Diaries from Down Under

Chapter Four

Sunday, April 13th, 2008

Anyone who’s done any degree of long distance running knows all too well the concept of hitting the wall. It’s that crucial moment in which the mind no longer functions with the body and your hamster inevitably falls off the wheel. For so many things, mind over matter is the ultimate deciding factor but, when you hit the wall, your ability to rationalize and see the light at the end of the tunnel minimizes drastically.

On the long distance, stamina requiring marathon that is our discovery of Australia, day ten was most definitely the moment in which I hit the wall. Our final day in the Outback took its toll on me and luckily (or perhaps unluckily) it did so for Steve as well. A certain degree of stress comes with any vacation but, in our case, this trip required a great deal of planning and organization. We’ve been really busy since our arrival in Australia in an attempt to see as much as possible during our short time here. With so much to do and not a lot of time to do it in, nearly every day here has been planned ahead of time. In our first two weeks, we’ve stayed at four different hotels, taken five different flights and changed time zones with each one. All this to say that by the time we left Central Australia, our stamina was running low and our mental health was depleting with it!

Fortunately (yes, there is a bright side here!), amongst our exceptional planning, we also anticipated this very set back!! Steve and I know each other and ourselves well enough to know that ten days is usually our limit before we start to feel a little homesick and worn out. This time, we took prevented measures…

A month ago, we booked ourselves into a beautiful resort in the small town of Port Douglas. We decided it was time to let someone take care of us for the day!! So, early on Saturday morning, we drove one hour along the coast from Cairns to Port Douglas to the very luxurious Sheraton Mirage Hotel Resort. Surrounded by seven acres of saltwater lagoons, this hotel is simply legendary! We proceeded to spend the entire day napping in the sun, swimming in the lagoons and walking along the beach. After a lovely dinner in town, we returned to our room for a rest in our Jacuzzi, watched Harry Potter and ate Australia’s 84% cream chocolate! It was just the rest that we needed after ten amazing days of adventure!!

With the break under our belt, we are now set for the last stretch before we head home. We took a train ride today to the small village of Kuranda, located high up in the rainforest and made our way back down via the rare commute of taking a cable car! Tomorrow, we are hoping that the weather will cooperate for our reef tour and our last day in Cairns. We are due to visit two areas of the reef and spend a good five hours of snorkeling. The clouds were rolling in tonight around dinner time but, we are keeping our fingers crossed that we will have one more day of adventure conducive weather.

Come Tuesday, it’s off to Canberra to spend our last week with the real reason that we came here in the first place…to see Jeff, Monica and the kids! After this huge Australian Adventure, I can’t think of any better way to finish it off than with four of our favourite people.

Monday, April 14th, 2008

I got to touch a sea turtle today! How incredible is that?!?! We were out snorkeling on the Great Barrier Reef when I spotted the turtle. I swam over to him, reached my hand out and just then, he rose to the surface and the tips of my fingers grazed the outside of his shell. He barely even seemed to notice that I was there.

The ocean never fails to blow my mind! Seeing creatures like a sea turtle in the open sea is very humbling to me. It is a vivid reminder of an unseen world that that lies all around us. I love being in the ocean but, every now and then, I get awakened to its vastness and power, and startle myself into praying that it doesn’t eat me alive!!!

Our day on the Reef was fantastic! We woke up at the crack of dawn to head out for the pier. Our sailboat, the Passions of Paradise, took us two hours out into the ocean for the tiny destination of Michaelmas Island, a bird sanctuary and our first snorkeling site. The waters were rough and for a good chunk of the morning, we thought that the tail end of the Eastern Coast’s rainy season might unleash upon us but, sure enough, the clouds parted and left us with a spectacular day.

We had lunch on the boat, met new friends and headed out for our second site along the Reef. Being in deeper waters this time made for an entirely different perspective of the Reef and a different appreciation for how fierce the ocean can be. While Michaelmas Island was very shallow and easy to manage…the open water of our second site was similar to the continental shelf; once the you reached the edge of the Reef, you also felt like you had reached the edge of the earth!!! The vast darkness that loomed beyond the Reef was haunting and while I admire the scuba divers that braved its elements, you would never find me venturing off the edge of that cliff!

By the end of the day, we were exhausted yet energized. Exhausted for the sun and the swimming and the all the excitement of the day. Energized from having seen one of the most beautiful natural wonders of the world and gaining a new appreciation for the need to protect it.

Someone asked me today what I would remember most about my trip here and I told them, “the colours”. Every time I look at something, it seems to have the most vivid of colours; the birds, the fish, the sky…they all have a vibrancy that I’ve never experienced before and may never see again. Perhaps it’s the more observant side of me having the time to notice or perhaps it’s genuinely the various elements that make up this phenomenal place but, either way, I have found that when I close my eyes at night, not only have I seen the world a bit differently, but the colours have seeped into my dreams as well. I can’t possibly think of a better souvenir than that!

Good Night and Sweet Dreams…


For more pictures from Port Douglas and Cairns, click here.

I may be in a hockey-less land...but I still believe!

Diaries from Down Under

Chapter Three

Tuesday, April 8th, 2008

We left Sydney this morning for our adventure in the Outback of Central Australia. Also known as “The Red Centre”, the Outback is considered one of the most treacherous terrains on the planet. For anyone driving into the Outback, visitors are encouraged to register with government officials both on their way in and on their way out as a means of monitoring everyone’s safety. I read a shocking statistic not too long ago that said that an average of 400 tourists die in Australia every year. That includes car accidents and heart attacks, but still - it seems like a lot!!

We flew into a town called Alice Springs and were doing the five hour drive to our resort from there. For the brief amount of time that we spent in Alice Springs…I couldn’t help but think that it left much to be desired! Close your eyes and picture the hottest, dirtiest, smelliest place you can think of. Then, give everyone there a cigarette…take some broken beer bottle pieces and sprinkle them on top…and then you have Alice Springs! Delightful, isn’t it?!?! Like I said though, our time there was very brief and I’m sure that there is more to it that we’re not seeing but, as far as first impressions go, I was really glad to be heading out of town as quickly as possible.

When we first arrived into Alice Springs, the Australians were very kind in welcoming us to the Outback. What they really meant to say though was “Death looms in the Outback…we hope you enjoy your visit”!!! Everywhere you turn, someone is trying to tell you how nuts you were for coming out here in the first place! Our car rental has a little sticker on the front window that says “Arrive Alive” and every rest stop (if you can call a little hut in the desert with a bench under it a rest stop) along the highway has a sign that says “Rest, Revive, Survive”. Even at our hotel, amongst all of the wonderful little booklets regarding hotel amenities and excursions, there is a separate little flyer that says “Don’t Risk Your Life”. Really…eight hours into it and I already want to turn back!!!

Life threatening dangers aside though, I can say that the Outback is stunning. I’ve never seen anything like it in my life and I can understand what draws people out here. What makes people want to live out here is a different story entirely but, as for spending all of your savings for a brief glimpse of this hidden landscape…I’d be the first one to step up and tell you to do the same. While the heat may cost you your health and the bugs may cost you your sanity…the view is priceless!

Wednesday, April 9th, 2008

I had dinner under the Southern Cross tonight. In fact, I saw the night sky in a way that I have never before seen it in my life and it was spectacular.

Steve and I joined one hundred other guests tonight to experience the award winning “Sounds of Silence” dinner. This excursion is considered one of the top tourist attractions in the country and I can say without a doubt that what Central Australia lacks in tourism marketing, they make up for with fine dining.

A tour bus picked us up at our hotel lobby and drove all of us out to a sand dune in between Ayers Rock and another legendary formation called The Olgas. From there, waiters and waitresses greeted us with champagne and appetizers of kangaroo (sorry Dad!) and crocodile while we watched the sun set in the desert. Shortly there after, we were taken to our tables where we literally had dinner in the middle of the Outback. Beautiful tables with white linen were placed on the red sand of the desert and we spent the next three hours enjoying dinner, literally, in the middle of nowhere. Our “dining room” and the “kitchen” were roped off and that was all that protected us from whatever was roaming the Outback after dark. Our tables were lit with beautiful pillar candles and for the remainder of the evening we feasted on Australian delicacies (and some specialties that were a bit more familiar!) while we were guided through some of the historical culture of Central Australia. Ironically enough, we found ourselves sharing a table with three other Canadians…one from Toronto and one from Ottawa. The rest of our dinner guests were from Brisbane and the U.K. So, in between all of the banter about soccer and rugby, you’ll be proud to know that the Canadians managed to throw a little hockey trash talk around the table by night’s end!!

Finally, just before dessert, we blew out all of the candles and an astronomer joined in to walk us through the night sky…a sky that I am convinced can only be seen from very few places in the world. The moon set early in the evening and the sky was so free of light pollution that we were able to see two galaxies with the naked eye…it was incredible. I wished on no less than four shooting stars and saw the rings of Saturn through one of the telescopes that were provided for us. Our very noticeable winter constellation of Orion is currently sitting quite low on the horizon of the Southern Hemisphere and though he’s upside down, it was delightful have a familiar face join us for dinner!!

Thursday, April 10, 2008

It was 38 degrees celcius today in the Outback and I’ve decided that I have developed quite the love/hate relationship with this place. On the one hand, it’s one of the most outstanding places that I’ve ever seen…It’s beautiful and stunning and mysterious and unique. On the other hand, it’s very clear why it’s so untouched by man…It’s harsh and cruel and demanding and ruthless.

We haven’t had a lot of time in Yulara (the region around Ayers Rock) but, truth be told, I don’t know that I could spend much more time here. We leave tomorrow for the Great Barrier Reef and the very thought of water brings comfort to my soul. The Outback has this quiet eeriness about it that I can’t quite explain. It’s as though the land is very well aware of who calls the shots around here. The Outback is never conquered…it’s only visited. And even then, that only happens when you’re given permission.

We drove out to visit another area today called King’s Canyon. It took us three hours on a road with nothing more than a single gas station only to discover after twenty minutes on the trail that we wanted to go back to our hotel. Numerous animals died along the highway during the night and the temperature soared come daybreak. It left a gruesome display of the power of nature and a swift reminder that man only possesses the illusion of power.

In a weird way though, it’s almost comforting to know that there are still some places on this planet we call home that simply can’t be controlled.

For more pictures for our trip in the Outback, click here.

For more pictures from our trip to the Blue Mountains, click here.

Diaries from Down Under

Chapter Two

Friday, April 4th, 2008

Do you remember that feeling that comes with the first true weekend of summer??? For those of us in Ottawa, it’s usually around mid May. You wake up one beautiful Saturday morning and the sun is shining and the air is finally warm enough to release your feet from the bondage that is wool socks! What’s so great about those first warm days is that you usually head outside as quickly as you can and spend as much time as possible soaking in the rays that haven’t been felt in six months for fear that come the next morning, it just might be snowing again. More times than not…it usually is. By 3pm or so, your body is so tired from the fresh air and sunshine that your ambitious plan of a hot night on the town turns into a backyard BBQ and renting some movies. By Monday morning, the evidence of our summer freedom is seen by our sun burnt faces and the look of euphoria from our brief visit with warmth. It’s the winter bound version of divine!!

Today was just like that for Steve and I! After being in a jet lagged induced coma for many hours, we woke up just before the sun feeling refreshed and suddenly excited at the realization that we were in Australia. We decided to wake along the shore and watch the sunrise (which was fairly anti-climatic, but still, only something that can be done on vacation!!!). Sydney is a fairly quiet city first thing in the morning and nothing was more peaceful than being along the ocean watching the world wake up.

We decided to spend our first full day in Australia at the Taronga Zoo…a fifty acre piece of land along the cliffs of Sydney Harbour full of animals, birds and plant species that I’ve only ever seen on the Discovery Channel. The land in which you can find Taronga Zoo was actually named a National Park many years back which, given the billions of dollars worth of potential real estate that could be found there, is quite impressive on the part of the Australian Government.

What’s so amazing about the zoo is the fact that so much of the natural wildlife and habitat there could only be found in artificial climates in Canada. Instead, here in Australia, we simply spent hours walking outside among all of the wildlife that would normally live there. Amazing!

Anyways, by the time we caught our boat ride home, our faces were burnt and our bodies were exhausted with the fresh ocean air. Since we couldn’t have a backyard BBQ or rent movies, we instead went to a fantastic Italian courtyard for dinner and watched the Sydney Harbour Bridge light up as the sun went down.

I love the island of summer!



Sunday, April 6th, 2008

We woke up to another beautiful, sunny and warm day this morning. The Harbour waters were calm and after only minutes of being awake…we realized that the ocean was calling our name!!

The city of Sydney functions off of a very impressive network of train systems (both subway and monorail), public buses and best of all, the Sydney Ferry Corporation. The entire harbour has no less than two dozen piers in which the ferries stop and, without even an ounce of exaggeration, you could set your watch by the efficiency of the ferries.

While it may not be quite as conventional as hoping on a harbour tour cruise, Steve and I opted for purchasing ourselves a day pass for the ferries and seeing Sydney not only by boat, but by our own watches as well!

I’ve come to the conclusion that something in my blood requires me to be near water. The ocean soothes my soul in a way that very few other things do and I was more than happy to spend the day roaming from bay to bay, with or without my sea legs! Our day managed to take us to Watson’s Bay, the original area in which the Gap of Sydney Harbour was protected from intrusion; Darling Harbour, a very lively area just around the corner from the Harbour Bridge that docks most of the large cruise ships coming into Sydney, and the two surfing towns of Bondi Beach and Manly. Both beach towns are famous for their historic contributions to the sport of surfing as well as for being two of the first beaches to create surf rescue teams. They both happen to also be crawling with tanned, highly “sculpted” surfers who would rather ride the waves than eat!

I had mentioned to Steve early upon our arrival that everyone in Sydney seemed so relaxed. Very few people seemed to be stressed out or running ragged like we so often appear to be doing back home. Steve said that it’s easy to say that when we’re the ones on vacation! I didn’t believe him until we took the ferry back to Circular Quay from Manly. The sun was just beginning to go down over the cliffs of the Harbour and after a long day spent in the landscape of Sydney, we were silently sitting on the outdoor deck of the boat. For me, it’s nearly meditative to quietly sit along the water and watch nature as its best. As I sat there, I was finding myself in complete disbelief that this very boat ride was someone else’s daily commute and quickly began suffering from a severe case of “The Grass is Greener” syndrome. Right then, an Australian guy about our age sitting next to me began talking on his cell phone. He was telling someone on the other end about having just left his girlfriend’s place after a big argument and how he thought it was over. After years of having been together as a couple, he finally started to believe that things between them just might not work. He didn’t spend much time on the phone but it was more what he didn’t say that touched me the most. For the rest of the ferry ride, he just sat there, staring out into the ocean with the most melancholy expression of his face. You could tell that despite the stunning sunset and the calmness of the water, he wanted nothing more than to be far, far away from this place. I wanted desperately to tell him that, for whatever it’s worth, heartbreak isn’t any easier where we came from either.

That’s when I realized that Steve was indeed right. Being caught up in the midst of ones adventures makes it easy to overlook the day-to-day life that is going on around you. Believe it or not, a bad hair day and grumpy commutes happen even in the overwhelming beauty that is Australia.

Unfortunately, heartbreak is heartbreak…with our without a tan.

Monday, April 7, 2008

We woke up this morning, our last day in Sydney, to torrential rain…and a perfect excuse to stay curled up in bed a little bit longer! Despite the apparently wet summer that Sydney has had, the weather has been remarkably wonderful during our stay. They were calling for rain nearly every day of our stay and luckily for us, this morning was the first we saw of it! Clear skies and warm wind was the only thing to be found on the menu!

I keep forgetting to mention this but, Steve and I decided to stay in a little Bed & Breakfast in Sydney called The Russell Hotel. It’s square in the middle of an area called The Rocks…the original settlement of Australia and as far as I’m concerned, one of the most beautiful places on earth!!! The entire neighborhood, which is literally across the street from the Harbour Bridge and the Sydney Opera House, is row upon row of cobblestone courtyards and historic architecture. You could spend hours walking around this relatively small area of town and never see the same thing twice.

I’m not sure if all of Australia is like this but, Sydney, at the very least, has been very culturally influenced by British rule. The parks and buildings share many of the same names and they seem to share a similar fondness for cuisine. In a nutshell, the Aussies love their coffee and desserts!!! So much so that even McDonald’s has what they call the McCafe. So while the little ones eat their happy meals, Mom and Dad can sip on their espresso with the utmost convenience!

Anyways, each morning, as we wake up, we have been joining the other guests in the hotel dining room for breakfast. Without hesitation, I can say that this has been the best part of my day during our stay in Sydney. Steve and I have staked our claim on one of the tables by the window overlooking the street and each morning, we eat croissants, fresh fruits and listen to either classical or opera music resonate through the twenty foot ceilings of the restaurant. I never really would have thought of myself as “European” in this capacity but, sure enough, I now enjoy nothing more than the soothing sounds of Pavarotti first thing in the morning and overly decadent pastries. Who knew?!?!?

And sure enough, by the time we finished our leisurely wake up ritual, the sun came out and wanted to play again…and I’m certainly not one to turn down an offer like that!!

For more pictures from Sydney, click here.

Diaries from Down Under

Chapter One

Wednesday, April 2nd (I think!), 2008

The entire concept of time is lost on me right now! I know that we left Tilbury for the Detroit airport at 1pm on Tuesday afternoon. We gained an hour arriving in Dallas. We gained another two hours arriving in Los Angeles. We are about to cross over the International Date Line somewhere and shortly there after, we’ll lose fifteen hours arriving in Sydney. On top of that, I still haven’t set my watch to daylight savings time! So, according to my calculations, it should be sometime around…October!!!!

As some of you may already know, I spent most of my childhood growing up around airplanes. My Dad spent his entire career working for Canadian Airlines and my uncle was, and still is, a pilot for Air Canada. With this being said, I’ve been flying the friendly skies for as long as I can remember. The funny is though, that while I had a great affection for airports and for flying, I never really liked traveling very much. Most of my time in the air was spent traveling between my home in Ottawa and my home in London…but beyond that, I never considered flight as anything more than a commute.

Both of my parents were desperate to see the world and had they had their way, their feet never would have touched the ground but as for myself, I’ve always been more like Beth…the middle daughter from the classic novel Little Women, who was forced to watch everyone come and go because she loved nothing more than to be at home.

I did travel quite a bit when I was young but even now, I don’t think that most people had any idea how anxious the idea of visiting a foreign country made me. Most of the time, I would quickly find myself able to adjust, at the very least, temporarily but, at other times, the anxiety of being away from home would make me physically ill. While most found traveling to be an adventure waiting to happen, I considered traveling to be a prison that bound me into unfamiliarity. Not knowing where I was or what was around me was terrifying to me, which in turn, made me feel extremely unsafe.

I’ve been thinking about all of these past feelings towards traveling as I sit on this plane that has another twelve hours to fly over the Pacific Ocean because, for some reason, that anxiety has dissipated. While there has certainly been stressed involved in preparing for our trip…I’m not in the least fearful of what my mental and emotional reaction to the travel may be. I think the difference is that a part of my heart is in Australia now and the biggest part of my heart is desperately trying to sleep in a cramped seat next to me.

Home is what used to be safe…now, it’s the smiling faces that either greet us at the airport or the loved ones that enduring pain staking layovers with you to get to that airport.

For better or for worse, the sky connects us all!





Thursday, April 3, 2008

We made it! We have made our way through the well-oiled machine that is Aussie Customs and we’ve never felt so tired in our entire lives! We managed about six hours of sporadic sleep on the flight and were determined to stay awake long enough to fall asleep with the sun. This, I can assure you, has been no easy feat! We are standing on our very last legs right now and at any second, our rapidly closing eyelids will bow down and admit defeat.

I have to say though, that if there is ever a city that can keep you entertained when you are running on fumes…Sydney Australia is that city! Sydney is FANTASTIC! We have spent the day walking around the harbour, admiring the Sydney Opera House from every angle and taking in the Sydney Botanical Gardens. So far, in our first eight hours here, I have fallen in love with this place.

The landscape of Sydney is phenomenal and I wish that there was anything I could say that would even remotely do it justice…but alas, I have only this…


…because as the saying goes…a picture says a thousand words and as our own new saying goes…jet lag gives us a thousand reasons to go to bed without dessert!!! It doesn’t happen often…but tonight I long for sweet dreams instead!

Leaving On A Jet Plane...

...All my bags are packed...I'm ready to go...

Early on Saturday morning, we said goodbye to our new house…


…and nine hours later, drove into Tilbury…

Four or five times a year, the drive between Ottawa and Tilbury becomes our Smyth family migration! Whether it be holidays, special occasions or too long between visits, the Smyth B&B is always a place of reprieve for Steve and I. Under the protective custody of our home away from home, we are given the opportunity to unplug from the electrically charged outlet that is our life and recharge our batteries. Sometimes I wonder how we would ever get through life without our weekends of homemade brownies and big family breakfasts.

This is the first time that our trip to Tilbury is actually just merely a fraction of our journey. Tomorrow afternoon, we head for Detroit for twenty-eights hours of flight time on our way to Sydney. Despite this obvious difference in destination, our time spent in Tilbury has still provided the very “recovery” that we need before such a venture…

For the past two days, I’ve slept twelve hours a night, sipped wine, laughed with family, indulged in home made cheesecake and taken a slight pause between having left two months of an extreme pace and the upcoming trip of a lifetime. With this little break in our life under our belt, I think that we’re officially ready for take off!

God Bless This Home!

Is there something in the water these days…???

I wanted to take a quick break from all of our new house and Australia talk to mention some really exciting news among some of our favourite people…

As it turns out, fall of 2008 is going to bring many new and wonderful faces to our world that Steve and I simply can’t wait to meet!!!

Colin & Sandra are expecting their first on August 29th, Mark & Helene are expecting their second on September 13th and Mark & Trish are expecting the newest Brinkman on September 15th. So wonderful!

With all the little ones due right around the same time, it will give us a great opportunity to chart their progress! You know, who’s walking first…who’s talking first…who’s quoting Shakespeare first..!!! I think it will be very good for everyone’s self esteem!!!

I’ve been meaning to post here numerous times over the course of this week but as it turns out…ditching your boss for a month isn’t as easy as it sounds!! Every day this week has been a whirlwind of loose ends and one small crisis after another. At the end of the day though, our flight is taking off whether all the work is done or not. And you better believe that I’m going to be on it!!!

I went to my last bible study class this past week. I’ve been studying the Apologetics with Brother David for a little over two years now and I can say, without a shadow of a doubt, that our last four months of study together has been among some of the most challenging discussions I’ve ever had. The Church is often criticized for not keeping up with the times and progressing at the same speed in which society appears to be. The more I study though, the more I’m convinced that we need the Church’s stability to keep us grounded. Our society lives on the edge of a very slippery slope cloaked in a veil of progress and tolerance. While we bask in our nobility of “putting up with each other”, we are actually falling far short of God’s expectations which requires us to actually respect one another and not just tolerate each other. We are to recognize and acknowledge each other’s human dignity as creations of God’s image…this is a standard that sadly enough, we don’t seem to collectively hold ourselves to. As Children of God, we are not to settle for the lesser of two evils…instead, we are to raise the bar, hold each other accountable and change our lives. The strong conviction of the Church and its people, rooted in thousands of years of structure and discipline, is sown together with the threads of higher standards. Needless to say that this past “semester” of the Apologetics has left me with a lot to think about regarding the contributions that I make towards honouring human dignity. I am constantly left in wonder of God’s grace and the potential that He sees in all of us…

On another note, the Gallery hosted the Vernissage for the Governor General’s Awards for Media and Visual Arts tonight. It’s always so incredible to see people’s passions and life long work get recognized in such a manner, and to know that you’ve played a part in it, as small as it may be, is often very moving. Dare I say it…but yes, there are sights and sounds that I will miss about my job while I’m away!!

Cue the therapist…this isn’t normal!!!

This is how France and I feel about having Joanne N. so far away! Korea better appreciate what they have because our pouting knows no bounds over here in Ottawa!!!

We miss you Joanne! xoxo

"Easter says you can put truth in a grave, but it won't stay there."
~ Clarence W. Hall


For more pictures from our Easter Weekend, click here.

Five years ago this evening, I did my first communion. Five years ago this evening, I stood before God and chose a different path. Five years ago this evening, I entered a life of higher expectation and a miracle that was larger than life.

As a child, I was baptized as a Catholic but, neither one of my parents are religious people and the Church was never part of our life. We often attended mass for Christmas or Easter but I think it’s fair to say that none of us truly had a relationship with God of any kind…my parents, by choice and my self, for lack of knowing any thing different.

I don’t imagine that it’s ever easy coming into your faith. Pope John Paul II strongly believed that people had to move away from God in order to find their way back to Him. He also believed that the Church’s most important role was to give people a place to go when they finally did find their way back. Finding your faith as an adult though is an emotional roller coaster that can take you to some of the deepest and darkest places of your soul. As adults, we’ve often created our own prisons of fear and anger that get strongly challenged while in the presence of great conviction.

My own story really doesn’t have a whole lot to tell. I have been drawn to churches for as long as I can remember and while something continually called to me, I seldom ever entered its sanctuary. One faithful day, I was telling an old friend about it and she invited me to go to church with her one day. I went…I fell in love and the rest is a history wrought with tears and surrender. People often ask me what made me choose the Catholic Church. I always answer the same thing… “I didn’t choose it…I chose me”. And that’s the truth.

At the time, nearly five and half years ago, my life was a much darker place than it is now. I was lost and struggling. I was angry and hurt and frustrated. I felt more broken that I ever have in my entire life. While I don’t remember feeling a great deal of sadness at the time, I do remember feeling a lot of indifference, which looking back, is so much worse. The moment that hopelessness sets in is the moment that the fires in your heart begin to extinguish and you have to hope like hell that the devil doesn’t come and claim payment that day.

My eight months in preparation for my first communion was an extremely difficult and deeply spiritual experience. I realized time and time again that the scars of my past were real and that if I was ever going to heal, I had to let go and find room in my heart for forgiveness…room to forgive myself. At some point in time, I had to stop punishing myself for everything that I couldn’t make right and for all the people that I couldn’t make happy. At some point in time, I had to allow my life to be shaped by the people that did love me as oppose to the people that refused to love me.

The morning of my communion, my group and I met in the basement of our church. Holy Week had been a marathon of church services and most of us would find ourselves weeping from emotional exhaustion that was overwhelming at times. Father Joe asked that he be given a moment with each of us to express, through prayer, what he had learned about our individual journeys to this day. When my turn came, he placed his hands on my head, Father Michael held my hands and while I tears streamed down my face, I heard Father Joe whisper “I pray that you will be healed of your past hurts enough to recognize your future husband when he walks into your life.”

Two weeks later, I met Steve.

My relationship with my husband is nothing short of miraculous. My relationship with God is nothing short of spectacular. And every year, on this day, I take a moment to look back and remember the incredible blessings and grace that was bestowed on me that Saturday evening. Little did Father Joe know that I would be healed of my past hurts because my husband walked into my life. My husband is my proof of God’s love and compassion for lost souls that are just trying to find their way back. Of course, even marriage doesn’t provide any guarantees and marriage in no way heals the wounds that only you can take care of but, sometimes, certain experiences stand out in our lives so clearly as the hand of God. Love does heal all wounds and love is God’s greatest gifts. Love is acknowledging our hopelessness and taking us by the hand anyways. Love is sacrificing your only Son so that the rest of us could spend eternity by your side.

May the miracles of your life shine ever brightly this weekend, for the greatest miracle of all has already happened…

This past weekend, we opened our house to thirty of our closest friends and finally, turned it into a home!

The result was a chocolate fiesta beyond our wildest intentions and an evening filled with good laughs, great food and runaway cameras!!

I like to think that I always make a really big effort to fully appreciate the people in my life but, this past weekend, I was overwhelmed by how amazing our friends really are. As they called in babysitters, travelled from out of town, spent hours sharing with us and added their own personal touch to our new home, I found myself feeling truly astounded by the incredible people that we have come to surround ourselves with.

It was many hours into the morning before we finally made it to bed but, even then, I had a hard time sleeping because I was thinking about how great it was to have everyone with us. While we always make an effort to keep in touch as much as possible with our friends, it isn’t always easy to do so as much as you would like when the forces of nature step in the way. But then, there are moments when you manage to all come together, laugh a little louder and remember why you love being friends in the first place.

I was sad to see everyone go but, it’s time to focus our attention elsewhere now. The Land Down Under awaits us and we only have eight working days left! As it is with any major change in life…eventually, it stops being a change and just starts being life. And apparently, life is what happens when you’re busy planning a housewarming party!!!

For more pictures from the party, click here.

For pictures from Jamie's album, click here.

People have been asking me lately how Lent has been going. I’m not quite sure if Lent is something that all branches of Christianity practice but, I know that for Catholics, Lent is a very sacred time of reflection, renewal and discipline. Normally, I thrive during Lent. Devoting myself to a deeper spiritual commitment has always cleansed my soul in a way that renews me for the rest of the year.

As for this year, for lack of a better description, Lent has been a train wreck! I’ve come to the conclusion that the weeks surrounding any major life change (in my case, a big move) is not the time for discipline! When I come to think of it though, 2008 in general has been a bit of struggle regarding my religious devotion. I haven’t been very reliable in attending mass and my appearances at Bible Study have been rather sporadic.

In moments like this…I have a tendency to get a bit disappointed with myself because I know deep down that it’s during tumultuous times (good or bad) that I need to ground myself even more in my faith. The church is built on a rock for a reason…because it makes for a very solid foundation when we need it most. However, it was at this time that I remembered something that Elizabeth Gilbert spoke of in her book Eat Pray Love; She mentioned a little tale that was often told in India about a group of very devout monks that would spend hours a day praying. The only problem was that one of the monks had a very annoying cat! The cat would constantly spend his time intertwined in everyone’s legs and meowing relentlessly. So, as a solution, the monks decided to tie the cat up to a tree while they were praying. For years, every day, the monks would tie the cat to the tree and begin praying. Then, one day, the cat died and suddenly, the monks couldn’t pray. They found themselves unable to concentrate anymore because the cat wasn’t tied to the tree.

This was told as a cautionary tale to not let the routine and rituals of your religion determine your relationship with God. While each ritual is beautiful and precious in its own way, God’s relationship is with you, with or without your household pet tied up in the backyard!

This made me feel a lot better because really, with that being said, my Lenten season has been one of the best. I’ve read more of my Bible in the first three months of 2008 than I have in all of 2007, and I’ve spoken to God and given Him my challenges more naturally than I ever have before. To put it bluntly, I’ve shown that I don’t need the cat to say the prayer! And I’m quite sure that new realms of spirituality like that have to make up, at least a little bit, for having eaten too many Mini Eggs!!

A friend of mine, Damon, posted this on his facebook page and I think it’s one of the greatest things I’ve ever seen!

Improv taken to a whole new level…

I love New York!

Okay…I give up! You found me…again!

For about six weeks now, I’ve enjoyed blogging without certain people lurking within the realms of my cyber world. While I enjoy having people stop by and joining in the fun, some people were visiting literally for months without ever making themselves known. Eventually, I started to probe a bit into the identity of my regular visitors as I much prefer to know who is choosing to share in my day to day life. Not only did this reveal nothing but, it actually caused some of them to start using proxy servers in order to keep themselves even more anonymous.

That annoyed me!

These visitors have no reason to believe that their presence wouldn’t be welcome however, going out of your way to make your identity unknown gives me every reason to believe that I likely don’t want them lurking around my site. Hence, I changed my site address.

Low and behold though…I’ve been tracked down again! And all at the same time none the less. Just this week, my visitor from Calgary, my visitor using some “internet for everyone” server and of course, the infamous “proxy lord” guest has re-appeared. Grrrr…

I have reason to believe that our “former” visitor from Bermuda is now our “new” visitor on proxy lord. One disappeared while the other suddenly appeared. Coincidence?? I do think it’s worth noting though that our visitor from Bermuda highly underestimated our cyber savvy abilities because we managed to figure out that they work at a law firm in Bermuda. We actually know which one too but, I’ll be so kind as to not mention it here.

Anyways, you win! Have your way with me if you must but, I certainly hope that you are proud of yourself for invading my cyber world once again!

I have to say though…I’m surprised that you think my life is so interesting that you would go to such lengths to follow along…

In that sense, I’ll take your lurking as a subtle compliment.

Want to know what a record breaking snow fall looks like...?!?!?

80 centimetres in one week...51 centimetres in two days...

For more pictures of our snowy weekend, click here.

Inspired by Lesley…

How would you describe me in one word??
(please be gentle!)

Given the title of my blog, I feel compelled to make a confession. It’s more than I feel comfortable “putting out there” but, I’ve also come to learn that what’s even harder than being honest with others, is being honest with yourself…

I do, and have for most of my life, suffer from a lot of inadequacy issues. For as long as I can remember, I always felt like I wasn’t enough…tall enough, pretty enough, smart enough, funny enough, disciplined enough, righteous enough…whatever it is, my sense of falling short has been overwhelming at times. I’m not entirely sure where this comes from but, I’m willing to bet that it’s a post for another time!

I remember being a little girl and thinking to myself that if I was just a little bit better at math or brushed my teeth a minute longer each day…then I would be an even better daughter and give people even less reason to be upset or disappointed in me. I never wanted to be a burden on anyone or the cause of any grief and somehow, I had convinced myself that being more of “something” would keep that from happening. It never did.

In my last year of university, I shared a house with three other girls. All of us were really experiencing very different times in our lives and by the hand of God, we were all brought together to share those experiences under a common roof. Amanda was just coming out of a divorce, Heidi was starting her first year of university, I was finishing my last year and Jane was a silent witness to it all from her top floor bedroom. I haven’t spoken to any of these girls since that year in our house but, the lingering memory of those eight months has stayed with me for a long time. It was meeting Heidi that really brought those feelings of inadequacy to forefront of my mind and forced a reality upon me that I had never seen before.

Heidi was perfect. She was perfect in as much a way as an imperfect person could be in my eyes. She was beautiful, brilliant, charming, eloquent, poetic, mysterious, extremely devout and every where she went, she left a trail of eyes gazing over their shoulders at her. Men tripped over themselves to talk to her and when they finally did, they stumbled over their words for lack of proper cognitive functioning that often occurred around her. Everyone else, myself included, simply adored her and wanted nothing more than to be in her presence. She walked into a room and everything was suddenly brighter. One night, the two of us were out together and we ran into a friend of mine downtown. He too was with another friend and when he introduced us, he said “this is Heidi…and this is Heidi’s friend”. And he was right. That moment summed up how I often felt around Heidi. I wasn’t really me anymore. Instead, I was someone who constantly fell short of being comparable to her. In all my time of feeling mediocre, it had only ever been a relative feeling. I had not yet learned the art of comparison and up until then, it never occurred to me that for as long as I lived, there were certain people that I would never be as good as.

Before I go any further though, please let me make one thing very clear…nothing that Heidi ever did made me feel this way. She was never manipulative or arrogant. In fact, she was extremely humble and seemed completely oblivious to the spell that she cast on everyone she met. If anything, this made her all the more wonderful. All she ever did was be her self. It nearly drove me mad when I thought about how inadequate I would feel standing next to her. I often used to borrow her clothes or listen to her favourite music in hopes that somehow, this would make me more like her. One evening, when we were getting ready to go out, she looked at me and said “each day, you become more and more like me”! We all had a good laugh but deep down, I ached at knowing that I would never be enough like her. The truth was that not only was she perfect but, she was perfect in every way that I wasn’t. I would never be 5’10” and blonde. I would never have her discipline or self-awareness that constantly compelled her to be a better person. She knew English literature the way most of us know the ABCs and while she had the gift of grace…I was more like a bull in a china shop. I would never be able to be as eloquent on paper as she was and I would never have the perfect, charming smile like hers. I would never possess her amazing sense of style or wear red lipstick like her and frankly…it broke my heart.

After our time together was over, she moved away and we seldom kept in touch. In some ways, it was easier for me because it took me a long time to get over having lived in her shadow. She was never anything but a great friend to me and I wanted nothing more than to understand why I could never be as good as her. About a year ago though, I found her blog and just like that, I had a window into her life again. I would check it from time to time but, after my initial contact, it was clear that she didn’t really want to re-connect, so I kept a bit of distance.

Yesterday though, amidst the snow storm, there was a calm and silence to the day that left me with a bit of unexpected time on my hands. So I searched deep down into the brave part of my soul (believe me, it’s a small place!) and decided to see how Heidi really had been doing all this time. I read pieces of her blog dating all the way back to June of 2003 and watched her very eloquently describe the course of her life from being single and at school to getting married and most recently, the birth of her son, Jude. As I looked at the pages of her life and photographic evidence of it all, I kept asking myself if it was really the same person that I had known for that short time in our lives?? She was so grown up and yet, at the same time, I expected nothing less from her than the fairytale ending that she had created. It was beautiful.

I’ll admit that as I read her reflections of her life, I was confronted with those same feelings that I had many years ago. She was still all of those amazing qualities that I admired, longed for and even more so…she had grown into an even more refined version of herself. My inadequacies still haunt me, even now. What was shocking though was to read portions of her blog in which she expressed her own feelings of inadequacy. How was this possible?? How could she…how could Heidi…this woman that was larger than life, ever feel inadequate about anything?? Didn’t she know what people saw when they looked at her?? Didn’t she know what I saw when I looked at her??

I remember being at Blessed Sacrament a couple of months ago and listening to Father Joe talk about the “obvious” sins that we are confronted with on a daily basis…pride, envy, jealousy. He brought up the intriguing question of the “not-so-obvious” sins that we commit just as often, and sometimes more…the self-inflicted abuse of comparing ourselves to others. He said that we would seldom ever walk up to another person and tell them that they aren’t good enough but, some of us (guilty!) commit this sin on ourselves numerous times a day. Abuse is abuse, he tells me, whether it’s your self or someone else inflicting it. To undermine our own gifts is to take for granted what God gave us…it’s to not appreciate the 5’8” dark-haired temple that he gave my soul. I’ve thought about this a lot of late and realize that this self-abuse is perhaps one of my biggest sins as I seldom ever think twice about shrieking back in the shadows for lack of belief that I have reason to stand out. I’ve been okay with my mediocrity for the most part. I’ve accepted that I blend into the background very nicely and I’ve become accustom to it. What I never learned to accept though was being the paint-by-numbers that is hung next to the Van Gogh.

I understand and appreciate that our great Lord made us right down to our very last detail. And I appreciate that He also intended Heidi and I to share that space in our lives for reason pre-destined long before our meeting. I understand that He single handedly chose her to have those qualities but…He never had to live with her and He never had to look up at the shining light that always radiated from her and feel like your flame was a mere spark in comparison.

I’m sure that there is wisdom and a lesson to be had in all of this one day. I’m sure that there is great knowledge and understanding to come of this internal challenge one day…but I also know that today…is not that day.

Can You Dig It??

Look who made the cover of the Ottawa Citizen this morning!!!

"Bryan Byers clears snow near the Maman spider sculpture at the National Art Gallery yesterday during a storm that dumped 28 centimetres of snow on Ottawa, enough to make it the second snowiest winter."

Photograph by : Bruno Schlumberger, The Ottawa Citizen

Click here for the rest of the story from our latest winter adventure!

I would like to dedicate this next post to my two friends south of the border…Jim and Jason!

I’m beginning to think that the conversational topic of weather is highly underrated. While it used to be the last resort of ice breakers and the clear sign of a struggling conversation, to discuss the weather is to discuss something that universally affects us all in one manner or another.

Jim and I will often discuss what it’s like to live in such varying climates and it goes without saying that the winter months tends to spark the most questions. You don’t really realize how much a community has to adjust to seasonal changes until you meet others who don’t have to so in quite the same way. Always having lived in colder parts of the country, it has always just been second nature to me to adapt to the colder months…but low and behold…it turns out that many people have no idea what we endure for a third of the year!

Canada is by far, one of the coldest countries in the world (alongside Russia) and Ottawa is one of the coldest capitals in the world (number six or seven on the list, I think!) but believe me, we know how to work winter like no else! Normally though, it gets so cold in Ottawa that we don’t often deal with large amounts of snow. We’ll always get a big storm in December or January…then settle into perma-freeze (with temperatures dropping as low as – 40 C. with the wind chill) for the remainder of February and March, during which time, we see very little snow at all because it’s too cold for precipitation. In a nutshell…it sucks!

Since Ottawa sits in a valley, the wind here is horrendous. It’s seldom ever the cold that will get to you…it’s the frigid air that blows through that makes you want to cry! You adapt though. You learn to cope with the temperatures and the cruelty of Mother Nature at times.

This year though, we have experienced a winter unlike any that I’ve seen in my ten years in Ottawa. We have had one dump of snow after another for four straight months now. The slight increase in temperature during the colder months has finally opened the window between “too cold to snow” and “tipping point to endless snow”!!! I have to say…it’s been an adjustment!

Just this morning, we woke up to fifteen more centimeters of snow and are expecting potentially ten more as the day goes on. For a city that is very well equipped for winter, even this brings us to a screeching halt! The snow drifts are starting to look like archeological digs sites in which you can track each significant snow fall of the season. Layer after layer represents each passing snow day and the tell tale of endless shoveling!

On the bright side though…at least we don’t have to cut the grass!!

November 22nd, 2007

December 5th, 2007

December 16th, 2007 ~The largest amount of
snow on the ground at any one
time in Ottawa's recorded history...
75 centimetres!!!

TODAY! ~ March 5th, 2008

One month from today, Steve and I will be leaving Ottawa en route to Australia. Actually, we will be going from Ottawa to Tilbury to Detroit to Texas to Los Angeles…and then to Sydney! No one said that Kangaroos came easily!!

For one month, we will be leaving our world of work and moves and deadlines to go see this…

And this…

And this…

And, of course...these...

Not only are we in for the trip of a lifetime but, upon our return, I’ll be able to cross one more thing off of my “List of 100 things to do before I die” (or as Hollywood has dubbed it… “The Bucket List”). I’ve always wanted to visit Australia and look up at the Southern Cross, and pretty soon, we’ll be doing just that (with two schedualed visits with astronomers for some up close and personal visits!!!).

Also, we’ve just confirmed that we’ll be doing a road trip through the Outback. We’ll fly into Alice Springs, rent a car (I’m hoping that it’s complete with snake bite kits and Dingo repellant gear!!!) and spend the next four days driving through the deserts of Australia to see the likes of Ayers Rock, the Olgas and King’s Canyon.

With this being said…we have one very important thing left to do…

We need to fill our iPod with the very best “Outback Road Trip” Tunes!!! If you’re going to go on the ultimate road trip on the other side of the world…you’ve got to do it right (and you’ve got to it Canuck style!)!!!

So what do you think?? What tunes can we simply not leave without??? Any suggestions??

Overheard on the Bus Ride to Work This Morning...

Girl on cell phone:

“…yeah, so I can’t go out with you guys tonight because I’m going over to Jake’s…what do you mean…of course I’m still with him…why wouldn’t I be?? OH MY GOD…I can’t believe she told you that…she’s just jealous! It’s not like that at all…you guys don’t know him the way that I do…

About two weeks after we opened our joint account, I found out that he had taken all of our money and was sleeping with some other girl. Of course, I was pissed but, when I went to talk to him about it he told me that he was actually just living out one of his fantasies and that he would have eventually told me about it. He said that he’s always had a fantasy about taking all of his girlfriend’s money and having a secret affair with someone other girl…and he said that I was the only girl that he’s felt comfortable enough to do this with…I KNOW…he’s totally the sweetest guy EVER. So anyways, once he told me all of this, I realized that it actually makes me a better girlfriend because I’m helping him fulfill his dreams…seriously…I think Jake might be the one…

You know, it’s really not so bad either because he only really spends three or four days a week with her and he promised me that he would put back all the money he’s been taking once he gets a job and really, I think he’s right about it being better for our relationship because I know that when we are together…I’m the one that he really loves…

Yeah…I don’t know who she is…I think that he said her name was Michelle or something. Really though, you have to kind of feel bad for her in a way…poor girl…do you think she has any idea what a fast one he’s pulling on her…???”

"Home, the spot of earth supremely blest, A dearer,
sweeter spot than all the rest."
~ Robert Montgomery

For more pictures from our new house, click here.

Bonjour les ami(e)s!!!

Well, I received an adorable email this morning from one of my dearest friends asking me if I had given her up for Lent!!!! Is it possible that that is God’s subtle way of nudging me back on the radar?!?!?! It’s been a little under two weeks now since the move and I find myself surprised at how much the world has kept on spinning! How dare it not come to an abrupt halt for my convenience ;)

I remember when Steve and I first moved into our apartment together…it was one of the most fun times ever. We spent all night unpacking, ordered take-out for dinner and we couldn’t stop smiling the whole time…it was bliss. This move has been nothing of the sorts!!! Don’t get me wrong, it’s been super exciting to have our new house but, there has been so much work involved and we are both experiencing so much “newness” that it’s almost overwhelming. I actually brought out one of my old beat up coffee tables last night into our new family just so I could have something familiar to look at! I’ve always struggled with moves a little bit, regardless of how exciting they are. My home is my castle and it takes a while to feel your way into a new place. Steve has been consumed with installing, hanging and fixing things for two weeks, and all the while, he’s still been trying to fight off a nasty cough that has been keeping him up at night and staying away from appliances long enough for his stitches to heal. All in all, it’s been taking a little while for our house to start feeling like home.

Moving aside though, it has indeed been business as usual in the woods. Life has gone on with our without us! Eryn and Rachel had a beautiful and healthy baby girl…two of my girls turned thirty (Happy Birthday!)…we heard more wonderful news of soon to be parents and we had my Dad over on Saturday night for the inaugural dinner to celebrate his birthday and test out our new dining room! Both our new table and my Dad’s new age seem to fit exceptionally well!!! Our Heather and Roberta inspired dessert was delicious too!!

Both Steve and I are starting to show the signs of fatigue though…the kind that doesn’t get fixed from a morning or two of sleeping in. It’s the evidence of too many months of burning our candles at both ends. Even with the sunny days and rising mercury of spring, the exhaustion seems to take on a life of it’s own in ways that sometimes feels never ending. Hopefully, the coming month will provide a bit of shelter from the whirlwind of our life right now. Christina will be coming up in a few weeks to help us host our housewarming party…then we are heading to Montreal for part of Easter weekend to celebrate with my family and then, believe it or not, we’re off to Australia! Even I forgot about that for a little while until I was looking through my calendar and realized that in nearly a month, we will be driving from Ottawa and on our way to Sydney. Unbelievable! And for any of you burglars and thieves out there who are patiently waiting for us to vacate the premises for a month…think again…my Dad and his trusty sidekick, Simon, will be standing guard in our absence!!

Anyways, in a nutshell, c’est la vie!! We still don’t have the internet hooked up at home but we should be connected early this week. Thanks everyone for all the fun cards and voicemails that you’ve left!! While we haven’t been able to get back to most people yet, we have loved knowing that you’re thinking of us! Happy Birthday to my lovely Roberta tomorrow!! And be sure to check out the new blogs that I added to my sidebar; Jason and Carmen are both new additions and certainly worth a visit!!

And on another note...how lovely were the Oscars last night??? Miss Ellen Page certainly made us proud! However, of all the years in which I've been watching the Academy Awards, I think that this was, by far, the most beautiful win that I've ever seen...



A bientot!

I found out yesterday that a guy I used to know killed himself this week. He jumped off his balcony during the early hours of Monday morning and now, he’s left a trail of friends and family in complete devastation.

He was the good friend of a guy I dated about six years ago. I didn’t know him well but, I always remember really liking him and really enjoying his company. He was kind and energetic and his death has rocked the very core of my foundation.

It breaks my heart to know that he was in such a desperate place that he felt he had no other option but eternal darkness.

Finding out about Martin’s death has caused me to really contemplate the priorities that our society has towards mental health and the system that we have in place for such challenges. In a time when cancer and obesity are becoming epidemic in nature, we seem to be consumed with the quest for health when the real threat to our life is our mind. As Martin and many others have shown, perfect health means nothing when your thoughts and emotions compel you to take your own life.

Many people in my life have been touched by suicide about as much as they have been affected by cancer and yet, it’s never occurred to anyone that one may have something to do with the other. I think that many people would agree that the capacity of the human mind far outweighs the capabilities of Western medicine. While it’s certainly a splendor of what humanity can do, it can also become a force far greater than what we are capable of managing. In the same way that we are taught how to manage and treat our bodies, we need to have the resources to understand the inner workings of our most powerful tool.

Preventative medicine needs to extend beyond the likes of vitamins and dental check-ups. We need to spend more time with family and friends, and less time in the office. We need to spend more time communicating with each other and less time communicating with our cell phones. We need to spend more time sitting in silence and less time sitting in traffic. We need to spend more time praying and less time complaining. We need to make sure that parents never have to bury their children due to this kind of torment ever again. In turn, not only will we nurture the mind, but our bodies will follow.

I’ve heard it been said that 99% of all illness is a result of stress. With that being said, the cure to cancer doesn’t lie in a laboratory, it lies in our own ability to find joy and peace in a rather unforgiving world. The human mind can resolve what a test tube cannot. With that being said, perhaps the cure to disease lies in finding the cure to dis-ease.

Rest in Peace, Martin. You will be missed.

This is officially my new favourite commercial!! As someone who works in advertising and marketing every day, I think it's absolutely brilliant! Not only does it make me want a Jeep Liberty but, it also kind of makes me wish I had a bunch of singing forest animals too!

I’m NEVER moving again!!!!

I woke up this morning quite excited to go back to work because somehow, over the course of the week, an eight hour work day seems like a rest!!! That’s how nuts our move has been!!

The past five days has been among the most physically and emotionally exhausting days of my life (or at the very least, in recent memory). On numerous occasions, I found myself breaking down into tears from pure discouragement and fatigue. At long last though, we did wake up in our new paradise this morning and in the end, it all seems worth it.

For those of you who know me well, you know that the state of my immediate surroundings tend to reflect my mental and emotional state at the time. With that being said, I have spent the past five days in a complete state of chaos and disconnect with the world. We’ve had frozen pipes, a broken cable box, lost a piece of our bed frame, bought a new piece for the bed frame only to find the missing again once we walked in the door!! We dented the front of our house, painted two rooms, had a frustrating encounter with U-Haul, had dinner at IKEA twice and endured five sixteen hour days in a row. In case I didn’t mention this before…I’m NEVER moving again!!!

As for the bright side of the week…My awesome colleague taped Lost for us, I got a bunch of Valentine’s Day chocolate at 50% off, an adorable message from Christina at the airport (on her way to Belize…lucky girl!) and a gorgeous new house that I am simply in love with.

It’s still a little bit weird to think of that we will no longer live on Powell Avenue. So much happened to us there; we were freed from the chains of roommate drama there (!!!), we got engaged in that apartment, we were married while we lived there and we really grew a lot within its walls. It may have been small but, it provided a lot of room to grow!

It’s amazing the new hopes and dreams that come with our new home. I can’t help but wonder what kind of stories our new walls will have to tell. Will my book be finished in that house?? Will children of our own sleep in that house?? Will we hear the pitter patter of furry little paws in that house?? Who knows!

But what I do know for sure is that, right now…I feel like I could sleep for about a week thanks to that house!! If only I could find my way through the boxes to my bed!!!

What Would Riggins Do...?!?!

I can’t believe it…Steve is on his way to go and pick up our house keys!!! After all this time, the house is finally done and it’s finally ours!!

Better yet, it’s not even a single day late!! We should have bet money on it ;)

Ladies and Gentlemen…Welcome to the new Smyth Residence!!

Living in the Land of Confusion...

Before...

After...

Before...

After...

When Steve and I first got married, I switched all of my medical records over to Steve’s family doctor so that all our history could be together. Like any doctor, when I first transferred, he wanted to do an entire check up and medical backgrounder. Our doctor has a very holistic approach to medicine which is to say that he’s often very concerned about the whole mind/body connection to health and well-being. Due to this school of thought, during my initial check up, he also had me do a “stress test”…an evaluation that would determine how much stress I was managing based on various circumstances of my life occurring at the time. The test included about three hundred questions ranging from “do you have a daily commute to work every day” to “have you experienced a recent death in the family”? Each question was given a point value and each associated time frame (ranging from three months to two years) also had additional point allocations.

Much to my surprise, even positive and happy events, such as having a baby or going on vacation, added just as many points to your test as negative and traumatic events did. Apparently, on going stress of any kind, be it in the context of excitement or grief, had the same effects on the body…tiring effects!!

I thought of that test this morning as I woke up feeling as though I hadn’t really slept at all. Our upcoming move, while being quite possibly the most exciting thing either one of us has done, has also proven to be very stressful for us. The result has been a sick husband for the past six days, a sore throat for my self this morning and nearly four sleepless nights for both of us! It’s been good times in the Smyth household as of late!!!

I’ll be the first to admit that my mind-body connection has left much to be desired right now and I’m almost frightened to think of how long it could take me to get back to my “usual” self after this move but, as far as I’m concerned, the first sight of my new home made it all worth it!!! It’s true…even the most positive and exciting of life events can take its toll on your body when you become consumed. For us, we’ve been working on this for eight months and now, during this last stretch, the time and energy is finally catching up with us.

Tonight though, Marie and Craig are rescuing us from our packing chaos and taking us out to the sticks for dinner with their family. I think that it’s just the escape we need right now as we head into these last few days. Good food…good company…and a good way to score better points on my next stress test!!

About three weeks ago, during one of our long runs, Jesper and I starting having a really interesting discussion about the idea of knowledge being power. For as long as I can remember, people have always said that “knowledge is power” and relative to the idea of ignorance, I would have to agree. However, I really think that knowledge is truly just half of the battle.

This may sound a bit cynical (which is very unlike me) but, in many ways, knowledge is very overrated. Basically, knowledge is useless if you’re not willing to do the follow-up and this leaves us in a society that waits (and expects) for knowledge to take care of itself. Take, for example, the basic economics of the universe…what comes in must be more than what goes out, and yet, we still perpetually overspend and find ourselves in perpetual debt. Or the basic principles of physiology…what comes in must be less than what goes out, and yet, we consistently overeat and remain consistently unhealthy. We all know these things but, more often than not, we don’t act on that knowledge. This leads me to believe that knowledge really isn’t power…action is power. No one ever changed the world by knowing what to do…they changed the world by doing what needed to be done.

Don’t get me wrong, knowledge is incredibly valuable…knowledge has created some of the most profound changes that our world has ever seen but, it’s also worth noting that the two defining words in that statement are “create” and “change”…two words that imply action. With that being said though, I think that we can all attest to the fact that it’s often much harder to bite than it is to bark. For all of our righteous intents…the family size pack of Cadbury Mini Eggs still seems awfully wonderful after a hard day’s work!!!

I’ve been reflecting on this quite a bit lately because today is Ash Wednesday…the first day of the Lenten season. For the next forty days, we are called upon to take action in our lives to acknowledge the action that was made on our behalf. Forty days is a very spiritually significant amount of time throughout the Bible used to teach discipline and sacrifice to the children of God and every year, leading up to Easter, we are asked to do so once again.

I’ll be the first to admit that I can often be very resistant to change. While I know that certain change can and would be good for me…sometimes it’s easier to deal with the devil that I know versus the devil that I don’t know (and honestly…Mini Eggs make me really happy!!!)! That was, until about three years ago. On this very day, four years ago, I quit my job, gave notice to vacate my apartment and went to opening night of “The Passion of the Christ”. Needless to say that it was a bit of an intense day and I felt terrified for days afterwards but, ultimately, this act of change proved to be one of the best decisions that I’ve ever made.

Certain things in my life really weren’t working well at that time. I knew this but, I wasn’t doing anything about it. Instead, I spent close to a year in a world of turmoil coping with a tense work environment, other people’s drama and an overall sense of discontent because I wasn’t acting on what I knew. Eventually though, regardless of how stubborn you are, God never fails to get your attention!!! On Ash Wednesday in 2004, God decided that I would no longer be “all talk” and whether I liked or not…it was time to act!!

While I don’t think that this Lenten season will be quite the emotional roller coaster ride that it has been in the past, it is certainly going to demand changes in my life. In six days I will move into our new home and adjust to a new routine. In six weeks I will travel to a new country and adjust to 26 consecutive hours of travelling and a very restless husband! And every day in between, I will demand action on my part…action that brings me closer to becoming the very best version of myself that I can be. If for no other reason than because forty days of giving up Cadbury Mini Eggs seems pale in comparison to forty days spent fasting in the desert!!

I wish you all a blessed and transformative Lenten season!
May the force be with you and may the Cadbury Bunny keep its distance ;)

About three years ago, I was having a difficult time with one of my friends and I was struggling even more about how to discuss it with her. Something had happened between us at the hands of someone else and while the two of us were slowly picking up the pieces from it, we had to discuss the implications of what we went through.

Finally, one day, something had really upset me and I decided that I needed to talk to her about the incidence once and for all. She came to our apartment that night and with me in tears on the couch, I told her how I had been feeling. She was so wonderful and gracious about it, and most of all, made it so easy to say what I needed to say. When the flood gate of my emotions had finally subsided, she looked at me with the most beautiful sincerity and finally asked me why it had taken me so long to bring this up. I told her that I was afraid that she wouldn’t want to be friends anymore and that, for awhile, the unspoken was easier to deal with than the spoken. A look of great compassion came across her face and then she said one of the most impactful things that anyone has ever said to me; She said to me that when all else failed, she always wanted Steve and I to know that we were safe in her friendship. For most of my life I had struggled with trying to express what I needed out of friendship and this sort of articulation was exactly what I had felt but had been unable to verbalize. I needed people in life that weren’t conditional…people that were safe to share my vulnerability and humility with…people who, if need be, would openly discuss my fears and concerns without it being a threat to the friendship. This sort of relationship is very difficult to come by but, at long last, I finally found the words to describe the ones that did exist.

As you may have noticed (here’s hoping), this site is now found under a different web address. I’ve been having some unwelcome visitors as of late and it was beginning to take away from my feeling of safety among friends. I’m well aware of the fact that if you decide to post parts of your life on the internet, then there is only so much “safety” that you can expect in return. However, in the last little while, people have not only been visiting much more frequently, but some people have been going out of their way to try and do so anonymously. This bothers me! Believe me, I’m the first to admit that blog sites offer up a means of involvement into people’s lives that also provide distance and discretion. I myself have enjoyed checking in on people at arm’s length but, as soon as people gave me the impression that there was something to hide…it was time to make a change.

For the most part, I feel very safe with the visitors that come by my site. I enjoy sharing my day to day life with you and I gather from the numerous visits, that you enjoy being a part of it too. Not only has it given me a means to keep in touch on a more regular basis but, it has also proven to be a very cathartic outlet for me as well. I don’t even mind the strangers that come by…many of whom find the site through various google searches and some of which have continued to return but, I’ve been watching my sitemeter carefully lately for a string of visitors that, when I put the various pieces together, made me feel uneasy. It’s possible that I know them (at least some of them) and it’s also possible that they are hiding their identity for a reason. Whatever that reason may be though…I thought it was time to give myself and my cyber friends a bit more safety. This was always meant to be a place in which we could connect and keep in touch…share comments and make the distance between us a bit smaller. We are meant to be safe here among ourselves and I plan to do my best to keep it that way.