to face last week with a very intriguing question and it's been plaguing me ever since!! It's from the book The Not So Big Life, by Sarah Susanka, a hard cover that I've been reading bit by bit as I pass through Chapters on a daily basis. Susanka is an architect who tried to apply the basics of designing a home to the concept of designing a life. So far, it's an interesting read and given that I've been chipping away it very slowly, it's given me a lot of time to ponder some of the questions that come up in each chapter.

The question was "Does your current life reflect the aspirations that you had for yourself as a child"?

To be fair, I don't think it's one of those questions that requires a concrete answer, and certainly not a right or wrong answer. Knowing that makes me feel better about the fact that I've been struggling with it for days now!! Not only have I been trying to figure out how I would measure my life now but, even more so, I'm trying to remember what I aspired to be then. Have you ever really stopped to try and remember this?? It's not as easy as it sounds!!

I'm very much at a time in my life where I'm teetering on a tipping point; there is a lot that is about to happen but, at the same time, I still don't have to be fully ready to throw myself over the falls in a barrel just yet!! Given this unique time of opportunity, I am more aware than ever that my life can really be whatever I want it to be...childhood aspirations or not! Truth be told, I really don't remember what or where I wanted to go when I looked at life beyond being a child. I had my interests and I pursued them diligently but, it never occured to me that constantly rearranging Barbie's furniture as a child could have meant an interest in interior design later in life (which, might I add, I have come to discover via the process of designing our house...I LOVE!). As youngsters, we seldom ever put the pieces together that might lead to a very passionate life of doing what we love most.

I can remember being a little girl and reading until my eyes could barely stay open! And when I ran out of books to read, I would start writing my own. I was the only girl on the block who never had to be asked to clean her room because it was always impeccable. I remember being sent to camp in all white and never getting dirty!! I remember loving activity...I loved the feeling that a lot was happening around me. I would always get in trouble for doing my homework in front of the television but, my Mom never realized that it was the best way for me to concentrate. I remember always needing to move my body. Whether it be dancing, sports or just relentlessly twitching...my body always craved being in motion. I loved movies and would watch my favourites over and over and over again!! I remember writing a lot! Even though my friends and I saw each other every day at school...we still mailed letters back and forth to each other all week long. I also remember being a very worried little girl....worried about myself...worried about other people...worried about the road ahead. Oddly enough though, I don't ever remember what my aspirations for the future were. It just never occured to me that one day my life would be my own to live. Kids always have very big dreams but, they have very little foresight.

I suppose by this measure, my life has far surpassed my aspirations and expectations in many ways. Like my old friend Danelia used to always remind me, at the risk of sounding too cliché...we really are living the dream (assuming that you didn't want to be an astronaut!!). I have to say though, the question has got me thinking...!!! It makes me wonder whether or not an archeological dig of sorts might be in order...!?!?! If Indiana Jones could discover the hidden mystery behind the Holy Grail why can’t I find out what it means to love peanut M&Ms so much?!?!

With this in mind, I’ve decided to do a little bit of research into the hidden layers that make up who I am as a person. While I certainly consider myself to be a fairly “self-aware” person, I’m also always up for a good challenge!

Besides…I simply love a good mystery!!

With mid-August slowly creeping up on us, people everywhere are getting ready for September. Back to school, back to work, back to campus...new clothes, new office supplies, new apartments for the semester...whether you are sad to see summer go or not, September inevitably has a certain buzz of excitement that is simply unavoidable. Normally, I would be mentally preparing myself for the opening of our fall exhibitions and the chaos that soon follows but this year, I have a whole different kind of excitement to look forward to; on September 1st...Heather and Roberta, two of my favourite people in the whole world, are getting married!!!

All weddings are exciting and wonderful but, every now and then, certain marriages stand out as particularly note worthy because of the amazing people involved. Heather and Roberta will have been together for twelve years this November and finally, with a view of the lake in the background, they will stand before God and commit their lives to each other...and then we will party and celebrate the union of one of the greatest relationships I know!!

This wedding means a great deal to me for a number of reasons. Not only do I love both Heather and Roberta to pieces but, certain people stand out in our lives with a distinct bravery and intergrity that is rare in this day and age. These people overcome challenges and judgement that you one day hope is instinct but, until it is, we need these people to remind us what the true meaning of conviction really is...to stand tall in defense of your principles and to be proud to do so. Heather and Roberta are all of this and so much more, and no one deserves this celebration more than they do.

They are entering into this marriage in a time when same-sex unions are a very hot topic in our society, in large part because of its current legal status in our province. Both of them have been raised in very strong Christian families and they happen to live in the "Bible Belt" of Ontario. Neither of them has abandoned their faith in any way and as you can guess, this wedding hasn't happened without some controversy and debate.

While I don't share their views, I can certainly understand how some people would have issues or concerns with the topic of same-sex marriage. Given that it's now something very near and dear to many of our hearts, I think it's important that as a family, as a community and as a society, we begin to discuss these issues in a way that further our experience and broaden our understanding. As so many of us approach this wedding, we are coming from different backgrounds and histories that enable us to see it through very different lenses, all of which should be respected in their own right. Though I do spend a great deal of effort trying to be altruistic in matters such as these, I'll admit that it's very difficult to watch two people that I love so much have to defend their actions when their intentions are so pure in nature.


I would consider myself to be a very educated person, not just institutionally but, through experience I have come to ensure that I don't become ignorant to the world around me. When issues of debate have arisen, I have inquired into other people's opinions, spoken indepth to those on opposite ends of the spectrum and I consistently try to hear both sides with an open mind. Being so close to this particular situation though, I have struggled at keeping a neutral ground. Only just recently, given that I have such a personal attachment to those involved, do I no longer deem it necessary to be neutral...because thanks to what Heather and Bert have so eloquently taught me...now is my time to stand tall in defence in what I think is right!! Diplomacy has its place...but matters of the heart require responses from the heart.

One of the most common arguments that has come up over the past couple of months has been regarding the Bible's teachings. As a Catholic, my religion does not support same-sex marriage in any way however, as a Catholic, my religion, albeit the most suitable religion for my beliefs, is also just an outlet for my faith...a faith that existed long before I became affiliated with any church. I respect a church's decision whether or not to marry same-sex couples and I certainly don't think that they should have to be forced to do so by any government but, this is a perfect example of how faith and religion are not the same thing and shouldn't be treated the same way. Now, please do not start sending me hate mail for this next statement but...while I do take the Bible very seriously, I do not take the Bible literally. If I did, I would find myself sacrificing sheep on a weekly basis and suffering an eternal penalty for the sin of paying interest on our house. While I understand that the New Testament trumps the Old Testament with the new covenant, the basic teachings in both are the same; as Christians, we have a higher responsibility to love and support one another. We are expected, by God, to be an example of the same grace and humility that was given to us.

What I struggle with a great deal is the fact that in an imperfect world, made up of imperfect people, we often take it upon ourselves to decide which sins are forgivable. While it seems easy to judge a same-sex couple for their decision to get married because it violates Biblical teachings, it seems equally easy to forgive ourselves for the pride, envy, jealousy and greed that we experience everyday, although, that too goes against Biblical teachings. Though many argue that the Bible is clear regarding its views on marriage, the Bible is also very clear that we are commanded by God to love and accept one another as they are. The Bible is VERY clear that we are to leave the judgement up to Him.

Like everyone else, Heather and Roberta were created in God's image. They will stand before God and commit to a lifetime together...a gift that is bestowed on those of us who are willing to trust in the blind faith of love. In the Catholic church, it is believed that God only gives us enough intimacy to fully put into one other person and that intimacy is what connects us to another for life...makes us one...because only that one other person will ever fully see what God sees in us. Regardless of Biblical interpretation, there is no arguing that the Trinity is love. While thousands of years have been spent studying and translating the Bible, the human condition of loving someone is not useable for academic, religious or political agendas, because there simply is no measuring its depths...and there in lies the miracle of being God's greatest creation. Like faith, you go into love blindly...you leap off the cliff and hope for dear life that divine intervention will land you softly on your feet or that, at the very least, your parachute works!! Given the universe's inability to contain it, I find it hard to believe that any words on paper could even attempt to define the limits of its experience.

Saint Augustine of Hippo, like all other saints, experienced an especially unique relationship with God and a very divine life. Considered to be one of the most important teachers of salvation and grace, he once said that "Hope has two beautiful daughters; Anger and Courage. Anger at the way things are and Courage to change them". I think of this quote when I reflect on Heather and Roberta's upcoming wedding because during the days leading up to it, I sometimes feel anger towards a set of beliefs that, although is intended to bring us together, is ultimately becoming a barrier to sharing in each other's lives. Amongst the anger though, is great courage; courage as we stand together in three weeks time to celebrate a love and commitment truly worth knowing. We will celebrate the union of two of God's children and we will most certainly do so in God's presence. With that comes hope...hope that one day, we will live in a world that is accepting of all people who share the desire to love one another, because as Saint Augustine also said...

"Love, and do what thou wilt: whether thou hold thy peace, through love hold thy peace; whether thou cry out, through love cry out; whether thou correct; through love correct; whether thou spare, through love do thou spare: let the root of love be within, of this root can nothing spring but what is good."

Have I mentioned how much I love long weekends...!?!? No matter how much I love my job, it's always so painful to return to "regular schedualed programming" after being given a taste of retirement!! I've never understood those people who say that they get bored away from work because they have nothing to do...that's madness!! In a world so full of adventure and possibility, how could someone not feel overwhelmed with curiosity outside of the office?? Truly...it boggles my mind!!!

If I had to put all the pieces of the perfect long weekend puzzle together...it would have looked a lot like the past three days; indulgent, relaxing and spoils everyday life!! We headed to Petawawa on Saturday to celebrate Rohan's 1st birthday, Jeff and Mon's 10th anniversary and the simple pleasure of long summer nights!! The day spent around the pool with the Smyth and Valsankar families was wonderfully refreshing. We chatted, ate tons of great food, played in the pool, drank an assortment of yummy summer drinks and a couple of the little ones even fit in a nap!!

Sunday was greeted with another gorgeous day. I was up bright and early (although my head was still somewhat cloudy from the night before!!), and met Kathy, Jesper, Marilyn and Mary for a beautiful run along the canal and some catching up on the Starbucks patio. No matter how hard it is to get up for those morning runs at times, I always come home feeling so happy that I did!! Steve and I later headed off to church where we had another guest pastor, Sam Chan, from the Richmond Hill Community Church. He was great and a really nice addition to the invited speakers that we've had this summer. Then we did our usual Tim Horton's stop and went back to the Design Center to do more work on the house (we kept it short and sweet this time!!). The rest of Sunday was spent as follows: reading Harry Potter...taking a nap...reading Harry Potter...taking a nap...reading Harry Potter...taking a nap...and so on and so on!! With visions of Quidditch running through my head, we decided to go see the latest Harry Potter movie as well...there is simply no end to the magical bliss right now!! The movie was fantastic...I loved it! I didn't love being swept back to reality as much but, a few stolen hours here and there is better than nothing!!

After some much needed sleeping in on Monday morning, Steve and I did some cleaning around the house and did a quick check of the new house. We get to go through one of the built models this week and finally get a visual idea of our home to be. Very exciting!! After some quick shopping, we went to the west end to visit IKEA. The new catalogue just came out and we are still struggling with designs for one of the bathrooms, so inspiration was sought in the form of complete chaos!!! As packed as it was, we actually managed to keep our sanity intact quite well!! We roamed through some of the new arrivals and found some solutions to the many rooms that we will have to fill in six months. Pretty soon, my dreams are going to be of some wizard, flying his Nimbus Two Thousand broom through the halls of a design centre filled to the rim with counter tops and floor samples!!!!! Too much a good thing makes for some funny dreams!!

All in all, a fantastic long weekend...the sort that makes you long for the days of summer vacation and eating popsicles! It's a bit shocking to realize that three weeks from now we'll be welcoming September and not long after that, fall will be upon us once again. Maybe that's what makes summer so special though...playing with little people in the pool, sipping on frozen drinks and watching magical children's books come to life...the island of summer just can't help but bring out the kid in us!

For more pictures from Rohan's 1st Birthday, click here.

This picture is of my cousin Nicole (she's a set of legs to the left!) and her family in Montana. This is one of my favourite pictures ever and I can't wait to put it on one of the walls of our new house when we move in. I was thinking of Nicole last Sunday when we were at church; we had a guest pastor who had recently returned from a mission trip in Northern Quebec with a group of trouble native teens. Nicole is native and recently received her Indian name: Pte Waca Mani Wea, meaning Sacred Buffalo Walking Woman. When the pastor was discussing some of the challenges that he was up against and some of the issues that these teens were dealing with, it instantly brought me back fifteen years or so to when Nicole and I were kids. When we were younger, we spent quite a bit of time together growing up but, due to circumstances and the effects of time, we grew quite far apart and in many ways, became like strangers held together solely by our shared childhood.

In recent years though, through the magic of technology, we have managed to reconnect and start to get to know one another again. Even in the brief encounters that I've had with Nicole prior to this, I can tell you that she is an absolutely phenomenal woman and someone that I admire a great deal. Nicole has a story unlike any that I've ever heard and her incredible courage to take the path away from pain is beyond inspiring. I won't go into much detail because a.) I don't even know much about it myself and b.) because it's really her story to tell. What I do know though is that someone else could have easily made a different choice...they could have given up and turned their back on the potential that they had.

When the pastor was discussing his time up North, it made me wonder if God chose Nicole because he knew that she was strong enough to handle it and would, ultimately, make the right decision?? As the faith filled woman that she is, I wondered if during her more trying times, she knew that God was with her and had this plan?? Either way, I found comfort in knowing that the adorable girl I knew as a child had, despite her challenges and turmoil, become this incredible mother, wife and woman of God. She is an amazing example of a life fully lived and transformed (and she's beautiful to boot!!).

While it saddens me that we lost so much time together, I have to believe that like our relationship with God, sometimes we need to move away from it before we can find each other again. And when you do find one another again, the time and connection that you now have more than makes up for the time gone by when you weren't even looking. And for those bleak moments when the clouds seem to block out the light of life, I always know that there is this wonderful Sacred Buffalo Walking Woman in Montana with a story to share and inspiration to heal.

The heavens would be proud.

Photos courtesy of Sammy Oxendalh Photography

The Rules of Engagement...

When I was in grade six, I confronted my first bully! She was someone that I had gone to school with since kindergarten and though she didn't specifically bully anyone in particular, she was very used to getting her way. One afternoon, our music teacher called in sick and we didn't have a substitute so, the principal set up a couple of televisions in our classroom with a variety of movies and we could watch whichever one we wanted (this was my kind of music class!!). There was about four or five of us curled up in a corner watching a particular movie when this girl came along and decided that she didn't want to watch any of the selected movies and, instead, wanted to put in her own movie in place of what we were watching. She walked over to our VCR (yes, we used VCRs back then!) and just began taking out our movie. Now, I have no idea what came over me at that time because I was never one to stand up to anyone but, I got up, took the movie out of her hand, put it back in the VCR and told her that she could either watch that movie with us or watch one of the other ones but until we were done, her movie was going to have to wait. I do remember quite vividly thinking for a brief moment that I was about to get beat up from here to kingdom come but instead, she just looked at me with fairly remorseful eyes and said "oh...sorry then...". She just walked away and from that day forward, she was always very nice to me. Funny how that happens!!!

I was thinking about that moment a little while ago because many of my friends and I have all been dealing with a variety of issues with people in our lives lately. Whether they be family, friends or the "x" factor, we all seem to be in a position where once again, someone needs confronting. Maybe it's something in the water...!!!!

I've heard it been said many times that we teach people how to treat us and while I think there is a great deal of truth to that comment, I think it overlooks the whole principle of ROE...Rules of Engagement!! Wikipedia (thanks Lesley!) defines ROE as a set of rules that determine when, where, and how force shall be used in military or police operations. While the rules may be made public, they are typically only fully known to the force that intends to use them. This whole concept is very intriguing to me because I can't understand how if, even in times of war, there can be a certain "understanding" regarding the proper rules of conduct, why is so difficult to get by as an adult in the everyday world without a lifetime worth of battle scars???

A lot has happened to me in the past eighteen months that has forced to me approach my life differently, and one of those things, has been to be really clear about what my own personal rules of engagement are. While I think that most people (myself included) have a pretty good understanding of their "non-negotiables", have you ever really stopped to consider how you react when people break your rules?? I used to be one of those people who would fight to the death. I thought that all things were worth talking out (and with some people, they are) but, overtime, I have come to understand that certain people believe that because of their position in your life...the rules simply don't apply to them. As disheartening as this is, these people are better left to their own devices because you can't break the rules until you've mastered them (or at the very least, taken the time to get to know them!!!).

I have come to believe that there are two types of people in this world; those who want to be right and those that want to be happy. Some people are so busy defending their actions that they overlook the possibility that someone's feelings have been hurt in the process. Don't get me wrong, these things happen, it's the nature of human relationships but, the best of relationships are those that possess humility and sincerity. The most important people in the world to me are those that I can I sit across from and sincerely share feelings without judgement or threat. Conflicts happen and people inadvertently get hurt but, ultimately the definition of a relationship is how that wound is cared for.

I think what I am trying to get at here, is that at some point in time, my friends and I are going to have to decide what the next move is. While Russ, Joanne and I can form our own support group for dealing with unreasonable people, we will still have to decide on our next move. I know that my next move is to simply not play the game, because one of my rules of engagement is to not spend any time on hostile enemy territory...what good is that when you're just going to get shot at all the time...?!?!

It always sucks to have to draw a line in the sand but, rules are rules and if someone can't make atleast an attempt to be respectful of them, then that becomes a choice that they have made. All you can do is round up your troops and continue on in pursuit of peaceful ends by peacefuls means. Let the bad guys wave their ammunition around and clean up the mess. While their busy proving their right, you'll be looking from beyond the battle grounds...being happy.

Game over.

As you can see...I'm doing a little "re-decorating" over here on the blog site. The most significant change is the title...unfortunately, like Big Foot, Steve hasn't been seen around these parts in a while!!!! Hence, I was willing to forfeit our top google search position for a title a bit more reflective of Gen's Blog (come on...let's just call a spade a spade here!!)!!

With the departure of my running blog (sad, I know!), I am freed up to spend more time committed to this blog and **BIG NEWS ALERT** my book!! After much persuasion from family and friends...the wheels of book writing have been put in motion and while I certainly can't promise a bestseller, I would like to think that a book would be a great legacy to leave behind one day (plus, I'm tired of listening to all of you say "when are you going to write your book"!!!!).

So, please do let me know what you think of the changes...flattery will get you everywhere!!!!

Magical Bliss...

It's official...as of 10pm last night...I have entered the magical bliss that is Harry Potter!!!! I do think it's worth mentioning though that I am on chapter three of the FIRST book...not the last!! You see, I have this little rule...I refuse to start any series until the final book is written and published. The very thought of starting a story, only to have the author potentially die without finishing it, is too much for the reader in me to bear. I'll admit, it makes for a long wait at times but, it also ensures that I never have to be left hanging!! With that being said, the final book of the Harry Potter series went on sale last weekend, and I am now free to throw myself in head first (Heather and Monica would be so proud!!). I've already covered all of my bases and verified that between Steve & I, Monica and Heather & Bert...we have every book in the series!!! Yeah for me!! The journey begins!!

I do have to say though, that I felt a little left out last weekend amongst all the excitement of the new book. I've seen the movies and enjoyed them all but, while little wizards (and big ones!) lined up outside our local bookstores, I felt a tinge of desire to be able to share in all the anticipation. As an avid reader since childhood, the idea that people around the world tied on their cloaks and watched for owls flying about for the release of a book fills me with great joy. Not just joy, but a much needed optimism for the generations to come.

I often feel like the generation gaps are becoming much smaller than just generations. I feel as though people even just five or ten years younger are living lives so different than what my friends and I used to know. And while we may all still be in our twenties, the amount that I seem to have in common with people in the first half of the decade is pretty minimal. Between all the technology and vacations to the moon...times, they are a changing. I recognize that everything generation is different and is remembered differently but, what does concern me about the future generations is the mentors that they've chosen to look up to. They live in a world of vacant socialites like Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan, and an unforgiving state of war and terror inflicted by governments and media. It's not an easy time to be growing up.

And just when the cover story of the paper hits an all time new low...Paris Hilton being released from prison, and we start to lose all hope...something wonderful happens...J.K. Rowling reminds us that creativity ultimately prevails. Among all the superficiality and gossip that our world is filled with...among all the greed and selfishness...alongside the troubles of the 21st century, we find ourselves celebrating the gift of the written word...the gift of literacy...and most importantly, the gift of imagination. It's refreshing to know that some things will always matter.

As I watched readers of all ages, line up in anticipation for the final chapter of their favourite wizard, I just had to smile and be grateful for those who remain young at heart...because when all else fails, if a little boy on a broom can unite a world of story lovers, and a British writer can make us lose ourselves in a world of wonder and magic...then you have to know that there is hope for us yet!!

Last summer, while my Mom was visiting Steve and I, we were out for dinner one night at Dow's Lake. Part way through the evening, a girl approached our table with a tinge of curiosity in her eyes that indicated we were suppose to know her from somewhere!! As it turned out, it was a girl that I had gone to elementary school with back in London who was visiting from B.C.!! We chatted for a couple of minutes and packed a lifetime of change into a brief encounter. What was hilarious about that meeting though was what appeared to have triggered the recognition...She said that she hadn't recognized me but, as soon as she saw my Mother...she remember our birthday parties from grade school!!! She said that she would always remember my Mother because of those birthday parties!!!! I hope that my Mom felt great pride in that moment because it's true...her parties were legendary!!

In my family, birthdays were always a very special occasion. Not necessarily a big occasion, but always very special. I can remember being a little girl and being so excited for my birthday because my Mom would fill my lunch with all these exciting treats that I couldn't wait to find. Birthdays were meant to be spoiled and shared and indulged in. Again, not necessarily with an excess of gifts but, definitely with an excess of love and thoughtfulness. My Mother is famous for her thoughtfulness and the personal touch that she adds to everything. My birthday parties were never generic...they were meant to recognize the fact that our existence is worth celebrating...and everyone got to join in.

As I got older, my Mother would mark my birthday with a stuffed animal, in hopes that I would never lose that sense of being young and the playfulness that we tend to lose with maturity. I have most of them packed away for our own kids one day but, I have the last one I received, on my twenty-first birthday, safely on our bed at home.

As I got older though, I found birthdays to be a bit stressful. The day would come and go and more times than not, other people's expectations would become the main focus of the day...who did you celebrate with?? who didn't you celebrate with?? who got most of your time?? who didn't get enough?? blah blah blah...it became all very dramatic and I lost most of my interest and excitement in celebrating.

Last year, my birthday was the best one that I could remember in numerous years...it was subtle but enjoyable. It was truly a reminder of what birthdays used to be like...that is, until this year!! This past week, I have been overwhelmed with love and thoughtfulness for my birthday and I truly can't think of any other way that I would want to turn twenty-nine. I would have liked to have posted something about my birthday sooner but, this is the first chance that I've had to sit down and really reflect on the past couple of days. As Jesper once said..sometimes in the middle of daily choas, moments come along that are just perfect!! This week has been one moment like that after another.

Even as I look back...my birthday wasn't celebrated in any extravagant way but, the number of people who went out of their way to genuinely wish me a wonderful day and year to come was extremely touching. Although my birthday was on Wednesday, it truly was an entire week of being spoiled!! Monday started with a mailbox full of birthday cards from family and friends (including Keir's contribution to helping me accomplish my summer reading resolution), and my Uncle Victor's mission to be the first and last to wish me happy birthday began!!! Tuesday was spent indulging in three hours of Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp in the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie (because really, what girl can start any new year without such eye candy?!?!). Wednesday was literally sixteen hours straight of endless birthday wishes!! Other than my somewhat groggy husband (due to the late night of Pirate watching!!), my Dad was the first to wish me into my 30th year!! From there on in, it was simply one beautiful encounter after another that included a balloon filled office...Louise's specialty homemade cheesecake...milkshakes and poutine with Abby and Melanie...amazing surprises from Steve, Christina, Marie, Abby...great laughs from Heather, Roberta, Kathy and Doug (oh so much singing on our voice mail!!)...long overdue chats with aunts and uncles...a Venti Peppermint Mocha from my friends at Starbucks...a well pulled off surprise from my new boss...flowers from Alain...endless facebook messages (addictions do have its benefits!!!)...a terrific evening with Steve...some cake mix and too much wine!!! Where does the laughter end...?!?!

Last night, Steve and I headed to Montreal to enjoy our first experience of the Just for Laughs Festival. One of our favourite comics, Danny Bhoy, was the only solo performer of this year's festival and we managed to score ourselves some tickets to see him live. We had the most terrific time and it was so hysterical in fact, that we drove ourselves an hour and a half in the wrong direction on the way home!!! Fear not though, with a little help from an old map, we found our way back to Ottawa, albeit via a bit of a detour in the presence of some questionable creatures lingering in the night!!!

Just when I thought things couldn't get any better, my sister-in-law, Monica called to say she was coming up tonight to indulge in some drunken silliness with me (she was sweet...she got Steve's permission first to make a mess of his wife!!)!! The two of us are going to hit Kinki, martini in hand, with a vengeance!!!! The last couple of times we have done this...things have gotten a bit messy! I can't wait!! There may or may not be pictures to show for it...it depends on how compromising the evening becomes!!!!

Anyways, to my family and friends...thank you for one of the very best birthdays I've ever had. Thank you for your caring and thoughtfulness, and thank you for your simple gestures that reminded me of just how much I am loved.

My Mother...the legendary queen of celebrating birthdays, would be so proud!!

Tourism for the Starbucks Lover...

What happens when you hit a different Starbucks every seven minutes for over twenty hours??? What do you get when you spent a grand total of $396.14 in one day on countless shots of espresso??

Find out here.

Nadia's encouragement and optimism aside...I won't likely try to repeat this exploit while running!!!

La Vie est Belle...

For the unluckiest day of the year, Friday the 13th was wonderful to those we love...bringing into the world two little miracles that we have been anxiously awaiting!!!

Miles Paul Pacella Arthorne

Born at 1:06pm to Cathy and John

Virginie Comeau

Born at 7:25am to France and Francois

Congratulations to four of our favourite parents and good luck with your new projects!!!!

My bad haircut...part deux!!

Well...the saga continues and as promised...here is an updated picture without the dreadful sad eyes!! It's a good thing that we are moving to a house with three bathrooms because the extent of my hair accessories has increased exponentially!!! In order to overcome this trauma, I had to call in the big guns...my flattening iron, a new hairdryer, a whack load of bobby pins, a round natural bristle brush and some new additions to my collection of hair products (which was pretty minimal to begin with)(Joanne would be so proud of me!!!).

All in all, it's not so bad now!! It helps that it's no longer forty degrees out and the humidity factor is no longer an issue. On the positive side, my highlights (only a year old) are all gone now and my natural dark hair is back (which I love)...there isn't a split end in sight and I drowned my sorrows in some pretty intense retail therapy which resulted in a great new pair of shoes (learned behaviour from the girls of Sex & the City!!!!)!

So...all this to say that day three of the new haircut has been tearless thus far!! Thanks for the supportive and somewhat hilarious comments...I was amazed at how much people were willing to reach out for the sake of a salon experience gone bad!!

My bad haircut...

I got my hair cut yesterday and I HATE IT!!!! I cried for an hour afterwards! My beautiful long locks got reduced to this......layers upon layers of dreadful helmet head...

HOW TERRIBLE...

This picture was originally taken with me pouting but, my colleague thought that I would sway the "how horrible is my hair" vote with my sad looking eyes!!!

The polls are now open...cast your vote...(not that there is much I can do about it anyways other than cry every day!!!!!).

It's a very wet and dark day in Ottawa this morning. I always find that these kinds of days bring a certain solitude with them, as though it's permitted to sit by yourself somewhere with a book and a blanket, and look at the world without having to be a part of it.

Steve and I were up and out of the house early this morning. Unlike most mornings, it gave me the time to sit and drink my coffee in peace instead of rushing to work with it in hand. I sat at the window bar this morning, watching everyone come and go from the bus stops and it reminded me so much of a very similar day that happened about five years ago in which I found myself at this very same place.

It was in the Fall of 2002. I was walking downtown from my office on the Hill after work. It was rainy and cool, the kind of day that requires an extra sweater. I needed to be at church in a couple of hours and I was running around aimlessly trying to figure out what I could get done in the little time that I had before I was on to the next task. It was at a time in my life when everything seemed frantic. The days rolled by as though I was just keeping my head above water and it felt like I was starting everything without ever finishing anything. When you spend months on end like this, you don't even really seem to notice that you are in a perpetual state of stress. It just becomes so much a part of your life that you start to forget what calm really feels like. It's hard to live a life that way...without focus and purpose other than surviving.

Anyways, on that dreary day, I was walking towards home in a panic about whether or not I have enough time to do everything. It was rainy hard, I hadn't eaten much that day and I was feeling a sense of disorganization unlike any that I had felt in a while. At that moment, right as I was standing in front of the beautiful and majestic Chateau Laurier, the site of so many other people looking for an escape...a bus drove through a nearby puddle and soaked me head to toe. A dropped my umbrella to the ground, starting crying and just let myself get taken over by the rain. I was so frustrated and fed up and no longer had the desire to keep afloat anymore. Something happened in that instance...I gave myself permission to just stop.

I walked over to the Starbucks at the end of the block, bought myself a drink and just sat there, at the same window bar, soaking wet and watched the world go by. I remember the moment like it was yesterday...and I try to remember it as often as possible. Jazz music was playing in the background...the lighting in the store was subtle...it was getting dark...it was cold and wet outside...people were running frantically between the rain drops...and I was okay. It was enlightening to see that I was okay. While the world moved at an unpredictable pace around me...I sat there under a starbuck moonlight, hot chocolate in hand, jazz vocalists soothing my soul. Shortly there after, I dug up any spare pieces of paper that I could find and I just began to write. I wrote how I was feeling, what brought me to this place...this time, what I wanted to do next and mostly, about how small my world felt at that moment. And hour later, I found my way to church and was refreshed. I had stopped my world from moving and to my surprise, it didn't come crumbling down around me. I learned a very important lesson that rainy day...that the first step to getting anywhere is to take care of yourself first. Not only was my mental health preserved but, a ritual was created as well. Anytime that I start to feel overwhelmed with obligations and bogged down with the commitments of life, be it my own or someone else's...I force myself back to that day. I go to my nearest Starbucks, get a warm drink, tune in to the lovely music, pull out my journal (which I bought the following day and never leave home without!) and watch the world go by. Sometimes I sit quietly and reflect, other times an entire novel worth of emotions comes out on paper but, regardless of what comes from it, clarity is always found to some degree. I leave with a sense that the world really has slowed to a more bearable pace.

Surrender is a powerful thing that enables us to, if even for a brief moment, relenquish our desire for control. And while it's very ingrained in our human nature to crave control, we need to remember that nature will not allow the earth to stop spinning if the laundry isn't done or if the congratulatory card isn't sent right away. Instead, you will put on a pair of your old lady underwear, hit the post office a day late and have a piece of your sanity to show for it!!! Certainly a trade off worth making!

Given all of the travelling that we've done in the past ten days...Steve and I decided that we were going to spend this weekend just being lazy and housebound. We only ventured out of the neighborhood by car once and let me just say, for the record, that it was one time too many!!!!

The only thing that we really wanted to get done this weekend was to take in one last weekend of picking strawberries and we needed to visit the site of the new house. All of this was to be fairly harmless and if all went well, would be accomplished in under an hour. Well, we hopped on the Queensway Westbound to the farm and apparently, there is a new bridge being replaced at Island Park and the 417 was reduced to two lanes. Though the traffic jam didn't take too long to get through, we did notice that the traffic going eastbound was backed up for quite a ways.

After twenty minutes of getting our 4 litres of strawberries, we headed to the East end to see our new pile of dirt!! Being the clever people that we are, we decided to avoid the 417 until we passed the Island Park exit and would jump on after that. Unfortunately, the construction fairies had other plans in mind for us!!!! As is turns out, Carling was reduced to one lane of traffic due to construction and then once you got all the way through that crap... the on ramp to the 417 was closed due to construction in the other direction ...UNBELIEVABLE!!! After losing our cool more than once, we did an illegal turn and decided to try our luck going down to the Parkway and taking the scenic route to the East end. Much to our own astonishment, that too was closed due to Bluesfest!!! From the looks of it, we had entered some sort of abyss in which a line was drawn right down the centre of the city and any chances you made have had to cross back over could be kissed goodbye!! It was infuriating!!!

Our trip across Ottawa that should have taken us a mere six or seven minutes via the Queensway took us over forty minutes from end to end. A real pat on the back to all of those urban planners that decided to shut down the city in the middle of Bluesfest and the FIFA U-20 tournament because, you know, who would need to get around at a time like that?!?!

Anyways, to make a long story short...we ended up spending the rest of our weekend writing a strongly worded letter to the city of Ottawa suggesting that, in the future, when they post road closure signs, they should read a little something like this:

ROAD CLOSURES UP AHEAD. IF YOU HAVE ANY ANTI-DEPRESSANTS IN YOUR VEHICLE AT THIS TIME...PLEASE START TAKING THEM NOW!

Kathy's Garden...

If I were a flower...I would want to live here...

With Canada Day right around the corner, we have a hundred and forty years of rights and freedoms that need to be celebrated!!! And while most of us will be attending parties in honour of our amazing hockey teams, great beer and fantastic cottage country, there are some very significant things worth acknowledging on our big day!! When the anthem is being sung this weekend, we should be sure to recognize that we stand on some of the greatest soil in the world, where its citizens spend each day surrounded with prosperity and justice. For all the complaints that can be made towards our governments over the years, they still ensure that we live lives of freedom and opportunity simply unsurpassed by most parts of the world.

While I'm always very proud to be a Canadian and proud of those that brought us where we are...this Canada Day, I am raising my glass to our nation's greatest Canadian, Mr. Tommy Douglas because thanks to Michael Moore...I will never think of him the same way again!!!!

Last night, Steve and I went to an advanced screening of Michael Moore's new movie, Sicko, a documentary about the American Health Care System. We went into the theatre fully prepared for our fair share of "Moore propoganda" but, came out with a good laugh, a bit of a scare and a new appreciation for how good we have it in our country.

Moore takes a rather indepth, albeit "spun", look at the HMOs in the U.S. and compares it to various other nations around the world (namely, Canada, the U.K., France and Cuba...that's right...Cuba!!) and while I've seen most of Moore's films, this is by far, my favourite. I wouldn't be surprised if it doesn't get quite as warm a welcome in the States but, as a Canadian, I found it completely brilliant and I think that every Canadian should be obligated to see this movie in order to have a better understanding of our own system relative to others.

Of course, our universal health care isn't perfect but, it's a hell of a lot better than having to cough up the bill for the ambulance ride when you're in an accident and didn't get the trip "pre-approved" by your insurance company. And it's better than being denied cancer treatment because you're too young to have gotten cancer in the first place. I'd like to think that Tommy Douglas saw this coming when he brought medicare to the masses!!

Steve made a very valid point last night regarding Moore's newest film; he said that it was the most noblest of his projects to date and hence, it's a lot easier to like. Unlike the controversy over the war or gun control, this movie basically supports the idea that all lives are equal and all people should be entitled to the best possible care. Regardless of your feelings towards Michael Moore and his sideways approach to political issues, it's a very moving and inspirational quest.

The movie really brought about many questions regarding why our countries' systems are so different, and it created a great deal of discussion long after the tape stopped rolling. As an observer from one side of the fence, my first thought is that, in the U.S., health care is a business to make money, while in Canada (and many other countries), health care is a right that needs to be paid for. And while we all contribute to a system that we may not all need to the same extent, the bottom line is that we need to be there for each other and help each other...it's simply part of the human condition. This isn't a matter of having the nicest car or the biggest house, this is about the most basic of needs regarding health and well-being, something that shouldn't be determined by economic status.

When Tommy Douglas first introduced our country to a universal health care system, I wonder if he had any idea that he was laying the foundation for the values and beliefs that would set us apart from our neighbors?? It's quite a legacy to leave behind and if anyone out there is on the fence about this issue, I recommend that you see this film sometime before the next election. For those of you who are in favour of privatized health care, just watch the opening segment of the movie as a guy stitches up his own knee because he can't afford the doctor's visit, and let me know if you still think this is the way to go!!!

On November 28th, 2002, the Commission on the Future of Health Care in Canada, headed up by Roy Romanow, delivered its final report to Canadians with recommendations regarding sustaining publicly-funded health care for the needs of the 21st century. What I loved about this report was its acknowledgement of accountability. The report stated that while it's reasonable for Canadians to expect one of the best health care systems in the world, the health of our citizens is a joint responsibility and each person has to take some role for their own well-being. If you want the system to work...you've got to do your part!

I don't think that our health care system is bogged down due to lack of funding and resources (though it is certainly an on-going issue), the system is bogged down with people who take it for granted. The system is strained because of people who spend their whole lives smoking and then expect to get treated for lung cancer or people who refuse to exercise and eat properly, then expect to get care for heart disease and high blood pressure. Though I'm certainly not in favour of privatization, it does bring up a good question...if the possibility of getting lung cancer doesn't deter people from smoking...would knowing that you could potentially have to dish out $100,000 to pay for that treatment do the trick???

This is just one of the many mind-boggling things that came up from Moore's latest creation and you've got to hand it to him...for someone who's job is to spin things in their favour...he's got his work cut out for him!!

So this Sunday, as we celebrate our nation's greatness...I will propose a toast to you, Mr. Douglas, for having a vision that would ensure that life, all life, would be valued equally. And I will propose a toast to you too, Mr. Moore, for reminding me that when I make my toast, I should do it with red wine instead of beer because it has less calories and it's easier on the liver!!!

Picture This...

…It’s eight grade and you are at one of your last elementary school dances. The disco ball is turning, the lights are flashing and the DJ is playing something that you’ve heard on the radio a thousand times already (in my day, it would have been something by Heavy D or Criss Cross…remember them?) when suddenly, a slow song comes on. The gymnasium suddenly parts like the Red Sea, with all of the guys against one wall and all of the girls against the other. The teachers who are chaperoning the evening look about as uncomfortable as everyone else feels and somehow, you all know that you’re all thinking the very same thing…who’s going to make the first move…??? While everyone is standing there, time is slowly ticking away as you are contemplating whether or not you have the guts to ask that guy or girl (okay…never mind, any guy or girl) to dance. Slowly, one brave person begins to walk across the gymnasium into the adolescent equivalent of the Bermuda Triangle…and the song ends. The moment is over and then TLC suddenly comes on the speakers reminding you not to chase after waterfalls…stick to the rivers and the lakes that you’re used to!!!!!

This very situation that defines much of our teenager years is exactly what our guest Pastor, Rev. David Collins spoke of in this morning’s sermon. Now who ever said that church can’t be amusing?!?!

This scenario, like so many others, is a perfect example of what happens when we let the moment slip away. When we long for something but, neglect to take the opportunity because of fear or security or as Bono would so eloquently put it…"we’re stuck in a moment that we can’t get out of".

What happens when we stand there against the wall of the gymnasium, staring at that one single person that we so desperately want to approach?? Is it a fear of rejection?? Fear of what we know?? Or fear of what we don’t know?? I think that in many cases, our imagined reality (that the guy/girl of our elementary school dreams secretly has a crush on us and wants to ask us to run away to Mexico with them!!) is better than the potential truth of our current reality (that they may say no and immediately go running for the hills!!). Here’s the thing though, how often, when weighing these odds, do we stop to consider the difference between probability versus possibility?? Anything is possible…but the odds of the worse possible scenario happening are a lot less in our favour when we consider the probability of it happening!! All this to say that, okay, perhaps that guy/girl won’t suddenly be stuffing your desk with little Garfield Valentine cards but, odds are that they also aren’t suddenly going to transfer schools the following Monday just so they don’t have to look you in the eye ever again!! My guess is, whatever does happen…come grade nine, it won’t matter anyways because you’ll find yourself in a whole new adolescent abyss and four years of just trying to avoid embarrassment!! With that being said though, you will also never have to look back and wonder if those four years could have potentially been spent on the beaches of Mexico ordering virgin daiquiris with your elementary school flame!!

How many of these little things have happened to you?? A moment comes and provides the best, and possibly the only, opportunity and we spend so much time contemplating it and weighing its options…that before we know it…it’s gone. Now of course, in this morning’s sermon, we were discussing it in a divine capacity but religion aside, how many times have you failed to seize the day??

Seizing the moment, any moment, is guaranteed to do two things; first, it is guaranteed to throw you into the unknown. What’s interesting about this is that this is why most people don’t seize it…fear of the unknown. Secondly, it is guaranteed to change your life. What’s interesting about this is that this is why most people DO seize it; regardless of the outcome, your life will be altered in some manner…and more times than not, in a forward motion. Either way though, you will never be left wondering what could have been.

So, after having had the day to reflect upon this enlightenment, I noticed that there is one thing in particular that I have never seized…my passion for photography. Steve and I collect photographs, usually purchasing a new work to mark each new occasion in our relationship; moving in together, getting married, our honeymoon. I simply love photography and always have. Perhaps it’s my love of people watching or the fact that I’m highly intuitive when it comes to people’s emotions but whatever it is, I feel the need to capture it somehow. Oddly enough though, I’ve never taken up photography and I’ve hardly even owned a camera before!! And, much to my surprise, I can explain this (God bless psychology classes!!!); I have no idea whether or not I would make a good photographer but, my imagined reality that I’m an award winning photographer in hiding is better than the potentially true reality that I’m a terrible photographer altogether. Crazy…I know!!! But sometimes, we just want to believe something so badly that the possibility, whether its true or not, is easier than the probability.

So, what’s a girl to do when confronted with this dilemma?? Well, you have to allow your hand to let go of the wall and make the long journey to the other side of the gymnasium with everyone watching (yes, even the teachers!!) and you have to ask that cute boy from home room if he’ll dance with you because they are only going to play Boyz II Men once tonight and you better believe that you are going to be in love when they do!!! And you know what…even if he says no…you can still find joy in knowing that the moment you crossed over to the other side of the line, everyone else took a deep breath and did the same thing. And because everyone else was so busy worrying about their own sweaty palms, they didn’t even notice that you had to swallow your pride, walk away and touch up your cherry flavoured lip-gloss!!!

So that’s what I did…I let go of the wall, seized a giant online camera sale and bought a Nikon D40 (go big or go home, right?!?). It’s sleek, sophisticated and perfect for capturing our life on film!! I’m certainly not saying that National Geographic will soon be knocking at our door but, at the very least, we now have a digital witness to our lives; Something and someway to look back and smile at the moments gone by…the moments that we seized so we’d never be left wondering.

Go easy on me though…it was a long and scary walk across the dance floor!!

When I was in my second year of university, my Dad got lung cancer and had to have his lung removed. They basically had to cut him in half from the waist up and in turn, he has an enormous scar that runs from his back all the way around his chest and up to his throat. He's very self-conscious of this scar and has changed his life somewhat to ensure that it's not seen by the outside world. I am always telling my father to never be afraid of that mark on his body because that scar is evidence of a second chance and a battle that what was won. He should be proud of that scar and tell his story victoriously because it's like they say...our scars are proof that our past was real.

Meanwhile, I look at my legs and see all of the little scars that I got from being a reckless child who would constantly trip over my long legs. Or the scar on my thumb from doing my chores and cutting my hand on a broken glass while doing the dishes!!! My knees are like badges of honour that proved I survived childhood!! Sometimes they even make me smile because I am reminded that once upon a time, the scariest and hardest thing in life was having to rip the band-aid off!!! "One quick movement", I was always told. Why do people think that works!?!?!

Looking at my physical scars, I find myself wondering why our emotional scars don't work the same way...?? They too, are a part of our past and the experiences that we have overcome, yet they tend to leave a painful reminder as oppose to an innocent one. For some reason, there never appears to be a quick and easy way to rip off the band-aid of an emotional wound. Why is that?? While childhood seems to be a turbulent time of scraped knees and bumped heads, adulthood is full of broken hearts and wounded spirits. And it's true that a broken heart still beats just the same, it's discouraging at times to know that a colourful band-aid and an orange popsicle don't distract from the pain the same way it used to.

Last September, I decided to join my church's bible study group. We would meet once a week and discuss several topics but, more times than not, we just discussed life and the many challenges that we have confronted along the way. It was like therapy but, with better cookies!!! Being one of the younger people in our study group, I was always fascinated to hear some of the stories of hurt and forgiveness that came up because, I always thought that, with time, forgiveness would be an easier pill to swallow. I think with time, forgiveness does become easier to do but, with more experiences and emotional scars, you find yourself having to do that much more of it. The conclusion that I've drawn from my observations is that practice really does makes perfect.

My mother-in-law, Kathy, has been such a wonderful addition to my life. She has shown support and unconditional love beyond what I ever could have hoped for. She has taught me a great deal about family and sacrifice and most of all, the blessing of being a parent. It seems that regardless of how old we become, we will always be her children and she will always want to be there to help with those band-aids and scars. One of the most special things about Kathy though, is the spiritual guidance that she has provided me over the years. I'm still fairly new in my faith and I often struggle with certain elements of what it means to be Catholic and a Child of God. Being an incredible woman of faith, she has led me through various challenges that I've encountered along my faith-filled path.

Last Christmas, she gave Steve and I a beautiful new Bible to aid us in our studies. While the Bible can be very complex and overwhelming to read at times, it's been a worthwhile and fascinating investment of time. I hope to be able to read the entire Bible at some point in time during my life and I know that Kathy's encouragement and guidance is making it more and more a reality.

With that being said, I just finished the Book of Genesis last night. I'll admit that the Old Testament can be a bit rough around the edges but, there is something so beautiful about reading the first Book of the Bible and seeing that it's all about forgiveness and compassion. Even in the earliest days, forgiveness was one of humanity's greatest needs. Likewise, hurt and pain was part of the human condition and in turn, grace and compassion was what set us apart from the rest of God's creation.

All this to say that I found the timing of this to be uncanny!!! I've been confronted a lot lately with the need for compassion and forgiveness. I've also been struggling lately with letting go of certain relationships that have been important to my life. Those relationships though, have also left scars that don't seem to want to heal. No amount of band-aids seem to be doing the trick and like in the Book of Genesis...I feel that I can either fight with God out of frustration, or I can turn around and make my path through the desert to a more serene place. The choice may seem obvious but, if it were that easy, than everyone would make wiser decisions and those tales of forgiveness would be nothing more than a story.

There are people in this world that I love dearly and who have left me with very beautiful memories. Some have even changed my life in ways that they may never know. But, just like falling down on the playground and having scraped knees or having a tumour and conquering cancer...you can and should wear those scars with great pride but, you also don't need to deliberately put yourself in a position to need more stitches. There are far better places to be than the doctor's office and far easier ways to get yourself an orange popsicle!!

Is anyone there...???

So, on the off chance that there happens to be anyone out there who still reads our blog…we are back!! Maybe not with a vengeance…but, nonetheless, the world has stopped spinning long enough for us to get our feet back on the ground!! So, if you are out there…I apologize for our tardiness…you win some and you lose some!!

Last week, I got in trouble from someone because they were all upset that they were hearing about our life on “public domain” as oppose to in person. I had to laugh at this because given the pace of our life over the past four or five weeks, the reality is that if they hadn’t heard about life on our blog, then they wouldn’t have heard about it at all!!! For the short periods of breathing space that we had, posting something online was the very best that we could do. However, between that comment and the Ottawa Senators’ season coming to an end, I had an interesting realization last week…there are two kinds of people in this world; those that appreciate what they can get and those that insist on someone paying for their expectations not being met!!!!

Last Wednesday night, we, along with most other people (at least from the region) paced back and forth with baited breath to see if the Ottawa Senators would endure another game at the hands of the Anaheim Ducks. They did not. And while there was a shared disappointment felt across the capital, let’s face it, Anaheim could have scored on their own net twice as many times as we did, and still beat us!!!! It’s okay, they were just a better team and after crossing the continent ten times in two weeks, there is only so much that you can give. What they did give us was the best that they could and that’s all that we can ask for. The bottom line is that they still beat out twenty-eight other teams and gave us the best season we ever had. They did us VERY proud and if nothing else, this city was charged with an energy that will live long into the next season.

What was very interesting though, was to watch how people reacted to the finals over the next couple of the days. While most people were thrilled with the playoffs and the effort put forth, there was always someone suggesting that someone should get fired or traded for disappointing everyone and not bringing home the Cup. Some people went so far as to say that the team is just a huge let down because they “couldn’t get it done”…

These people have got a lot of nerve!!!!

But, I digress…when I first heard of “someone’s” disapproval regarding our lack of communication, I felt much the same way as I did for the Sens and their mass of critical fans…blind sighted with criticism when I was already giving all that I could!!!

The past month for Steve and I has gone a little something like this…

We started off with already being very busy due to work responsibilities. We are short of number of people in our office and it’s already a busy time for us without the added work. We unexpectedly bought a house!!! We love it, we can hardly wait but we also haven’t had the time to be excited about it because once we signed the dotted line, it was back to business as usual! We also bought ourselves a fancy new camera (this has been a long time coming) and again, no time to enjoy or play!! So far, we were 0 for 2 when it came to the new toys!!!

At work, we (as in, my colleagues and I) were busy closing up two exhibits and preparing to open four more, two at the beginning of the month and the two big summer shows at the end of the month. Meanwhile, I was not only preparing to pace for the Ottawa Race Weekend but, I was also training a group of people, preparing logistics for a water station being hosted by the Gallery for the Marathon and doing some promotional work with the Race. It was a blast but, a full-time blast!!!

We also had our fair share of drama thrown into the mix (you know, just to keep things interesting!!!). Just in case keeping afloat wasn’t enough work already!!!

We also found ourselves doing a lot of praying during the month of May as well. While our life was swirling around us in a frenzy, those in our life were also dealing with some challenges of their own. We prayed for Louise and her mother, for Kristy and her husband, for Jesper and his mother, as well as for Christina and her grandpa. It was tough to not be able to do more.

Once the Race Weekend came to an end, I had to almost immediately leave for Shawinigan to open our new exhibit, Carsten Holler. Oddly enough, I really enjoyed my time there. I had never visited the Shawinigan Space before and the break from the office was nice. When I returned, Steve and I then left for Montreal to celebrate his birthday and see the new Cirque du Soleil (AMAZING…I highly recommend it!!). All of this was followed by a crazy week of opening our summer exhibit, Renoir’s Landscape, last week (successfully though!!).

Yes, life has rocked for the past month or so, but the excitement and blessing of having so many commitments has taken us out of commission for a while! Unless you have been one of my runners whom I have shared most of my weeks with…unless you are one of the Smyths who have had to make the trek East to visit us…unless you are Christina, Sara or Joanne who raced with us…or unless you are Marie and Abby, who have helped me keep my sanity over the last month…then our ability to give our time or energy has been quite limited. If it weren’t for people like my amazing sister-in-law, Kelly, who has been sending me adorable emails and updates on the family…then it’s likely that people may have forgotten what we looked like!!!!

Now that we have lived to tell the story…this is where we stand (for anyone still listening in!!)…

- We bought a house…YEAH!!! More to come on that… (I am up to my ears in paint chips!!)
- We bought a new camera. Part of the realization that I can’t have my own photography exhibit without taking the pictures!! Will post some shortly!
- Race weekend was incredible…I may be the very best pace bunny that ever was!!!!
- I start training for the Montreal Marathon in a bit.
- Saw the movie “Knocked Up”…HILARIOUS!!
- There is a movie being filmed on our street!!! It’s funny watching the police trying to figure out if you can tow filming trucks!!! “Fear and loathing on Powell Avenue”…???…It’s got a nice ring to it!!
- Krista and my mother got cut from the blogroll!!! Sorry girls…it’s been six months since you last updated and it’s not nice to play with our emotions like that!!!
- Tim’s photo blog got added because, let’s face it…your pictures ROCK!!
- Facebook will be the death of me!!

So, what’s the point of all this venting…??? Well, just like hockey fans, we have spectators to our lives. Those spectators tend to either check in from time to time and enjoy what’s being offered or, they watch attentively for you to slip up and then want an explanation for why the game wasn’t played up to par!!

I am beginning to accept this characteristic in others. It doesn’t mean that I like it but, it was enlightening to see what expectations others have of you in times when there is nothing left to give. While some will congratulate you on coming this far, others will wash their hands of you and make you feel guilty for not going the extra mile.

This is what my thoughts are on this…

Either pick up a hockey stick and show ‘em how it’s done or quit complaining and be a gracious fan!!!